Victor Meldrew

I'll start off by stating that BE is a great forum for getting information, advice, support and just some general banter.

However, there are limitations (no offence intended BE people). Sometimes there are occasions where it might help just to speak with someone who can help you work out your own solutions and or resolve internal conflicts and dilemmas.

I have been overseas since 2001. My friends and family often joke about the number of times I have said I am coming home (and then off course changed my mind). However circumstances now dictate that this is nearing the inevitable/unavoidable. Included in this is age - 4 years away from retirement and also UK government legislation regards spousal visas and non EU spouses also forcing the issue.

When it happens, sometime over the next 4 years, I am going to have to make a number of choices and deal with a great deal of change (the same as the vast majority of you on here).

Recently thrown into the mix is the decision I have made to move town/city this year, ready for when I come back. I have a house in North Cheshire where I have lived since 1982. I moved there in 1982, had 2 children there, got divorced there, and (other than working overseas since 2001) spent nearly all of my working career there. I am planning to move back to Birmingham where I was brought up, but left in 1976 aged 19. It just feels right.

The whole thing seems to have sent my head into a spin. There are times when I feel really positive about the idea (luckily this is the majority of the time), but there are others when it is sending me into a virtual meltdown.

I'm rambling now, so I will get to the point: Over the next 12 months onwards I am likely to experience all of the the following major changes:

1.Moving back to the UK and the reverse culture shock which I anticipate this might bring..
2.Moving back to my home town, Birmingham.
3.Selling and buying a house, remotely from overseas.
4.Moving away from long time friends in the NE, but back to long time friends and family in Birmingham
5.Possibly being unemployed for the first time
6.Retiring and/or downsizing my job
7.Moving away from both of my adult children.
8.My son getting married this summer.

I seemed to be OK with all of this until recently, but it is the move back 'home' to Birmingham which seems to have thrown everything into the air.

To try and sort all of this out in my head (because the problem is in fact all in my head). I am planning to spend some sessions with a life coach when I come back for the summer break. I just need to talk it through. However I don't have any experience of this and don't know where to start.

Can anybody help with this? anybody done this and found it useful? anybody advise where to find a good life coach? anybody know how much they cost?

Sorry to ramble, and I hope I don't come across as a whingeing whiner, but this reflects what is going around my currently bogged down head!

Thanks
Victor

Perth

First of all Victor, know this, you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. I think most of us do. On the other hand, there are times when just a few friendly faceless voices isn't enough. I have not used a life coach but one of my oldest friends is one. Life coaches differ in one way from say a psychologist in that they require you do do some homework - work sheets, journals, etc - which I think is more useful than simply talking over your situation, as you become more active in discovering the solution to your issues. If yours charges by the hour. like my friend does, you have nothing to lose in trying them out for a session. Good luck

brissybee

If you can't find a good life coach you could try a couple of meetings with a psychologist though.

Sometimes, just talking things through with an objective person can help you identify (and solve) issues which make you uncomfortable.

All the best.

Victor Meldrew

I've been on t'interweb today looking at life coaching. A number seem to also have NLP, counselling, psychology training.

I am going to email a few to find out more. Looking like the cost ranges from £35 to £60 an hour with discounts for a 6 session booking.

scot47

How is it different from counselling ?

rebeccajo

I've worked for therapists and psychologists that ask the patient to keep journals and/or do other homework.

I think the difference isn't the "label" that is put on the professional. It's the professional themselves.

And, Victor........I think it's an excellent idea. Whatever helps you sort yourself out.

quoll

Hmm, the only life coach I know I wouldn't touch with a barge pole - I think anyone can stick a "Life coach" shingle above their door having gathered a certificate from the Bob Jones Internet school of something (heavens knows where my acquaintance got hers from but I doubt her capacity to help anyone as her own life is a dogs breakfast!). Part of my concern is that it is an unregulated profession (as is counselling in some places - I know of some who profess to be counsellor a because they did a phone counselling course!). If you go with a psych (and they don't "just" talk, many of them if CBT based especially will give homework!) then they are regulated by their professional body.

However, that is not to say there are some good "counsellors" out there with whom you may gel and who will help you develop strategies to deal with any upcoming issues. Equally, there are some no hoper psychologists who will just want to wallow about in past issues and revisit your childhood ad nauseam and with whom you will not gel. Bottom line - try them and if you think they are talking a load of rot at your first meeting then move on to someone else!

Victor Meldrew

I like that bit - made me laugh - very cynical - very 'Meldrewesque'.

There is a place for 'revisiting' old material as this often shapes the person you are and can get you stuck in a particular mindset. In order to move forward you have to put the old stuff to bed first.

However, you are correct that there are some therapists, or models of therapy which might revisit it too often and put too much focus on it when it might not be necessary or relevant to do so.

quoll

Precisely! I have great difficulty with therapists who see nothing wrong with seeing people weekly at $100+ per pop and just going over the same stuff week after week for months or even years (we had a lecturer who thought this was a mark of her success!). If a therapist can't help you to make sense of what has shaped you and what strengths you bring to the situation in half a dozen (or preferably fewer) sessions then they probably aren't going to help you at all. OTOH there are some clients who only want to hark back to the past (and often apportion blame) but who aren't prepared to take forward steps and they are happy to do nothing but talk about their terrible childhood. Michael Yapko says that you have 1 session to show a client that you can help them make changes because the average number of therapeutic sessions is something like 1.65