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I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Old Oct 1st 2008, 2:54 am
  #1  
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Default I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Hi
I've been visiting this site for a few years on and off, and finally decided to join. I must say you have all helped me realize that my vision to go back home is not unrealistic and it's not all that bad.

I've been in California for 19 years and left the UK when I was 24. I had some fun and wild times being single, and had my heart broken too in my younger days. I married at 30, baby at 31 and divorced and a single parent 3 1/2 years later. Even though my (now 12 years old) son's Dad is around but only every other weekend, to help out a bit, there is nothing like the support of family. I only have my parents and Nan (my poor Grandad died last November - which I went home to see him thankfully before he passed). It was my Grandad's passing that made me realize that I couldn't bear to be so far away in case anything happened like that again.

So I think I've convinced my son that all will be ok and we aim to go back to the UK in the Summer of 2009 (so he can finish 6th grade first).

I'm more worried about how my son will cope especially as he is currently in special Ed - and worry that he may get teased or bullied.

So thanks for all your helpful comments and I hope to be a regular contributor on here. I'm also going to apply for my USC too....just in case.

Deborah
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Old Oct 1st 2008, 7:28 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Hi Deborah
We came over from South Africa to Northern Ireland nearly 6 months ago and one of the main reasons was for the schooling. My son was labeled as ADD in SA and they wanted me to medicate him which I was no willing to do. If there was any trouble at school, Matthew was the first one pulled by the teachers which I think was totally unfair. Every year he moved up a grade the old teacher would pass on her info to the new teacher and I can only imagine that it wasn't good so they were always on the look out for him. He is certainly NOT a bad kid. He started high school at the beginning of Sept and I must say that I am quite surprised at how well he has settled in. He actually does his homework now without me having to blow my top. The only teasing he gets is his accent and where he came from. The schools over here are totally against bullying and are have many policies in place to curve it. I'm sure you son will be just fine.
Donna
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Old Oct 2nd 2008, 12:00 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Good luck with the move, nice time to move as he'll be going into highschool and they'll be lots of new kids coming from all different schools coming together.
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Old Oct 2nd 2008, 12:37 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

I agree your son will be fine he will be starting fresh in a new school with every one else in the same position he might not need and help when he gets there either. just make sure if he is having any problems to tell you but I doubt he will though good luck with your move
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Old Oct 2nd 2008, 1:16 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Clangers
Hi
I've been visiting this site for a few years on and off, and finally decided to join. I must say you have all helped me realize that my vision to go back home is not unrealistic and it's not all that bad.

I've been in California for 19 years and left the UK when I was 24. I had some fun and wild times being single, and had my heart broken too in my younger days. I married at 30, baby at 31 and divorced and a single parent 3 1/2 years later. Even though my (now 12 years old) son's Dad is around but only every other weekend, to help out a bit, there is nothing like the support of family. I only have my parents and Nan (my poor Grandad died last November - which I went home to see him thankfully before he passed). It was my Grandad's passing that made me realize that I couldn't bear to be so far away in case anything happened like that again.

So I think I've convinced my son that all will be ok and we aim to go back to the UK in the Summer of 2009 (so he can finish 6th grade first).

I'm more worried about how my son will cope especially as he is currently in special Ed - and worry that he may get teased or bullied.

So thanks for all your helpful comments and I hope to be a regular contributor on here. I'm also going to apply for my USC too....just in case.

Deborah
Welcome to BE

You didn't mention whether your ex husband agrees to you removing your son from the US and taking him to live in the UK. If he doesn't agree that's your biggest problem.
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Old Oct 2nd 2008, 5:19 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
Welcome to BE

You didn't mention whether your ex husband agrees to you removing your son from the US and taking him to live in the UK. If he doesn't agree that's your biggest problem.
In addition: You mention that your son's Dad is around every other weekend. How will your son feel if you move to the UK and he only gets to see his Dad maybe once a year or every couple of years? (That's if your husband agrees to you taking your son out of the US.)

Gina
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Old Oct 3rd 2008, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

You also haven't mentioned what your status is in the US. If you are not yet a USC, then if the move is not right for your son, you won't have a basis for returning to the US with him.
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Old Oct 4th 2008, 10:46 am
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

I think you are doing the right thing getting your USC before moving back. You must have that door open as an option incase you find that the UK is not for you anymore.

