fungled

Hi everyone,

40m, single, Germany (9 years)

This might be a bit of a meandering post, so I thank anyone who's happy to read and might be able to provide interesting input, or just some moral support. You can skip the Update section, and skip to the chase if you wish

I previously posted on the same topic in August 2019 (https://britishexpats.com/forum/movi.../#post12725789). Oh my has a lot happened since then...

Updates

To very quickly summarise, I moved to a very nice new (rented) apartment late that year. This has been really great, and continues to be. I have had a number of failed romances, sadly, including one that rather affected me, although in both good and bad ways... And oh yes, we just had a Pandemic...

I'm sure I won't be alone in saying the Pandemic affected me massively. 2020 was manageable, but the Winter was one of the toughest times of my life. I thank God that I have many good friends here that I was able to turn to for support and company. It was something of a gift that we were all going through similar challenges. It made it much easier to talk about these things.

I escaped for a remote-working trip in January, which helped a lot. And February was rather pretty, with the snow. I was lucky enough to get a beautiful day of Sun for my birthday in March, which was my 40th. Needless to say that was challenging, although I mostly got through it ok.

Whilst I remain very fortunate in my current job of 4 years, some of the struggles I had during the Winter started coming back - having trouble concentrating, some trouble sleeping, sometimes impatient and short tempered. Even my team lead has now noticed, and I thank him dearly that he has been sympathetic and patient. As I explained to him, work is still very good and I'm fortunate. However I'm having personal struggles that have been leaking into my work. Needless to say this is not good, and concerns me also. I had work-only burn out a few years ago (crazy project), but this is more personal.

I don't want to make things sound too dramatic, but yes, I have been struggling on-and-off. At least when the sun shines it makes a big difference. Yes, I have been suffering from depression. And yes, I've been lucky enough to be provided free counselling through my company, which has been really great, and mostly I really enjoy, and continue when I can. If it helps to say it, she thinks that I am "fine", in that I don't have any real-omg-crazy-problems, just normal life struggles that I need to work through. That's of course refreshing to hear! However, it does show that I need to change something.

Back to the topic

One development has happened recently that starts to change things: I spoke to a remote-only company and had an initial chat. Of course I've been working home office for more than a year, although in theory we'll return to the office some day. This, however, is a remote-only company, and pays a salary even higher than the job I have now. I'm going to pursue this opportunity, but even if I don't get that job, it rather highlights that I could definitely get some form of remote-only position. Perhaps not for crazy money, but certainly for good money.

So what does that mean? In theory I could get a position that doesn't require me to be here anymore. And potentially, this could be an option into the near future. It also means I could start the new position in the near future, and then start planning a move knowing that I don't have to worry about work. Whilst this was possible before, the pandemic has seriously highlighted the possibility, and even got me used to it in advance.

Of course I could go and live on a beach somewhere, and some people might call me crazy for not doing that. But, that's not what I want. What I do want is to settle somewhere that, love it or leave it, is good enough until I retire (and maybe-just-maybe go live on that beach). I can't escape the feeling that where I am now is quickly running out of its appeal. I'm just looking at repeating a loop I've been on for years, and I am also scared to waste more time waiting on it. I know that we're all in a crazy situation right now that will (gradually) end, but these feelings are not new, and they're growing.

I even did some preliminary research, and some of the things I found were reasonably encouraging. I'd almost certainly be looking to move to the South; for existing friends and family. The first option is Bristol, but I also wondered about Brighton. In any case, the point is that I had a look at property prices and was somewhat encouraged - I need more research, but it seems I could quite easily buy something like a 2-bed apartment... I had a quick look into car leasing as an initial option, etc. etc.

