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Living With Relatives On Your Return

Living With Relatives On Your Return

Old Aug 10th 2008, 7:20 am
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Default Living With Relatives On Your Return

I am not sure if i am looking for advice or just wanting to spill out a few worries into cyber space. I know some of you will be or are already staying with relatives on your return. I am currently encountering a bit of a problem and i am not sure how to deal with it
Since coming back I have had to stay with my daugther, her partner, baby grandaughter and step grandaughter. My baby grandaugther is now 14mths old. I have to share a bedroom with her as theres no other spare rooms.
Because of this and because of my illness i spend most of my time at home with the baby. Our relationship has become extremely close and I adore her. It appears she feels the same way about me too!! What is the problem I can hear some saying... Well, it's my daughter. She confessed to me the other night that she is becoming quite jealous of my relationship with the baby.
I was mortified!! The last thing i ever wanted was to upset her and certainly not make her feel this way. I dont know what to do about the situation. I am stuck living here for now. We have not fallen out and i appreciate her being honest and open about her feelings, but now i feel very uncomfortable even going near the child. I love her to bits and finding it all so very hard.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Any advice?
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 7:29 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
I am not sure if i am looking for advice or just wanting to spill out a few worries into cyber space. I know some of you will be or are already staying with relatives on your return. I am currently encountering a bit of a problem and i am not sure how to deal with it
Since coming back I have had to stay with my daugther, her partner, baby grandaughter and step grandaughter. My baby grandaugther is now 14mths old. I have to share a bedroom with her as theres no other spare rooms.
Because of this and because of my illness i spend most of my time at home with the baby. Our relationship has become extremely close and I adore her. It appears she feels the same way about me too!! What is the problem I can hear some saying... Well, it's my daughter. She confessed to me the other night that she is becoming quite jealous of my relationship with the baby.
I was mortified!! The last thing i ever wanted was to upset her and certainly not make her feel this way. I dont know what to do about the situation. I am stuck living here for now. We have not fallen out and i appreciate her being honest and open about her feelings, but now i feel very uncomfortable even going near the child. I love her to bits and finding it all so very hard.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Any advice?
reckon she said it tongue in cheek, i'm sure she's not really jealous.
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 7:37 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by TruBrit
reckon she said it tongue in cheek, i'm sure she's not really jealous.
No, no. She was quite serious. We had a long chat about it. She said she has noticed that bubby always crawls across the room to me instead of her and reaches out for me to pick her up and not her. She says she hates feeling the way she does but it is making her jealous as she reckons the bub doesnt do it as much towrads her. I have noticed since she mentione dit that thr baby does make a beeline for me as soon as i enter the room, but what can i do about it? I cant help it if the child is pleased to see me.

I suggested she put the baby in her bedroom for a while. Maybe seeing me across the bedroom first thing each morning has contributed or something. I dont know.
What doesnt help is that she has the club feet. She has to be put in these very uncomfortable boots and bars every night before bed and my daughter feels she is the big bad wolf who does the dirty work and nanna gets to do the nice things which affects how the baby views her.
I have offered to do the nasty job to see if it evens the balance a bit, but i am not sure if it will work
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 7:39 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
No, no. She was quite serious. We had a long chat about it. She said she has noticed that bubby always crawls across the room to me instead of her and reaches out for me to pick her up and not her. She says she hates feeling the way she does but it is making her jealous as she reckons the bub doesnt do it as much towrads her. I have noticed since she mentione dit that thr baby does make a beeline for me as soon as i enter the room, but what can i do about it? I cant help it if the child is pleased to see me.

I suggested she put the baby in her bedroom for a while. Maybe seeing me across the bedroom first thing each morning has contributed or something. I dont know.
What doesnt help is that she has the club feet. She has to be put in these very uncomfortable boots and bars every night before bed and my daughter feels she is the big bad wolf who does the dirty work and nanna gets to do the nice things which affects how the baby views her.
I have offered to do the nasty job to see if it evens the balance a bit, but i am not sure if it will work

