move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Sep 16th 2012, 1:23 pm
#16
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
...
Dunroving,
What do you feel is the culture shock? I mean what is it that you miss about the US and what makes you feel this shock?
For me, I feel like my vision is perpetually split. It is painful. I am no place. Perhaps, I would still feel split if I came home. But there are things about the US that I find so fundamentally ugly and stressful, like the health insurance situation, for example, that make me really want to leave. That is quite apart from the things that I miss about the UK.
I have not been back all that often. It became more and more painful to come back as I got older somehow, so I have avoided it.
Nicola
Dunroving,
What do you feel is the culture shock? I mean what is it that you miss about the US and what makes you feel this shock?
For me, I feel like my vision is perpetually split. It is painful. I am no place. Perhaps, I would still feel split if I came home. But there are things about the US that I find so fundamentally ugly and stressful, like the health insurance situation, for example, that make me really want to leave. That is quite apart from the things that I miss about the UK.
I have not been back all that often. It became more and more painful to come back as I got older somehow, so I have avoided it.
Nicola
What applies to me may not apply to other people who come back from the US. I note that you have lived in the US for a long time, work in academia/public sector, are single, and don't have an extensive supportive network of friends and family in the UK. The same applied to me when I came back, which is why some of my experiences may be relevant.
I agree with you regarding the health insurance situation in the US, and the political environment is difficult to tolerate. The US certainly is a far cry from perfection. But it isn't the completely messed-up country that some people paint it to be. The UK is "messed up" in it's own unique way, which affects some people more than others.
My life there was very different from what it is here in a lot of ways, which is why it was such a "shock" when I came back. I'm no longer suffering from culture "shock", but still find it difficult at times dealing with the realities of life in the UK (for me) compared with the realities of life in the US (for me).
So, in a nutshell, I've written below just some of the differences that (for me) have made it difficult to adjust.
Professional life: This has affected me possibly the most, as I am very invested in my professional life. Teaching US students was simply more rewarding for me. The challenges of the job were easier to overcome, and the professional environment was much more supportive (both within the university and beyond). There was much more of an enthusiastic "Can do" attitude than here - the bureaucratic labyrinth and less employee-friendly environment make work much less satisfying.
Social life - this is possibly more circumstantial to me, but I have found it much more difficult to find a supportive social network here than in the US. Part of that is simply never having time because my job takes up more of my time, and I lose an additional 90 minutes a day commuting, compared to the US. People are relatively friendly around here, but after living in the village for over 5 years, I have much less of a connection than I did after just a year or two of living in Tenessee, or in North Carolina.
Leisure time - I spend hardly any time being active here, compared to the US. Combination of weather, lack of spare time, and opportunities.
Financial - much more difficult here, due to a combination of things but largely going from being almost mortgage-free in the US to a much more expensive house, almost starting on the ladder all over (because the proceeds of my US house sale hardly constituted a decent deposit here).
I think the culture shock is easier to deal with for people who have family with them (the challenges are shared) and/or have supportive friends and family back here. I have a fairly small circle of former friends in the UK, but have hardly seen any of them since coming back. It seems I have to make the effort - I don't know if living in Scotland is the issue (might as well be in Siberia, for the number of old friends who have visited). I contacted several old friends when I came back and after the initial response (if there was one), everything went quiet. Many expats seem to come back and realise their friends and family have moved on, have their own lives, or the reality doesn't match the "enthusiasm" with which their impending return was greeted via email. Ironically, it feels like my former friends in the US have made more of an effort to come and visit me than people in the UK have!
That's it in a nutshell. I've looked at moving further south in the UK, and have also applied for (and interviewed for) jobs back in the US, but so far with no luck.
The culture shock is minimal and temporary for a lot of people, but for others I think it can't be underestimated.
Last edited by dunroving; Sep 16th 2012 at 1:27 pm.
Sep 16th 2012, 9:38 pm
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,477
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Dunroving, you always give a well-balanced viewpoint.. thank you.
Sep 16th 2012, 9:44 pm
#18
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
I think the level of culture shock depends on the individual's situation in the US and their reasons for coming back (and the situation they'd be in if they did come back). I could write pages in answer to your question, but will try to summarize the main points.
