Zeppo595

Okay so I moved to Toronto in January 2019. My main reasons were because I do stand up and wanted to get involved in a more vibrant scene than where I was before.

I got a job teaching English and made about 30 k last year by working 6 days a week and split shifts every day (horrible lifestyle)

Last year was intense., I was out doing stand up 4-5 times a week plus working 40 + hours a week, and I lived in a shared house with someone who became my girlfriend.

Flash forward 6 months. Girlfriend leaves the country. All stand up cancelled for near future. Job reduced to just a few hours a week.All housemates move out.

I am living primarily off benefits, but that runs out in September.

I messaged my brother saying I was thinking of moving back and he said, sure you can stay with me in Bristol. But even though he says that, I'd feel like such a loser being unemployed and living with my brother. This is all in my head! But that's how I think.

I could maybe get some online teaching work, but probably not earn enough to rent a flat in Bristol. The housing market there is about as expensive as Toronto.

I have a PR application almost complete, but I can't really see the point of staying here. It feels like a bit of a dead end to me. Before covid maybe I had the benefits of meeting lots of new people, but I didn't make any friends (my fault partly) and I live completely alone. Honestly, it feels like I'm solitary confinement right now. I try to remind myself it's not that bad. I DO work part time and I AM lucky to be paid 2k a month by the government.

But maybe I could use the necessity of covid to actively look for more/better work and maybe I could build a better life instead of 'giving up' and going back to the UK.

I told myself I was going to book the flight ticket today for September, but here I am. Posting this message. I am afraid to pull the trigger because I fear I might end up completely jobless and unable to support myself/needing to sponge off others. I guess this wouldn't be that bad, but it's shameful to me personally.

Of course there is a chance I stay here and I start blowing through my savings once the benefits run out! That's a real possibility.

So my ideas are:

1. Leave in September/ live with brother and job hunt online with intention to establish myself in UK. I am not very employable, so it will be scrimping away and shared houses for me.

2. Stay/get PR in Canada/job hunt here and try to ride out covid

Honestly, when I think about staying here, I hate the sinking feeling in my stomach like 'you're choosing an option you hate that has no future!'

But when I think about going back to the UK, the sinking is replaced more with insane fear. Aren't you going back to the asylum? Partly it's the fear of the plane and the bank and the nitty gritty of it all. But it's also the idea of going back to the place you have told yourself countless times you would do ANYTHING but go back to? Have you forgotten that because you miss your family and you're lonely? I guess ultimately it comes down to mental health. I have more of a support network in the UK than I do here. But it's weird cos I can still call those people on zoom? It's not like I'd be popping in to visit them every week? It's just in my head. It's security I want more than anything else, but I wouldn't really have that in the UK until I had a job and decent place to live, which is NOT likely with my employability.

So yeah I know I kind of posted about this in the Canada thread, but I thought I'd get more specific here and if anyone had any pearls of wisdom, throw them at me!. Tanks.

Helen1964

Hi Zeppo

Sorry you’re feeling a bit lost.

Do you enjoy teaching? If so, have you considered training as a teacher? I don’t mean TEFL (which was a notoriously precarious profession even when I graduated from uni) but rather training as a primary or secondary school teacher. Your background in stand up would stand you in very good stead. And you’re obviously articulate.

Once qualified, you’d have a very marketable skill, solid job prospects and maybe a greater feeling of security.
Presumably it’s too late to apply for a PGCE course in the UK starting in September - you would need to check.
I think there are other routes into teaching these days but - if interested - you could research these yourself.
I’ve no idea how teacher training works in Canada but again, it would be easy to find out.

All this feels very scary now but I bet in a few years when you’re a stodgy old codger with your whole life mapped out to the nth degree you’ll look back on this as the most exciting period of your life.
Good luck!

Helen1964

Sorry, I should have added, do not under any circumstances consider training as a school teacher unless you've genuinely enjoyed teaching so far.
As I'm sure you know, it's a very demanding job and not one that people should simply fall back on for want of something else to do.

tooboocoo

Why exactly are you so sure that unemployment awaits you in the UK? There are plenty of low- and partly-skilled jobs available, or were until very recently. If your employability really is as bad as you say, then you're far from certain to be granted PR, so your dilemna may be resolved soon.

Novocastrian

You also forgrgot to mention that teaching qualifications are a pain in the **** to transfer between countries.