oh flea, i'm sorry about that. my friend became like that with her child minder. maybe you doing the boots for the baby might make a change, certainly worth a try. tough call for you.
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 9:54 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
I am not sure if i am looking for advice or just wanting to spill out a few worries into cyber space. I know some of you will be or are already staying with relatives on your return. I am currently encountering a bit of a problem and i am not sure how to deal with it
Since coming back I have had to stay with my daugther, her partner, baby grandaughter and step grandaughter. My baby grandaugther is now 14mths old. I have to share a bedroom with her as theres no other spare rooms.
Because of this and because of my illness i spend most of my time at home with the baby. Our relationship has become extremely close and I adore her. It appears she feels the same way about me too!! What is the problem I can hear some saying... Well, it's my daughter. She confessed to me the other night that she is becoming quite jealous of my relationship with the baby.
I was mortified!! The last thing i ever wanted was to upset her and certainly not make her feel this way. I dont know what to do about the situation. I am stuck living here for now. We have not fallen out and i appreciate her being honest and open about her feelings, but now i feel very uncomfortable even going near the child. I love her to bits and finding it all so very hard.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Any advice?
Awwwwww Is it possible that she's not jealous as such, but trying to adjust to you being back? It can be overwhelming all round! Give it time Flea, and in the meantime just reassure your daughter that you are there for her too, because I bet she wants some love from her mum just as you're giving that love to your grand daughter
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 10:39 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Tricky situation, Flea.

Are there non-baby things you could do so that your daughter and her husband have more time with the child? Cooking, laundry, shopping and such. Not sure if your health's up to it all yet.

Bev
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Old Aug 10th 2008, 2:03 pm
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
I am not sure if i am looking for advice or just wanting to spill out a few worries into cyber space. I know some of you will be or are already staying with relatives on your return. I am currently encountering a bit of a problem and i am not sure how to deal with it
Since coming back I have had to stay with my daugther, her partner, baby grandaughter and step grandaughter. My baby grandaugther is now 14mths old. I have to share a bedroom with her as theres no other spare rooms.
Because of this and because of my illness i spend most of my time at home with the baby. Our relationship has become extremely close and I adore her. It appears she feels the same way about me too!! What is the problem I can hear some saying... Well, it's my daughter. She confessed to me the other night that she is becoming quite jealous of my relationship with the baby.
I was mortified!! The last thing i ever wanted was to upset her and certainly not make her feel this way. I dont know what to do about the situation. I am stuck living here for now. We have not fallen out and i appreciate her being honest and open about her feelings, but now i feel very uncomfortable even going near the child. I love her to bits and finding it all so very hard.

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Any advice?
Flea just give your daughter time to adjust to having her mum and her daughters grandmother back in their lives....when my Dad comes out to stay here in Aus with us he use to stay for a quite a while and our boys just loved having him here they are very close to him....it does take a while to get "use" to having family back in your lives the sad thing here is when we have gotten use to family around us....they go back home.....can you spend some time alone with your daughter, go shopping, lunch etc....when you have your OH with you and your own place I bet your daughter will be knocking on your door asking for help,asking if you could have your granddaughter for weekends etc .....just give her time, be yourself though maybe just help with your granddaughter when your daughter asks for help, it's difficult when your all living together but it will not be forever...take care
ps without any help from family raising our sons for 10 years your daughter is really a lucky lady having you around to help...she will come to see that in time
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Old Aug 11th 2008, 6:53 am
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Default Re: Living With Relatives On Your Return

Originally Posted by brits1
Flea just give your daughter time to adjust to having her mum and her daughters grandmother back in their lives....when my Dad comes out to stay here in Aus with us he use to stay for a quite a while and our boys just loved having him here they are very close to him....it does take a while to get "use" to having family back in your lives the sad thing here is when we have gotten use to family around us....they go back home.....can you spend some time alone with your daughter, go shopping, lunch etc....when you have your OH with you and your own place I bet your daughter will be knocking on your door asking for help,asking if you could have your granddaughter for weekends etc .....just give her time, be yourself though maybe just help with your granddaughter when your daughter asks for help, it's difficult when your all living together but it will not be forever...take care
ps without any help from family raising our sons for 10 years your daughter is really a lucky lady having you around to help...she will come to see that in time

Thanks Emma, Bev and Brits

We had anohter long chat today. She has appologised and said I had done nothing wrong and it was worng of her to make me feel bad.
I have offered to take on more of the horrid jobs (i was doing the laundry and a bit of housework)
I have a feeling things will settle down. A case of all of us having to adapt to each other being around.


I was wondering if any other people had similar issues when they returned?
Not so much the baby thing, but relatives in general.
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