What applies to me may not apply to other people who come back from the US. I note that you have lived in the US for a long time, work in academia/public sector, are single, and don't have an extensive supportive network of friends and family in the UK. The same applied to me when I came back, which is why some of my experiences may be relevant.
I agree with you regarding the health insurance situation in the US, and the political environment is difficult to tolerate. The US certainly is a far cry from perfection. But it isn't the completely messed-up country that some people paint it to be. The UK is "messed up" in it's own unique way, which affects some people more than others.
My life there was very different from what it is here in a lot of ways, which is why it was such a "shock" when I came back. I'm no longer suffering from culture "shock", but still find it difficult at times dealing with the realities of life in the UK (for me) compared with the realities of life in the US (for me).
So, in a nutshell, I've written below just some of the differences that (for me) have made it difficult to adjust.
Professional life: This has affected me possibly the most, as I am very invested in my professional life. Teaching US students was simply more rewarding for me. The challenges of the job were easier to overcome, and the professional environment was much more supportive (both within the university and beyond). There was much more of an enthusiastic "Can do" attitude than here - the bureaucratic labyrinth and less employee-friendly environment make work much less satisfying.
Social life - this is possibly more circumstantial to me, but I have found it much more difficult to find a supportive social network here than in the US. Part of that is simply never having time because my job takes up more of my time, and I lose an additional 90 minutes a day commuting, compared to the US. People are relatively friendly around here, but after living in the village for over 5 years, I have much less of a connection than I did after just a year or two of living in Tenessee, or in North Carolina.
Leisure time - I spend hardly any time being active here, compared to the US. Combination of weather, lack of spare time, and opportunities.
Financial - much more difficult here, due to a combination of things but largely going from being almost mortgage-free in the US to a much more expensive house, almost starting on the ladder all over (because the proceeds of my US house sale hardly constituted a decent deposit here).
I think the culture shock is easier to deal with for people who have family with them (the challenges are shared) and/or have supportive friends and family back here. I have a fairly small circle of former friends in the UK, but have hardly seen any of them since coming back. It seems I have to make the effort - I don't know if living in Scotland is the issue (might as well be in Siberia, for the number of old friends who have visited). I contacted several old friends when I came back and after the initial response (if there was one), everything went quiet. Many expats seem to come back and realise their friends and family have moved on, have their own lives, or the reality doesn't match the "enthusiasm" with which their impending return was greeted via email. Ironically, it feels like my former friends in the US have made more of an effort to come and visit me than people in the UK have!
That's it in a nutshell. I've looked at moving further south in the UK, and have also applied for (and interviewed for) jobs back in the US, but so far with no luck.
The culture shock is minimal and temporary for a lot of people, but for others I think it can't be underestimated.
What applies to me may not apply to other people who come back from the US. I note that you have lived in the US for a long time, work in academia/public sector, are single, and don't have an extensive supportive network of friends and family in the UK. The same applied to me when I came back, which is why some of my experiences may be relevant.
I agree with you regarding the health insurance situation in the US, and the political environment is difficult to tolerate. The US certainly is a far cry from perfection. But it isn't the completely messed-up country that some people paint it to be. The UK is "messed up" in it's own unique way, which affects some people more than others.
My life there was very different from what it is here in a lot of ways, which is why it was such a "shock" when I came back. I'm no longer suffering from culture "shock", but still find it difficult at times dealing with the realities of life in the UK (for me) compared with the realities of life in the US (for me).
So, in a nutshell, I've written below just some of the differences that (for me) have made it difficult to adjust.
Professional life: This has affected me possibly the most, as I am very invested in my professional life. Teaching US students was simply more rewarding for me. The challenges of the job were easier to overcome, and the professional environment was much more supportive (both within the university and beyond). There was much more of an enthusiastic "Can do" attitude than here - the bureaucratic labyrinth and less employee-friendly environment make work much less satisfying.
Social life - this is possibly more circumstantial to me, but I have found it much more difficult to find a supportive social network here than in the US. Part of that is simply never having time because my job takes up more of my time, and I lose an additional 90 minutes a day commuting, compared to the US. People are relatively friendly around here, but after living in the village for over 5 years, I have much less of a connection than I did after just a year or two of living in Tenessee, or in North Carolina.