The point is, some of the practicalities don't seem quite as bad as I possibly feared. The bigger problem is the gigantic personal change, on an emotional level. This is really the thing that has kept me from doing this in the past. Some thoughts:

The good:

• I do miss Britain, but I won't be rose-tinted about it. I already left and moved back once, and had a rough experience, although a lot of that can be blamed on living in London at the beginning of my current career
• Financially and professionally I'm light-years ahead of where I was when I left. This just makes life easier. I could even work lighter jobs and earn well enough, especially in lower-cost areas
• I have the option of removing myself from location-dependence for my work; I have missed being in the office regularly, but it could give me the option to do jobs that don't force me to be in the London area. Probably I wouldn't want to work-from-home always, I could rent co-working space when that is more possible again
• I have a profitable and routine savings plan for retirement, which I hope not to disturb too much with this, hopefully should not though
• I can be closer to family. This feeling has been getting stronger as I get older. My parents are still healthy, but this will change eventually. I am probably the most capable family member to take care of affairs
• It seems like I could jump right onto the housing ladder...
• I have a real desire to get into the local community, things like volunteering. I really want this, and it would also help a lot with the transition. Whilst I have good friends, being in a big city is starving me of that feeling and I've been craving it more and more
• Although not by much, the positive side is starting to feel stronger than it did before (vs. total terror)
• (Absolute insane as it feels to contemplate) I might have some chance to adopt or foster children... That seems highly unlikely here
• I just really need a change, and the longer I wait, the chance that I'll ever do this begins dwindling to nothing

The bad

• I would be starting almost all over again this would be the third time in my life I've done this, and the second attempt to live long-term back in the UK. I'll admit maybe the first time my heart was not so in it, and a few things happened that hammered a nail in the coffin...
• Yes, I'll have family and existing friends, but I'll have nothing like the army of friends that I have here. Yes, they vary in closeness, but there are people I've known for almost 10 years. People back home mostly haven't seen me in that time. But there are people, it's just I would lose a lot and have to rebuild. This doesn't feel exciting like it did in the past, instead frightening
• Whilst I still have faith in my social skills and energy to build new friendships, it takes time. I would be losing a lot of support network right when I'm making a big change. This is scary
• I might well be committing to losing a good year of my life over this move. Turning 40 hit me fairly hard, and I have trouble feeling like I have "time to waste". But this also supports the feeling of, now or never? In the last year or so were some of the first times in my life I looked at myself and felt that I was old
• The pandemic. Whilst things are looking up right now, who can say what comes next. If I get unlucky and another wave hits, I might see myself isolated without very much support network. This is also terrifying

So, sorry for the very long and rambling post. It was perhaps more therapeutic for me to write that. If anyone has any thoughts, or moral support, I'll be interested to read them

Many thanks in advance, please be kind

cc181990

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through difficult times and I hope that you can settle again quickly in the UK as soon as you can.

I know exactly that feeling of longing to be back in the UK and the idea of buying a place/getting a mortgage, adopting, part of the community all just seem very difficult/impossible in Germany.

I live with my boyfriend in Hürth, just outside of Cologne, and we're both now 30. I am now, after 7 odd years living in this area, wanting to return and be nearer to family and in hope of settling and making a life in the UK (I know easier said than done). He is German (which now adds to the complexities) and we hope that it won't be as difficult as it seems for EU citizens.

I know how hard it can be here, even with a large group of friends around you. I've only just joined this after seeing your post and resonating with it and completely understanding your situation and feeling, but I hope that things work out for you.

fungled

Thanks very much for taking the time to write that sympathetic response! I wish you all the best as well 🙂

LuxetVeritas

Hi fungled,
I'm in a similar (though not exactly the same) position you're in- I'm closing in on 40, male and single as well. Instead of Germany, substitute Canada, and I've been here for 10 years. I also miss the UK and am thinking of moving back as I got a good job, but sometimes when I read the news about what's happening in the UK it scares me. I'm also not a big fan of London, and my "new" job allows for remote working at least 2-3 times a week. I'm so conflicted and not sure what to do: my heart wants to be back but a lot has changed in 10 years. I'm not happy in Canada although my job is good and I'm content. I guess it's the news from the UK that scares me (reading the Guardian, Independent, etc.). Like you, I also think about age and time and I don't want to waste this opportunity to move back. I can always return to Canada if things don't work out but it'll be difficult to find a new job and start from scratch.

I don't know Germany as I've never been but I would say it seems like your fears are like mine: pandemic, starting from scratch, fear of things not going as well as you hope they would. Ultimately, I'm resigning myself to the idea of taking the plunge: better try and fail than never try at all. In my case, I'll miss very few things about Canada if I leave: some of my friends, a comfortable lifestyle, and driving. What will you miss in Germany if you leave? If that list is too short and insignificant perhaps that is an indication you should return? Bristol is a wonderful city BTW!

