GeorginaUK

Hello; I have been going through exactly what you are going through. I am married to an American and we live in Long Beach, CA. When I first moved here just over 3 years ago I loved it but now I loath it. It's way too crowded here; the roads are in a terrible mess; there is traffic everywhere; there is no greenery; tea is awful; food is expensive and not as good quality as UK... and the list goes on. In the UK I feel life is more 'mellow' and down-to-earth. People are not too busy because the pace of life is not as fast as here. I don't know, it is just so different. I think there is more of a community spirit in the UK. Yes it has its problems also, but we are English - we are used to it - and it's home. Being near family is very important. And there are nice beaches in the UK - you will probably start travelling and re-discovering what a great country you left behind 16 years ago! We are hopefully moving back to UK next year (I lived in Loughton, Essex a while back!!). I hope all goes well.

GeniB

Hi essexnick... I just read this out of curiosity as I sit by my pool in the glorious Algarve... I have been a British ex-pat for well over 35 years... Living and working in the Netherlands ...now retired here in the sun...I frankly had a very hard time living in NL.. Language and attitude being the biggest problems Otherwise for my OH and kids it was a perfect life ( I did learn the language after three years ) I might have missed a lot of UK living ,but I loved the Brabant warm summers and when the time came I couldn't go back to a UK winter..
What I am saying here is that you don't have to return to the UK and miss the California sunshine life. It used to be that the Algarve was exclusively for retirees.. but now I am seeing more and more young Brits coming here to work..OK.. agreed .. generally it is to start their own business's as suitable jobs for non Portuguese speakers are mainly confined to the Lisbon area. However. If you have the means to support yourself whilst you find that business... maybe its worth a shot..If beaches and sunshine mean that much to you
..My Youngest daughter did that .. Gave up her job, and fiancé in london 10 yrs ago to move here with nothing.. Got a job as a reporter ( luckily ) But now works in estate agency .. bought and sold apartments for herself twice ,now rents out for extra money. as wages are poor Property is relatively cheap against California prices. Whilst she earns nothing like the money she got in London... she wouldn't swap this lifestyle in the sun for anything.... Good luck with your choice...

aquatone

As a San Francisco Bay Area resident I quite understand the OP's perspective. I have lived in CA for 23 years, my two sons have grown up here and the UK is foreign to them. It is however super expensive and essentially in a complete bubble compared to most of "normal" America where there are so many nice and affordable places to live where you could also visit the UK more frequently. Perhaps the OP could combine the advantages of both? I also have both UK and USA passports which is an enviable and super valuable asset. Does it have to be one or the other?

In my case, the exit plan is already well underway. I am about to turn 60 and still working in the tech industry in the SOMA tech hub in San Francisco but realize (at last) I am about burnt out. Everyone else is a 25 to 30 something millennial and I just don't want to compete at that level anymore. In hindsight it is probably amazing I lasted so long as not many my age still at the cutting edge of disruptive software applications. I have also come to realize like the OP that the Bay Area is just a long way from anywhere else but that moving east a bit gets you more centrally located and accessible to lower cost areas with more varied geography and people. I actually love the vast scale and majesty of the USA and could not imagine leaving it completely. Also I have one son in the US Navy and another building a life here so can't just leave. However we have just sold our house in the Bay Area and bought a retirement home with a stupendous view in Sedona, Northern Arizona as a base. I ultimately still need sunlight and (reasonably) predictable weather and the type of scenery you just don't get in the UK or Europe. That still leaves enough to semi-retire, do longer trips in our RV to explore neighboring states and when we feel like it fly from Phoenix to London to stay in the UK for as long as we like where my sister has a house which being converted into a flat to make a second base.

scot47

Cities are bad. Find a small community and become part of it.

sherbert

Wow Aquatone! Kudos to you for making it this long in the SF techbro shitstorm. My OH and I are at least 20 years younger than you and both finding ageism alive and well (I never thought that I would experience that in my very early 40s). I think having a US passports is only a benefit if you are committed to staying in the US (I am not).

Novocastrian

I (we) lived in SoCal years ib the 70's/80's. We made a lot of friends in 5 minutrs, but after 5 years, nothing had changed,

So we left.

UkWinds5353

+1 about Georgia. One of the friendliest states in America. Very green and beautiful and the cost of living is quite good.