Leisure time - I spend hardly any time being active here, compared to the US. Combination of weather, lack of spare time, and opportunities.
Financial - much more difficult here, due to a combination of things but largely going from being almost mortgage-free in the US to a much more expensive house, almost starting on the ladder all over (because the proceeds of my US house sale hardly constituted a decent deposit here).
I think the culture shock is easier to deal with for people who have family with them (the challenges are shared) and/or have supportive friends and family back here. I have a fairly small circle of former friends in the UK, but have hardly seen any of them since coming back. It seems I have to make the effort - I don't know if living in Scotland is the issue (might as well be in Siberia, for the number of old friends who have visited). I contacted several old friends when I came back and after the initial response (if there was one), everything went quiet. Many expats seem to come back and realise their friends and family have moved on, have their own lives, or the reality doesn't match the "enthusiasm" with which their impending return was greeted via email. Ironically, it feels like my former friends in the US have made more of an effort to come and visit me than people in the UK have!
That's it in a nutshell. I've looked at moving further south in the UK, and have also applied for (and interviewed for) jobs back in the US, but so far with no luck.
The culture shock is minimal and temporary for a lot of people, but for others I think it can't be underestimated.
Sep 17th 2012, 12:54 am
#19
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Hong Kong, mostly.
Posts: 5,214
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
One thing to consider is that you don't have to be binary in your decision. It doesn't have to be US, where you are living now, or the UK. You could move within the US and have a new start perhaps in an environment that is more suitable for you, without the financial and professional setbacks that might come from moving back to the UK.
Culture shock can come and you can also experience 'the curse of the expat'--the realisation that something are better in one place and some are better in another, and no place really offers both.
There is a counterpart to this website that is run by Americans living in the UK. After you register, you can get access to their 'Homesickness and Hard Times' section, in which folks who have moved to the UK (often for love) find out that what they saw with the rose-colored glasses wasn't what they go when they arrived. Many of their stories might be informative as to the process of settling in without family, friends or a career and the successes and pitfalls they've encountered.
http://talk.uk-yankee.com
Culture shock can come and you can also experience 'the curse of the expat'--the realisation that something are better in one place and some are better in another, and no place really offers both.
There is a counterpart to this website that is run by Americans living in the UK. After you register, you can get access to their 'Homesickness and Hard Times' section, in which folks who have moved to the UK (often for love) find out that what they saw with the rose-colored glasses wasn't what they go when they arrived. Many of their stories might be informative as to the process of settling in without family, friends or a career and the successes and pitfalls they've encountered.
http://talk.uk-yankee.com
Sep 17th 2012, 3:01 am
#20
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 37
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Dear Dunroving, penguinsix, vikingsail,
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
Sep 17th 2012, 7:40 pm
#21
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Dear Dunroving, penguinsix, vikingsail,
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
I should have known better, as I was back here for a year in 2000 and that didn't work out too well either.In terms of going back to the US, I'm swithering, as they say around here. I really don't fancy putting up with this job until I retire. After investing a lot of blood, sweat and tears in my graduate education, it seems like such a waste to just walk a treadmill until I retire, especially as I found my job(s) so fulfilling in the US. If I do end up staying here, there are a lot of changes (and compromises) I will need to make.
You might try searching for posts from Scout. She doesn't post on here much these days, but she moved to the valleys (Bargoed, I think) from the States, back in about 2005/2006. If you click and drag from Search to Advanced Search, you can search for posts from a particular BE member.
Sep 18th 2012, 5:32 pm
#22
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Thats interesting Dunroving. I did not know you were applying for jobs in the US. Ironic as we/ me are applying for jobs in the UK. Do you think it is any easier US - UK long distance job apps. I have a sense yes but no real data to support that. Thank youf or your post it touches on many of my own concerns when I contemplate what am I doing but still forging ahead.
I think generally yes, because immigration issues are simpler (US employers may not be bothered to deal with visa applications, whereas the paperwork is easier for UK employers because you are a UKC).
However, it may depend on the profession you are in. I have found universities in the UK less willing to fund the expenses of travelling to interview, or most HR departments are rubbish (I think that's a truism of many places, but my experience with UK university HR departments is that they are particularly bad).