I look forward to your reply and perhaps we can help each other out as we're in relatively similar positions.

fungled

Hey there!

Thanks for your input also. Yes, it does sound very similar. I'm interested to hear about anything specifically that you say about news from the UK... Honestly, I've come to see that many of the things that Brits might complain about are either rather overplayed, or not really much different here (Germany). As I said before, it's not about having illusions about anything...

I think the major clincher for me has been the realisation that "if not now, then never". Then adding some practical possibility that I can move somewhere that's long-term (~20 year) affordable, by working remotely. The only problem being that, under that criteria, I'm shut out from anywhere I already have connections - Bristol, Brighton, London all out since whilst I could afford to live there in the short-term, I'll still get squeezed out in the long-term, and have to "start again" once again. Current candidate is Cardiff. Although I have faith in my social skills, it is terrifying to think that I'd be starting again and finding a whole new set of people locally...

Current other fun factor is that I have a long notice period with my current employer - an entire quarter. This means at the very least:

• Hand in notice at work before the end of the month (with no next job lined up). Job would end at the end of September
• Line up a remote position during my notice - this should not be a problem, it's just a little anxiety making
• Start remote position
• Look to relocate end of the year, very early next year?
• Oh yeah, tell some of my closest friends about this, and handle the shock waves
• Actually move, sort out somewhere to live, establish an entirely new routine, new social circles, new hobbies. How long will this take? Absolutely a year bare minimum... My god my god

To add to the fun, I recently met someone who seems genuinely good and nice. I've already told her about this, of course. Who knows about that right now? I feel like I'm totally insane. This is easily the hardest, scariest thing I've ever done in my life. Why have I made life so hard for myself?

LuxetVeritas

I don't think you made life hard for yourself. Life is just hard!! At least you met someone. I came close to marrying a Canadian 2 years ago but it didn't work out. I don't you'll necessary get squeezed out if you choose Bristol or somewhere in Somerset (close to Bath). Brighton perhaps although I've never been there so not familiar with it. I've got my mates (left my entire family in my teenage years so no family) but most of them left the UK as well so there's only a few and I'll be starting nearly from scratch as well. Having said that I've done this already moving to an entirely new continent and the UK is lovely- great people with a great sense of humour so that doesn't concern me. I think you should have more faith in your social skills- it'll take time for sure but you moved to Germany which I hear is not the friendliest place so it shouldn't be an issue.

We both agree on the "now or never" thing. We're not getting any younger and life is too short. The news I read about are things such as Brexit problems, knife crime, extremism, cost of living being too high, transportation/rail prices being ludicrous, etc. I agree the British press tends to catastrophise things but there's some truth to the fact that the UK I left a decade ago is different from the current one. That is what ultimately scares me.

I think I'll ultimately make the move, and I think so should you. Try moving back and if things are really back move back to Germany. I look forward to your response.

AngloFox

Hi Fungled,

I read your post because a) you said you were living in Germany, which is where I also live, and b) it was very long and this made me curious as to what it was all about.

Reading your two posts I was still not initially sure what the driver is for you here in real terms... Is it "push" or "pull" - is it that you are missing the UK? Or don't like it in Germany?

There are some parallels with me... i live in Germany, but moved here back in 1990... have also lived in other countries as well. And I am actively thinking about moving back to UK, even if just for a few years before heading abroad again - but more about that later.

What strikes me about your description of yourself and your situation is that you don't say much about Germany itself, so I dont know for sure how you feel about it. You mention things specific to the UK - "property ladder" - which seems like it is important to you. And being in a country where you feel more at ease with the culture and native language. Neither of these things bother me that much. But they are relevant for you, since you mentioned them more than a few times.

Someone in a later post commented something which I think is very relevant. When you have been expat for a number of years you become a citizen of a "third party country". Ie you no longer feel 100% at home or accepted where you are currently living as an expat, ie Germany, but nor are you either truly a UK native anymore. You are a different kind of animal.

