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I want him to go back home!

I want him to go back home!

Old Jul 14th 2007, 1:54 am
  #1  
Nilahti
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Default I want him to go back home!

I am an American woman and I have been married to a man who I met on
vacation when I went to Egypt. I admit I married quickly--too quickly!
But my reason for writing is to correct my mistake. So here is the
situation...

I have been married to my husband for two years, this past May '07. I
spent a year in Egypt with him until he was able to come to the States
with me. I gave up my apartment when I moved to Egypt so I ended moving
to a different State upon returning to the USA because he did not want
me to come back without him in order to prepare for his coming. I have
totally changed a lot of things in my life to accommodate him such as
moving from California to Florida, job, and way of life. These are not
a lot to ask if you really love someone. But my problem is that I do
think my husband truly loves me. I have felt this from the beginning.
I know that I entered this marriage in "Good Faith", but I doubt my
husband did. He had an agenda. But I tried to wait the situation out
to give the relationship a chance but instead my feelings have cooled
and I DO NOT TRUST HIM. He tells me that he loves me but I think he is
in love with AMERICA. He is like a kid, sometime. He is mesmerized by
things which I have grown up with such as credit cards, having a house---
just being in AMERICA. But I understand how a person would excited when
they don't have such luxuries in their country. But there is an
attitude that my husband has. And it is not a humble one. He acts like
the big SH*t--as though he has arrived. With no thanks to me. I
believe that I am a PHASE in his mind--I am just here temporarily until
he gains what he wants.

We argue and he says things that indicate that he is just waiting until
he gets his permanant status. And I believe he will divorce me after
that because he believes that then he will be invincible. From the way
that he talks, his aim is citizenship. He is not interested in
enhancing our marriage but obsessed with a greencard and American
Passport. Shortly after I married him I became sick of hearing him talk
with many people about "The Green Card". My interest was making my
marriage grow but he was interest in America. He was able to gather up
money for tickets to the USA but could not give me a wedding. We
married at the Egyptian Government Building just to document the
marriage. He promised me an actual marriage ceremony which I have never
gotten. He gave me a wedding ring that put a rash on my finger that was
paid with my money.

And feeling like this, I do not want him to obtain a Permanant Green
Card or become an American by using me. That is a bad feeling. I would
rather that he go back to Egypt and come on his own and not by my doing.
We returned to the USA last September and we should be expected to
remove the conditions soon. But I do not want to remove conditions. I
want him to be sent back. I am not trying be mean, but eventually
people get tired of being used.

My question is this.....

If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?

--
 
Old Jul 14th 2007, 4:13 am
  #2  
al0m
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

On Jul 13, 8:54 pm, nilahti <[email protected]> wrote:
> I am an American woman and I have been married to a man who I met on
> vacation when I went to Egypt. I admit I married quickly--too quickly!
> But my reason for writing is to correct my mistake. So here is the
> situation...
>
> I have been married to my husband for two years, this past May '07. I
> spent a year in Egypt with him until he was able to come to the States
> with me. I gave up my apartment when I moved to Egypt so I ended moving
> to a different State upon returning to the USA because he did not want
> me to come back without him in order to prepare for his coming. I have
> totally changed a lot of things in my life to accommodate him such as
> moving from California to Florida, job, and way of life. These are not
> a lot to ask if you really love someone. But my problem is that I do
> think my husband truly loves me. I have felt this from the beginning.
> I know that I entered this marriage in "Good Faith", but I doubt my
> husband did. He had an agenda. But I tried to wait the situation out
> to give the relationship a chance but instead my feelings have cooled
> and I DO NOT TRUST HIM. He tells me that he loves me but I think he is
> in love with AMERICA. He is like a kid, sometime. He is mesmerized by
> things which I have grown up with such as credit cards, having a house---
> just being in AMERICA. But I understand how a person would excited when
> they don't have such luxuries in their country. But there is an
> attitude that my husband has. And it is not a humble one. He acts like
> the big SH*t--as though he has arrived. With no thanks to me. I
> believe that I am a PHASE in his mind--I am just here temporarily until
> he gains what he wants.
>
> We argue and he says things that indicate that he is just waiting until
> he gets his permanant status. And I believe he will divorce me after
> that because he believes that then he will be invincible. From the way
> that he talks, his aim is citizenship. He is not interested in
> enhancing our marriage but obsessed with a greencard and American
> Passport. Shortly after I married him I became sick of hearing him talk
> with many people about "The Green Card". My interest was making my
> marriage grow but he was interest in America. He was able to gather up
> money for tickets to the USA but could not give me a wedding. We
> married at the Egyptian Government Building just to document the
> marriage. He promised me an actual marriage ceremony which I have never
> gotten. He gave me a wedding ring that put a rash on my finger that was
> paid with my money.
>
> And feeling like this, I do not want him to obtain a Permanant Green
> Card or become an American by using me. That is a bad feeling. I would
> rather that he go back to Egypt and come on his own and not by my doing.
> We returned to the USA last September and we should be expected to
> remove the conditions soon. But I do not want to remove conditions. I
> want him to be sent back. I am not trying be mean, but eventually
> people get tired of being used.
>
> My question is this.....
>
> If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?
>
> --

