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I have to leave this place

I have to leave this place

Old Jul 12th 2007, 3:23 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Fat Bloke
Sadly not, she is telling me that she is 95% certain that she will remain here in Australia for the rest of her life.
Those words alone make me feel like shit as I would be found hanging from a tree if I was told I had to stay here that long.
That was my deciding factor in leaving the US and getting divorced. Thankfully we don't have kids but I asked him if he'd move to the UK even if it was in ten years when he retires. The answer was an emphatic no so I'm off!

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to have a voice in the decision to go back?
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 4:09 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

If you marry someone from another country, you have to expect that they may not want to go and live back in your home country, especially if you have met the person in that country.

I married and Australian and knew he wouldn't want to go back to the UK. You have to think about these things before you have kids, they're not furniture that you can leave behind.
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 4:13 pm
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

You weren't exactly married for very long though were you. You weren't happy in Spain so why would you marry an American and go and live there if you want to be in UK, why didn't you go back there and find yourself a British man and marry him instead. I wouldn't put myself through the hassle if I wanted to be in another country. Teddy bear out of pram comes into mind.....if you don't want to go to UK I'll leave.....stomp....

Originally Posted by Shivster
That was my deciding factor in leaving the US and getting divorced. Thankfully we don't have kids but I asked him if he'd move to the UK even if it was in ten years when he retires. The answer was an emphatic no so I'm off!

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to have a voice in the decision to go back?

Last edited by Mercedes; Jul 12th 2007 at 4:19 pm.
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 5:13 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Fat Bloke
Australia is doing my head in big time, I feel trapped and claustrophobic, the place has become a prison all over again for me.

I have just returned here after a quick trip back to the UK and I have made my mind up that I am going home, now all I have to do is convince my Aussie wife who absolutely loves it here and is digging her heels in over the issue.

I would like a new start in the north of England, maybe around Durham or North of Newcastle but no more than half an hours drive out of the smoke but with that great countryside on your doorstep. I yearn for all that history and culture, to be able to take the kids and see a castle on the weekend instead of a beach or a bone dry paddock.

I am so angry with myself for moving her in the first place it is not funny!
Sorry you are having a crap time of it, what is it you dislike about it so much. The trouble is when you marry someone, unless you are from the same place, then one of you always has to move, in my case it was me, I know we are both still in England and not accross the other side of the world, but the idea is the same....I think.

I cant say i'm overly fond of living in Newcastle but I had to adapt and make a sacrifice, fortunately my geordie hubby has now decided he wants to leave so we are, your wife may come round yet.

we intend moving to Australia shortly and if you do decide to move we are selling a lovely 3 bedroom Edwardian terrace house that sounds just your thing we live 3 miles outside of Newcastle city centre £220.000 would secure it for you.

Good luck with everything
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 5:18 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Mercedes
You weren't exactly married for very long though were you. You weren't happy in Spain so why would you marry an American and go and live there if you want to be in UK, why didn't you go back there and find yourself a British man and marry him instead. I wouldn't put myself through the hassle if I wanted to be in another country. Teddy bear out of pram comes into mind.....if you don't want to go to UK I'll leave.....stomp....
A little harsh when you don't know anything about it! We've been married four years.

I met him in Spain and he was open to the idea then of moving to the EU and we also discussed Dubai. I wasn't looking for a man to marry but met him, fell in love and got married. Also at the time I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to the UK at all but four years on I found that that's where I wanted to be. And why is it teddy bear out of pram for me but not for him when he says he'll only ever live in America?
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 9:19 pm
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Fat Bloke
We have been here for 3 years and I have told her that I intend for this coming xmas/summer to be our last in Australia, I can't bear the thought of spending any longer than another year here, I too have to stop myself dashing to the airport, I had to force myself on the plane back here this week. If she does not come with me then I will test the strength of our relationship by leaving and seeing what happens, I am prepared to leave her for my own mental well being. It would be terrible to leave the kids but worse things could happen.

I am setting the goalposts at next July.
If you would "test the strength of our relationship by leaving and seeing what happens" then that says to me that you are contemplating leaving the family. Be careful thinking like that. If you point your mind in that direction, then that is the way it will take you. You are essentially homesick. Homesickness is a feeling of craving linked to attachment. We become attached to a place, exagerate its positive properties, and crave it, thinking it will make us happy. We fail to live in the here and now, and our mind becomes glued to a different place and time. When we get what we want, we find that that was not actually the cause of our unhappiness, so we look for another external source. I did this too. Came back - no happier as a result of being here - just the same. Not unhappy, but I wasn't unhappy in Australia either. As a place to live, I found Australia less stressful and less interesting, but believe it is better for children as a place to grow up. But either way a place can't make me truly happy. More satisfied with my surroundings, yes. But this does not appear to be what you are implying if you would leave your children for it.

Moving around is no big problem if no one is hurt; then we can indulge a little without too much damage. But when they are, it is a grave mater.

Worse things can only happen if you decide they will. Feelings come and go. It can take a while, but no feeling is permanent, and they cannot kill you unless you indulge in them. Your sanity is in your hands.

