quoll

I had the identity problem in Australia too - the longer I was there the less of me there was (mirrored ucomfortably by the more of me weight-wise however!). I always knew that I felt comfortable in my own skin when I was in UK but I didnt realize how obvious it was to those around me - my daughter in law certainly noticed and commented on how I was a different person here. I didnt think it was that noticeable TBH, I put on my "happy" face every bloody day in Aus and just got on with it like you're supposed to and I dont think I realized how knackering that acting was until I didnt have to act any more. I have no idea how or why the me here is different from the me acting over there, there is no logic for it other than that I always felt just a little bit alien - and there is no logic for that feeling either, I worked, owned a home, had hobbies, raised kids etc etc. I was the epitome of "settled" in the new migrants handbook!

lf1

If you decide on Northumberland then we will be neighbours. Although, I am on the other side of the border. OH is from Essex and I managed to sneak him in.

I still have a lot of exploring to do, but from what I have seen, so far, Northumberland is lovely. Bamburgh is a favourite of mine.

Perth

It was "Traffic" and I saw it too! As I remember it it caused a lot of controversy due to the raw subject matter. Looks tame in comparison to something like Broadchurch now though.

I love hearing about where you live. You may have said so before, but where exactly on the Borders are you, if you don't mind my asking?

vikingsail

Beautifully put, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

lf1

I am in a village near the market town of Kelso and in prime walking country. The coast is 25-30 minutes away and that is such a treat for me, after being landlocked for so long. WhoFan has inspired me to take some photos and post them, but I always forget to take the camera when I go out walking. This is my first spring in the UK for over 30 years, so I am really enjoying seeing everything come to life and the arrival of the different birds.

There is always something going on in the village and my social life can take its toll at times. A few of the "girls" went to Coldstream on Sunday as we are rehearsing for a concert to commemorate the Battle of Flodden. It is a real challenge for me as one of the pieces, Faure's Requiem, is quite difficult in places. Some lip-synching will be occurring on the big day
Anyway, the boys went to the local pub and we met them at 5 ish for A drink. Got home at around 10ish!!! You have to love village life!

mickok

I spent most of my growing up in Essex, in South Ockendon just outside London.

We've considered the borders also, especially Galashiels with the promise of the new rail service to Edinburgh..

I can't wait to see the Northumberland coast again! And after visiting last fall I also have a big soft spot for South Shields and the Durham coast.. Looking forward to some nice long wet and windy walks after all the chaos and stress of the last few months!

P-Funk

I am very much encouraged, and engaged, by everyone's responses to my original post. It is a set of very intricate and far-reaching responses to being expats and 're-pats', worth exploring in some depth. As every poster has pointed out, it lies and tugs at the very heart of ideas of home, what it means to belong, and identity. We talk of wearing masks, not being ourselves, putting on our 'happy' face, being exhausted by 'acting', being an 'observer', "fabricating an identity as a stranger in a strange land" (this rings very true, mickok), not being 'a good fit' , feeling like a guest in someone else's country, being 'one step removed', etc. These are all expressions of dis-location and suppression, or other alterations, of identity.

If1 mentioned feeling "much more connected to life" and less of an observer now that he/ she is home. My years spent away from home, both in Europe and here in Hong Kong, have certainly had this 'outsider, observer' quality. I think, when you're in amongst a very different, and unknown, language, this becomes even more apparent. By necessity, you have to be...no, you just ARE...on the periphery, an outsider looking in, observing, when you don't know what the speech going on all around you means -- in the streets, at bus stops, on the underground, in shops, etc. Reading body language and facial expressions and becoming an expert mime artist becomes second nature. On your 'not-so-good days', this can be wearing and wearying. It is all very amusing and novel for your audience, and sometimes (on a good day) you can genuinely marvel at how much information can be got across by these physical expressions (and it's all very good natured) BUT when it's about something more important and serious, and you just can't make yourself understood, then it is highly frustrating and, sometimes, a source of great anxiety.