As for as you call it "getting too old" to move to another country - well there must be no more hope for me because I am now older than you. But I have moved around quite a lot this last 10 years, and I don't rule out moving again in the future. I do not set any arbitrary age limits on any decisions I make. It helps that I am single and I am self-employed with my own business and so maybe have a different outlook on life to the average employee perhaps.

So what would my advice be? I don't agree that "time is running out" for you. nonsense. I had people in London telling me I was too old for jobs at 25. One also has to beware of this idea that one has to have "roots"... reminds me by the way of this German "heimat" thing, which I find a bit stifling and provincial.

its an illusion, whether you live 30 years as an expat in one or more countries, or live your entire life staying in your native village... the locals don't really give a damn. No one "owns" anything, it is all fleeting in time. I have lived best part of over 20 or so years in Germany - the rest in other countries both in EU and elsewhere, but I have no "ownership" over them or anything to "prove" I lived there, other than languages I learned, diplomas etc I took. And even if you own real estate you do not really "own" it either. You do not own anything. We come, we go. We are born, we die.

You can enjoy being in a location, have social contacts, activities, a home, family if you want, career, business, a home. but it is just that. Don't expect it to be more. Everything and everyone is coming and going, moving away, dying, being born. Nothing stands still.

So applying that to your situation, you should do what you most feel drawn to - and that is what only you can decide. Stay in Germany? or move back to UK? Or move somewhere else?

A little about my situation. I come from London, poor family, got to uni, worked in London a few years. Then moved to Berlin in 1990. Big relief. The London I left in 1990 was a horrible place, suit-wearing office job, downtrodden commuters, slum housing, skyhigh rents,grotty office buildings, crappy overpriced public transport, dirty streets, Im all right jack yuppyism, ruthless office culture, Thatcher, poll/council tax about to start (I got out just in time to avoid it). Grotty sandwich shops - there was no Pret a Manger, Itso, JustEat, Starbucks, Costa Coffee etc in London back then, pubs full of cigarette smoke. It was almost as dreary as the Eastern Bloc. London was grotty beyond belief. Even East Berlin - where I lived for several years from then on, was better than London.

Germany by contrast was a breath of fresh air. esp Berlin where I escaped to, cheap rent, cheap public transport - a monthly pass for all of Berlin was 40 DM - about 15 quid at that time. Plus Berlinzulage - the West Berlin subsidy of 7% or so on all salaries everyone working in West Berlin got paid - I lived in Eastern Berlin with cheaper rents - (80 pounds a month back then). So while everyone in UK was paying Thatcher's new Poll Tax I was getting a "poll tax" paid to me in reverse.

A much more liberal society and mentality with no Thatcherism. One person at a company I worked at actually said to me at one point when I was pleasantly surprised at the benefits in the employment contract, terms of notice, vacation time etc: "You do have rights you know!"

I have rights?! No one in London had ever said that to me. With that it was yet another example of how awful life in London back then had been. And so on.

These days, 30 years later, I'm no longer so keen on Germany or EU anymore. I've also seen lived in and experienced more of the world than just Germany or the EU.

This country is stagnating and I dont see things changing much in the future either. Its not the German nature to reform and be bold and strike out. They have Angst and this rules them. For them its all about maintaining the status quo, nobody move or the boat could sink...

I also find the Germans far too stiff and rigid and I have had enough after 30 years and I am tired of it. Actually I have been trying to move away for a good decade now, but always seem to end up coming back for work and business reasons (I am self-employed in IT).

For me these days I see UK as far more reform-eager than Germany. Germany is a country mired in Angst. Angst dominates everything here. From politics, government, businesses, career decisions, education decisions, the whole lot. Brits by contrast have no angst - its a German word. That means we can do things like Brexit. We don't even have angst about the possibility of the break-up of the UK due to Brexit. The Germans could not cope with that sort of thing, or that sort of Chaos that we had with implementing it for one minute.

But I think UK is now going places - fast, now the election and Theresa May are out of the way. We can move very fast when we want to. You may or may not approve of the potential destinations, but things are moving and changing. Unlike in Germany, where its all about not rocking the boat, keeping everything exactly as it is, and trying to live life as if its still 1980s Helmut Kohl West Germany. Hence 16 years of Merkel and her CDU-SPD "Grand" coalitions (nothing grand about it). Stagnation is the result.

