Moving to back to UK

Old Feb 26th 2009, 1:20 pm
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Unhappy Moving to back to UK

After being in Canada for 20+ years I have finally made my decision to move back to UK - reason - I miss home-family first and foremost!
I am in a dilemma - my husband (non Brit) has no intention of going and told me our kids (7 & 11) will stay with him here in Canada.
I was really hoping this would be a family decision and we could work around things together - and hopefully we could all move as a family.
He has valid reasons - we are both close to 50 - jobs (as we do not have university ed or special skills) our Canadian $ is literally worth nothing over in UK - After all these years we are still heavy in debt - what we have left after debt - how can we manage over there?
Despite all of this - I still want to move and hope he will see my point and move with me as a family. I have never felt so alive since I have made this decision to move back.
Any advice please
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Old Feb 26th 2009, 1:55 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

From what I have read on here it seems like a few people have done that.
Big decision, but good luck and I hope it all works out how you want it to.
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Old Feb 26th 2009, 5:41 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

You know what I understand his reasoning, it's terrifying to move country. It doesn't get any easier with age, and it certainly doesn't help if you are in debt.

I don't think you should move away from your family, but what state is your relationship in? Can you have a discussion about the possibilty of moving back, without it degenerating into a shouting match? If you can it's at least a start.

Be honest with yourself, is it the issue of moving back or are there more fundamental problems with your marriage?
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Old Feb 26th 2009, 6:08 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Originally Posted by Candy001
After being in Canada for 20+ years I have finally made my decision to move back to UK - reason - I miss home-family first and foremost!
I am in a dilemma - my husband (non Brit) has no intention of going and told me our kids (7 & 11) will stay with him here in Canada.
I was really hoping this would be a family decision and we could work around things together - and hopefully we could all move as a family.
He has valid reasons - we are both close to 50 - jobs (as we do not have university ed or special skills) our Canadian $ is literally worth nothing over in UK - After all these years we are still heavy in debt - what we have left after debt - how can we manage over there?
Despite all of this - I still want to move and hope he will see my point and move with me as a family. I have never felt so alive since I have made this decision to move back.
Any advice please

Definitely do not rush things. Also as jonfrank123 asks, is there something more going on in the relationship.

Just as a side note, from my experience, I would like to move back to the UK at some point and my wife understands and agrees. She has said to me that she would like to have some experience of working in the US before we move back and that's something we are working on, though in this climate that's difficult.

Is there some sort of agreement that you could work out with your husband? Don't rush anything and don't make him feel like you have made a decision and now it's his turn. Speaking from the male perspective, we like to think we made the decision.

Good luck.
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Old Feb 28th 2009, 3:27 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Originally Posted by Dave_Was
Definitely do not rush things. Also as jonfrank123 asks, is there something more going on in the relationship.

Just as a side note, from my experience, I would like to move back to the UK at some point and my wife understands and agrees. She has said to me that she would like to have some experience of working in the US before we move back and that's something we are working on, though in this climate that's difficult.

Is there some sort of agreement that you could work out with your husband? Don't rush anything and don't make him feel like you have made a decision and now it's his turn. Speaking from the male perspective, we like to think we made the decision.

Good luck.
There is no immediate rush - we are still in discussion mode
Having said that - I do have to agree with Speaking from the male perspective, we like to think we made the decision.
That might be a factor
The relationship is strong - or has been strong
My husband feels I am asking to commit "Financial Suicide" and I understand how he feels - but despite that I would still like to be close to my family - is that so wrong?
We will be going for a vacation in the summer - and hopefully when we come back we can discuss further.......
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Old Feb 28th 2009, 4:08 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Originally Posted by Candy001
There is no immediate rush - we are still in discussion mode
Having said that - I do have to agree with Speaking from the male perspective, we like to think we made the decision.
That might be a factor
The relationship is strong - or has been strong
My husband feels I am asking to commit "Financial Suicide" and I understand how he feels - but despite that I would still like to be close to my family - is that so wrong?
We will be going for a vacation in the summer - and hopefully when we come back we can discuss further.......
Would it help if you came over for 3 mths on your own and see for sure how you really feel about coming back........It may turn out that you' either get it out of your system and dont want to make the move perminently after all

Or make you realise its what you want for sure and then get into the megga debate with OH.........

It would be such ashame to put yourself and OH through alot of stress for him to give in and then you regret it
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Old Feb 28th 2009, 5:04 pm
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Smile Re: Moving to back to UK

Originally Posted by sans
Would it help if you came over for 3 mths on your own and see for sure how you really feel about coming back........It may turn out that you' either get it out of your system and dont want to make the move perminently after all

Or make you realise its what you want for sure and then get into the megga debate with OH.........

It would be such ashame to put yourself and OH through alot of stress for him to give in and then you regret it

Thank you -
After the summer - we will see where things are at. For me to move for 3 mths seems out of the question - I have responsibilities kids - and with really no family out here - it is pretty impossible to that.
Great suggestion though -
We are going to try and work on this - and see where we are a year or so down the road
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Old Feb 28th 2009, 8:19 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Originally Posted by Candy001
Thank you -
After the summer - we will see where things are at. For me to move for 3 mths seems out of the question - I have responsibilities kids - and with really no family out here - it is pretty impossible to that.
Great suggestion though -
We are going to try and work on this - and see where we are a year or so down the road
You could if you wanted to do it in the 10 wk summer holidays .......My OH came back with DD while i stayed in Canada with DS and my 3 cats....for different reasons ...beinging... OH started work back in the UK and i had to stayed in Canada till the house sold and the cats got through their quarantine.

Anyway i wish you luck what ever you both decide
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 1:06 am
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Obviously the children are young but do they have any strong feelings about moving to a country they may not know well? In that respect it's no different from a family moving from the UK to another country but normally the parents are in agreement.

I feel real sympathy for couples from differing countries, there is always a push me/pull you thing happening. There would be some that say you've given Canada 20 years, now it's his turn but human nature isn't like that unfortunately. From his perspective - man of the house, hunter/shooter/gatherer throw back thing, he's probably, understandably, worried sick about money and keeping a roof over his family's head and in the 'current economic climate' it's probably the worse possible time to contemplate such a move.

The only thing I can suggest, which has already been mentioned, is if you can afford for all of you to take a 3-4 week holiday to the UK and check things out in person. You may find that it's just too hard for the family unit to survive there, or your husband may find he is willing to give it a go. Don't pressurise him though, we all stick our heels in when pushed to do something that wasn't our own idea.

Good luck.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 1:51 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

His opposition seems very strong...for reasons I for one would share given your circumstances....and if you 'up sticks' on a permanent basis and return to the UK without the family I fear the end result will be such that in the long term no one will benefit...including you...and the fall out could be pretty devastating for all concerned.
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Old Mar 1st 2009, 2:57 pm
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Default Re: Moving to back to UK

Thank you for all your concerns and suggestions - I am trying to look from everyone's point of view and best interest.
I will be in UK for 4-6 weeks with the kids, but staying with family and it will just seem like an extended vacation - which I am not complaining about
My husband will join us for the last 2-3 weeks.
Hoping we can have a better reality picture of things then - jobs, housing,schools,health care etc.
I am just glad topic is open for some discussion at home -
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