My life is in boxes......

Old Jun 27th 2007, 1:51 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by tillergirl
I've only been in NZ for the last 7 months. I keep thinking that i should give it longer. But my main reason for thinking that is because i know most people will think that i should.

I'm as sure as i can be that i don't want to be away from my friends and family for ever. This feeling has intensified with the birth of our new baby. He is just over a month old. I need to be with my family so that i can share the joy of him.

I have my husbands mom and step-dad with us. Infact they came over with us and have been an extra burden from day one. They let me know how they wont be able to stay if we don't! I've told them that , that is why i asked them not to come out until we were settled. This falls on deaf ears!!!!! They just want us to stay, buy a house with land, so that they can build on it and live for next to nothing. Sorry to unload all of this. Sometimes you just need to vent.

Now!!!! they have encouraged my 17 year old and his NZ girlfriend to move in with them, so they can all stay, when i go.
If she was doing it just to help my eldest out i could accept it. However, due some of her past behaviour i'm pretty sure she is trying to manipulate me to stay, because my eldest is.

So he has gone to them!!!! She has now said that she may not stay!!!!!!!!!! What about my eldest?!!!! He wont afford the rent on his own. What a mess.I wish we had never come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iagree with you that deep down you know what you want.

Sorry to go on birdynumnum.
All the best for you return. I hope it happens soon and that you just slot back in easily.
tillergirl..

I feel for u..sounds very messy..I always thought that the mother-in-law from hell thing was a myth until I met my mother-in-law to be....it was hate at first sight and she has been so unwelcoming to me and downright nasty since I moved out here to Oz to be with her son...makes me miss my own mother even more back home..my family welcomed my fiance with open arms and she has treated me with disdain..

Congrats on the new baby..I can totally understand how much more your feelings of missing family have intensified since he came along..I know for a fact that I would feel exactly the same..I am pre-empting that and considering getting out of Oz, and probably looking like my relationship and heading back to UK to start again...
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Old Jun 27th 2007, 1:59 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by tillergirl
I've only been in NZ for the last 7 months. I keep thinking that i should give it longer. But my main reason for thinking that is because i know most people will think that i should.

I'm as sure as i can be that i don't want to be away from my friends and family for ever. This feeling has intensified with the birth of our new baby. He is just over a month old. I need to be with my family so that i can share the joy of him.

I have my husbands mom and step-dad with us. Infact they came over with us and have been an extra burden from day one. They let me know how they wont be able to stay if we don't! I've told them that , that is why i asked them not to come out until we were settled. This falls on deaf ears!!!!! They just want us to stay, buy a house with land, so that they can build on it and live for next to nothing. Sorry to unload all of this. Sometimes you just need to vent.

Now!!!! they have encouraged my 17 year old and his NZ girlfriend to move in with them, so they can all stay, when i go.
If she was doing it just to help my eldest out i could accept it. However, due some of her past behaviour i'm pretty sure she is trying to manipulate me to stay, because my eldest is.

So he has gone to them!!!! She has now said that she may not stay!!!!!!!!!! What about my eldest?!!!! He wont afford the rent on his own. What a mess.I wish we had never come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iagree with you that deep down you know what you want.

Sorry to go on birdynumnum.
All the best for you return. I hope it happens soon and that you just slot back in easily.

tillergirl

sounds like a horrible mess, especially being emotionally blackmailed like that.
Stand strong woman, you know what you need to do.
Dont beat yourself to stay there if your hearts not in it & dont be made to feel you should stay for inlaws, thats their decision if they stay & their life choice, just as what you do is yours.
Hopefully you're son will want to return home with you.
Rant away all you like
hugs
T
x
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Old Jun 27th 2007, 2:09 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Hi Tillergirl

From someone who has always thought about others before herself, can I just say do what YOU want, what YOUR gut instinct tells you to do and NOT what others are saying or manipulating you to do, its all too easy to just shut up and settle for there view but in the end it makes you ill. Trust me on this one!

Having your gorgeous baby its natural that your hormones will be all over the place for a while yet but take it slowly and thoughtfully - then go back home if thats what you want to do.

Give that precious little bundle an extra cuddle from me!

Di





Originally Posted by tillergirl
I've only been in NZ for the last 7 months. I keep thinking that i should give it longer. But my main reason for thinking that is because i know most people will think that i should.

I'm as sure as i can be that i don't want to be away from my friends and family for ever. This feeling has intensified with the birth of our new baby. He is just over a month old. I need to be with my family so that i can share the joy of him.

I have my husbands mom and step-dad with us. Infact they came over with us and have been an extra burden from day one. They let me know how they wont be able to stay if we don't! I've told them that , that is why i asked them not to come out until we were settled. This falls on deaf ears!!!!! They just want us to stay, buy a house with land, so that they can build on it and live for next to nothing. Sorry to unload all of this. Sometimes you just need to vent.

