kate93

Hello everyone, I'm hoping for a bit of insight and advice, to really consider if this is the right thing to do. I feel like it is, but I'm questioning it because I know I won't get much support from my family by this decision.

I moved to Canada when I was twelve (I'm twenty now), but I've never settled and never felt at home here. I've always ached to go home to England. Every time I go back, it just always feels "right" - its a hard thing to explain, but I'm sure lots of people on here understand what I mean. I was back in England only a week ago, and although I've always known I feel more at home there, it just hit me more profoundly than ever.

In Canada, I often feel empty and drained, and not as if I'm actually living - as in, I feel outside of myself and not really all that involved. I don't really have any friends, as I never felt attached enough to keep all my friendships close after high school; so apart from my family being here - my mum, step-dad, brothers and sister - I've always felt alone.

In England, I'm never actually thinking about where I am. It just feels like a sense of comfort and satisfaction, which I don't feel here in Canada. My boyfriend is also in England (he's British, he lives there). Although it's complicated, he's something I can't give up and he wants me to come home as much as I do. When I was back, barely two weeks ago, I was sitting out in the garden with him and his brother and my friend, and it just felt so right - like everything had clicked into place right there and then. For once, I felt like I belonged. My friends in England always seem to be able to relate to me, and I to them; we have such good laughs and I just generally feel understood and accepted, so to say.

My boyfriend came to Canada in June and he actually remarked, shortly after I left England, that although I obviously enjoyed myself at Niagara Falls with him, I seemed more "passionate" about our time in Leeds, just walking through Roundhay Park and going into town. And I really did; the little things we did back home, like just going to the chippy and walking down the side of becks, can't even compare to something like Niagara Falls. Its so hard to explain, but the place matters as much as the person I'm with.

Now I've done two years at university studying English lit. in Canada but I really think I would like to become a flight attendant. This is what I need advice on. I applied to an aviation college in the uk (and I haven't yet said anything to my mum, who is the main obstacle in the matter). It will involve taking a year out of my studies, but its something I really want to do; it will gain me a diploma and other qualifications, but my mum strictly wants me to stay in university and finish my degree. But that will take me another two years and it has nothing to directly do with aviation and cabin crew! I do want my degree, but I'll still have to take a course in aviation at some point anyway, so I honestly don't see what damage it would do by me taking a year out. It would not only be training me for an actual job I want, but it would also help me gain a lot of life experience and quite frankly, I just want to go back to England even if its just for a while.

The one thing about my family though, particularly my mum, is that they always seem set out to make me doubt myself. I've always been very sheltered, and so I don't have that much independence when I think about it in the grand scheme of things. I'm presumed as shy and timid, but on the inside I feel like I'm turning a boiling point; I'm sick of being controlled and second-guessed all the time. When I said I wanted to be an air hostess, my older brother sent me a very graphic scene from a film about a plane crashing - with the air hostesses involved and everything - and made some snarky remark about me not being able to cope if I were ever put in a situation like that. Its unnecessary. I know I can do it, but whenever I try to bring it up, I'm reduced to feeling doubtful and confused of what I want afterall.

I know exactly what I want, but I just don't know how to manage all of this. I don't want to end up burning any bridges and cutting everyone off from me. I'm still waiting for a response from this college (and I'm expecting I'll get in), but its just that I don't know what to do if I do get accepted. I don't know how to go about it with my mum. Although I'm set on doing this, I'm just worried she'll end up making me change my mind and all this will be for nothing, and then I'll end up regretting it later.

Sorry this turned out so long! I know I rambled a bit, so I hope it all makes sense. xx

quoll

As a parent with kids older than you, I guess, putting the best spin on it, your mum is saying what she's saying out of concern for you. However, that said, this is YOUR life, not hers and it sounds like you have a head on your shoulders - go for it! If you can get leave from your degree for a bit of adventure then you have nothing to lose - you can go back to a degree or, if your interests change, you can change course and start again down the track. I quite understand about the "belonging" - it does make you a different person and IMHO it can't be beat!

My second son was a master of "do it then tell the parents" - may I suggest you take a leaf out of his book, present them with a fait accompli and gently remind them that you are an adult and you need to make your own life decisions and mistakes, that you love them and hope they will continue to love you! I know that some parents can get particularly snippy when they see that their kids don't share their life aspirations (or predilection for a particular place) but thems the breaks and they have to come to terms with that. Heck, it's not like you've decided to become a cocaine using pole dancer! They should be proud that you have an ambition and know how to go about achieving it. Oh, and get your Canadian citizenship if you don't have it already - nothing like a belt and braces approach!!!

Edited to say on re-reading your post, it does sound like you live in a family of controllers - escape from that is probably going to be the best thing you can do with your life! Good luck!

Mummy in the foothills

I second what Quoll says.
I have one older and one younger than you. They don't always do things the way I would like or make the choices I think would be best/easiest for them, but it is their life and I will always be there for them no matter what. I have made this clear to them both.
You have to at some point decide what it is you want and go for it. It is your life. No point waiting till you are 40 with a few kids and then regretting never having tried anything.

BritInParis

Speaking as someone who has spent his twenties working in different countries around the globe I can sympathise with your wanderlust.

If it were me, I would finish your degree in Canada, naturalise as a Canadian citizen (if not already), move back to the UK for your cabin crew training and give it a go for a while. If you like it, then stay. If not, go back to Canada or try somewhere entirely new. Having that university degree in your back pocket however will keep a lot of options open to you that would otherwise be closed.

lola88

Hey girl, I got my college degree in the US (I spent a year at UBC so I understand the Canadian education system too) my advice would be to get your degree first then go for the job of your dreams! As for feeling happier in the UK, you could always get a job through a UK airline once you've finished your degree? My US degree took me 1 more year than it should have because I couldn't decide what to do, but I know a lot of other people that temporarily took time out of school to travel/relax and they either 1) never went back to school and are now very limited in what they can do career wise or 2) they probably won't graduate from college until their mid to late 20's. College isn't getting any cheaper or easier (full classes, wait lists, cutbacks etc), so I'd 100% say get your degree first, then let the adventures begin there after!! Hope this is helpful