Victor Meldrew

I am looking at moving back to UK in a couple of years (or earlier).

I know there are a lot of threads with questions about 'moving back to UK'

However, having moved away from my home town (city) Birmingham effectively at 19 years of age (in 1976), I haven't lived there since then. I would dearly like to make this my home town again.

I have been based with a house in the NorthWest since '82 and been out of UK since 2001. I come back regularly to UK throughout the year including 2 months each summer. The North West does not feel like home, just a place where I have a house.

I am in my mid 50's

I have been back to B'ham for a few days at a time when back in UK for summer holidays. It feels good to be there and certainly feels like it is my 'home town'. When people ask 'where are you from' I always answer 'Birmingham'.

So what is the 'problem'?

Even though Birmingham feels 'right' I do not have much family there (a cousin and her children, step mother and an elderly uncle and his children) plus one good friend from school/college. I envisage that I would reconnect with these family members if I returned.

In the North West I have 3 couples who are old time friends plus my grown up children see this as THEIR 'home town'. My son works in the forces so does not actually live there and my daughter also has a fairly strong connection there.

In both places I would be able to buy a house in a nice area and live similar lifestyle so neither has an advantage in this way.

I have this vision of me in Birmingham in X number of years as an elderly person, with no support network, no family/friends and having possibly alienated my 'children' by moving away from them. Do I really want this? would I be able to handle this? would I still be happy in my home town?

I know these questions cannot be answered in any definite way but wonder what peoples opinions are and whether anybody else has faced a similer quandary or actually experienced returning 'home' in a similar way at a later stage in their life.

Yours Truly 'confused'

Wub

It is a dilemma and one we've agonised about as well but you have to weigh up all options and make a decision that's right for you. If there is a compromise solution that you can cheerfully live with - its one to seriously consider in my opinion.

We ended up with a compromise in the end and bought a place in the north west, on the Cheshire border, as it was close (but not too close) to good road links to the rest of the family yet just a forty minute drive to the airport.

As we're still working overseas for the next four to five years, transport links had to be a factor in the decision making process, yet we wanted a semi rural environment, easy access to shopping and services, reasonable proximity (50 mile driving distance) to our grown-up kids and rellies - yet not to be totally dependent on family for our social needs as they have, quite rightly, their own lives to lead.

One of the things I've learned in this ex-part living lark is that while we are desperate to stay connected with loved ones, they, meanwhile, are having great fun living their lives and not worrying at all about the sort of stuff that we obsess about!

Its a salutory lesson to learn. Especially as grown-up kids will move from their geographical roots to other places. I'm mindful of the fact that we could've bought very close to one family member only to learn that she was moving to a new job 150 miles away!

Take your time to decide. Weigh up what your needs are first and then factor in how best they can be served via a particular location.

Victor Meldrew

Hey Wub, thanks for the info. Where in Cheshire do you live? I also have a house there.

Many of the things you mention (particularly the 'kids' moving elsewhere anyway) rings true.

My brother once said to me many years ago (when I was thinking of selling up my house, resigning my job and moving into a canal boat) that no decision has to be final. I could always try it and then move back to a house if it didn't work.

Although it would be a royal pain in the butt I suppose that even if i did move alll the way to B'ham and after a few years realised I had made a mistake/it wasn't working, I could always move back to Cheshire/elsewhere.

I think a big part of the question is 'where do I feel most happy growing old'

My timescale is slightly more urgent than yours as the move back could be anything between 12 and 24 months.

kateg60

I am also pondering this issue. My family is in Leeds and York. The whole reason I am moving back to the UK is to be close to them. But a part of me would dearly love to live further south. But it seems pointless to move all that way and then not be close to family.

Arrrggh!

Wub

Hi Victor, we're not far from Warrington and it ticks most of the boxes as we've the semi-rural element yet easy access to everything else - providing you've a car!

I agree with your brother, nothing has to be for ever and if we find that the place doesn't suit us after a while - well, time to move on.

Like you, we wanted somewhere to grow old together in and we considered France, Devon, Cornwall and half a dozen other equally gorgeous places...but the thought of being a long, expensive and tedious drive or train journey away from the nearest and dearest really put us off.

I think you have to be practical with this type of move.

Can you access everything that you need in order to live a happy and pleasant life? A narrowboat sounds wonderful for example - but what about the winters? and where would you put all your books?!

We went through the 'romantic', phase of looking for the perfect place, with roses around the door and miles from the nearest town or city. Ended up with a nice, ordinary bungalow on a lovely modern small suburban estate...

Sorted!!

Victor Meldrew

That's a conicidence, I am also about 5 miles South of Warrington between Northwich and Warrington. Nice semi-rural but no bus so I have to drive everywhere.

On another note, we bought the house when we were working overseas in 2003. Since then I have been advised that we may have to pay capital gains tax if we sell it shortly after we come back to live as it has never been our main place of residence (we live in it about 2 and half months of the year).

For that reason our decision may me made for us at least for the first year or so. Unless we sell it before we come back for good, but then that is a pain.

Wub

Its funny, I always thought we'd move back to our geographical roots once we'd finished working overseas - yet on a visit 'home', a couple of years ago, we realised that apart from some good and not so good memories....there was nothing pulling us back there.

And that was a bit of a shock as I hadn't anticipated feeling like that at all.

Sometimes, you just outgrow certain places and I do think that what suited at one stage of life, doesn't have the same wow factor at another stage.

If you really feel at home in Birmingham then maybe, that's where you're meant to be.

Grown up 'kids', in our experience, enjoy the regular contact through texts and phone-calls - and the annual reunions of course....but they don't want us living next door - at least, mine don't!