Now!!!! they have encouraged my 17 year old and his NZ girlfriend to move in with them, so they can all stay, when i go.
If she was doing it just to help my eldest out i could accept it. However, due some of her past behaviour i'm pretty sure she is trying to manipulate me to stay, because my eldest is.

So he has gone to them!!!! She has now said that she may not stay!!!!!!!!!! What about my eldest?!!!! He wont afford the rent on his own. What a mess.I wish we had never come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Iagree with you that deep down you know what you want.

Sorry to go on birdynumnum.
All the best for you return. I hope it happens soon and that you just slot back in easily.
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Old Jun 27th 2007, 2:14 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by PLANTS
Hi Tillergirl

From someone who has always thought about others before herself, can I just say do what YOU want, what YOUR gut instinct tells you to do and NOT what others are saying or manipulating you to do, its all too easy to just shut up and settle for there view but in the end it makes you ill. Trust me on this one!

Having your gorgeous baby its natural that your hormones will be all over the place for a while yet but take it slowly and thoughtfully - then go back home if thats what you want to do.

Give that precious little bundle an extra cuddle from me!

Di
Good post Plants

Have a good day
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Old Jun 27th 2007, 6:10 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

...so is mine! It's been in boxes (and sometimes backpack!) since 2002 when I left Oz for Scotland. I had to return to Oz in 2005 ( no visas for up the duff aussies!) but my proper desperation for returning to Scotland didn't kick in properly til just after my daughter was born at the end of that year, so maybe the hormones had a bit to do with it?? That has eased a little bit, but I do think about Scotland every day (about 6000 times a day). It's the last thing on my mind as I (struggle!) to fall asleep at night, first thing on my mind every morning. If I relax, or my mind wanders doing something mundane (EVERY time I change a nappy!), it follows a well-worn path to thoughts of Scotland - to the most ridiculous things! The shopping trolley bay and bus shelter in Fort William, the Skye Bridge, Sauchiehall St in Glasgow, random places I maybe only saw once or twice...it is exquisite torture...

It can really be overwhelming and with a little bub can seem like it's all too much. I think you said you have other kids as well, so you have heaps on your plate - what with evil in-laws and such things. Mine are actually IN Scotland so they ease some of my fervour for returning - don't want to be nearer to them! I understand how frustrating it can be and I hope things start looking better for you!
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Old Jun 30th 2007, 7:09 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Hi everyone,

thanks for the good wishes.

Well I am well and truly home! Feels like we have never been away, the familiar places as we drove from Gatwick, it was a beautiful evening.

Standing in my aunts back garden this morning, the birds are singing, her gardens in full bloom, the lovely smells from the Stocks and the Sweetpeas, the apple tree bursting with fruit, ah it feels good to be home.

Off to Asda this morning (oh the little things that make me happy) for a lovely big shop then off to my cousins for big family get together.

Byeeee xx
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Old Jun 30th 2007, 7:45 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Hi Treacle Tart, and welcome back to the UK!!! Its good to be back, eh? You sound so like me just a few weeks back when we arrived back here after a year in NZ - I still remember the excitement of those first few hours when we got back, I can still taste the sandwich we had in the hotel that first night (proper ham - yum yum yum!!!)

Every day makes me realise how glad I am to be back - I love NZ and I really miss the close friends I made there, but UK is home (for now! ) - enjoy rediscovering this wonderful place,

Maggie
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Old Jun 30th 2007, 7:58 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by tillergirl

Have you found yourself feeling daunted by returning? I did today, just after i had rang a few removal companys. i also felt excited that i was physically doing something to make it happen.
Hi Tillergirl, just wanted to say that yes it is daunting even thinking about returning to Uk, just as no doubt it was daunting thinking about emigrating to NZ. We have just returned from a year in Tauranga - we loved the place and made some great friends, but it just wasn't for us as a family, and I never really settled properly into the new life.

We have 2 children of 2 and 1, and when we found out we were having another baby due in October this year, the reality of being so far from home, and me having no potential earning capacity for years to come given the cost of childcare compared to what I could be earning, it made us decide quite simply that now was the right time to head home. We had used up most of our savings just keeping afloat (even with hubby earning a really good wage, the penalty for choosing to build a dream house in one of the most expensive parts of the North Island, and the joys of the high mortgage rates!!)

We managed to organise the whole return move within 4 weeks, including selling cars, renting out house, getting all stuff packed up and shipped home (arriving next week - yipppppeeeee!! though fingers crossed as we have already been told that the container was originally left in Singapore and had to go on next available ship), having "leaving" do's etc etc. So just stay positive, you have done the big move once and survived it, and you can surely do it again.....

loads of best wishes coming your way

Maggie
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Old Jun 30th 2007, 8:38 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by Treacle Tart
Well the packers arrived 7.30 on sunday morning and back again yesterday, just waiting for the blokes to turn up to load the container.

