Barbara1133

I'm moving back in just over 6 weeks after 30 years in the US. I'm going back because I've had enough of L.A., and have no ties here. All I have is a job, car and apartment, none of which are exclusive to the USA. I've wanted to do this for a long, long time. So why am I so nervous? Instead of the feeling of joy, I feel so down much of the time. I know I don't want to stay in L.A. and I would definitely not want to change my mind and stay. Perhaps it's just fear of change? I'm going back to family, and will be living in Central London. I'm concerned about the job situation, but it isn't as if I will be on my own.

Has anyone else who has moved back or is in the process of moving back felt like this?

Sunshine111

Hi Barbara, We are on our way home from Oz after 10 yrs. It is FEAR you are experiencing, fear of the unknown, not necessarily that you are doing the wrong thing. It is also an end of an era, so maybe you are feeling some nostalgia.....

For us, we found it useful if we peeled back the layers of "what am I afraid of?" & then what we were going to do to counteract it. Good luck, I am sure it will all be fine & fall into place

Brigette

Hi Barbara,

It is natural for you to feel this way. After spending 30 years in any country you will feel some kind of trepidation, that is only natural. I plan on moving back to the UK (aiming for the end of 2012) and I go back and forth with feeling scared and fearful.

You are not alone. Hang in there!

curleytops

Hi Barbara,

What you're feeling is perfectly natural and you would likely have the same feelings if you were only moving as far as say San Francisco or Dallas. I came back here from Canada after 45 years (I left as a child) and if this makes sense, I was more worried about NOT being scared about the move. I won't kid you, leaving day will be emotional but you may very well find you're just fine once you're on the plane. I left family behind in Canada and yes there were tears but to be honest I was settled in myself and my decision to move before the plane even left the ground. If you've no ties in L.A. and are going home to family, things are only going to get better. Good luck and let us know how you're making out with your move

sallysimmons

I agree with everyone else. This is perfectly normal. No matter how bored or unhappy we are with the status quo, it's always frightening to change it. Especially as we get older.

They say that 3 of life's most stressful events are moving house and getting a new job. They don't include international moves in there, but if they did, you know it would be high on the list. So you are doing 3 of life's most stressful things all at once. If you weren't scared, there would be something wrong with you!

When I have doubts, I do what Sunshine111 suggested. I peel back the layers: what do I have here? What am I going back to? It doesn't make the fear go away, but it puts it in context.

I think you honestly just have to live through the emotional roller coaster and try to enjoy () the experience as much as possible. It's all part of your life's rich tapestry

paranoidandroid

Sounds good to me. I know that as soon as it's possible for me to leave and go back to the UK, I won't have any worries or nervousness about leaving the US.

Good luck with the move, I'm envious.

OakvilleSarah

I'm on my way home in August after 5 years not 30 and i'm nervous. Just think of all the wonderful things that await, the history, humour, food, culture, keep it all in mind when you have a wobble

Barbara1133

Thanks so, so much, everyone! Sunshine, Brigette, Curleytops, Sally, Paranoid - your advice really helped! I haven't been able to understand why on earth I should suddenly start feeling sad about leaving the USA, but of course, it makes perfect sense now. I've wanted to leave for so long now but, having been here so long, I've got used to things here and have just begun to realise (see, I'm already spelling the English way) what a huge move I'm making.

Paranoid, I had exactly the same attitude as you, which is why it was so puzzling for me to understand my present feelings. I was so anxious to get my move in place, and now it's almost here, there are so many conflicting emotions.

I'm so glad I found this site - so much compassionate, wise advice and understanding. Reading your responses makes me understand a bit more what a big step this is, particularly as I'm doing everything myself! Although when I read how others who desperately want to move home have spouses who want to stay put, kids who want to stay put, etc., I see that I'm actually in a fortunate position as the choice is all mine. I came here at 20, and I have had some great times, and some not so great times. I never actually planned to move here, and that is another story all on its own. But it's been my entire adult life. Luckily I'm not ready for the bathchair and slippers yet, so there's a lot more life out there - back home.

I will definitely post on the Bon Voyage thread before I leave - August 10, Air New Zealand (great airline) L.A. to London. There were only six seats available online when I booked my flight a couple of months ago (one way). I have two emotional friends accompanying me to the airport (their choice) and I'm not sure that is a good idea! When I get back and get internet established, I'll be sure to post regularly as to what's going on, and hopefully will be able to help others as others have helped me!

Thanks so much again.

DDL

It's a major life event. In our situation, we tried to look at our short-range goals rather than the big picture because the big picture was just too overwhelming. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Hopefully it will be the best decision you've ever made. Good luck!

P.S. And don't beat yourself up if, once you're back, you continue to have doubts. We still do, at times - even though we know we did the right thing. It's just natural. All will fall into place in due course.

brits1

I think most of us not matter how much we want something when it is happening you think "Gulp"....you would not be human to be feeling like you are at the moment......just take each day as it comes and try not to think of things that could go wrong etc just try to think of things you have always wanted to do and now will get the chance to do it....you can only try. Good luck, stay positive and you'll be fine.

Shazban

I agree with everyone here - it's just fear of the unknown. I'm going through the same thing myself but with the added stress of the whole passport debacle that's going on right now.

I've been here for 23 years and have been home sick for the last few years. A golden opportunity came up (divorce) and I jumped on the chance to get out of the US and back home where I belong. I'm giving up my home, I've quit my job, I'm selling my car and will be leaving with nothing but a 50 cube crate of my most cherished belongings and my children.

Very very excited but scared at the same time. No man or beast can stop me from making this move!

We'll both be fine, don't worry

S

paranoidandroid

Good luck to you, yeah you'll be fine.
I'm ready to move back, just waiting for everything to time up.

Shazban

Thank you! I really do feel this timing is perfect for me. All my friends in the UK are chomping at the bit for us to get there and are doing whatever they can for us prior to our arrival. We leave on August 12th (if the passport office gets it's act together).

Barbara1133

Shazban - you leave two days after me! I feel so much better now - you're right - scared but excited. What part of the UK are you going to?

Shazban

I'm headed to Purley in Surrey mainly because a) my closest friend lives there and b) the schools are pretty good which I need for my 14 yr old and c) it's nice and quiet but just in arms reach of London for work & play

I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your updates here!