Lion in Winter

Not sure that I can help, but one thing to remember is that moving around between countries and returning to one you left (the UK) should not be called "going back" in the negative sense. It isn't failure, it may just be the next best move for you. Just because that's where you started, that doesn't mean that going there again represents a regressive move. It can also be just "going on" to the next thing.

There is nothing at all wrong with going to the country where you feel most comfortable or where your next steps will be easier. It's not as though either staying in Canada or going to the UK have to be things that last a lifetime. With the girlfriend thing, plus a new culture to get used to and not quite fitting in yet, it's not surprising that you feel a bit lost. Zoom doesn't replace being there. Even if you don't visit people all the time, when in the same country you know you could, plus cultural familiarity is an accumulation of all the day-to-day experiences.

If you feel down, I would say that going where you feel happier will make a big difference in sorting out your financial and employment situation. Why was leaving the UK so urgent, and do those conditions still exist? Or do you see them differently now? If the thought of staying in Canada gives you that sinking feeling my thought is that won't be helpful when you are trying to sort out a future. Are you able to take a short holiday to the UK to see how you react to being there?

Also, stand up has to be one of the hardest ways to make a living. Any chance of getting work as a staff writer for a comedy show or some such?

jenninedinburgh

Now is the time to be near family. We have no idea how long this pandemic will last. Many are in the same shoes and any future employer will understand. Don't worry about feeling like a failure either. You did not fail! A global pandemic disrupted the world and our lives as we know it. Since you are a creative, you need to be in a place where you feel safe and loved. Loneliness is your enemy. So, yes, I'd say book the flight and don't look back. I hope this helps

Zeppo595

So a little update...and it's fascinating reading this back because I left soon after this post.

I quit my job in Canada and so moved back to the UK and was totally unemployed in August of 2020.

A few weeks later, I was re-hired by the school in Canada as an online teacher. I also found part time work using online teaching platforms. I do not make enough to support myself or live alone in the UK.

I stayed at first with my brother, than my father and thirdly my mother. I had some problems with my father due to my step mother (there is a reason that there is a wicked step mother figure in so many fairy tales). I have been at my mother's house for about 5 months now.

Overall, after 10 years where I was mostly completely alone and fearful of safety and security, depending on family has been comforting. I always said 'there is no way I can let myself need others' and I think psychologically it has healed me a bit to go against that voice in my head.

But I also miss the freedom and the independence and excitement I had before. I once had a great life 'on paper' but was constantly miserable. Now my life is one most would see as pathetic failure, but I feel more relaxed day to day.

There are pros and cons with this covid situation. Covid has made boomerang children more socially acceptable than any other time. People do not raise eyebrows about a 30 something living man with his mother so much as they might at any other time.

Covid has also made building a new life very difficult. I haven't met old friends or taken part in social activities to build any new networks.

The government appear to be incredibly dodgy and the idea of building a life in a country with these restrictions and seeming lack of resistance to them concerns me.

This topic itself has been very divisive and unfortunately I feel more distant from my family than I did even when I was in Japan in a way. When I lived abroad, there was that yearning on both sides. Them saying' We want you back someday!' and me saying, 'I'd love to but I can't!' It's a kind of tragedy that elevates you to an almost mythical status in your family. Now I'm back, there is I'm sure for them the frustrating reality of who I truly am day to day.

I have applied to do a PGCE in September at the University of Worcester and been accepted on this course. My parents are both super on board and my father is helping me financially with this.

However, I doubt if I have what it takes to do it. I'm also nervous the course will be shut down due to covid and there will be more lockdowns in December.

I started to romanticize escaping and living in another country, maybe Albania or Vietnam. Basically, somewhere free from this crumbling West.

But that didn't help me so much before, did it? Maybe I'm just scared of the responsibility of the course and the demands of being a 'real' teacher. Perhaps now I'm back but don't feel I belong here, I miss my old identity and comforting discomfort of 'living on the edge.' Also, there is this feeling that I am still living between the cracks. I haven't signed up for PAYE. All my jobs are with companies in other countries. I'm not registered in the UK or committed to anything. I COULD still get out! But maybe that window is closing.

