Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
I feel like I have a lot to write. I'm probably using this to vent out my thoughts of my situation. But I have to write out some genuine points and convince myself I am doing the right thing.
About me: Born and raised in Essex, England. I'm 43 now. I moved to California and married an American woman when I was 27. Divorced 5 years ago. I stayed with my dog. Got dual citizenship now. No kids....that I am aware of lol. Oh first of all.... I have a a 401k question. I have some money in a 401k here. Should I leave it or roll it over to a IRA or take a hit and cash out the money now. I'm tempted to take the cash but I know long term that would be dumb. Ok so I spent the last 16 years in Sonoma County, California. But I became very isolated and lonely the last 5 years. I tried various meetup groups and dating sites. I went back to England over a year ago for two months with my dog with the intention to stay, but family crisis and an old flame back in California pulled me back to America. Unfortunately, that didn't last(no offense, but probably will never date a bi-polar person again) and I got back to life again in America. I got back to my isolation of living in California. With the cost of living I decided to move to Portland, OR this past October for a change and one last roll of the dice. But, after 4 months of being here I don't feel much different. So I am planning on going back to England for good now. My mind goes back and fourth daily on what I am doing and how I am mentally feeling. But here are the reasons I want to go home:
I am sure I may add to this post. But these are just my thoughts flowing through me at the moment. My lease expires in March 2020. I am looking to move soon after if not before. I have learned a great deal on my adventure living in America. I have learned a lot about myself. Finding the strength to live alone and so far from family. You rely on yourself a lot. My old landlord said to me once that you should not rely on others for your happiness. It's not the answer. Happiness comes from within. <---- I feel like that is what a lot of people repeat like a sound bite or a meme they read somewhere. I understand the meaning. Living alone is a challenge. I have done it for a long time. I survived. But, it's not enough. I think you can only do this for so long. It only gets you so far. It's the memories and sharing experiences that is what I enjoy. Eventually you need people around you to share your life with. As a famous Brit once said 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by UKBritExpat
(Post 12804681)
I feel like I have a lot to write. I'm probably using this to vent out my thoughts of my situation. But I have to write out some genuine points and convince myself I am doing the right thing.
About me: Born and raised in Essex, England. I'm 43 now. I moved to California and married an American woman when I was 27. Divorced 5 years ago. I stayed with my dog. Got dual citizenship now. No kids....that I am aware of lol. Oh first of all.... I have a a 401k question. I have some money in a 401k here. Should I leave it or roll it over to a IRA or take a hit and cash out the money now. I'm tempted to take the cash but I know long term that would be dumb. Ok so I spent the last 16 years in Sonoma County, California. But I became very isolated and lonely the last 5 years. I tried various meetup groups and dating sites. I went back to England over a year ago for two months with my dog with the intention to stay, but family crisis and an old flame back in California pulled me back to America. Unfortunately, that didn't last(no offense, but probably will never date a bi-polar person again) and I got back to life again in America. I got back to my isolation of living in California. With the cost of living I decided to move to Portland, OR this past October for a change and one last roll of the dice. But, after 4 months of being here I don't feel much different. So I am planning on going back to England for good now. My mind goes back and fourth daily on what I am doing and how I am mentally feeling. But here are the reasons I want to go home:
I am sure I may add to this post. But these are just my thoughts flowing through me at the moment. My lease expires in March 2020. I am looking to move soon after if not before. I have learned a great deal on my adventure living in America. I have learned a lot about myself. Finding the strength to live alone and so far from family. You rely on yourself a lot. My old landlord said to me once that you should not rely on others for your happiness. It's not the answer. Happiness comes from within. <---- I feel like that is what a lot of people repeat like a sound bite or a meme they read somewhere. I understand the meaning. Living alone is a challenge. I have done it for a long time. I survived. But, it's not enough. I think you can only do this for so long. It only gets you so far. It's the memories and sharing experiences that is what I enjoy. Eventually you need people around you to share your life with. As a famous Brit once said 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". It doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose. I think you’re playing it too safe. The fact you have dual citizenship and no kids means that if it doesn’t work out, you can very easily move back. Indeed you’ve already proved that. Knowing you can run will surely go some way towards combating the urge to run. Other things you can do to avoid feeling trapped: rent, don’t buy. And get a little camper van. Also, if the UK doesn’t do it for you, you could perhaps look at Portugal. Plenty of IT jobs. Not sure how much IT work there is in Devon & Cornwall but it shouldn’t be difficult to find out. |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
“As a famous Brit once said 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give".
