Just need to talk about it.
Mar 20th 2012, 6:47 am
#31
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
Posts: 2,060
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Hello Everyone
Apologies for not replying sooner, alot has been going on in the last couple of days!
I have tried to talk to my husband about the situation and as others have experienced its hard for both of us to understand the others point of view.
It concerns my lots that the 1 year extension maybe even longer and the thought of that makes me feel sick
We are finding it hard to communicate at the moment (or should I say just not talking about it).
As far as hes concerned it just makes sense we stay the extra year, as far as Im concerned, I don't want to
My olderest DD who I thought didn't mind staying, has changed her mind, she doesn't want to be out of the UK education system for too long as she is very aware of the need for a good education
We have discussed my husband staying out here for the extra year by himself, so that is an option but not a preferred one.
The slightly good news (depending on how you look at it) is we don't have to decide yet what we want. We have about 6 months to decide, so hoping hubby may change his mind by then.
I am 100% sure I don't want to say any longer, my children and I need to get back to our real lives in the UK and I have 6 months to work at changing my husbands mind, so wish me luck.
Apologies for not replying sooner, alot has been going on in the last couple of days!
I have tried to talk to my husband about the situation and as others have experienced its hard for both of us to understand the others point of view.
It concerns my lots that the 1 year extension maybe even longer and the thought of that makes me feel sick
We are finding it hard to communicate at the moment (or should I say just not talking about it).As far as hes concerned it just makes sense we stay the extra year, as far as Im concerned, I don't want to
My olderest DD who I thought didn't mind staying, has changed her mind, she doesn't want to be out of the UK education system for too long as she is very aware of the need for a good education
We have discussed my husband staying out here for the extra year by himself, so that is an option but not a preferred one.
The slightly good news (depending on how you look at it) is we don't have to decide yet what we want. We have about 6 months to decide, so hoping hubby may change his mind by then.
I am 100% sure I don't want to say any longer, my children and I need to get back to our real lives in the UK and I have 6 months to work at changing my husbands mind, so wish me luck.
Your youngest may even find the adjustment to a new school easier as all the students will be new along with her and either way they only have to adapt once; it's not as if you were going back and forth.
why rush it if it can make so much difference in your husband's career and in the life of the family.
All the best with your decision.
p.s. Though the opinions of your girls are important, and should be taken into account, this must be a decision made by you and your husband.
Last edited by bandrui; Mar 20th 2012 at 6:49 am.
Mar 20th 2012, 2:17 pm
#32
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Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Vienna, Northern Virginia
Posts: 152
Re: Just need to talk about it.
We were in a very similar situation - came for 2 years, and then the company wanted us to extend for another year - which we are now coming to the end of. After much deliberation we have decided to go home to the UK at the end of the assignment. We have a 9 year old who we want to settle into the UK school system before he gets too settled here. We didnt want it to turn into another year etc etc and then it would be too difficult to return. To say that my DH company is p**ssd off is an understatement. They are not happy at all, but we have had to think of ourselves and our families. We only ever intended to be here for 2 years, not forever. So in hindsight, I would have made it perfectly clear that we would be returning home at the end of the assignment. So as you can imagine, it is a very stressful time - we dont know if they will even give him a job to go back to. We feel very upset as we uprooted ourselves to come here for 2 years, stayed an extra one - and are now being treated like this. So my advice would be - make sure you get it in writing, and be perfectly clear it is only 1 more year. Sorry to be negative - but feeling very down about the whole thing
Mar 20th 2012, 6:25 pm
#33
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Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: Just need to talk about it.
We were in a very similar situation - came for 2 years, and then the company wanted us to extend for another year - which we are now coming to the end of. After much deliberation we have decided to go home to the UK at the end of the assignment. We have a 9 year old who we want to settle into the UK school system before he gets too settled here. We didnt want it to turn into another year etc etc and then it would be too difficult to return. To say that my DH company is p**ssd off is an understatement. They are not happy at all, but we have had to think of ourselves and our families. We only ever intended to be here for 2 years, not forever. So in hindsight, I would have made it perfectly clear that we would be returning home at the end of the assignment. So as you can imagine, it is a very stressful time - we dont know if they will even give him a job to go back to. We feel very upset as we uprooted ourselves to come here for 2 years, stayed an extra one - and are now being treated like this. So my advice would be - make sure you get it in writing, and be perfectly clear it is only 1 more year. Sorry to be negative - but feeling very down about the whole thing
cheers
Mar 20th 2012, 6:30 pm
#34
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 983
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Katy, just to cheer you up, we came to the US for two years, been here five. Our house is now going on the market and we`re moving back to the UK. There`s been all sorts of reactions, from bad through to good with the company. I think it`s best just to do what you want and let people live with it, which they inevitably will. Five years hardly makes us fly by nights, and we`re taking the financial risk with selling our house. Thats not costing the company a penny, but may cost us some. I also grit my teeth when I think about my lost earnings and pension contributions from this move!