I am, by nature, a person who loves communicating and language and learning languages, but Cantonese has proved a foreign language acquisition challenge too far. For one, I never realised how much I relied before on the written word as a guide and tool for speech clues when learning a new language, as I've always learned languages with the same Latin alphabet as English.

True -- it is cheering when nearly everyone I meet is pleasantly surprised at my pronunciation and tone control, and it goes some way towards cheering your day -- most days. On a 'not-so-good day', again it can be a bit wearing. (The truth with learning Cantonese here is that most expats don't make the effort, so a 'decent' attempt provokes the 'surprise' element! Having a go and persevering has undoubtedly made my experience here, overall, much richer. The people of Hong Kong like that you are at least making the effort.)

I have highlighted this language situation as a barrier to full and effective adaptation and involvement in a new and very different culture. Sometimes I just want to hear what my fellow bus passengers are talking about, in person or down their phones, to give me some little windows into how the people here ARE, how they tick, their cares and concerns, their joys and sorrows. I have been fortunate to befriend a few very dear Hong Kong people, with varying degrees of English language proficiency and, as well as reading, they are my main ways of gaining a deeper insight into the psyche of the people here. I will miss these friends very much.

All this, and plenty more, has made me highly appreciative of the natural, easeful ability at home just to KNOW what is being said all around me. Yes --I am a nosy bugger! But, seriously, it's all about connection and being PART of who and what is around you; a sense of being IN the world and OF it. And it's familiar; it's comforting. I have missed that. And I look forward to being in amongst it again. I believe that this current experience of living overseas will also give me more insight and greater compassion for the loneliness and alienation of the migrants around me when I get home.

jemima55: yes, the vibrant Hong Kong street life, day and night, is something I have very much enjoyed. It is by far the safest-feeling place I have ever lived. I can go out in the middle of the night to take photos and film without a thought. I will miss that. However -- in the longer term, sometimes the crowdedness, unbelievable noise levels, the stifling HEAT and HUMIDITY (at least six debilitating months per year) and lack of space here can be, for me, quite claustrophobic and even 'nerve-shredding', at times. I won't miss all that! Hong Kong is very polarising, day-to-day, in my experience.

These 'End Days' are proving, unsurprisingly, to be very emotionally challenging. Thanks, BE posters, for your generous contributions, insights ... and connection. It all helps.

lf1

OH is from Southend.

The new rail line will be handy. We are midway between Galashiels and Berwick, so we could use either station. However, I don't know if the train would shave much travel time off from our location.

It has been several years since I was in Durham, but I am looking forward to visiting more in that area.

Good luck with your move and if you do get up to this neck of the woods let me know and maybe we could get together. We have been back since last August after 30+ years in Canada.

mickok

Thanks so much! I'm sure we will be visiting the borders quite soon, such beautiful country!

lf1

P-Funk, I have really enjoyed reading your posts. I can really relate to your comment about feeling safe in Hong Kong. I was there, on a short visit, a few years ago and it really, struck me as to how safe I felt in such a large city. I got separated from the group I was with and didn't feel at all uncomfortable walking on my own. I didn't bring a great deal back from Canada, but my prints from Hong Kong are now residing in bonnie Scotland.

Almo

Hong Kong is safe (for expats) to a degree that many people can't comprehend. In that respect, it is a very good place to bring up kids; you can give them a lot of freedom that may not be possible in other places. It is certainly a polarising place. I grew up there and ADORE it, it is the place I ultimately think of as home and visiting invigorates me and gives me a fresh zest for life. Having grown up with it means it is much less confronting than when living there for the first time as an adult but I can certainly empathise with people who hate the very bones of the place (not you, OP, talking about my own personal acquaintances). Generally what they hate so much is exactly what I love!

Your comment about the 'end days' is very true. I think many people, even those very very eager to return to the UK, find it more emotional to leave wherever they have been living than they first expected.