Good grief, don’t be coming out with any of that nonsense when you’re dating British women. I have plenty of single female friends and while their FB pages may be littered with positive affirmations and other assorted tidbits of philosophical psycho babble, most of us just want a bloke who can fix stuff. |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by Helen1964
(Post 12804926)
“ ......... most of us just want a bloke who can fix stuff.
|
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Hi I feel exactly like you do. I've been in US 35 years and have been very lonely. I wanted to travel and see different parts of the States. I moved to Texas and it has been a disaster.. Most of it is due to fact I hate Odessa but another part is outside of work I have absolutely no friends. I spend weekends alone, on computer for hours at a time. I then realized much as I want to see different states I don't want to do it alone. Had enough of being alone. I am moving back to Arizona. I have a few friends there but ones I only see maybe once or twice a month if I'm lucky. My life changed drastically when my brother died at age 49. In the early days of his cancer diagnosis when we didn't know how fast spreading it was we talked about living together and travelling around. I am still devastated by his death and what might have been. I do miss UK but not sure i can settle there either but I have maintained friendships but they have moved on with their lives and there may not be any room for me.. I am okay right now with decision to move to Arizona due to well paying job. The only other thing I will do before I make decision to move back to UK is to be closer to sister in Cali. We have strange relationship as she was adopted and I didn't see her until I was nearly 40. I have a nephew and brother-in-law which is rather nice for this rather lonely person. I wish I had better words of advice but wish you well whatever you decide to do. Just know there are others that can relate to your situation.
|
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by Helen1964
(Post 12804926)
“As a famous Brit once said 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give".
Good grief, don’t be coming out with any of that nonsense when you’re dating British women. I have plenty of single female friends and while their FB pages may be littered with positive affirmations and other assorted tidbits of philosophical psycho babble, most of us just want a bloke who can fix stuff. And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you....or your washer machine |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by Helen1964
(Post 12804921)
It doesn’t sound like you have anything to lose. I think you’re playing it too safe.
The fact you have dual citizenship and no kids means that if it doesn’t work out, you can very easily move back. Indeed you’ve already proved that. Knowing you can run will surely go some way towards combating the urge to run. Other things you can do to avoid feeling trapped: rent, don’t buy. And get a little camper van. Also, if the UK doesn’t do it for you, you could perhaps look at Portugal. Plenty of IT jobs. Not sure how much IT work there is in Devon & Cornwall but it shouldn’t be difficult to find out. |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Sounds like you have nothing keeping you in the US. Coming home to your family and friends might be the best option for you. If there is just you and the dog to fly back that should be straightforward enough. Do you need to ship any furniture or other possessions back?
|
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Hi UK Brit...from that long post I think you know the answer... Your ready to move back to the UK.. ;) You are however very much aware that you will have to give somethings up..As a typical 'third country ex-pat ' ( I have mentioned this concept before ) ie someone who actually lives between two cultures .You will always have this dilemma Once we move away from our original culture we enter this state ,and thus nowhere will ever completely feel totally right for us. again ( at least that is experienced by many many ex-pats )
You have to decide ...and possible list... the most important things in your life...Things you can no longer live without... I actually think by writing this post ,you have Most of my family are ex-pats--- living in various countries around the world The most successful have families around them.The very basic requirement .and they have made long term friends .Those two things make a life. Without them I think it is very hard to live in another country, thats not your own. Re-entry though can be just as hard. It is going to require some effort on your part .The first thing to understand is that it's not the country you left all those years ago. Your family might be mostly the same ,but your friends will have moved on. The 'rule' is not to talk about the USA , and all you have left behind.. ie to compare countries . That was always a 'killer' in my family reunions .and you will be highly tempted once reality sets in. I didn't move back to the UK after my long stint abroad ,I just knew I wouldn't be able to stand the climate ,so I moved to Portugal.Its the best compromise for me. Close enough to visit the UK regularly ,but a totally different climate very similar to California .. That another thing to consider, once back in Europe you will have other options. Good luck |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by Evenstar120
(Post 12807613)
Sounds like you have nothing keeping you in the US. Coming home to your family and friends might be the best option for you. If there is just you and the dog to fly back that should be straightforward enough. Do you need to ship any furniture or other possessions back?
|
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by GeniB
(Post 12807673)
Hi UK Brit...from that long post I think you know the answer... Your ready to move back to the UK.. ;) You are however very much aware that you will have to give somethings up..As a typical 'third country ex-pat ' ( I have mentioned this concept before ) ie someone who actually lives between two cultures .You will always have this dilemma Once we move away from our original culture we enter this state ,and thus nowhere will ever completely feel totally right for us. again ( at least that is experienced by many many ex-pats )
You have to decide ...and possible list... the most important things in your life...Things you can no longer live without... I actually think by writing this post ,you have Most of my family are ex-pats--- living in various countries around the world The most successful have families around them.The very basic requirement .and they have made long term friends .Those two things make a life. Without them I think it is very hard to live in another country, thats not your own. Re-entry though can be just as hard. It is going to require some effort on your part .The first thing to understand is that it's not the country you left all those years ago. Your family might be mostly the same ,but your friends will have moved on. The 'rule' is not to talk about the USA , and all you have left behind.. ie to compare countries . That was always a 'killer' in my family reunions .and you will be highly tempted once reality sets in. I didn't move back to the UK after my long stint abroad ,I just knew I wouldn't be able to stand the climate ,so I moved to Portugal.Its the best compromise for me. Close enough to visit the UK regularly ,but a totally different climate very similar to California .. That another thing to consider, once back in Europe you will have other options. Good luck |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Hi, just read your posts and it echos my thoughts. I just noticed you're the same age as me.