I had been away 8 years when I moved back with my 2 children and even though i had been back for a trip at least once a year nothing could have prepared me for how the social and work culture had changed.

As OP's have mentioned your ex may not agree to give authorisation to you moving out of the State let alone the country. Plus you will need the approval of the family court where you are as your son is considered only to be American and habitually resident in CA. These are huge hurdles and you will need to prove that you will have somewhere to reside and the ability to provide for your son in the UK.
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Old Oct 4th 2008, 8:28 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Me too !
I moved here in 1990 aged 30 , im ready to go home,
I think I can convince the wifey.
she will need a spouse visa for her but she has her own gaurenteed income so thats not an issue.

my girls are straight A students for the most part and I can se them fitting in very well plus all the opportunities that the UK and being so close to europe brings.

I DONT know if I can get a mortgage now a days !!
as ive been away from the UK for 18 years and so dont have any credit history.

so maybe renting is good for now-I dont want a council house (Even if there was any) but maybe renting a private house.

lots to think about .......
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Old Oct 6th 2008, 7:38 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
Welcome to BE

You didn't mention whether your ex husband agrees to you removing your son from the US and taking him to live in the UK. If he doesn't agree that's your biggest problem.
luckily he does agree. I recently asked him, and he wanted more details and I said I didn't have any, as I wanted to have his permission before making plans. He said "well I guess I don't have any problems".

Phew!!

So now I'm finding the right school for my son - which I'm amazed you have to register at least a year in advance!
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Old Oct 6th 2008, 7:40 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by GinaUK
In addition: You mention that your son's Dad is around every other weekend. How will your son feel if you move to the UK and he only gets to see his Dad maybe once a year or every couple of years? (That's if your husband agrees to you taking your son out of the US.)

Gina
Well I'm hoping he'll adjust well. He's very attached to his grandparents, and he can always skype with his Dad....he's Dad is only around every other weekend literally - he doesn't bother calling, stopping by or go to any of his school events or things like - he's just doing his duty.
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Old Oct 6th 2008, 7:41 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Rete
You also haven't mentioned what your status is in the US. If you are not yet a USC, then if the move is not right for your son, you won't have a basis for returning to the US with him.
I'm going to apply for my USC.
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Old Oct 6th 2008, 7:41 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Clangers
luckily he does agree. I recently asked him, and he wanted more details and I said I didn't have any, as I wanted to have his permission before making plans. He said "well I guess I don't have any problems".

Phew!!

So now I'm finding the right school for my son - which I'm amazed you have to register at least a year in advance!
I hope he sticks to his word...but I think I would obtain his permission through the appropriate legal channels before I made any further plans. You will have to do this legally anyway.
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Old Oct 9th 2008, 7:05 pm
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Originally Posted by Clangers
Hi
I've been visiting this site for a few years on and off, and finally decided to join. I must say you have all helped me realize that my vision to go back home is not unrealistic and it's not all that bad.

I've been in California for 19 years and left the UK when I was 24. I had some fun and wild times being single, and had my heart broken too in my younger days. I married at 30, baby at 31 and divorced and a single parent 3 1/2 years later. Even though my (now 12 years old) son's Dad is around but only every other weekend, to help out a bit, there is nothing like the support of family. I only have my parents and Nan (my poor Grandad died last November - which I went home to see him thankfully before he passed). It was my Grandad's passing that made me realize that I couldn't bear to be so far away in case anything happened like that again.

So I think I've convinced my son that all will be ok and we aim to go back to the UK in the Summer of 2009 (so he can finish 6th grade first).

I'm more worried about how my son will cope especially as he is currently in special Ed - and worry that he may get teased or bullied.

So thanks for all your helpful comments and I hope to be a regular contributor on here. I'm also going to apply for my USC too....just in case.

Deborah
nice one - Me too Jerseygirl -
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Old Oct 9th 2008, 11:07 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: I'm ready to go back home after 19 years away

Will do - luckily I have a friend that is an attorney, so I'll make sure we get the right papers written up.

Thanks for your advice everyone!
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