OP, you've seen that the overwhelming response is that people are happy to be back and feel that they made the right decision. I really hope that this is how it works out for you. I am an exception to this rule and would just caution that it is incredibly isolating to be unhappy as a returning expat. Even here on BE I feel isolated and abnormal 'surrounded' by happy and content returnees (I know no one would want me to feel like that, I'm not saying it's intentional!). Obviously you should not expect to feel like this; clearly most people don't. Just perhaps be prepared for it, just in case, in some small way.

jemima55

Almo, I am very happy to be back, but have days when I miss the US, I think I am just a different person from the one who first went there, kind of like my horizons have been stretched.
I suppose that having been outside this country I now have firm ideas about why I like living here, all the usual stuff!
I think we probably become "something other" by having stepped out side for a while. I mean not many people in the supermarket are going into raptures over a packet of Jaffa cakes, are they?
When returning, however eager you are, you are swapping one way of life for another, and I was pulled up short by my yearning for what had become familiar, even if I really wanted to fit back into living here.

sallysimmons

The thing that struck me is how happy we both look now. My husband's friend commented on it the first time he visited, waiting until hubby had gone to the loo to say "wow, doesn't he look happy?"

And I see it myself in photos. In pictures taken in the US, I always look so sad. But in the ones here, I'm usually beaming ear to ear - especially when I'm in my coat and wellies climbing over stone walls on my daily walk

It's like when we got here, I shed a skin of unhappiness and underneath, found the person I always was.

cheers

Why do you always post things that make me envious of you?
Well we can say we will be over next month and we spend are days now looking a videos of areas we are going to be. Can't wait but I will.

Think of me when you are climbing walls and stiles in ya wellies.

Cheers

P-Funk

Oh dear...I was almost all the way through composing a long post...and I lost the lot! I'll try to remember most of what I wrote and start again!

I have been so busy with preparations for leaving and with a raft of social engagements with dear friends here, so have not had the time to post over the past week. I have very much appreciated your posts, sharing your reflections and observations about returning to the UK. Thanks.

If1...I too will be printing out and framing some of my many Hong Kong photos in Scotland!

Almo...Yes, these end days are proving to be extremely emotional, especially now that I am saying goodbye to good friends here. We are having such lovely 'last times in Hong Kong' together, and I'm living those moments with them with love and laughter, but the parting moments (and, especially, just AFTER) are painful. I will also miss the sheer energy and vibrancy that you adore about HK. (It crossed my mind that you may feel at home living here again...?? I know...that's a rather bold statement to make without knowing you.) However, as much as I have enjoyed the invigorating pulse of HK, I have also, equally, been quite wearied by its overstimulation (there's that polarisation again). Thanks for your words of warning about maybe not being over the moon after UK return, both by experience living back there and by my decision. Unfortunately, and ultimately (and without going into detail), I did not really have an option. I remember this feeling on the occasions I returned to the UK from living in European cities.

jemma55...I also remember, on my previous returns to the UK, that yearning for the familiar of the departed place. It is inevitable. For me, it's not little things like foodstuffs that are bothersome, but what we've touched on before, like safety levels and, above ALL, missing good friends. It's kind of hard to share much of that "something other" you become when you step outside your own culture for a while with old friends back home. But here, I yearn for the familiarity and ease and long term care and concern that only comes from old friends.

sallysimmons...I smiled when I read your words about how happy you and your husband look now. I am delighted for you that your return to the UK has resulted in such joy. Here's to more of that for both of you.

Like I said, I won't go into detail, but I have had the misfortune to have been beset by a number of very significant trials here, starting only a few months after my arrival in HK. These were circumstances I had no control over. Things only escalated and intensified (and multiplied) over time. It has been the most challenging and difficult time of my life here. After a great deal of deliberation for a LONG time, I really have no choice but to return to the UK, but it will be with a big Hong Kong-shaped space in my heavy heart.

As much as I am ready, and have to, and want to go home, I am experiencing great emotional upheaval here in my last days (only ten days left now)...so much joy and sorrow. There are so many 'last times' and 'last things' now. I am having such treasured times with good friends here, with lots of laughter and love , BUT I am actually dreading my last couple of days here and those final moments, especially at the airport (and even on the plane). Ouch. This is just 'Where I am' right now . . . I am trying, and mostly managing (at least, outwardly) to be brave, but: