inneedofguidance

Good evening,

I am hoping to seek some advice from people that may be going through the same predicament as myself. I left the UK at 20 years old. No kids no strings attached and with my whirlwind romance that became my husband and the love of my life. We now have two children and reside in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am hating it. My husband on the other hand loves it. I am trying to weigh up the pros and cons. South Africa economy is worrying and the safety of my kids is the main priority. Living expenses are high and so is medical and school fees. We moved here when my husbands family were here they have all sadly passed. My family live lives in the UK. Small family yes....but support and an open door to help us get on our feet.
He is concerned about going back. He said we will never make it, be in low income he will have to be a labourer. Here he runs his own business. He said it will ruin him.
I'm a preschool teacher and desperate to go home. Close to family and live a simpler life than we do here. It's so busy and rushed and it seems that what you may have in luxuries like a pool and a big house you lose in the quality of life.
I want to broach him with a clear plan of action. What are the first steps one would take when considering going back to the UK. Has anyone made the change and been grateful for it? Regretted it? Honest answers please.

I am really trying to understand his reluctance and make sure I am not being unreasonable but surely the UK is a better option than South Africa.

In serious need of guidance and perspective if anyone has any insights.

Regards .

BritInParis

Is your husband a sole South African citizen? If so, any recent European ancestry?

inneedofguidance

He has dual citizenship. British and South African. We met in the uk

Pulaski

Can you tell us a little more about the business he runs? Depending on skills/ qualifications, maybe you could compromise on another anglophone country, as all if them have, to varying degrees, visa programs for business owners, skilled craftsmen, and others able to contribute to the economy.

Caroline in Arizona

inneedofguidance

He runs a maintenance company. He has skills on paper but had built himself a small business here in South Africa. Back in the UK he use to work in factories, labouring.

brits1

Hi,
It's understandable if your husband is reluctant to move due to his current work standing but if you are very unhappy and are affraid for your families safety (I had a lot io friends form Jo'burg who's only reason they left were safety worries) then your husband should listen to your concerns and hopefully think they are more important than his job standing.
if he started a business in a foreign country he can surely do that in the UK, epecially in his line of work.
Good luck, I hope everything turns out well for you all.

BristolUK

With employees?
It sounds a successful business then. Something that could be sold with the monies received being used to buy or invest in something similar in the UK? Or just use the experience gained for the same.

If he doesn't want to start it up all over again, then maybe be part of something already up and running in the UK that could make use of his experience and investment to grow.

Benson55

Sounds like an awkward situation where one spouse has differing values than the other.
Why not go back yourself in the winter for a while and see if you really do want to live in the UK.
Maybe you and your husband have reasched the end of the road as regards the relationship so going back would test that.

tjmaden

Like Benson55 said its an awkward situation.

Not unlike my own. I'm from Shropshire and moved to the USA to marry a US lady in 1998. We just celebrated 21 years last year. A month ago, she decided we were too different and has now filed for divorce, is selling our home, she's moved into a rented apartment all while I'm in Japan on a missions trip.

Like your husband I too am from a laboring background in UK manufacturing. But now without a full-time job and investments I'm technically homeless. Not even my mother in Shropshire will take me in.

Our value values had changed over time and though saying I love you, holding hands, and my partner saying she respected the differences in our marriage, unlike Bridget Jones and Mark Darcey, she decided she can not live with the differences. In the end my partner said she isn't being true to herself if she carried on.

I can understand that. The good thing and the opportunity for you inneedofguidance is despite any fears you might have, is to create a moment in time to have a frank and open discussion with each other, let it all out.

Trust the faith in your love you share with each other and the well-being of your family that you will reach a mutually agreeable outcome.

Trust in love.

inneedofguidance

yes he does have 10 employees bit his overheads are high and the industry is very low and work is lacking at the moment. I don't think for what he could sell it would leave him much to take with but I will definitely suggest that option to him. Thank you.
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inneedofguidance

i don't think our marriage is over and we would both be torn living on seperate sides of the world and it would destroy the kids. We have had many many conversations and we just can't seem to get on the same page as to what is best for our family. I think times in SA being so tough do not help and I am in a very negative frame of mind and he stilhimto the bitter end tries to remain positive

Our one daughter is very sick and this adds another level of stress. I feel the support we could get from family back in the UK can only be beneficial. He feels her medical treatment will not be as fast in the NHS .It's all a big mess

inneedofguidance

thank you for your kind response. I am sorry to hear about your own situation.
I suppose all we can do is to keep talking. It's difficult tho. It feels like one of us needs to back down in order for one to be happy and neither of us want to make each other unhappy. Impossible situation at the moment.
Sending you luck for your own journey .

tjmaden

yes true, one has to submit to the other or find that place of both giving in a little for the best mutual outcome.

For myself I find comfort, solace and self-transformation in prayer to my invisible God, by His overwhelming love in my heart, for which I have given up every possession in this life. I find hope in His promises in the new testament.

Thankfully our experiences give hope to all who follow us. This forum gives each of us similar hope for the brighter future we seek back in England,

Time too is a great healer.

Best wishes

feelbritish

As an ex SA citizen living here in UK, I think you should listen to your gut feeling! I can only see it getting worse in SA over the long term and safely and security for yourselves and your children is far more important. There is a group of South Africans living in Bournemouth who have a Facebook page _South Africans in Bournemouth" and on there I often see people advertising their skills for gardening, maintenance work etc who have started their own little businesses. Perhaps you can go back to work as a teacher and he can set himself up somewhere there? Lots of retirees needing all kinds of home help! If it is any consolation 4 of my girlfriends in Cape Town are desperate to come back to UK ( I returned just last week from a holiday) but their husbands also find their lives far too pleasurable still to entertain the idea of returning, perceiving that their quality of life will change! It seems to be very much a "man" thing to stay while the "women" want to return for safety reasons.