RChappo

I know. I woman at my workplace (a well educated woman) once told me she didn't agree that a portion of her property tax went to the schools in her area because "none of my kids go to those schools, why should I pay for other people's kids to go?"

RChappo

Agreed. It is just so ingrained in the culture though over here that I don't think it will ever change sadly.

windsong

I believe it - and I find it totally disgraceful.

gailc

I agree - the only reason I am here is because I married a US citizen. It was actually the hardest thing I ever er did to get on that plane and leave England and, while I have pets I have had and have I dearly loved and met some really people over here, I have never felt like I 'really belonged' here. True friends I find are hard to come by and the ones you do have usually seem to move away - never to be seen or heard of again.
Unfortunately, circumstances (a baby on the way, husband parents - even pets) always gave us reasons silly or otherwise to stay here. We are retired now and even my husband wants to go and live in England where we have family and friends and the things we enjoy doing are there. Unfortunately, with these new laws the British govt. has passed, it has made it just about impossible for us and a lot of other people it seems, by reading on here to live back in our own country. It is so depressing, especially when you see all the foreigners living in the UK and taking advantage of whatever they can get for free and not caring a 'rat's a--s' about the country, or it's natives who belong there
There has also been an attitude in the US of 'as long as it isn't happening to me' etc. as far as crime and guns are concerned. Over the years of travelling back and forth, you can see the crime getting worse in England and eventually the same blase opinions of crime will start to emerge there as well. Still, I do not want to grow much older in the US and would rather be in the UK. Sorry if I have rambled a bit/lot.

Sally Redux

To be fair, we did leave the country and can't expect the government to put its plans on hold for us in the event we decide to participate again

How do you know the foreigners don't care 'a rat's a--s'?

windsong

I so sympathize with you. It is true the UK government seems to be more willing to take in people from other countries rather than their own. I think it is terrible. I wonder if there is any chance this will change in the future. I hope so.

I have been in the USA 30 years and I feel as if I missed out on life. I lived before I came here and then there is a big hole - yes, that's how I see my life in the USA. Some days were good; they weren't all bad but as far as real "memories" are concerned, I could note them in a perhaps a two-line paragraph. I think it is really symbolic, too, that I hardly remember much of my life in the USA simply because I don't consider there was much of one.

vikingsail

The highlighted is so very very true. Like others I just cannot fathom the non reaction to guns and healthcare (don't get me started). What is really depressing is the educated know that the gun debate is surreal yet do nothing. I have not figured out why but I do believe it is pretty close to being apathy and the knowledge that they will never change it. America has always been a 'pioneer' community and selfishness is strongly rooted throughout the culture imho - others are free to disagree. Healthcare is beyond belief and still the Obamacare will ultimately change very little. It might shift a few statistics but the larger proportion of the community will still be beholden to employer health schemes - which makes them slaves.

Ironically when I married the ex I naively got on a plane - the foolishness of youth

gailc

Exactly the way I feel, windsong.

gailc

Yes, we did leave 'willingly'. But, like someone else mentioned on here, (not in their words). We were young, naive and all the time in the world.
I have found, as you get older, you start to realize all the things you missed in your family over the years and also how important they are/were in your lives. Then you have your own family growing up, but once they leave home and you are two again it is a different story.
To answer your question I have seen it with my own eyes when back home and heard the comments by family members as well as actually seeing the way a lot of immigrants in the UK are. My sister has taken her granchild to school and been literally pushed out of the way by some. Most are not willing to have anything to do with the British customs or people and don't want them to become involved in theirs. This, of course, is not true of everyone, but it is, it seems the majority.
I may sound totally biased and preduced to some, but I just know what I see. My Mother worked at a small TB hospital when I was growing up and I got to know and become friends with people from all walks of life who had trained to become nurses, etc. I have nothing against someone wanting to living in the UK if they truly want to live there as these people did. I have a friend in the UK now that has a Polish DAL.
There are some who work hard for a living, but, too many
these days are there simply because of the benefits they can get.
This of course is the governments fault, but by they same token my sister, who is retired, lost some of her benefits she had been receiving since she retired simply because our Mother passed away and she (my sister) became the beneficiary of some of the money from the sale of our Mother's house.

RChappo

I also feel like this. I'm going to be 40 in a few months time and have spent the whole of my 30's in the USA. I do consider it something of a lost decade in my life really with only a handful of strong memories (mainly precious vacation time). It just feels like I'm treading water here. On New Year's Eve I couldn't think of anything I was looking forward to in the year ahead - not one thing. Obviously I've nothing really to complain about in the "great scheme of things" but the feeling of emptiness sometimes gets me down. I talk to my mother on the phone every Sunday and when she asks me how my week has been over here I most often than not have nothing to tell her. "I went to work, it was OK" is usually about it - and we end up talking about our friends and family back in the UK.
I read many books, listen to music and watch movies to immerse myself in some culture and to get some pleasure out of life but when you have nobody around to discuss things with you just feel like you're in a vacuum (and the internet is no substitute for meeting a friend and having a natter over a cup of tea).
I mean let's face it, most people have a fair amount of general c**p to deal with - I'd just prefer to deal with it with a few real friends and relatives around me that I can socialize with from time to time. I don't have that here.

Bluegrass Lass

I'm the OP's American wife. Think I've spoken to some of you throughout the years, and you know our recent history of ping-ponging. I just wanted to say thanks for the advice and sharing your stories. It's good to know that we aren't the only ones struggling with decisions like this. I have my moments where I feel 100% like going back to the UK and giving it another shot, but then I have other moments where I'm tired of moving and just want to stay where we're at. If I'm honest with myself, I have a lot of fears - mostly fear of the unknown/unfamiliar. Dealing with those concerns will have to be the priority if I'm going to feel more confident in a decision to move back there...along with saving up money since our funds are fairly low at the moment.

Sally Redux

It's a huge decision and cannot be undertaken lightly. Hope we can help you a bit.

gailc

We feel the same way - it is a huge decision and you never know if you are doing the right thing. I have said to my husband - I wish someone could tell me that it IS the right thing and we won't regret it.
Almost every decision that we have made since we came to the US turned out to be the wrong one - one being having a house built and the builder took off with the money, which it seems we have been paying for ever since.
I suppose one more won't hurt

sallysimmons

I have several close friends in the Bradford area and this is nothing like their experience. Yes, there are race problems occasionally - many of which are started by the white population - but there is also a real sense of community and all my friends' Asian neighbors are wonderful kind people who contribute just as much to the community as I do (often more). Sometimes I think we see what we are looking for.

windsong

I think the natural-born UK citizens who are planning a move back have fears, too, even though they are returning to their own country. We often forget we have changed in the time we have been away as has our country. However, for many of us the desire to "go home" has been in our souls like a nagging toothache for many years. There comes a time when you have to pull that tooth!