But I've also had enough of other things here, mostly small but they add up to irritate.

Tired of people blowing smoke in my face - the smoking culture here which is backward and very unhealthy.

Shops being forced to close on Sundays - even launderettes - there was one in Stuttgart who dared to open on Sundays and all the other shopkeepers and local bourgeios old fart German busybodies complained to the Ordnungsamt or whoever and forced it to shut again.

I'm tired of churches. They have too much power and influence here - this is why no shops can still not open on Sundays unlike US or UK or Far East. And "Church tax" - what the hell is that? And unions, endless transport esp railway strikes. Too much union power here. I put up with years of train strikes when commuting in the Frankfurt region which cost me money. And so on...


Thing is I have been away from UK for 30 years, apart from short visits back there. So I am not that much in touch with what it is really like "on the ground" now in England. You say its changed in 10 years. So in 30 years...

I agree with you about London. I come from London but would not want to go back there and live. Too much of a struggle and not worth it. I would move somewhere outside London's orbit - eg Reading, or maybe move as far as Birmingham region. Just outside London orbit, but a large economy which is important for my business.

I would not go to Brighton - I know it quite well having family and friends in the area. Too shabby, too much Victorian slum, and too expensive. Also too many whining Big Issue etc sellers and general riff-raff.

Bristol I also know fairly well having gone to uni in the region years ago. I found it rather snooty in the middle class areas, and provincial/Yokel in the working class districts. Attracts Home Counties types who move there because its a largish lively city beyond London but which is not in the North.

But it has no proper public transport infrastructure - to me a basic for a metropolitan area. They were talking about building a city metro in late 80s when I was there.

Yet 30 years later - they've still done nothing. Even Croydon - another place I know well - and avoid - has managed to build a tram system. Do you know what the Chinese manage to do in 10 years, let alone 30. But Bristol...

But its the case that different people see the same locations differently, so your view may vary. For me, I'd like to quit Germany, seriously, for both "push" and "pull" reasons. I think UK has great chances now for the future. Whereas I feel Germany is about stagnation.

Perhaps I have reached the limits and am frustrated. By comparison I find Brits much more enterprising, freer, more upbeat, than Germans. And I want to enjoy some of that and not spend another 10. 20,30+ years here in Germany among reserved stiff formal people who are obsessed with regulations control and "kann nicht, geht nicht, darf nicht".

I was impressed with England and London during the Blair years. Visiting London and seeing the upbeat dynamism, the entrepreneurship everywhere, compared to stagnant "not allowed" verboten Germany. Coming back to Frankfurt where I lived at the time (even though it is one of the successful cities of Germany), was a stuffy downer compared to the fresh air dynamism of London.

And even now, with Brexit. I am convinced UK will do much better outside EU than if it stayed shut in. I think we will also see another big major boom in Britain, like in the Blair years, I am sure of it. We will find workarounds for where we can't get any further with the EU. New markets, different ways of working - and this will propel us forward. The world is a big place, much bigger than the EU. And outside the EU the world is growing very very fast.

The one thing I don't like to do in life is just sit staying in one place and put up with it all. You have to get off your backside and make things happen. Dont have any Angst, get out there and do it! Good luck.

ps
So I've ended up writing an even longer post than yours. This is becoming a Mr Longest-Post Universe competition! ;-)

LuxetVeritas

Interesting post- I'm not OP but interesting to hear a perspective on life in Germany. I'd say though that not all change is positive change- my instinct is also to avoid just being content with "the status quo", but I'm more cautious as a person I guess than you, which is why I understand OP's concerns as I'm having those as well. For me, I don't have my own business and so if I leave Canada and move back to the UK and find it's not the place I left a decade ago I'd have to start from scratch in Canada should I choose to move back. It's not easy, and so I understand and relate to OP's conundrum.

fungled

AngloFox My my there's a lot to digest there! Thanks for your input

Well, I would say that my own situation is predominantly personal, and doesn't have a great deal to do with the general national situations in each country. I can say that I think, more or less, most European countries are in similar boats - at least in the sense that no country has an obvious deal breaker such as a war, or significantly worse economic situation. For example, I work with a lot of people from the third world and eastern Europe, where I can see there are pretty clear "black and white" political/economic/social reasons to benefit being in Germany (or the UK). For me that is not the case. Therefore it comes down to my personal circumstances.