You have children and are responsible for them. If you have not exhausted every other avenue before taking such drastic action, I hope you understanding the consequences for them, your wife, and you; that essentially they mean less to you than relief from homesickness. Have you considered another part of Australia? Have you spoken with a counsellor, religious practitioner, doctor, whoever? Have you joined any community groups? There are many things to try before leaving alone, or, for that matter, leaving together.

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Old Jul 12th 2007, 10:01 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Being in Australia was definately the cause of my, not only unhappiness but sickness. Now I am me again.
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Old Jul 12th 2007, 10:31 pm
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by seasprite
Being in Australia was definately the cause of my, not only unhappiness but sickness. Now I am me again.
It sounds like your decisions were the cause of your unhappiness and sickness.

We tend to stop looking for causes at the point that we identify something external.
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:10 am
  #24  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Why is it that some of these threads end up so hurtful?

Why don't some of you keep criticism constructive. Why do some of you have to be so harsh?

Some of these people need a tender guiding hand, not a slap and a poke of condemnation.

I'm sorry if i offend anyone with this post, but come on...........try to be kind. Responses like this could push some one over the edge if they are suffering with depression. I know they would me!

Depression should be taken seriously.

If any of you are feeling down and it does not go away, get help. Talk to someone you trust. Friend, partner, doctor.
When you are feeling down this can be hard, but the more you talk the better you are likely to feel.
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:16 am
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by tillergirl
Why is it that some of these threads end up so hurtful?

Why don't some of you keep criticism constructive. Why do some of you have to be so harsh?

Some of these people need a tender guiding hand, not a slap and a poke of condemnation.

I'm sorry if i offend anyone with this post, but come on...........try to be kind. Responses like this could push some one over the edge if they are suffering with depression. I know they would me!

Depression should be taken seriously.

If any of you are feeling down and it does not go away, get help. Talk to someone you trust. Friend, partner, doctor.
When you are feeling down this can be hard, but the more you talk the better you are likely to feel.
Because delusion breeds delusion and if you don't get to the root of a problem in an honest way then you are doomed to repeat any mistakes you have made in the past.

That is if you actually want to solve anything. If you just want to continue in the manner you have become accustomed to and fool yourself that you have 'solved some problems' (by projecting your failings on something else) then that's a different matter.

In this world of spin and soft-soaping straight-talking honesty is what some people now label as 'harsh'.
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:19 am
  #26  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by tillergirl
Why is it that some of these threads end up so hurtful?

Why don't some of you keep criticism constructive. Why do some of you have to be so harsh?

Some of these people need a tender guiding hand, not a slap and a poke of condemnation.

I'm sorry if i offend anyone with this post, but come on...........try to be kind. Responses like this could push some one over the edge if they are suffering with depression. I know they would me!

Depression should be taken seriously.

If any of you are feeling down and it does not go away, get help. Talk to someone you trust. Friend, partner, doctor.
When you are feeling down this can be hard, but the more you talk the better you are likely to feel.
I think that some posters do not consider how they come across rather than being deliberately insensitive. I interpret the posts of ShozinOz for example as trying to remind the poster that he is ultimately in control of the decisions he makes, trying to highlight that we can regain control of our lives if we have the perception that we can.

I feel for the OP. He sounds fearful and depressed. I hope that his sense of desperation lessens soon.
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:32 am
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Vim Fuego
Because delusion breeds delusion and if you don't get to the root of a problem in an honest way then you are doomed to repeat any mistakes you have made in the past.

That is if you actually want to solve anything. If you just want to continue in the manner you have become accustomed to and fool yourself that you have 'solved some problems' (by projecting your failings on something else) then that's a different matter.

In this world of spin and soft-soaping straight-talking honesty is what some people now label as 'harsh'.
The point I'm trying to get across, albeit badly, is that if a person is suffering from depression then 'good' decision making is next to impossible.

They may decide on something in a state of confusion. However, with some professional help they can get fit and well again and be more likely to make the right decisions for themselves.

I just think that hard talking..............is not always the best way, straight away!
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:40 am
  #28  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by tillergirl
The point I'm trying to get across, albeit badly, is that if a person is suffering from depression then 'good' decision making is next to impossible.

They may decide on something in a state of confusion. However, with some professional help they can get fit and well again and be more likely to make the right decisions for themselves.

I just think that hard talking..............is not always the best way, straight away!

Good points!
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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:50 am
  #29  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by Fat Bloke
Sadly not, she is telling me that she is 95% certain that she will remain here in Australia for the rest of her life.
Those words alone make me feel like shit as I would be found hanging from a tree if I was told I had to stay here that long.
How bloody awful fat bloke.

I wish you all the best. You must feel torn. Take some time to think through the possible outcomes of any decisions you may make.

Keep talking dude.

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Old Jul 13th 2007, 12:52 am
  #30  
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Default Re: I have to leave this place

Originally Posted by tillergirl
The point I'm trying to get across, albeit badly, is that if a person is suffering from depression then 'good' decision making is next to impossible.

They may decide on something in a state of confusion. However, with some professional help they can get fit and well again and be more likely to make the right decisions for themselves.

I just think that hard talking..............is not always the best way, straight away!
Well said Tillergirl
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