GeniB

I don't think its confined to the Bay area Sherbet.. My ED lives in the San Juan islands ( off the coast of Seattle) and whilst it seems idyllic for some ie like the Bay area, that would be the wealthy...It is hard work ,and, low paid for the rest .It costs a bomb to get anywhere out of the islands.not only in money, but in time.She just came over to Portugal with our granddaughter for a month, took two days to get here via Ireland.Indeed the USA is a vast country and beautiful ,but thats not always a positive. You might achieve higher wages, but they are quickly consumed in the cost of living and the cost of travel. Ironically on a much smaller scale we experienced that in the Netherlands. Lured there by the promise of higher wages, we also found it cost an awful lot more than living in the UK.When you threw in the annual trips 'home' to see the relatives we realised we were hardly any better off. The only compensation was the 'life experience ' If that turns sour , then it is time to move on. As a seasoned ex-pat my only word of warning is that you will have changed. Going home might not be the answer you hoped for

Moses2013

I'm actually pretty surprised someone would say that. Of course it's always personal preference, but you certainly can't say that the type of scenery doesn't exist in Europe.
Apart from the difference in rock formations, most places with a semi-arid climate would be similar and even other parts of Spain for example would offer this type of scenery.
One example on a smaller scale would even be Las Médulas with a few rocks and bushes. Here two examples of random roads in Arizona and Andalusia.

aquatone

Of course Europe has spectacular scenery, I was referring more to the scale and relatively untouched emptiness of much North America. The knowledge that there are still bits of land where probably very few people have ever set foot unlike Europe. Neither does Europe have anything on the scale of the Grand Canyon for example or the huge untouched desert areas of the South West. Just driving I40 to Flagstaff with its endless mile after mile of empty vistas stretching endlessly away with little human touch is quite distinctive. Cheers!

sherbert

Exactly Aquatone. Nothing in Europe is as spectacular as Bryce Canyon or The Rocky Mountains or countless others I could mention. And one can never get over the awe of seeing the sheer scale of the Grand Canyon in person.

UkWinds5353

In terms of jaw dropping beauty many areas of America are simply iconic. From the Blue Ridge mountains to the Appalachian Trails, to all the many National Parks in various regions of the country. Driving across America's northern corridor is an experience I would recommend to anyone that love doing a fun road trip. Wyoming, Montana, Iowa, Idaho and Washington State are mesmerizing. I happened to be one of those people that actually prefer to live in a place that feels scenically stimulating. The family and I just did a long trip in Europe and we all agreed that the UK was the standout of the few countries we travelled through. Was not as impressed with some of the others.

pepekwa

I stumbled upon this thread, I'm in a very similar position. I moved to the Sacramento area in 2003 also to marry an american girl, the missus and I will probably be separating in the new year. We have a 12 year old child and I do have a good paying job with the State of California with good benefits.

I became a citizen here when my daughter was adopted but I still have my UK passport. Like Nick, I have no other family here, my parents are in their 70's, my sister has 2 young kids. I agree with the whole friends/time off issue but I could retire here with my job if I was to work another 15+ years.

But I've never lost my englishness, I miss the cheeky chappie UK humour (auto correct here wants me to spell that as humor). I know the right way!
I want to spend quality time with my parents in their golden years.
What drives me crazy is the accent thing, every day without fail, I go through the same "where are u from" conversation, its so tiresome but as no-one here goes on vacation, I suppose its to be expected.

Its not as expensive here as it is in the bay area and I have a very good quality of life, the weather of course is amazing, going back to the UK would be a regressive step financially but I can't imagine living here long term on my own. I'd miss my daughter but she would be the only thing to keep me in the US.

Feel free to "reach out" to me Nick, I have a lot of things to sort out before I make the big decision.

scrubbedexpat099

It is a tricky one, you never know how long your Parents have and moving back for you Sister and her family, I guess that depends how close you are.

16 years and a lot has changed and not sure how old you are, Parents in their 70's, but can you get back in to the UK job market?

pepekwa

i'm 45 and getting a job again in england would be challenging but I don't want to have regrets in life and I know I would if i stayed in the US, primarily for work purposes.
I've been itching to move home the last few years to be honest, I've never really embraced the american lifestyle, like nick said, it is very much all work and no play here.