Tell BCIS exactly what you just said, here. He entered into the
marriage for reasons other than a marriage. Move out on him. File
for a divorce. All that talking he did to everyone? Ask around and
see one of them will reveal the time when he said "he married you for
a green card..", If he's been playing dirty pool all along, then
perhaps you should take the gloves off. you should try to be just as
mean as he is. After all he stole years of your life you are entitled
to 'get back at him'. Bust his little bubble, he burst yours!
Correct your mistake and as Bob Dylan said "don't look back". The
story is too pathetic to waste any more of your life on it. Even if
he stays you need to be rid of him. Good luck.
David
 
Old Jul 14th 2007, 4:15 am
  #3  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
My question is this.....

If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?

--
There are actually quite a few threads on this very issue. Basically, if you divorce then he can file to remove conditions on his own. He may not be successful, but the opportunity exists. You'd still be on the hook for the I-864, though -- at least until he becomes a naturalized US citizen, which is apparently his goal. He just would have to wait two extra years before he'd be eligible for that, since he wouldn't be basing his naturalization on his marriage to you.

Personally, given everything you said about him and your marriage, I think you'd be better off getting divorced and moving on with your life. It sounds like it's headed in that direction anyway. I'm very sorry that you've had this experience. On the upside, at least you have some time to prepare for your future. And thankfully, he doesn't sound like he's abusive, just selfish and focused on the wrong things. Other people on here aren't as fortunate.

~ Jenney
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Old Jul 14th 2007, 4:17 am
  #4  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
My question is this.....

If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?

--
If he already has his GC, then no, his PR status will not be revoked automatically.

If you divorce, he can file to remove the conditions on his own. Impossible to predict whether he would be successful.

Stop obsessing about his immigration status. If you want to divorce, do so. And move on.
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Old Jul 14th 2007, 4:23 am
  #5  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?
Short answer: no, he won't be sent back.

Longer answer: He already is a permanent resident, so he can divorce you and remove conditions on his own, without you signing anything. Whether he knows this or not is another story, but it's possible. And, I'm sure you won't like this news...but you are still his financial sponsor, even after you divorce.

My advice: Do whatever you need to do for the marriage, or termination of marriage, and let his immigration problems be his own worry. You don't have any control over his immigration status anymore. He can proceed from here with or without you.

Best Wishes,
Rene

p.s. - I have a friend with an Egyptian husband as well, and everything you describe sounds kind of normal for them as well, so you're not alone. Perhaps you can find a support group on line to talk about these issues so you can put your own life with him in better perspective, perhaps all is not lost.
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Old Jul 14th 2007, 1:25 pm
  #6  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by al0m
Tell BCIS exactly what you just said, here.
Generally, this is just poor advice. USCIS usually believes this to be nothing more than the actions of a bitter spouse - and it bears no weight at all.


After all he stole years of your life you are entitled to 'get back at him'. Bust his little bubble, he burst yours!
Your comments demonstrate the rantings of a small minded individual.

Ian
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Old Jul 14th 2007, 1:31 pm
  #7  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
I do not want him to obtain a Permanant Green Card or become an American by using me.
As others have said, there is not much you can do now to prevent him from staying in the US. So, cut your losses... 1) protect yourself financially - this is vitally important, as you will be on the hook financially for him for as long as it takes him to fulfill the requirements of the I-864... and it is possible (although unlikely from what you've written) that he will meet none of the requirements and you may end up on the hook for him for the rest of your life; 2) divorce him now if that's the way it's going... don't waste any more of your time on him.

It's difficult to be selfish in this way, but you must protect yourself first. His immigration problems are *his* problems now... not yours. As for this experience, chalk it up as one of life's hard lessons and move on.

Ian
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Old Jul 15th 2007, 6:36 am
  #8  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

> > I am an American woman and I have been married to a man who I met on
> > vacation when I went to Egypt. I admit I married quickly--too
> > quickly!
> > But my reason for writing is to correct my mistake. So here is the
> > situation...
> >
> > I have been married to my husband for two years, this past May '07.
> > I
> > spent a year in Egypt with him until he was able to come to the
> > States
> > with me. I gave up my apartment when I moved to Egypt so I ended
> > moving
> > to a different State upon returning to the USA because he did not
> > want
> > me to come back without him in order to prepare for his coming. I
> > have
> > totally changed a lot of things in my life to accommodate him such
> > as
> > moving from California to Florida, job, and way of life. These are
> > not
> > a lot to ask if you really love someone. But my problem is that I
> > do
> > think my husband truly loves me. I have felt this from the
> > beginning.
> > I know that I entered this marriage in "Good Faith", but I doubt my
> > husband did. He had an agenda. But I tried to wait the situation
> > out
> > to give the relationship a chance but instead my feelings have
> > cooled
> > and I DO NOT TRUST HIM. He tells me that he loves me but I think he
> > is
> > in love with AMERICA. He is like a kid, sometime. He is mesmerized
> > by
> > things which I have grown up with such as credit cards, having a house---
> >
> > just being in AMERICA. But I understand how a person would excited
> > when
> > they don't have such luxuries in their country. But there is an
> > attitude that my husband has. And it is not a humble one. He acts
> > like
> > the big SH*t--as though he has arrived. With no thanks to me. I
> > believe that I am a PHASE in his mind--I am just here temporarily
> > until
> > he gains what he wants.
> >
> > We argue and he says things that indicate that he is just waiting
> > until
> > he gets his permanant status. And I believe he will divorce me
> > after
> > that because he believes that then he will be invincible. From the
> > way
> > that he talks, his aim is citizenship. He is not interested in
> > enhancing our marriage but obsessed with a greencard and American
> > Passport. Shortly after I married him I became sick of hearing him
> > talk
> > with many people about "The Green Card". My interest was making my
> > marriage grow but he was interest in America. He was able to gather
> > up
> > money for tickets to the USA but could not give me a wedding. We
> > married at the Egyptian Government Building just to document the
> > marriage. He promised me an actual marriage ceremony which I have
> > never
> > gotten. He gave me a wedding ring that put a rash on my finger that
> > was
> > paid with my money.
> >
> > And feeling like this, I do not want him to obtain a Permanant Green
> > Card or become an American by using me. That is a bad feeling. I
> > would
> > rather that he go back to Egypt and come on his own and not by my
> > doing.
> > We returned to the USA last September and we should be expected to
> > remove the conditions soon. But I do not want to remove conditions.
> > I
> > want him to be sent back. I am not trying be mean, but eventually
> > people get tired of being used.
> >
> > My question is this.....
> >
> > If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?
> >
> > --
>
> As others have said, there is not much you can do now to prevent him
> from staying in the US. So, cut your losses... 1) protect yourself
> financially - this is vitally important, as you will be on the hook
> financially for him for as long as it takes him to fulfill the
> requirements of the I-864... and it is possible (although unlikely
> from
> what you've written) that he will meet none of the requirements and
> you
> may end up on the hook for him for the rest of your life; 2) divorce
> him now if that's the way it's going... don't waste any more of your
> time on him.
>
> It's difficult to be selfish in this way, but you must protect
> yourself first. His immigration problems are *his* problems now... not
> yours. As for this experience, chalk it up as one of life's hard
> lessons and move on.
>
> Ian

