ataloss

Hi everyone, I'm new here, but am in desperate need of advice, helpful pointers even criticism, anything in fairness, I deserve no less.

My life is a little bit of a sad tale so I wont bore you with too many details.
I left a 20 year stale marriage with nothing to show but a suitcase of clothes. My ex wife was disabled and so I spent the best part of 7-8 years as a full time home carer, looking after her and my kids.

I soon met someone from the US, so took a leap of faith and flew out under the VWP with hope in my heart to make a go of it. Very little money and no work history, I really was gambling with my life.
Anyway we got married in June and filed for an adjustment of status, using all our combined funds. Green Card was issued in Spetember, and in October we moved to Arizona to be closer to some of her family, who could help us out as we try to settle and find work.
Well now, work hasnt been forthcoming for either of us, and as you can imagine has put a huge strain upon our relationship, but we muddle through nonetheless.

The trouble is that as a father I am regretting the decision I made to settle here in the US. I have through these changes in my life lost contact with my daughter, she really has taken the changes hard and blames me for everything, not least the fact I left her by comign to the US.
My kids are older, but still I have that strong tie to them, everyday I beat myself about the decision I made to be here, I have tried convincing myself that they would be fine, they were old enough to not need their Dad as much etc etc, but in fairness it is me that needs them just as much if not more.

So here I am just about to turn 40 years old, broke, no job, no money, totally miserable and desperately wanting to get back to the UK.

I have family in the UK, but the level of support they can offer I am not so certain of.
Im looking for advice as to the steps to take if I can raise my air fair to get home.

My wife will remain here in Arizona for the time being, as from what we gather to join me in the UK I would need to be settled somewhere, employed and in a position to support.
There is also a desire on her part to further her education, which would be funded while here, where as in the UK we would have to find the extremely expensive International fees for education, and that with my skillset of working minimum wage jobs will be rather difficult, although given time would be possible, but there seems a need on her part to achieve now rather than later.

Anyhow, I expect with some reluctance my Dad may put me up briefly but even then there is no guarantee.

How do you start over with nothing?
Are there any options open to me like paid furnished housing? would I be entitled to benefit while seeking employment?
Its almost a year now, since I left so I have no idea what rights if any I have.
I thought for a moment I was to also find fees for a returning resident visa but seems thats only if youve been away for 2 years or more.
To say am scared would be an understatement, last thing I need is to end up on the street.
This is going to be hard enough, having to leave my wife behind, has anyone ever found themselves in a similar predicament?

I am emotionally at a loss, and feeling completely helpless, dont know where to turn where to start.
So please if you can offer serious advice, I am all ears.

dunroving

Blimey, talk about being between a rock and a hard place. You don't seem to have a lot of choices, but if it's any consolation, if you are going to be unemployed, the UK is probably an easier place to live under those conditions.

There are quite a few threads on benefits for returning residents, so I'd suggest doing an Advanced Search for the term "benefits", specifiying this forum (Moving Back to ....).

I understand your wife's desire to study in the UK, but she won't get free tuition if she hasn't been resident - but after living in the UK for 3 years, she would be eligible - again, there are a few threads on here about unibersity fees that might be helpful.

One thing I can't help you with is the status of your wife trying to come to the UK - from reading a few threads on the topic (I don't tend to read them, because it has never applied to me), I think you have to demonstrate financial capability for supporting a spouse immigrant - but I'm sure someone will come along with definitive information on that.

Things won't sort themselves out in a hurry, obviously (I'm sure you don't want to hear that) but as someone who has been there, done that I have learned that it is important not to waste energy trying to fight things you can't change - accept them, and keep telling yourself that things will gradually work themselves out.

Best of luck with everything - there are a lot of helpful people on here so I'm sure you'll get support and useful advice on your situation.

charleygirl

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for your situation, I know others will come along with advice, I can only offer the same advice as Dunroving, try to think of the future now, you cant change anything that has already happened.
Were you a stay home dad before, what kind of work can you do, what area would you be going back too? These are all things that make a difference.
You are probably going to have to eat some humble pie with your dad and family but I hope and pray you can work something out.
You will be entitled to some benefits I believe when you get home, job seekers and I suggest you get your name on a council list asap. I know others will come here and help with their knowledge, just be strong.
There is a thread 50s 60s I know you are not that old, but we are all people who need or want to go back to the UK, some good advice all over this forum in the moving back thread.
And you have come to a great place to look for support and if I were you post this over on the 50s 60s thread, you may get some really good advice.

ataloss

Thanks for the quick responses.
I'll be sure to keep the proverbial chin up while firmly wedged between the rock and hard place.

Yes I was a stay at home Dad, had to be as my ex-wife was severely disabled through illness.
Previous work experience was limited to security work, although I have dabbled in a few roles like manufacturing and customer service.
Jumping from one job to another to seek that increase in pay packet to make ends meet, but for the last 8 years no record of employment to show for myself due to the aforementioned family circumstance.
I should never of left the Royal Navy at such an early age....oh the benefit of hindsight.

