losing hope...
 

Hi everyone.

I have changed my username from Montfan72 due to security reasons. I'm now Karrie72.

I've avidly followed this forum for a few years as a two decade resident of the USA, i couldn't wait to get home. My husband promised me we'd get there in three years when he is eligible for retirement.

Unfortunately, I'm being asked for a divorce, very suddenly. Our marriage had some problems but i had hoped we could figure things out. We have three school aged children and we had all talked many times about our move to England.

I'm devastated that now our move is 'off the table' and I have to stay here until our youngest aged 6 reaches 18, I'll be 54 then...

In the mean time, I'll have no health insurance,I'm not earning a lot due to being at stay at home Mother for 10 years and I'm just scrabbling back into the work world.

In the interim, I had a couple of Skype interviews for teaching positions in London and was offered two jobs, with good prospects, my family around to support us etc. My soon to be ex-won't even consider any kind of compromise in custody.

Just feeling so down and wondering if anyone has gone through this.

Thanks xx

Re: losing hope...
 

My advice is to see a lawyer asap. I have no experience of American family law and no idea what the courts will regard as reasonable, but in the UK it is likely that you'd be allowed to go back to the UK and take kids with you. At the very least, if your husband's access to the children is going to compromise your employment prospects, the least he can do is pay for your health insurance.

Re: losing hope...
 

I agree with Editha, seek a lawyer and find out all you can. If you haven't worked for 10 years as you have been caring for your children, maybe he will have to pay alimony and provide you health insurance..

Re: losing hope...
 

If her husband fought it...she would not be able to keep the children in the UK. They are unable to leave the US...or most probably even the state...without his legal permission.

Karrie I am so sorry to read this...perhaps you should seek legal advice.

Re: losing hope...
 

Heck. That's tough. :(

I can offer nothing but a huge cyber hug & a hope that something can be worked out for you all.

Re: losing hope...
 

Echoing BEVS...a HUGE ((((HUG))) to you. This must be awful. DO get some professional advice as soon as possible. And DON'T lose hope. You don't know how things may turn out in the future, so hang in there. Hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

Re: losing hope...
 

I am so very sorry. I agree with everyone you need good legal advise so you know for sure exactly where you stand with regard to ability to move back to UK with the children and indeed with regard to the divorce in general, division of property, spousal support etc.

How acrimonious is the break up? Would your soon to be ex be open to you working together with a counselor (can't think of the right term) to come to a compromise that would be in the best interests of the children and both of you?

What is the situation with regard to custody and care of the children? Are they to live with you or your husband or part time with you both?

I realize you wouldn't leave your children but what would your husband do if you were to return to the UK alone - I mean would he be able to care for the children himself whilst working??

I'm so sorry you are going through this your head must be spinning. I agree with perthhomeschool, don't lose hope, its early days and you may be able to bring your soon to be ex round to a compromise situation that allows you to return to the UK and for him to have the children for the summer holidays or some thing along those lines.

Just so sorry that you are going through this :(

Re: losing hope...
 

Definitely need some family law advice, as it's very hard to move kids out of state, never mind country without permission.

Any chance of subsidised low cost ACA related healthcare? Divorce would be a qualifying life event.

Good luck and keep your chin up!

Re: losing hope...
 

So sorry to hear that. What a nightmare.

Legal advice would be a good starting-point, maybe there are some options.

All the best.

Re: losing hope...
 

I second or third the advice of getting some legal advice. Find the nearest lawyer who is known as complete shark in the court room. {{{hugs}}} to you and hoping this resolves in a way that you and the kids can be happy wherever that may be.

Re: losing hope...
 

Oh my! A (((hug))) from me too and add my voice to the chorus of "get a good lawyer!" If it were Australia you were hoping to leave then I'd say you have no chance but I hope USA is more flexible about allowing kids to leave. Good luck with it all it sounds like a nightmare!

Re: losing hope...
 

Oh bloody hell, you poor love, what a nightmare :( I'm not familiar with the family law system in the US - does the area you live in have agencies like a citizens advice bureau, or community legal centre? They can be good places to get some initial advice, help and support.

As much as you can, try to take it step by step for now without worrying too much about the future. Get the advice you need, either from a community agency or a solicitor/lawyer, and work through the steps you need to take. It's really important that you look after yourself the best you can and ask for support from good friends and family. I really do wish you all the best and keep reaching out to people, whether in person, on this forum or others. Most people are kind and will want to help you in any way they can, even it's just to provide a kind and non-judgemental ear.

Re: losing hope...
 

Thinking of you, montfan/Karrie. I remember your posting from a while back. This is awful and I am so sorry. Just adding my voice to the many--we hug you through the ether and hope so much that a resolution that is bearable for all will emerge.

Re: losing hope...
 

Thanks everyone for your kind words...I've sought advice and it looks like I'll be stuck, unless he gives consent, which he flatly won't.

Re: losing hope...
 

I am really sorry to hear that, but not surprised because of all the similar posts on this.

When couples go overseas, this issue is rarely if ever discussed:

If you take children overseas or have children overseas and one of you decides to return to the UK, you may have to leave your children behind.

It's a stark reality but not the sort of thing you want to talk about in the excitement of the big expat adventure.

There really needs to be some sort of "pre-nup" agreement you can sign before leaving the UK, to cover this sort of situation. I don't understand why the parent who lives in the current country of domicile gets the trump card. It seems unnecessarily arbitrary. :confused: