LizaJane

will be thinking of you, stay strong get your paper work in order and keep saving you can do it just keeping thinking of that ticket home with your kids, sod him, concentrate on yourself, your kids will all the better for it. Doesn't matter where they live as long as they have a their mum.

Good luck, be strong, take care and keep us informed on your situ.

Though I only joined this site a few days ago it does offer hope and support to those of us who thought we were the 'only ones' or going mad with grief at losing our sense of belonging and identity.

I wish you luck, strength and hope x

chicagojlo

The comments about abuse are important - he doesn't have to hit you for it to be abuse. So many women forget that.

nephilim

Hi just thought I would add my 10p worth,Im not going home but before when I was In Adelaide all I thought about was just that I became quite obsessed with it all but my children had settleed aswell as the old man and I couldnt go on as I knew within a couple of weeks, I didnt like the place,as time went by I got more vocal and expressed my feelings about how I was feeling a trust me my husband is a very caring bloke but they just dont understand and just think you are moaning and it is easy to blame the move,and he said he would never go back to the uk,hubby worked away alot I didnt drive,I didnt really fit in with the adelaide lot apart from a few peeps but I would never discuss with them how I was feeling as I felt I never knew them well enough to open up,and how would they understand,slowly little cracks appeared with the boys,schooling,not alot to do with the children in holidays,boredom set in,old man ablivious,then I really started resenting the place as my boys werent happy either but I always stayed vocal always had my opinion,learnt to drive,kept the boys on track in school then I suggested to hubby we had been in Adelaide over 2 and half years I was willing to try a different state if he wasnt prepared to go back,I would never consider leaving my hubby and taking the children,my family is the most important thing to me,why does it have to come to that hiding passports and saving money up in secert,there are always opitions to solving problems,but I wouldnt recommend going on your own and breaking up a family unit unless it is an extreme reason,I know you feel you are trapped,and you are putting your own life on hold for your family I did too but in the long run it will be worth it,just stay vocal dont argue,he will listen eventually and maybe compromise with a move to a different state as I have moved and the difference in my attitude is so different from Adelaide ,my husband is more relaxed too and finally admitted he wasnt over joyed about Adelaide but had to be sure we had given it enough time ,we decided together if we didnt settle in qld in 2 years we would look at going home,which is a big turn around but now we all love Qld and could never imagine going home,stay strong and do what is right for you but please look at the bigger picture and think do you really want to break up the family and you feeling how you do is down to australia or just with the place you are at now.Take care z

JAMZ

Hi Kebabo,
Just read your thread and I had to say "Hi" and "I know exactly what your going through". I am living the same nightmare and although I haven't been a member of this site for long, it has been such a help. Although I can't really give you an answer, cause I'm still searching for one myself, I know we have to stay strong for ourselves and our kids. Somedays I do feel like there is no way out, whatever I do isn't gonna be good and just feel like there is no hope, but other days I feel stronger and ready to do something about it. I haven't had councelling yet, but I think I will look into that too. It seems kind of foreign to me, but in a way we are doing exactly that on this site. My OH just flatly refuses to go so it will be just me.

We try so hard to please everyone else, that we loose site of our own needs. My OH just keeps telling me I'm selfish to want to go back and that I will ruin my kids lives, but as others have said before, they're being ruined by the situation we're in and it is slowly destroying us all. Time to act. Don't leave it as long as I have (10 years of being unhappy here in California). I kept thinking I could change my OH mind, but I realize now I can't.

Hang in there! and PM me if you feel like chatting. Maybe we can help each other

achanginglife

Hi Kebabo

I don't have any specific advice, but wanted to offer some feedback. Being clear about what you want, is vital because you have some hard decisions to make. Sometimes its helps to step back and review the facts:

You moved to Australia, because you wanted to bring your family back together again, after 18 months of OH being away 5 days a week. You wanted to be a regular 7 day a week family. You value family support and being together.

The reality is OH is still away a lot, you have to work more hours, and you have no support network. The girls have settled in well, but you have not and you want to decide what is best for you and the children long term. You are prepared to stick it out for so long, as you would like to see some more of Australia, as long as your OH is willing to compromise at a set timescale.

You might find these questions helpful:
Write down how you would like life to be? where would you be? who would be there? what would you be doing?
What is most important to you with regard to your family?
If everything with your husband was good where would you want to live?

Once you are clear about what you would most like to happen, you can then start working on how you can get it. There are always options and taking positive action will help you get back in control of the situation.

Good luck!

raccoon

#You are not on your own - at least you've been here a few months, I've been out here 4 weeks and p****d off at ever thinking about emigrating. We have a child,he's 3. He's happy, hubby is happy, I am not - I hate it here.
Take heart, you seem to have given your OH at least 9 months, try 4 weeks!!
Let me know how you go.

quoll

Raccoon, so sorry to hear that you dont feel settled at all either - it's not easy is it?! Hang in there!

Mike_Dawson1234

Is it just me or do other Brits in Oz find it easier to have a good conversation with any other nationality than Aussies (there are a few exceptions ) especially in the work place. Most Aussies don't really have much to say outside of sport and their viewpoints are very one-eyed and opinionated.
I just keep hearing "aussie this and aussie that" it all gets a bit boring after a while.
Met an Indian chap at work, he's only casual but his conversation is far more diverse and interesting than the average Aussie.

achanginglife

That must be tough with a 3 year old too. It can help to be specific. What exactly do you hate? what do you want instead?

Kebabo

I know exactly what you mean... I work with 2 'Aussie' males and its as if life doesn't exist outside of Aussie footie or RML or whatever it is....!! also do you not find that the news if vey biased as well? If its not reporting on some major disaster like the recent events in Burma and China then it reports on nothing that is not Australian based... if it doesn't revolve around them then if doesn't exist!!!! Have to watch BBC news to actually find out what is happening outside of Australian waters!!!

Just to let you all know, nothing much has changed on my front.. OH was a git on Mothers Day and did nothing, mind you not really a surprise there... so still trying to get my head sorted with a plan of action!!!!!

Mike_Dawson1234

I fully agree, I really find the Aussie media very one-eyed for some reason this gets to me.
The problem is this is the only information your average Aussie gets and they tend to repeat it word for word like parrots and lets face it the media here in Oz seem to enjoy putting crap on the English at any opportunity most of it exaggerated or twisted in their favour.(Yep i hate the Aussie propaganda media machine)

JAMZ

The USA are just as bad. The only thing they talk about on the news here is the election crap. I too get my news from BBC America. If it isn't happening in America than it's not important!!

LizaJane

same in NZ, whole big world out there but living here you wouldn't know it...very insular.

brits1

Been here over 10 years and have friends from most continents but not Aus...this was not done intentionally..just that we found Aussie's...mostly boring, humourless....and just soooooooooo full of themselves....(yuck) now I know thats not all Aussies.....just the ones we have met!!!! it is all media, but it starts at a very young age at school as well!!!!!! scary........this side of the world and our boys only know about New Zealand from us.....even the schools don't give info on their Nearest "Anglo" neighbours!!!!

Mike_Dawson1234

I know exactly what you are saying..Australia could be a much better place if they weren't so insular, however trying to convince some Aussies about this is like having a conversation with a cart horse !!
It is bad and I'm sure this is the reason many people do return home.