Do you think that immigration will still allow him to stay all though I
do not use his last name, we do not share a bank account, have separate
credit accounts and have not filed taxes together? The apartment that
we share is in my name along with all rent receipts. I tell you that
he is interested in only being in America and not me, obviously. I am
ready to divorce but I have been holding out until the interview time.
In hopes, that he will not be able to gain permanant residency. He
does want to take a trip to Egypt or Netherlands to visit family, soon.
Netherlands will not grant him a visa because he overstayed a visa by
year or so. I found that out after I had married him. He tried to
hide that from me until the US embassy demanded a police from
Netherlands in the marriage visa process, otherwise he would have never
told me. I have realized that I married a person who just wanted to
find a way out Egypt by doing anything. However, perhaps he is looking
to travel in October. And if he does not pay attention to the dates
that he is suppose to meet with immigration, then hopefully he would
take that trip without updating any status. Would immigration allow
him entry back into the USA with an expired visa? I do not want to be
responsible for him for the rest of life, especially for a person who
really does not give a care for me. I am not a small minded person.
But a person has a lot of emotions especially when they know a person
is screwing them over.

--
 
Old Jul 15th 2007, 1:31 pm
  #9  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
Do you think that immigration will still allow him to stay...
Yes... they will probably allow him to stay. The *only* thing he has to demonstrate is that he entered the marriage in good faith... something that *he* has to prove to successfully file the I-751 on his own. If he can demonstrate that, his chances are excellent.


... have not filed taxes together?
Do you mean you filed as "married, filing seperately"? Or do you mean you both filed as "single". If you both filed as "single", then you're probably both in trouble. If you filed "married, filing separately", that doesn't matter at all... lots of couples do that.


I am ready to divorce but I have been holding out until the interview time. In hopes, that he will not be able to gain permanant residency.
You seem to be changing your story now. You originally wrote, "... we should be expected to remove the conditions soon. But I do not want to remove conditions." This implies that he already has his 2-year green card. If that's true then he *is* a permanent resident. That there are conditions on the status is irrelevant. By the way, most I-751s are approved without an interview.

If, on the other hand, he does *not* have a 2-year green card and he has, in fact, *not* had his interview to adjust his status... well, that's a whole different story and one that works in your favor. He *will* have an interview and if you don't show up, his application will be denied, the I-864 does not come into force, and he will become immediately removable from the US. Of course, whether he actually leaves or not is his problem... but he'll be here without status if he stays.


Would immigration allow him entry back into the USA with an expired visa?
An expired visa, probably not... an expired green card, likely yes.


I do not want to be responsible for him for the rest of life...
You signed the I-864 as his sponsor. It is a binding contract with the US government. As much as you don't want to be responsible, you will be held responsible until one of 5 things happen: 1) he becomes a US citizen; 2) he leaves the US permanently; 3) he earns 40 quarters of qualified SS earnings; 4) you die; and 5) he dies. This last one (#5) should not be considered a goal.

Ian
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Old Jul 15th 2007, 1:51 pm
  #10  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Read what Ian said! His immigration problems are HIS not yours. The
Immigration Service will not help you solve your problems at all.
Also, as Ian said, protect yourself financially. It is listed first for
a very good reason (I-864).
Let your head be your guide, not your heart. As hard as it is to do, get
over the emotions and think.