Yet of course, there isn't any freedom in this escapism. I know this. But the more I hear from primary teachers about how they aren't respected and so much is asked of them I'm thinking maybe it isn't worth it. Maybe I CAN just keep going with ESL even if it won't reward me a ton financially. If I go back abroad again, at least I can support myself and live alone. At least I kind of gave it a try and have killed that part of me that thinks 'I'd love to go back home.' Now I've given it a go and seen how it really is.

Yet what if something else happens? What if I leave and think, 'you idiot! You were registered for a course and you had all that support from family and you threw it away for THIS...for trying to re-create the life you had at 21? To get this ESL job which is mostly for people to do for the odd year and then move one. You're doing that again now in your mid 30's? What the hell man!'

So I really don't know. I find myself again torn...do I get the PGCE and commit to at least a year or two back in the UK? or get out now while I have some savings to another country?

Obviously the fact the borders can close any day and country entry requirements are mostly strict makes all this hard to navigate as well.

tdrinker

I think this is you answer, you are yearning for an ideal life abroad but the reality falls short, and you are happier in the UK. I'd disagree that most people see your life as a pathetic failure. I'd wager that many are envious of the overseas experiences you've had. As for living with you mother at mid-thirties; I've known people do the same and haven't thought anything of it. In those cases, as in yours, it's a matter of circumstance and preference, as is the housing situation of everyone else.

A practical reality is that covid is likely to be with us for a while yet, so building a new life overseas is going to be difficult in the coming months.

A previous poster asked whether you enjoy teaching. If you do, than the PGCE course could be a tremendous opportunity to achieve a career, decent income, future pension. There are negative stories about teaching, but positive ones as well. It's the same in most jobs. An advantage of a teaching career is the lengthy holidays. You'd have the finances and time to travel overseas if desired, with a secure base back home. Further, doing the PGCE course doesn't commit you to becoming a teacher, and becoming a teacher doesn't commit you to being one for life; you could resume your overseas life at any time. But in the absence of any other firm plan, it's worth serious consideration.

Helen1964

Please don’t take up a teacher training place on a course if you’re not committed to it. The money that your father has kindly offered to pay out will cover only a fraction of the true cost to the UK taxpayer of training you.
Maybe Albania’s a good idea. Not “crumbling” at all....

Helen1964

Seriously, why NOT go and base yourself somewhere like Albania? If you have online jobs in other countries, you could get some kind of employment locally and supplement your income with the other work. You could probably live quite comfortably compared to the locals. Last time I was in Tirana there were what looked like 3-year-olds begging in the street. So presumably their government is a bit dodgy too.

Maybe you need to look at all this from a different perspective - where can you be of most use and help make things better?

tdrinker

Fair point re taxpayer funding teacher training.

A lot to consider about living / working in Albania, including visas, healthcare and tax. It'd be easier if the online work paid sufficient to cover living costs (digital nomad), but is more difficult if relying on local work to make ends meet. You'd be competing in the job market against locals, and you'd be at a language disadvantage. But I've never tried to do this, so have no experience of how easy or difficult it would be.

Helen1964

Don’t think he needs healthcare. He likes living on the edge!

Zeppo595

I don't really like living on the edge to be honest. I sometimes think I do, but the reality is I get overwhelmed by it quickly.

I have been a teacher for over 10 years and I suppose the PGCE thing feels like a grown up step instead of this unstable ESL life. That was my original motivation, anyway. It could also help me in future if I want to return to that life as it gives me a career option in the UK.

I have been considering spending some time in Albania prior to the course (a month or something) and that might help me decide. It would also be a break from living with family.

But considering it will also cost me money which I need for the course, it might not be the best practical decision.

That's a good question about 'where can I be most of use and help make things better.' I would have to say that would probably be the UK.

tdrinker

At mid-30's, it's a life crossroads decision.

The conventional option is become a teacher. Steady job, decent salary and benefits to fund a comfortable lifestyle, pension to remain comfortable in retirement.

But conventional isn't for everyone. As you say, some like living on the edge. But I'm not sure the OP does, he says of his time living overseas "... after 10 years where I was mostly completely alone and fearful of safety and security ...". Part of him hankers to return overseas; it appears a heart vs. head situation. Living on the edge can be less fun / more difficult as you age. Mid-30's isn't old, but he needs to think ahead to mid-40's, mid-50's, etc. Living on the edge will be more difficult, and so might finding an alternative conventional career path. It's why it feels like a crossroads decision at mid-30's more than it would be at mid-20's.