I don't want to be a ping-ponger
Aug 29th 2008, 5:03 am
#1
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Location: USA
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I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I keep hearing stories through a variety of sources about ex-pats ping-ponging and this is a dreaded reality that troubles me and hubby.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
Aug 29th 2008, 3:10 pm
#2
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
Posts: 57
Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I keep hearing stories through a variety of sources about ex-pats ping-ponging and this is a dreaded reality that troubles me and hubby.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
We moved to NZ 6 years ago and stayed 2 years, went back to the UK for 4 years and have now been back in NZ since May, problem is I still don't feel settled and I am also wondering if I will ever be settled, all I can say is that I have finally realised how much my family mean to me and want to go back home, hopefully will next year but all the worries are will we be settled will the kids be ok will we get jobs and a home!!!! My OH I think would be happy staying here but I just can't get family out of my head. I am hoping like you are there any other people out the who have ping-ponged a couple of times before they get really settled with their life!!!! HELP!
I hope you find your answers and all works out for you, it's hard work all this thinking it over.
Aug 29th 2008, 4:59 pm
#3
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I've got homes in Gambia - where my family lives and in the UK. I work in Kuwait. The one in the UK is rented out and that makes it inaccesible for my trips home and it is really expensive to stay in hotels when I go back - and cars and all of the hassle like that. My view is that it is good to have a home in the UK for me at least but visiting the place is fairly meaningless. Friends are friends and dont care if you cme back once a year or once in three. For me, part of the isue is that my home(s) re paid for though and the imperative to have a safety net is stronger if you live in West Africa than in USA.
I think your issue is about sorting out your life and not about property. I actually think that your circumstances are great and you should be very careful to spoil a model. You do not need to get real at any age but it is good to reflect on these things from time to time.
Very best of luck.
I think your issue is about sorting out your life and not about property. I actually think that your circumstances are great and you should be very careful to spoil a model. You do not need to get real at any age but it is good to reflect on these things from time to time.
Very best of luck.
Aug 30th 2008, 4:04 am
#4
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Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario(house is SOLD on our way back to UK/aug 09)
Posts: 426
Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I keep hearing stories through a variety of sources about ex-pats ping-ponging and this is a dreaded reality that troubles me and hubby.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
Who wants to spend their lives moving? We're feeling burnt out with the moves we've done already and to hear that for some ex-pat Brits that this has become their 'normal' is most concerning. We're starting to wonder if it's an ex-pat disease that is unavoidable.
The expense involved in all this too-ing and fro-ing is dead money too. We're in our late 30's and feel that by this age we need to knuckle down and get real. We've got 3 kids that we don't want to 'mess up' and a bank account that could do with building up given that the current economic decline has sucked our nest egg from beneath us mainly through a plummeting house value and add to this that we have spent a lot of our savings on funding our 'American adventure'.
We had a chat about what would be an ideal scenario and we wonder if having a home in both places and visiting the UK at least 1 time every year for at least 2 weeks, without fail, would alleviate the pull.
So.... questions....
Are their any ex-pats that are fortunate enough to have a home on both sides of the pond and how does this work for you and your families?
Are there any ex-pats that want to share their view on the idea of having 2 homes and annual visits?
and finally does anyone believe it's possible to not become a ping-ponger when you do in fact like both places?
If we do end up moving our lives back to the UK, we want to be able to say 'this IS our last move'.... and believe it, and live like the normal British people we were before this all began.
I think you are doing the right thing thinking about EVERYTHING before possible moving.
My head spins with it all too. I think at the end of the day, you are like me, in many ways, worring about the move with the children, somewhat happy where u r, but, something is ALWAYS MISSING, I'm sure, you will be happy in the UK with more extended family to love u and the children
No one said you can't move around the UK though, right?
good luck x
(did u get my PM the other week?)
Aug 30th 2008, 6:40 am
#5
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
You don't need a home in the UK in order to visit for a couple of weeks each year! You can just rent a holiday cottage for a couple of weeks.