Last edited by Rete; Jul 15th 2007 at 8:37 pm.
 
Old Jul 15th 2007, 3:19 pm
  #11  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
Do you think that immigration will still allow him to stay all though I
do not use his last name, we do not share a bank account, have separate
credit accounts and have not filed taxes together?
So are you saying that you actually filed taxes in the category "single", when you actually were "married"? You did not file taxes as "married filing separately"? If you indeed filed "single" when you were married, this is a problem for you, too, and you should correct it. I'm guessing you filed "married filing separately", which is valid proof to USCIS that you guys are married.

It might take some digging around on his part to find proof, but the burden is on him to prove it, so you don't even need to be thinking of these things right now. There's no way of knowing what USCIS will accept as proof or not, but once you divorce and he files on his own, it's really out of your hands anyway. Doesn't do any good to speculate about it.

Would immigration allow
him entry back into the USA with an expired visa?
I assume you mean expired green card here? Since he no longer has a visa. There's absolutely no way of knowing what the POE officer will do. It doesn't matter anyway...since you'll be divorced and his immigration status is all his responsibility. I do understand you want him to leave so you will off the hook for the affidavit of support, but in reality you have very little control over his immigration anymore. He can proceed with or without you from now on, and you can't control the outcome.

It's best just to move on with your own life, if that's what you want, and let him deal with his own status issues that come up.

Best Wishes,
Rene
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Old Jul 15th 2007, 3:41 pm
  #12  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
I am ready to divorce but I have been holding out until the interview time. In hopes, that he will not be able to gain permanant residency. ... Would immigration allow him entry back into the USA with an expired visa? I do not want to be responsible for him for the rest of life, especially for a person who really does not give a care for me.
Read everything that Ian and Rene last wrote to you, because they address all of these concerns.

Originally Posted by Nilahti
I am not a small minded person.But a person has a lot of emotions especially when they know a person is screwing them over.
Ian's comments about being small-minded weren't directed at you, they were directed at "al0m" who had said to you, "After all he stole years of your life you are entitled to 'get back at him'. Bust his little bubble, he burst yours!"

It's understandable that you are angry with your husband for having ulterior motives, but your best course of action right now is to protect yourself and YOUR future and not worry about how to screw HIM over. You can't control what happens to him immigration-wise at this point, so wouldn't you rather enter this new phase of your life by taking the higher road rather than as... well, a small-minded person only focused on revenge?

~ Jenney
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Old Jul 15th 2007, 3:42 pm
  #13  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

He has a conditional green card. We have been back for a year. And
they gave him one year on his Resident card. We had to both sign papers
in the airport that we needed to remove conditions within the 90 day
period before the expiration of the card. I think it has something to
do with us being married a year overseas-I don't know. But he only got
one year to remove conditions not two.

Last edited by Noorah101; Jul 15th 2007 at 5:17 pm. Reason: cleaned up quoted material
 
Old Jul 15th 2007, 5:25 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
He has a conditional green card. We have been back for a year. And
they gave him one year on his Resident card. We had to both sign papers
in the airport that we needed to remove conditions within the 90 day
period before the expiration of the card. I think it has something to
do with us being married a year overseas-I don't know. But he only got
one year to remove conditions not two.
That's kind of odd, but doesn't really change anything with your predicament. If you were married for less than 2 years when he entered the USA, he should have gotten a 2-year green card at the POE (if he came in on an immigrant visa - not the K-3). If you were married more than 2 years, he should have gotten a 10-year green card at the POE.

I guess it doesn't really matter now anyway...it's his responsibility to remove conditions at the right time, whatever time that may be.

Rene
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Old Jul 19th 2007, 7:05 pm
  #15  
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Default Re: I want him to go back home!

Originally Posted by Nilahti
I am an American woman and I have been married to a man who I met on
vacation when I went to Egypt. I admit I married quickly--too quickly!
But my reason for writing is to correct my mistake. So here is the
situation...