So thats it!

We fly on friday morning at 6am and arrive London at 7.30pm so just in time to go for a drink and a curry!

Thanks to all of those who have given me lots of support in the last few months, you really lifted me when I felt like c**p!

Good luck to those still waiting to return, it'll soon be your turn.

See you on the other side

Deb xxxx
Hi Treacle Tart

I know exactly how you feel, been back in the UK for 8 weeks tomorrow and still remember that feeling of having nothing as everything got packed into the container. Our stuff will be here in about a month - NOT looking forward to unpacking contents of a 4x2 in Perth into a 3x1 here!! Oh well, garage sale it is Maybe a few chavs or gunmen will come and buy some stuff, after all that is the only kind of people that live here

Jo
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Old Jun 30th 2007, 7:41 pm
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by clougherty family
Hi Treacle Tart

I know exactly how you feel, been back in the UK for 8 weeks tomorrow and still remember that feeling of having nothing as everything got packed into the container. Our stuff will be here in about a month - NOT looking forward to unpacking contents of a 4x2 in Perth into a 3x1 here!! Oh well, garage sale it is Maybe a few chavs or gunmen will come and buy some stuff, after all that is the only kind of people that live here

Jo
They wont bother to buy it, Jo - they'll just nick it
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Old Jul 2nd 2007, 11:03 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Thank you all for your support.

Karni 31 it sounds like you know what a difficult mother-in-law can do!!! I wish all the best for you in your terrible situation. What an awful decision for you to have to make. I feel for you.

Nice strong post Birdynumnum. It gave me a boost. Cheers

Lovely wise post Plants. It's not always easy to go slow when your mind is in such a racing turmoil. I plan to take a trip home in October.....thank goodness.... Then i will have a rest, re-charge my batteries and make a final decision. Although i'm very sure once i leave NZ i wont return. Well, not unless my son stays, then i will be back for visits. However, last night he told me that he doesn't plan to stay in NZ for ever......yippee.....he is going to have a travel around and when he's ready he will return home.
I would rather he just came home with me, but i respect his need to grow up and cut of my 'apron strings'.

Wow Maggiemou 4 weeks. Bloody hell. Mind you the way i feel i think i could achieve it!!!!! Luckily we haven't bought a house. I viewd loads of them but i never found one that i liked.We were going to build one, but by that time we were ready, i was already having serious doubts about NZ.

Saoghalbeag will you return to Scotland? Cheers for your response it's comforting to know i'm not alone. Yes i do have two other children. One is 17 the other 12. My 17 year old has moved out and plans to stay in NZ. (Boo hoo) Then he wants to go and spend some time in OZ. He has the travel bug.

Treacle Tart you lucky devil. Glad to hear your home. Enjoy it girl. Me next...

Once again thank you all.
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Old Jul 2nd 2007, 6:51 pm
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by tillergirl
So he has gone to them!!!! She has now said that she may not stay!!!!!!!!!! What about my eldest?!!!! He wont afford the rent on his own. What a mess.I wish we had never come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
Thats disgusting If youre right and shes manipulating you by putting them up when shes not sure SHES Staying! thats a bloody awful thing to do.
I dont know what to say because Im angry on your behalf, except your gut feeling is nearly always right so follow that and the rest will fall into place. Its sounds like everyones in a muddle and they need you to stay to sort it/blame if you cant. Well they have to sort out their own staying/going/affording/not affording problems - they are adults.
You make plans for what you think is right and discuss them with your husband, not the in-laws. They're just an extra aggrivation
Good luck
C xx
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Old Jul 3rd 2007, 8:28 am
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Default Re: My life is in boxes......

Originally Posted by chance to be
Thats disgusting If youre right and shes manipulating you by putting them up when shes not sure SHES Staying! thats a bloody awful thing to do.
I dont know what to say because Im angry on your behalf, except your gut feeling is nearly always right so follow that and the rest will fall into place. Its sounds like everyones in a muddle and they need you to stay to sort it/blame if you cant. Well they have to sort out their own staying/going/affording/not affording problems - they are adults.
You make plans for what you think is right and discuss them with your husband, not the in-laws. They're just an extra aggrivation
Good luck
C xx
Well said Chance to be.

You've hit the nail on the head.

I have some good news though. My eldest and his girlfriend have been experiencing problems (ALREADY!!!!!!!) with the in-laws. He has realised how impossible a situation he is getting himself into and so we have been helping him to find a rental.

We have found about four which they can easily afford. Thank goodness.

I am so relieved. I would still prefer him to come home and i have made sure he knows that he can bring his girlfriend too. However, he wants to stay. He likes looking after himself. I feel like I've got a limb missing!!!!

Thanks chance to be. By the way How long have you been back in the UK? Do you have any regrets about leaving OZ?
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