englishguygoinghome

I’ve been back in the UK getting on for 2 months now and while some things are easier there is a lot which is not.
At heart I’m an expat, accepting that has made this move back a lot easier than the first time I did it. First time back to the UK was after just 1 year abroad and just like a previous poster (who’s post I can’t find anymore) I really struggled to come to grips with the fact that I couldn’t just drop back into the life “at home”. I may be living in the UK now, have been born here and hold (only) a British passport but I’m still an expat. My subconscious hasn’t quite grasped that though and it seems to be a lot easier to make social faux-pas simply because sub-consciously I’m not aware that I am living in a new foreign culture. Add to that the fact that I never got on that well with British non-expats even before leaving so getting engaged with people socially and professionally can be cumbersome / unpleasant …
Somehow this still means that I feel more out-of-place here than in previous countries, there isn’t the exciting adventure feeling that new countries have (even though it’s my first time in London) but it’s also not home.


A few things are great, plenty are not
It’s still takes about 3hours to get to my parents (which we’ve had before when living on the continent) but somehow 3 hours on the train or in a car is closer than a 1.5hour flight and 45mins each end (yes that’s including check in!). It’s a hell of a lot better than 13 hours flight! The downside of this is that we no longer Skype with them.

Having been with the same company in 2 other regions (incl. HQ) means that I have a pretty good idea of how the place works and lots of useful contacts / knowledge which most of the UK people don’t

The weather … is both good and bad, it’s lovely most of the time (fresh air, breezes, drizzle, sunny cool days, variety!) but I do miss the guarantee that the little one can go outside, even when it’s hammering down with rain because the temperature never dropped below 28

We’ve bought a house and get the keys next week – we are really looking forward to finally being homeowners and being able to renovate and extend to create exactly the house we want – I guess that really will make this place “home”

The UK rental properties and agents (in our case London, furnished) are the worst quality, least professional of any country we have experienced. Simply, unbelievably awful.

The health care (NHS) goes on the negative list for us too. It’s not free for us (I pay more than enough tax to fund it) and the lack of patient choice is terrible. Yes there are good doctors but the setup and attitude is not that you can just go and find a good doctor and visit them; if patients have a choice and exercise it, it makes the quality go up in the long run. Injections for the little one were brutal and painful (just ram it in and squeeze!), compared to Asia where the nurse would numb the skin with an ice cube and be very careful and gentle with the needle. There are also 5 different people who will see you for 5 different parts of the same process and no single point of contact (GP, Midwife, health care visitor, nurse, ultra-sound specialist, …).

Child care is expensive, as is any kind of home-help (cleaning etc) – going from having a live-in maid to being just the 2 of us and the little one is not easy.

Basic day-to-day stuff (food, rent, T-shirts, eating-out(??!!)) are cheap but anything which is vaguely luxury or quality (clothes, travel, personal service) is hugely expensive compared to disposable income



I think we got quite a few things done well when we moved here and learnt to odd tip which can be useful to others:

We got a car within 48 hours of getting back – just a cheap and cheerful thing from a second hand dealer. Having any kind of EEA driving licence helps here. Keep it for 12 months if it’s EEA or indefinitely if it’s EU – saves the risk of getting points while getting used to driving in the UK

Car insurance – most were happy to accept my foreign no-claims (comparethemarket has a suitable option for the question “how did you get your NCB?”). They just need a policy number and company (or a letter with those details confirming your policy). They will also accept a gap of up to 2 years and both Admiral and Elephant were flexible enough to add a few weeks on to that in our case! If you have more than 5 years NCB you can also guarantee it with some companies so it’s fixed however many claims you have.

Credit history – we had all kinds of problems getting a pay-monthly phone and a credit card. As we already had a UK bank account we could get a card with them via a slightly longer underwriting process. For the mobile we will be going with Virgin who will take us after we have paid a couple of bills for our landline/broadband (also with them). One tip I didn’t realise until very recently – when asked for a previous address use your last UK address, however old, NOT the family you’ve been staying with for the first few days. I did this when I signed up to get my Equifax credit report (free for a month online) and they linked me through to the address I had 12 years ago without a problem with a good history from my old credit card etc. I guess that that may have helped with other applications if I’d thought of it in time.



Enough rambling from me.

Are there any other (ex-)expats out there in the London area who’d be interested in a drink sometime – not having contact to other similar people is hard!

cheeky_monkey

How long were you gone 2nd time and where?

englishguygoinghome

First was 1 year in Bavaria (Germany), then 9 months back, then (2nd time) Bavaria for 5 1/2 years, Switzerland for just over 3 and Singapore for just over 2.

J.JsOH

Hi, I am along the same lines of most of what you say, it's OK being back but I found UK people and behavior to be a struggle to fit in with after enjoying my expat life.
It is now two years and I feel UK life has leveled off.
Regret I am not in London or else a beer and chat with like-minded would have been on the cards.

lf1

Thanks for your post. Another place to meet with people of similar interests is the "MeetUp" site. Hope this link works

http://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&...Vs1AEXur0XtOFA

Englishmum

Aha! We moved to Singapore in Jan 1995 on our first expat posting - which was supposed to be for approx 18 months. One of the neighours I met on our condo was an Englishwoman. She had been living and working for a few years in Hong Kong and met her spouse there, a Brit whom had been working for the Hong Kong police force and was now working for an investment bank. She told me that a seasoned expat had told her that "once you have lived overseas for 7 years, you can't go back" (to your home country). What she meant was that you can't settle and want to go off on another expat posting. I've never forgotten that... (Incidentally a few months later they relocated to Taiwan and her spouse upset the locals and was promptly fired, so they had to move back to the UK!).