I have been married to my husband for two years, this past May '07. I
spent a year in Egypt with him until he was able to come to the States
with me. I gave up my apartment when I moved to Egypt so I ended moving
to a different State upon returning to the USA because he did not want
me to come back without him in order to prepare for his coming. I have
totally changed a lot of things in my life to accommodate him such as
moving from California to Florida, job, and way of life. These are not
a lot to ask if you really love someone. But my problem is that I do
think my husband truly loves me. I have felt this from the beginning.
I know that I entered this marriage in "Good Faith", but I doubt my
husband did. He had an agenda. But I tried to wait the situation out
to give the relationship a chance but instead my feelings have cooled
and I DO NOT TRUST HIM. He tells me that he loves me but I think he is
in love with AMERICA. He is like a kid, sometime. He is mesmerized by
things which I have grown up with such as credit cards, having a house---
just being in AMERICA. But I understand how a person would excited when
they don't have such luxuries in their country. But there is an
attitude that my husband has. And it is not a humble one. He acts like
the big SH*t--as though he has arrived. With no thanks to me. I
believe that I am a PHASE in his mind--I am just here temporarily until
he gains what he wants.

We argue and he says things that indicate that he is just waiting until
he gets his permanant status. And I believe he will divorce me after
that because he believes that then he will be invincible. From the way
that he talks, his aim is citizenship. He is not interested in
enhancing our marriage but obsessed with a greencard and American
Passport. Shortly after I married him I became sick of hearing him talk
with many people about "The Green Card". My interest was making my
marriage grow but he was interest in America. He was able to gather up
money for tickets to the USA but could not give me a wedding. We
married at the Egyptian Government Building just to document the
marriage. He promised me an actual marriage ceremony which I have never
gotten. He gave me a wedding ring that put a rash on my finger that was
paid with my money.

And feeling like this, I do not want him to obtain a Permanant Green
Card or become an American by using me. That is a bad feeling. I would
rather that he go back to Egypt and come on his own and not by my doing.
We returned to the USA last September and we should be expected to
remove the conditions soon. But I do not want to remove conditions. I
want him to be sent back. I am not trying be mean, but eventually
people get tired of being used.

My question is this.....

If I do not sign to remove conditions......will he be sent back?

--
I'm going to take the less traveled route and suggest that if it serves your best interests, in terms of healing from the deep emotional woulds then *do* what you feel is right to do. Be that informing USCIS of your concerns and your apprehension to conintue to be a means to his ends, or be it refusing to file a joint I-751 and prolonging the divorce action long enough to place his immigration status at risk while awaiting a divorce. Do what you feel is the "right thing".

If you opt to inform USCIS, be prepared with facts, dates, evidence. Their interest in your report will only be piqued if on its face it appears your husband has attempted to circumvent the system. Emotions have no place in your report. It must be compelling and substantiated by evidence. If you have little in the way of evidence, but it's more than simply a hunch, there's a lot to be said, emotionally, for you to report it anyway. But be prepared for it to amount to little or nothing in terms of implicating his immigration objectives. The more factual and substantive, the more likely USCIS and the AO at the District Office will at least call your ex-husband in for an interview if you are already divorced when it comes time for him to file a waiver, or to contact you should you later jointly file the I-751.

Oh, gosh how it bugs me to read, over and over again the same comments! Many people that only read about issues like this can advise to "move on" and pay no regard to "his immigration case", but for the victim of such deceit, don't they know that this isn't a case of wishing to further involve oneself in "his immigration" but rather a case of attempting to extricate oneself from his immigration case. Sometimes, in order to do that, one has to let someone know what has occurred. And, furthemore, the mere fact that an I-864 remains in place for the con-man, which is considered irrevocable for the deceived USC, is reason enough to act responsibly and do whatever you can to get out from under that obligation. By the way, being proactive, fiscally responsible and saying "enough" is part of moving on.

Good luck to you, and I hope you will heal quickly.
bionomique is offline  

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