Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum

I have a slightly different problem regarding friends. I have found with those who remained in UK and have pretty much not strayed from where we all grew up, that I have very little in common with these days. It isnt their fault or mine, but I have spent so many years seeing, doing and experiencing things they could never comprehend that my view of the world is entirely different to them now. I am not saying any of us are right or wrong, we just dont sing from the same hymn sheet anymore.
I feel quite lonely in myself because of it too. I find Australians on the whole somewhat alien to me, but by the same token so are my old relationships. It does wirry me as i am a very social person, but i cant seem to find anyone on the same page as me. Its a bit worrying for a 45yr old as i sometimes think i will be friendless forever and people will think i am some sort of weird eccentric or social misfit I'm certainly not, just unable to find a crowd i fit with.

Maybe we should start a 40+, confused, expat returnees, lost in the quagmire club

Originally Posted by sambapink

she told me they couldn't afford it... which frankly is bull**it... They are booking a villa in spain instead..

Maybe i'm being paranoid... I want to be a grownup and confront her... but i hate confrontation... She's been a great friend in lots of respects... even though I have completely disagreed with her way of thinking in many respects.. I truely feel that she thinks i'm showing off or something.. Argggghhhh.. its a toughie!... (apologies for the essay!)

Originally Posted by Tegwyn

It can be a very painful process to examine what our friends do for or to us - and sometimes that means having to recognize that it is time to let go. I went through that process with 2 friends and had to acknowledge that their friendship had stopped being sincere. Holding on for the sake of history just gets you stuck with a truckload of hurt. Value the friendship for what it was but let it slide. If this friend decides to try work things out then consider the effort but it really is necessary to discuss the problem or it becomes a continuation of the same old baggage. It's hard but sometimes very necessary. Living in different worlds unfortunately does force the distancing of relationships.

Originally Posted by ElaineQ

Has anyone else experienced the following - I would be especially interested in hearing from older people - I'm 45 - because friendships seem to be a whole different ball game when you're older. I have been in the States for 13 years and have had some very negative experiences with people (not all American, by a long chalk, I might add!) Right now, it's my friendships in the UK that are bothering me. A couple of years ago, I let a friend of 25 years slip away, because it was time. She could be quite rude and abusive. Perhaps it is just difficult to get past those teenage patturns of behaviour. The woman I always thought of as my best friend, is smart, funny and intelligent, and just a nice person, but it seems we've drifted apart over the years. I've lived in the States for 13 years and she lives in the UK. I realise the writing has been on the wall for many years. We had some wonderful, great times together, but even early in the friendship, I noticed she never really seemed to be on my side regarding anything, somewhat judgemental, really. Many years ago, she was going through a very difficult time and we didn't live in the same town. I told her she could talk to me about it, but she replied that she had other people she could talk to. About five years ago, OH and I went through a very difficult time. I don't remember confiding in her except for one occasion. Last summer, on a visit home, a mutual friend asked me what OH was like. Before I could answer, my 'best friend' replied, "He's lovely. She's lucky to have him." It was said in a jokey sort of way, but it cut me. During that same visit, I asked her for a recent photograph of her two kids. She looked at me as if I was mad and replied, "What do you want a photograph of someone else's children for?" There have been many other instances of this kind. I know I could write to her, or call her to talk about it - we've had no contact since early August last year - but I don't want to. I feel suddenly very awkward and - a strange word to use, but POLITE - around her. I feel it's a friendship I don't want to invest anymore time in - yet for 20 years, I had thought of her as my best friend. I'll be moving home with my family in a couple of years time, and to be honest, I don't know how to behave with this particular friendship. She is very negative about my returning to the UK anyway, telling me there is nothing there and that I must be stupid to want to go back, etc, so I can't share my plans with her.
I hear about people who have been married for years, divorce and then don't know how to get back into dating, don't know the rules anymore. I feel like this with friendships - how DO you make friends when you're not young anymore?!
Sorry to ramble. I'm not feeling sorry for myself (well, yes, I am, just a bit) just curious to know if it's just me!

Originally Posted by sambapink

Good for you Elaine... See thats what makes you a good friend.. taking the time out to tell someone that you care and appreciate their friendship..

Originally Posted by ElaineQ

Do you know what really got me started on thread? On sunday, I made the mistake, being very hormonal and not having eaten any lunch, of going to Sears to pick up my new Dyson vacuum cleaner. I won't go into the details of the story, but I ended up absolutely SCREAMING abuse at a woman in the car park. To some extent, the sanctimonious fool deserved it, but I was HORRIFIED at myself. My language was, well, APPALLING. As bad as it can get What I needed after that, more than anything, was a friend to talk to, and I thought about my friend in England, and I realised that she would not have been on my side at all, but would have pointed out that what I did was wrong (why thankyou. That simply didn't occur to me...). My ex SIL, on the other hand, would have laughed heartily, called me a daft bat and offered me a cup of tea or a glass of wine. In fact, I am going to email her right now to let her know how glad I am that she's my friend...