Cheers, you`ve got a point!
Cheers, you`ve got a point!
Mar 20th 2012, 6:32 pm
#35
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Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Katy, just to cheer you up, we came to the US for two years, been here five. Our house is now going on the market and we`re moving back to the UK. There`s been all sorts of reactions, from bad through to good with the company. I think it`s best just to do what you want and let people live with it, which they inevitably will. Five years hardly makes us fly by nights, and we`re taking the financial risk with selling our house. Thats not costing the company a penny, but may cost us some. I also grit my teeth when I think about my lost earnings and pension contributions from this this move!
Mar 20th 2012, 7:50 pm
#36
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Vienna, Northern Virginia
Posts: 152
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Katy, just to cheer you up, we came to the US for two years, been here five. Our house is now going on the market and we`re moving back to the UK. There`s been all sorts of reactions, from bad through to good with the company. I think it`s best just to do what you want and let people live with it, which they inevitably will. Five years hardly makes us fly by nights, and we`re taking the financial risk with selling our house. Thats not costing the company a penny, but may cost us some. I also grit my teeth when I think about my lost earnings and pension contributions from this move!
Cheers, you`ve got a point!
Cheers, you`ve got a point!
Mar 20th 2012, 8:10 pm
#37
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 983
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Katy, I wonder if the negative comments come from people who think "better the devil you know". They dont want you (or your husband) to go because they`ve become used to you (or him). I can definitely identify that in our situation. Trouble is I am a lot more than a piece of luggage, I`ve got a life to live, and find it hard just to go along with the status quo to make someone else happy, when, as someone said previously, companies can just hire or fire you. I`m not an uppity person. I think I`m actually quite patient and compliant, but there came a point when I had to state my needs loudly or we would have been staying here some indefinite period of time!
Mar 20th 2012, 8:49 pm
#38
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Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 260
Re: Just need to talk about it.
Thank you to everyone who has replied.
I am aware an extra year is not a lot in the big picture, but it is a long time to put your life on hold and be unhappy.
We are talking now alittle about it, and I am seriously considering just doing the 2 years, going home and letting him do the last 1.
As recommended we could travel in the holidays and we are lucky my husband will have a good amount of holidays so will be able to come over to the UK as well.
The other thing that is driving me mad at the moment, is the lack of information from the company. It sounds all to familiar - the plans/contract is changing daily at the moment
The more I think about it the more I am drawn to the idea of going home for the the last year by myself.
I am going to hold onto that at the moment until we have all the details finalized and we have to make a final decision.
I am aware an extra year is not a lot in the big picture, but it is a long time to put your life on hold and be unhappy.
We are talking now alittle about it, and I am seriously considering just doing the 2 years, going home and letting him do the last 1.
As recommended we could travel in the holidays and we are lucky my husband will have a good amount of holidays so will be able to come over to the UK as well.
The other thing that is driving me mad at the moment, is the lack of information from the company. It sounds all to familiar - the plans/contract is changing daily at the moment
The more I think about it the more I am drawn to the idea of going home for the the last year by myself.
I am going to hold onto that at the moment until we have all the details finalized and we have to make a final decision.
Mar 20th 2012, 8:56 pm
#39
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Joined: Feb 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 983
Re: Just need to talk about it.
I`m pleased that you`re talking about it, I know how hard even that is!
Mar 24th 2012, 1:08 am
#40
The worse half of Weeze
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Back in TX
Posts: 3,231
Re: Just need to talk about it.
I think I have a bit of perspective to offer on this. I was an expat kid who went through Germany and the USA, before going back into year 8 in the UK in 1991. Going back into year 9 wouldn't have mattered either. Year 10 would have meant I couldn't have done German GCSE.
However, I'm convinced it also messed up my younger brother and sister until their early 20s. They have their lives sorted out now, but it took a lot of time. Ultimately, my dad also took a job abroad and we stayed in the UK when I was 14 as I was in a good school and about to start GCSEs. My parents ended up divorced. My thoughts are that my dad didn't really care about anything other than career, and I still resent him for this now.
However, I'm convinced it also messed up my younger brother and sister until their early 20s. They have their lives sorted out now, but it took a lot of time. Ultimately, my dad also took a job abroad and we stayed in the UK when I was 14 as I was in a good school and about to start GCSEs. My parents ended up divorced. My thoughts are that my dad didn't really care about anything other than career, and I still resent him for this now.