"I sometimes walk around at the weekends and say to myself Why am I still here? What the f**k am I still doing here?" I say that every day but my two kids remind me of why I am here. I am going through a separation and possible divorce. Mine are 15 and 13 and I have to be here till they graduate. Outside of that I have no other family here and not that many friends. "The American dream is not something I desire if I am alone and lonely." I've lived the American dream but I'm afraid of being alone and isolated - I know my kids will go their own independent ways and that's to be expected. I plan on staying with relatives in London when I eventually do move. All my family are in England and Ireland. |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by UKBritExpat
(Post 12808449)
Thanks for your response. It's been a funny week. Just after I posted this, my Mum died in England. That kinda shook things up. But I have been thinking about possibly living abroad in Europe. I am financially free for a while and I have thought about taken a year out to do the things I dreamed about. I was thinking about going to Tenerife and taking Spanish classes to learn the language. Might be a nice break and open doors to new opportunities.
So very sorry for your loss. |
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by UKBritExpat
(Post 12808449)
Thanks for your response. It's been a funny week. Just after I posted this, my Mum died in England. That kinda shook things up. But I have been thinking about possibly living abroad in Europe. I am financially free for a while and I have thought about taken a year out to do the things I dreamed about. I was thinking about going to Tenerife and taking Spanish classes to learn the language. Might be a nice break and open doors to new opportunities.
|
Re: Moving Back for the 2nd Time From USA to UK
Originally Posted by UKBritExpat
(Post 12804681)
I feel like I have a lot to write. I'm probably using this to vent out my thoughts of my situation. But I have to write out some genuine points and convince myself I am doing the right thing.
About me: Born and raised in Essex, England. I'm 43 now. I moved to California and married an American woman when I was 27. Divorced 5 years ago. I stayed with my dog. Got dual citizenship now. No kids....that I am aware of lol. Oh first of all.... I have a a 401k question. I have some money in a 401k here. Should I leave it or roll it over to a IRA or take a hit and cash out the money now. I'm tempted to take the cash but I know long term that would be dumb. Ok so I spent the last 16 years in Sonoma County, California. But I became very isolated and lonely the last 5 years. I tried various meetup groups and dating sites. I went back to England over a year ago for two months with my dog with the intention to stay, but family crisis and an old flame back in California pulled me back to America. Unfortunately, that didn't last(no offense, but probably will never date a bi-polar person again) and I got back to life again in America. I got back to my isolation of living in California. With the cost of living I decided to move to Portland, OR this past October for a change and one last roll of the dice. But, after 4 months of being here I don't feel much different. So I am planning on going back to England for good now. My mind goes back and fourth daily on what I am doing and how I am mentally feeling. But here are the reasons I want to go home:
I am sure I may add to this post. But these are just my thoughts flowing through me at the moment. My lease expires in March 2020. I am looking to move soon after if not before. I have learned a great deal on my adventure living in America. I have learned a lot about myself. Finding the strength to live alone and so far from family. You rely on yourself a lot. My old landlord said to me once that you should not rely on others for your happiness. It's not the answer. Happiness comes from within. <---- I feel like that is what a lot of people repeat like a sound bite or a meme they read somewhere. I understand the meaning. Living alone is a challenge. I have done it for a long time. I survived. But, it's not enough. I think you can only do this for so long. It only gets you so far. It's the memories and sharing experiences that is what I enjoy. Eventually you need people around you to share your life with. As a famous Brit once said 'We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". I can relate to your other comments. I've been in Portland for the last 24 years (and love it still) but I'm starting to believe life in the USA is just one big con. Ridiculously expensive healthcare, no vacation, family on the other side of the planet, and a 40-hour paycheck for a 50-hour workweek are just a few examples of why I increasingly feel like I'm done here. I am married and financially responsible for the two of us so ripping up roots and moving overseas requires buy in and support from her. That's where the plan falls apart. She said she's willing to try but every time I initiate a serious conversation it usually ends with, "Lets just move to Virginia so I can be near my family. You will love it there if you just open your mind to it". Already been there and done that and am not doing it again. You on the other hand are only responsible for yourself and if I were in your position I would not hesitate. I would be on the first plane out of here. Best of luck. |
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