I'd also imagine that the "austerity cuts" (same workload, fewer people to do the work) mean that admin people are less likely to respond to informal enquiries.
My experiences with applying for UK jobs from the US were far less satisfactory than in the opposite direction. I have been invited to two US interviews (expenses paid), but when I applied in the opposite direction, none of the institutions was willing to pay interview expenses.
Sep 29th 2012, 4:17 pm
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Sorry, I only just realised there was a question in your post!
I think generally yes, because immigration issues are simpler (US employers may not be bothered to deal with visa applications, whereas the paperwork is easier for UK employers because you are a UKC).
However, it may depend on the profession you are in. I have found universities in the UK less willing to fund the expenses of travelling to interview, or most HR departments are rubbish (I think that's a truism of many places, but my experience with UK university HR departments is that they are particularly bad).
I'd also imagine that the "austerity cuts" (same workload, fewer people to do the work) mean that admin people are less likely to respond to informal enquiries.
My experiences with applying for UK jobs from the US were far less satisfactory than in the opposite direction. I have been invited to two US interviews (expenses paid), but when I applied in the opposite direction, none of the institutions was willing to pay interview expenses.
I think generally yes, because immigration issues are simpler (US employers may not be bothered to deal with visa applications, whereas the paperwork is easier for UK employers because you are a UKC).
However, it may depend on the profession you are in. I have found universities in the UK less willing to fund the expenses of travelling to interview, or most HR departments are rubbish (I think that's a truism of many places, but my experience with UK university HR departments is that they are particularly bad).
I'd also imagine that the "austerity cuts" (same workload, fewer people to do the work) mean that admin people are less likely to respond to informal enquiries.
My experiences with applying for UK jobs from the US were far less satisfactory than in the opposite direction. I have been invited to two US interviews (expenses paid), but when I applied in the opposite direction, none of the institutions was willing to pay interview expenses.
Oct 9th 2012, 1:46 pm
#24
Just Joined
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Hi,
If you want to come back so much I think you should! We (husband , self and 7 year old) after being away 19 years, 12 in US (Pittsburgh). We are very close to Cardiff (Cowbridge), I was always pretty homesick and it's great to be back. Be prepared to be somewhat poorer and as other's have said, in academia there seems to be more annoying bureacracy., but south Wales is still beautiful and I'm happy every day that we came back., much more relaxed and feel we just fit in here better somehow.
Helen
If you want to come back so much I think you should! We (husband , self and 7 year old) after being away 19 years, 12 in US (Pittsburgh). We are very close to Cardiff (Cowbridge), I was always pretty homesick and it's great to be back. Be prepared to be somewhat poorer and as other's have said, in academia there seems to be more annoying bureacracy., but south Wales is still beautiful and I'm happy every day that we came back., much more relaxed and feel we just fit in here better somehow.
Helen
Dear all,
I am from Cardiff. I have lived in the US 20 years now. I came over here to do a master's degree and ended up staying. So I am female, 44. I just bought a house, my first home. Perhaps I thought it would cure the terrible homesickness I have felt all these years. But it has not. I do not have a lot of family support back home, which is a major reason I stayed here, and my dear ex-husband is here. He needs a lot of support. He is very dear to me and much older than me. In any case, I think of moving home every minute of every day. I somehow felt I couldn't come home before. I was sort of ashamed of myself for not being successful, I suppose, and suffering from depression. So, I wait until I get what at least sounds like a decent job and a home, and now I feel stronger than ever that I want to be back in the UK. I feel so alienated here. My job is assistant dir. (dogsbody) of a computational math center at a university here connected with Peking Uni, but I am no mathematician. I also work a second job as a freelance editor for people all over the world--so that at least is portable. I am worried about money, trying to assess how bad the job situation is in the UK, and how realistic it is to attempt to find a job while being abroad. Can anyone relate? Or, offer any thoughts? I would not be moving back with a lot of resources, but I so wish I was home. Thank you for listening. I hope for happiness for all. I would especially like to be in Cardiff. Nicola