What I can say is, when I originally came to Germany, there were obvious benefits to me of improving my general quality of life situation, and developing my career. I'd say those started to become less relevant after the first few years, however. In the meantime, things certainly changed here! I went from living in a city (Berlin) with a very low cost of living, to one with a mounting housing crisis that is more and more resembling the one that I escaped (London). Then you can add things like hitting an age milestone, and a nice global pandemic to really throw things into question.

So I'm left thinking; where will I be in 10 years if I don't change? I'm looking at the usual situation of getting more and more squeezed out of the city, and ending up in the 'burbs, which is not attractively tenable as a single foreigner. Sure, that could change, but I'd much rather be that in suburban UK, or a smaller city. I have friends looking to buy houses here, and it is not easy.

Then you can add the growing feasibility of remote work, meaning I could work entirely remotely, or even get a job that included a London office trip occasionally (which sounds quite fun). Then when I look at property prices in smaller cities, and at my savings, and suddenly I could actually buy a house/flat...

Really the only big short-term downside is having to "start again"... But if I hit the ground running, I could set myself up for the longer-term lifestyle.

Also, when I moved here, the "adventure" and cultural unfamiliarity were attractive to me. But now, looking forward, it no longer is, and I look at myself thinking, what am I doing with my life? I'd much rather be around the familiar now, and I could open up so many more opportunities for doing other things, where being an outside is no longer some level of disadvantage for me.

So yeah, to clarify, it's not so much about "Germany". Although there is a non-zero level of challenge I wouldn't have in other English-speaking countries... My German is pretty decent, though...

Feel free to ask questions and so forth

AngloFox

Hi fungled

don't have a great deal of time right now, but what especially stands out about your posts:

What I do want is to settle somewhere that, love it or leave it, is good enough until I retire (and maybe-just-maybe go live on that beach). I can't escape the feeling that where I am now is quickly running out of its appeal. I'm just looking at repeating a loop I've been on for years, and I am also scared to waste more time waiting on it.


Right: so you want to "settle" somewhere, ie move somewhere and stay there.


I'd almost certainly be looking to move to the South; for existing friends and family. The first option is Bristol, but I also wondered about Brighton. In any case, the point is that I had a look at property prices and was somewhat encouraged - I need more research, but it seems I could quite easily buy something like a 2-bed apartment.

OK: south, the south of UK it is then.


The bigger problem is the gigantic personal change, on an emotional level. This is really the thing that has kept me from doing this in the past.

I can't really relate to this. To me, moving countries is not a gigantic personal change at all. But I accept that it can be different for some others.


I can be closer to family. This feeling has been getting stronger as I get older.

Get the impression this is important for you.


It seems like I could jump right onto the housing ladder...

Yes, this I noticed a few times in your post. Sounds like you want to buy an English house and live there foreever. OK: then go ahead and do it!


I have a real desire to get into the local community, things like volunteering. I really want this, and it would also help a lot with the transition. Whilst I have good friends, being in a big city is starving me of that feeling

Right: this is also important to you, all part of the "being settled" thing.

I just really need a change

Fair enough! We all do at times. A change is as good as a rest. But I feel in your case it is about more than just a "change". See above.


The bad
I would be starting almost all over again this would be the third time in my life I've done this, and the second attempt to live long-term back in the UK. I'll admit maybe the first time my heart was not so in it, and a few things happened that hammered a nail in the coffin...

In my view it is not "starting all over again". It is a continuum of life experience and to be welcomed. Always progress in your actions, never "start all over again". No point. Start something new.


I might well be committing to losing a good year of my life over this move. Turning 40 hit me fairly hard, and I have trouble feeling like I have "time to waste". But this also supports the feeling of, now or never? In the last year or so were some of the first times in my life I looked at myself and felt that I was old

"Losing a year???" No comprendo.

"Turning 40".. aha... I turned 40 without hardly realising it. You are as old as you feel. I cant help you there. A state of mind.


if I live there in the short-term, I'll still get squeezed out in the long-term, and have to "start again" once again.