I partly think its why I am having such a tough time finding employment here, although choice of destination probably hasn’t helped, living in what seems to be a predominant retirement community.

I have hopes of a new career just as soon as able to return to the UK all be it with no guarantee (like there ever is), but this too is also dependant on returning to the UK before April and becoming settled.
Its just the being able to return and settle, starting out with diddly, with no assistance that is worrying me to despair.

As for an area to even start over at, I seem to find myself of no fixed abode lol
I spent the last 20 years in Fife Scotland, my Dad lives in Lincolnshire and my Mother in Portsmouth, the latter being where I was raised.
So retuning and seeking housing from somewhere, I can only hope my disgruntled father will aid to begin with, at least a temporary roof over my head and a hot meal is all that’s required right?

Employment in the interim while awaiting a response from possible career will be whatever I have to do, to make a new life.
I can only hope gaining employment is fast and that it'll be enough to secure the requirements of obtaining a settlement visa so my wife can join me, that is if I can even persuade her to put her education on hold a while longer.

If only there was a button to turn off our emotions, things would be different for that I am sure.

I won’t bore anyone in the over 50's and 60's thread with my little problem, I gratefully take the advice you guys have offered and will scour these forums for as much info as I can lay my hands on.
If it was as simple as picking up the phone wouldn’t life be grand.

Maybe in the meantime the Good Lord will shine down and bless me with at least some kind of employment here, to make my way forward a little more possible and a little easier, never been a hugely religous person, but if ever there was a time to be, I guess now is it.

I'm sure life will throw me more curve balls along the way it invariably does.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, that in itself has helped enormously, just being able to air ones thoughts.

As they say here, Have a Great Day

Sally Redux

What kind of education is your wife looking to do? Further education colleges could be worth looking at for vocational courses.

Englishmum

Oh dear, you have got yourself into a bit of a pickle.

Perhaps you could investigate jobs in the UK where accommodation is included eg. working in an hotel or private club.

You may not want to do it (again) but I understand that there are paid jobs caring for disabled people - presumably it would be for a disabled man as one would not be placed with a female....I'm also thinking of say, a applying to be a warden in a half-way house for men with learning or physical disabilities. I don't know much about this kind of employment but I imagine that there are live-in and live-out positions. You might not want to do this long-term as I guess the hours are unsocial (but perhaps there are shift allowances) but it would be a start to help get you back on your feet.

How about becoming a Prison Officer?

See this also:

http://www.lady.co.uk/lady_classifieds

Good Luck!

charleygirl

Oh wow The Lady magazine, gosh totally forgot about that.....it has been around forever......I used to get that when I was in my early 20s looking for a live in nanny job.........looks like it has several live in jobs. maybe that will be the way for you to go ataloss, what a great idea.

charleygirl

EXPERIENCED COUPLE REQUIRED for busy Wiltshire household. Housekeeper, Cook / Gardener, Handyperson, Driver. Full time. Would suit cheerful, flexible couple with professional approach and excellent working attitude. Days off mostly during the week. Drivers and non smokers. Lovely separate cottage, including bills, use of car. Apply with CV, photo etc to [email protected]

Something like this would be perfect!

Bevm

A retirement community may not have industry and such, but does it have service work? You might find people needing little jobs, from dog walking to moving junk from their yard. If you're a good, honest worker, word gets around and it can add up to a decent sum.

Maybe there are already too many people doing that kind of work, but it surprises me how often that's not true. In England people are always complaining that they can't get a cleaner, and the pay's not bad. Older people in particular are often looking for someone to do simple things around the house, especially if it requires getting on a stepladder.

Just some ideas to raise your air fare and a bit of extra. You could prepare a flyer and go round putting it in people's mail boxes. Can't hurt.

Bev

fulwood

I live in Arizona and have crappy job in call center but it pays the bills and it's not forever. i walk my dog around some retirement areas and very often have thought of getting business card and going door to door. honestly i see so many of them on their own and recently saw a guy walking a dog and he could barely walk himself.. I have been a caregiver and have degree in gerontology and worked w/mentally challenged adults etc and it is something always fall back on when I need to work. not telling the person who posted the orginal email to be caregiver but there might be stuff out there for him until he can afford to go back to UK. if he wants job in call center he can contact me - place I work can't bloody keep people and it pays 14 an hour.. says how bad place is when folks leave a job in this economy..I so regret having lived in Arizona for so many years but hopefully that will change soon. Good luck to op..

mrs Bucket

I hear you Fulwood and ataloss. Arizona is not the best place to be when you missing people back home, the expense of airfare does not help.

We will be going back home hopefully in late march this year, trying to tie up loose ends. We have been here 18 month and will be 21 months when we leave. It has definitely been an experience!

Good luck to you both

MnB

Just been reading through your 'story' and wondering if you were ever a member of the armed forces?....then noticed you were in the Royal Navy ....I work for the RBL (Royal British Legion) who have a very strong / active welfare department for ex service men & women, check out their web site [URL="britishlegion.org.uk"]they may be able to help ( I work in a RBL 'Poppy Home' our criteria for admission is a minimum of 5 days service so don't worry about length of service)
HTH
B x