I am from Cardiff. I have lived in the US 20 years now. I came over here to do a master's degree and ended up staying. So I am female, 44. I just bought a house, my first home. Perhaps I thought it would cure the terrible homesickness I have felt all these years. But it has not. I do not have a lot of family support back home, which is a major reason I stayed here, and my dear ex-husband is here. He needs a lot of support. He is very dear to me and much older than me. In any case, I think of moving home every minute of every day. I somehow felt I couldn't come home before. I was sort of ashamed of myself for not being successful, I suppose, and suffering from depression. So, I wait until I get what at least sounds like a decent job and a home, and now I feel stronger than ever that I want to be back in the UK. I feel so alienated here. My job is assistant dir. (dogsbody) of a computational math center at a university here connected with Peking Uni, but I am no mathematician. I also work a second job as a freelance editor for people all over the world--so that at least is portable. I am worried about money, trying to assess how bad the job situation is in the UK, and how realistic it is to attempt to find a job while being abroad. Can anyone relate? Or, offer any thoughts? I would not be moving back with a lot of resources, but I so wish I was home. Thank you for listening. I hope for happiness for all. I would especially like to be in Cardiff. Nicola
Oct 9th 2012, 3:15 pm
#25
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: move back to the UK, Wales!, from the US
Dear Dunroving, penguinsix, vikingsail,
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
Thank you for these very helpful thoughts. I KNOW that I am wearing rose-tinted glasses. I grew up on the outskirts of Cardiff in a village connected to another to another to another. It had the advantages of being so easy to get into the center of Cardiff and yet everyone in my area knew each other, with the rugby club at the end of my street a center of people's lives. There was always someone knocking on our door for a cup of tea. In my heart, I still live there. However, I realize this is probably not what I would end up with.
I see what dunroving is saying about the more can-do attitude in the US. I would have guessed this to be the case. I also see what you say about the friends not really being there when you got back. If I come back, I expect to be very much alone on that front.
What I feel is a sort of emptiness that may never leave me. It has to do with not belonging, but probably just as much to do with not having that family for backing and acceptance, missing the tone of British life, and missing the particular whatever it is about the Welsh, and breathing the landscape--my place after all. Sorry for the over-the-top sense of this, but in Wuthering Heights, Cathy dreams that she goes to heaven but the angels cast her out because she cried and cried for the moors. This is how I feel. But I have always been afraid that I would be disappointed on returning. Ok, so please forgive me that self-dramatisation.
As far as a career, I can be flexible depending on what is available, and my freelance editing business is luckily entirely portable. I would be able to keep the vast majority of my clients should I go to the UK, although this will not be enough by itself.
The point that penguinsix makes re: binary is useful, though it made me think of things in this way: more to say that I could find ways of being more connected with the UK while living here at least for the time being. I am going to think about that. Even though there are limited opportunities where I live, the life I do have is here, so I will not move within the US unless maybe love calls me--highly unlikely given that all I do is work.
For me, not belonging is hard. My life is at a university where the majority of staff are deeply entrenched rural people and then all the faculty in my department are Chinese. On the plus side, I have been invited to go talk about editing at Peking University, and I see that Cardiff U has connections with Peking. Perhaps, I will make it back to Cardiff via China.
So, dunroving, is it really back to the US for you? And, what brought you back to the UK in the first place? And, what would you say is the ultimate reason for this decision?
many good wishes to you all. I cannot say enough about how happy I am to have found such kindness here.
Nicola
I agree there is a certain emptiness about existing here. Believe me I have tried to get involved in different things, I do, but the feeling never really leaves. Just a few weekends ago I was 'living the dream' sailing on a beautiful day in SD harbour, it probably doesn't get much better than that at least for me, yet all I really wanted was to be elsewhere, preferably about 600o miles East. Sometimes I wish I could just learn to live with this place, I know for certain my lifestyle will change upon reentry to the UK.
Interesting to read you bought a house over here (US). That is something I am struggling/ waivering over right now. I'm glad I have not yet but the need and want to settle is strong, just not here, so I am in self imposed rental exile.
Fyi, I thought going over to the UK on conferences would make me feel better - it did but only confirmed my gloom on my return. Right now I am planning my Xmas trip to the UK. The hardest part about booking is the realization that I have to book a return flight, I know are people who will say you don't have to but I am committed to a rationale approach and timeline this time (a planned approach to returning - rather than exercising my wishful side). This makes the concept of going over for a defined period of time far worse. It will not stop me but the feeling is still there.