No point doing anything then!


Current candidate is Cardiff. Although I have faith in my social skills, it is terrifying to think that I'd be starting again

Terrifying...??

I think we have fundamental differences in outlook and I can't help you much there with that because that is your business.

But I would advise, stop thinking in this negative "starting all over again" mode. Always be going forward, not backward, standing still or "starting over again".

Perhaps a bit more positivity would help? A bit more self-confidence? It sounds like you have a lot going for you, career wise etc. Perhaps you are overthinking the whole thing?

Most decisions in life come down to just one or two issues. Its like the 80:20 rule. Cut out all the fug and minor stuff and concentrate on the one or two issues around which it all revolves.

I would say for you, they are "being settled", owning a house, and staying in one place.

Sorry I cant write more, but time restricts, You will make the right decision, provided you do not bog yourself down in a load of minor issue fug. Best of luck!

ps. Id advise NOT making long lists of pro- and contra-. It is counterproductive and just complicates and fugs the issue. Decide on the top one, two or three main reasons and forget the rest. Icing on the cake.

fungled

AngloFox Thanks for your input!

Yes, I've been talking to many people in recent times, and they echo the same - it's all about taking the positive light on all this. Yes, there are some obvious things, but I am definitely finding this challenging. The main problem is, the time I moved last, I had many obvious issues I could improve, and many of those I solved in one go. I was also full of hope and enthusiasm. This time much much much less so, because I don't feel enough like I've moved much past the stage I was at back then... I know that's not really true, but for years I told myself I wouldn't do what I'm doing now, in the way I am. But I've been forced to, and that is hard to swallow.

Other interesting developments, I'm currently in Bristol for a couple of weeks, visiting friends/family and remote working. It is... interesting... I'm not sure if I'll be here exactly for the long-term destination, although it's appealing because (at the least) I know the place, and know some people. But it's a huge contrast to Berlin... In some ways it's just as dirty, ugly and chaotic in places, but also a toy town vibe in the residential areas. I have this big feeling of "oh my god, how the hell will I fit in?" But that might be temporary...

So... very interesting times for me...

LuxetVeritas

You and I are so alike fungled. I'm facing the same issues and challenges now .

AngloFox

In Bristol!

A city that was once my fav. Lived there long long ago. Havent been back there since.

What pisses me off is how they just cant seem to get their Avon/Bristol/Whatever "metro" together. They need it. I can't live in a city of that size which does not have proper public transport infra.

Also I found the place too stuffy. Hence I was glad they chucked that Colston statue in the harbour. I dont especially identify with this BLM woke stuff - in fact I find it irritating and I will not be doing any of that giving/taking the knee business which I think is silly and demeaning, virtue signaling. But anyway...

Too much Colston this that and the other. Needs cutting right down. And a bit of springcleaning might even do them a little bit of good and get some change into the place.

fungled

Yes, the infrastructure is a major problem, and has been for a long long time. I've become so used to various public transport solutions, and recently every car sharing/bike sharing/e-scooter mobility. Happy to see that at least the scooters are catching on here. Alternatives are sorely needed!

(In suffering the reverse culture shock, I am consciously reminding myself that large parts of Berlin are extremely grim, even though the city somewhat manages to pull this off as a "hip vibe". There is also the weird effect of finding it harder to disassociate yourself from the less attractive aspects of your "home culture"...)

AngloFox

yes large areas of Berlin are grim, especially in winter. I lived there several years. Had my fill of Berlin! It was a great place, but got on my nerves at the finish and the economic/business/employment opps were minimal and were finally the main reason I left the place for good.

Never thought of Bristol as "grim", though I guess East Bristol or parts thereof might perhaps be described as such, but surely not that bad.

Some inner areas were a bit grotty, but were at least lively, at least when I lived there, long ago. An antidote is Clifton, but that goes right to the other extreme.

I lived in Westbury Park which I found a bit stuffy. I liked the Whiteladies Road area up the hill to the common. And the harbour area as well of course (ideal for getting rid of surplus statues)

Its a pleasant city although I slag some things off. I just wish it would get the metro system it deserves and needs.