Mixed emotions
 

Hello all,
I am a 40-something man with a wife and 4 kids (2 heading out to college, and 2 grade school age). I was born in the UK and moved to Canada when I was 5. I have visited family in the UK often as a child and teenager, and then 20 years before I got back again we went 4 years ago.

I have never truly felt like a Canadian although I sound like one, my heart has always been in the UK. We have been considering for about a year now a relocation to the UK as we determined my wife should be eligible through her father and my kids through me.

Like anything, it is all about personal choices, but I have a decent job here and my parents, sibling and some extended family are here. My older kids would probably stay and go to school here and there interest in the UK is limited since they only visited once.

am I crazy to want to leave everything here and start fresh in the UK? Should someone pour a bucket of cold water over my head to snap me out of this fantasy? I feel homesick for the uk even though I have no memories of having lived there besides some photos. Should I give up on this and just continue plodding along here?

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I have lived in the USA since I was 23 and now I am 60. I have felt homesick on and off (more on than off) ever since I arrived. Since the economy here took a nose dive a few years ago and times have been tougher than before I have, over the last four years, been planning to return - and I will indeed return this year.

You are not silly at all. In fact, it's only been since I found this forum and met other people who feel the way I do, that I realize my feelings are very valid. It has helped me enormously to finally realize I am in the wrong country. I survived it all these years and it was okay at times but in my heart it has never been where I wanted to be. In another thread, someone described the experience as a "slow death", especially since as we get older the need and desire to return home get stronger. For myself, if I describe my life all these years I can honestly say I have only been half alive.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I don't know. Would you have a job to go to? Could you go without burning all your bridges? It would be nice to try it with some security in case it doesn't work out.

I am going back to the UK and leaving my older child here - not easy. But OH has a job lined up and we know the country well. Splitting your family on a little bit of a whim will be tough.

Don't get me wrong, I think England's great, but just trying to add a note of caution.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

Sally, you are quite right about this. I don't have children so I won't be leaving anyone behind. I think grown children, though, are a little different to leaving young ones. Older children soon leave and create their own lives so there is a separation anyway. Even so, it has to be difficult to move so many miles away and not see them often. Perhaps the older ones will eventually move, too.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I'm not sure how old tratcliffe's are - he says 'heading out to college'. They still seem to need quite a bit of help at that stage.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I have known some US students who went to study at university in the UK. They LOVED it! Let's hope Tratcliffe's children do that, too. ;)

Re: Mixed emotions
 

That might work :thumbup:

Re: Mixed emotions
 

Thanks for the feedback. my older kids are 18 and 20, but I would not be doing this for a year or two. I don't want to leave them behind, but they have familtly here and eventually they will have to move away anyways as their is no future for them here where we live so there will be many miles between us anyhow.

I would not move on a whim, I am very practical and not a risk taker at all, that is why I ask if I am crazy. I feel like I am, but sometimes you need to just follow your heart.

My eldest is doing 2 years of college and was even thinking about doing a 3rd year of university in Ireland, but that is 3 years away. My daughter will have 3 years of college far from us, but said she would consider following us although she will have opportunities here in her field.

In my field I doubt I could apply and have a job lined up. I expect I would just need to get there and do it in the ground. I will definetly put out my feelers before hopping on a plane though.

I am just concernd because most people I read about grew up in the UK and have friends there and memories of a life there, I have great Memories as a
Kid and loved My Time there 4 years ago but it would be my first time 'living' there.

so I guess I should not give up this dream?

thanks again for your support and input.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

Which part of the country are you looking at moving to?

It's good that your wife is open to the move.

You sound pretty sensible :) sure it will work out!

Re: Mixed emotions
 

My family is in Derby, but we are open to anywhere other than London, and I'd prefer not to go too far north.

The jobs are there to be had, but had to UK employers look at 'foreignerslien. '? I am sure in certain fields you can get offers from overseas, but I do not see that for me. Once I get there will they look at me like I'm an Alien?

Thanks again Sally.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I doubt it. You would be eligible for a National Insurance number wouldn't you? Therefore no problems for the employer.

There is plenty of support on here.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

Whatever decision you make, I would be very suprised if you felt 100% sure about it. Myself, hubby and 5 year old daughter are on our way back to the UK after living in New Zealand. We have no jobs, no home and fly back tomorrow morning. Is it the right decision? I am about 70% sure. I do know that living in New Zealand was not right for us at this time and I needed to be home. It is where my heart belongs. Will we regret it? Im not sure about that one either. :)

I used to always think that you needed to be practical always and follow your head. You dont..... as sometimes its just nice to follow what your heart tells you. :)

Re: Mixed emotions
 

:thumbsup: I wish you and your family well and pray this is the best decision for you all. It sure is not easy, and it is not something to do lightly but I agree you only live once on this earth and you need to make the absolute best of the time you have here , no regrets!

I often don't do things because it is too hard or uncertain, but on this one I want to make the jump. My biggest fear is my family. My wife is 110% behind me but if it goes bad then I have thrown away everything we have here. Not easy, but I feel such a pull on this one that I want to do it. Where to start? So many things to do to make that a reality.

Best wishes for safe and prosperous travels.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

Sally , having been born their I assume I will have no issues getting a NI#. My concern is, I won't pass as a Brit because I won't sound like one, silly I know... But it is in my head, thinking they will look at me like I am crazy moving there up take their jobs. I am a worrier by nature so every detail I will second guess.

guess that Is how I ended up here with all these silly questions.

Thanks again.

Re: Mixed emotions
 

I don't know about the rest of it but I don't think you need to worry about any hostility with regard to being "foreign". The fact that you have an accent will just make people more understanding of why you don't know exactly how everything works.

Lots of people in the UK have friends and relatives in Canada and I don't think anyone in the UK has any animosity towards Canadians!

I think occasionally Americans come up against having to defend some of the craziness of the US (especially when W was President) but you wouldn't have any of that.

I don't know what would be right for you and your family but with regard to never having lived there, well this board is full of people living in countries they were not born in and had no family of friends in and may not even have visited prior to moving there so in that regard you are ahead of the game.

This site http://www.uk-yankee.com/ will give you a taste of what people from North America moving to the UK have found they like and dislike.

Make sure you have your Canadian citizenship before you go, for ease of return, and if you are able to set it up as a "try it" situation for a year or two first that would help ease some of your anxiety.

I lived in the UK for my first 30 years and whilst I miss it very much I still have great anxiety about whether moving back is the "right" thing to do, so you are far from being alone with worrying about what to do :)