One thing to bear in mind though, although healthcare in general is excellent in Singapore it certainly isn't free like the NHS. My spouse had surgery at the Raffles Hospital and thank goodness he had BUPA International insurance! We also had our fair share of 'amah dramas' with the maids

I do wonder myself if I'll be able to settle down in one place and my spouse does too. After 51/2 years in Singapore we relocated to New Jersey (he was working in New York City) and 4 years ago my spouse returned to work in Singapore. It had changed so much in our 8 year absence, it's much more crowded and even more materialistic than when we previously lived there.

Last Summer he relocated on yet another posting to Switzerland and I'm splitting my time between there and NJ (I've just applied for US citizenship, my spouse gave up his green card).

I'm planning to return to the UK in the not too distant future (we do still have our little house in Essex which has been rented out for years, but I don't want to live there again) and although I love the UK, I wonder if I'll be able to settle. We've even mooted the idea of down the track of going for the 'Malaysia My Second Home' retirement visas.....but tbh the likelihood of grandchildren will be too much of a 'pull' to want to only have a relationship with them via Skype...

pompeyblonde

This is sad, I wonder why that is?

Ive been away 7 years in December and while I expect some reverse culture shock, I know Id settle back in as I still have friends in UK, so very interested in your experiences.

I guess Ive had the opposite experience in that I feel that almost all the relationships Ive had as an expat have been somehow shallow compared with my old friends back home. maybe Im not a true expat!

englishguygoinghome

Yeah - shame.

Not really sad, lots of people have difficulties with certain (usually foreign) cultures leading to difficulties connecting with people who think that way. I just find that the mainstream british culture is the one I find tricky. BUT I find that the British oddballs and expats are the easiest to get to know

I'd rather not make this another NHS-bashing thread but ... I don't agree that the NHS is free. I had insurance in Singapore so I didn't have to pay for hospital and doctors visits, just as I don't have to pay for them in the UK. But I did have to pay for the insurance, just like I pay for the NHS, except I had a choice in Singapore and don't in the UK. The "it's free" attitude is the bit that is most damaging to the NHS in my opinion, I paid for it - please give me the level of choice and customer service that a paying customer would have. (customer service - not medical service!)

We used a head-hunter to find our maid and had an excellent experience - the best spent 900SGD in many years.

Let me add a couple more positives:
- well pulled pints
- online shopping

luvwelly

Depends, don't think I'll have any problems - I've been away 8 years and also still have a house rented out. Been back in UK 3 weeks, OH job in new area so we will probably buy and leave other house rented out.
I was forced overseas by OH's job in 2 locations and as such know being back will be fine even long-term.
I want to live in my own property again and not be at the whim of landlords however upmarket. I want a normal suburban life with my kids in state schools not international schools. Surely I can't be the only one? I just want my UK normality back.

Pombat

I hear you! We haven't had international schools, but I totally agree with the rest of your sentiments. I do not expect everything back in the UK to be perfect, but it will be normal, and it will be home

Tel8

I found this really interesting since I sort of feel exactly the same way! I don't think I'm a true expat, but I was dragged off to the US when I was just a little kid, and I've found that the people I know here (with the exception of my amazing step-dad and wonderful extended step-family) are really hard for me to understand/ get to know/ like in general, while I made friends back in the UK within 3 weeks during my last visit, and still keep in touch with them and all are looking forward to my return. I don't really understand why (maybe I'm calmer in the UK, so it's easier for me to relate to people?) but I find that all my friendships there were so much easier to manage and establish then anything I've got here. I think I'm just a bit thick where American culture is concerned, because I generally just find it difficult to navigate.

dunroving

The NHS is like anything else you pay for - the level of service corresponds to how much you pay (and therefore how much money the "company" has to spend). Unfortunately because a lot of NHS users don't pay anything, there's not a lot of money. Similar to your health insurance, the level of service is influenced by the amount of money paid into the system.

I think a lot of people have a misconception about publicly-funded services in the UK (welfare, social services, NHS, etc.). It's just like anything in the corporate/commercial world - the level of service is limited by the amount of money available.

chazlondon

What do you like so much about being an expat, something like proud to be english but at the same time dont want to live here.

Abroad you get treated special here you are one of the locals.

dunroving

Do we really get treated special abroad? I think it depends on the country and your personality. In some countries, being a "foreigner" can mean getting the wrong kind of "special treatment".

Plus, I live in the UK, but definitely don't feel like "one of the locals"

chazlondon

When we are abroad people listen to us, this is the opinion of this (nationality)
being a foreigner has only really become a (bigger) problem recently.

Dont you get a BUZZ when you are asked what you think about xyz