Aug 30th 2008, 7:19 am
#6
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
Never thought we'd be ping pongers as we only been back in UK 10 months, but seriously thinking of going back, renting this house out and renting in Brisbane for at least 6 months to see how we feel.....
Its too expensive to keep doing this backwards and forwards I know for a fact my OH dont wanna come back to UK if we move AGAIN!!!
Personally, the housing market is crap here in UK so we gonna keep house as an investment and sell in maybe 3 years, rent in Oz and see what happens there, no ties if we decide we wanna move around a bit, kids are still young enough to do it.....deffo got the gypsy blood in me
Its too expensive to keep doing this backwards and forwards I know for a fact my OH dont wanna come back to UK if we move AGAIN!!!
Personally, the housing market is crap here in UK so we gonna keep house as an investment and sell in maybe 3 years, rent in Oz and see what happens there, no ties if we decide we wanna move around a bit, kids are still young enough to do it.....deffo got the gypsy blood in me
Aug 31st 2008, 12:15 am
#7
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Location: South Carolina
Posts: 82
Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I lived with my USC hubby for 11 years in the states, then we decided to come to Britain for a couple of years to try it, (the deciding factors were nothing to lose by doing it and not wanting to regret not trying something), so here we are after 2 years, my hubby wants to go back, I want to stay! but I get outvoted as we would struggle to have a mortgage over here, we only rented our house in the states so its easyish for us to go back. We kind of made the decision yesterday and I booked the tickets for Jan, but we already said well if we don't like the education system in the US, and if our goal of our own business does materialize then we will be back 
. It is such an upheaval, I think the main reason that I don't want to go back is because of all the headaches of planning and moving.. Its so difficult when both countries offer so much, I have two little ones and I want to be settled before they start school.
. It is such an upheaval, I think the main reason that I don't want to go back is because of all the headaches of planning and moving.. Its so difficult when both countries offer so much, I have two little ones and I want to be settled before they start school.
Aug 31st 2008, 8:31 am
#8
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
Hi There
We moved to NZ 6 years ago and stayed 2 years, went back to the UK for 4 years and have now been back in NZ since May, problem is I still don't feel settled and I am also wondering if I will ever be settled, all I can say is that I have finally realised how much my family mean to me and want to go back home, hopefully will next year but all the worries are will we be settled will the kids be ok will we get jobs and a home!!!! My OH I think would be happy staying here but I just can't get family out of my head. I am hoping like you are there any other people out the who have ping-ponged a couple of times before they get really settled with their life!!!! HELP!
I hope you find your answers and all works out for you, it's hard work all this thinking it over.
We moved to NZ 6 years ago and stayed 2 years, went back to the UK for 4 years and have now been back in NZ since May, problem is I still don't feel settled and I am also wondering if I will ever be settled, all I can say is that I have finally realised how much my family mean to me and want to go back home, hopefully will next year but all the worries are will we be settled will the kids be ok will we get jobs and a home!!!! My OH I think would be happy staying here but I just can't get family out of my head. I am hoping like you are there any other people out the who have ping-ponged a couple of times before they get really settled with their life!!!! HELP!
I hope you find your answers and all works out for you, it's hard work all this thinking it over.
This may sound stupid but i sometimes think that back home they maybe are just busy running their own lives and maybe they dont think about us as often as we do about them (because it plays on our minds) I may be totally wrong here but it was just a thought i have a brother who is so well off that he could come and visit me every year if he wanted to and i am very close to this brother when we are together over there but hes a busy bloke and his holidays consist of popping to france ever month for a week or so where he has his boat moored and i get on really well with all my family when i go over but they just dont seem to want to make the effort to come and visit and yes they do know how beautiful NZ is as all but one out of them have been over.
They all seem to keep in contact via phone for a month or so after i go back and then that also drops off and i ring my mum every week i dont expect her to ring me as its expensive to call from over there and really reasonable to call from here!
Just a thought i had some others may have a different view on it lol.....
Cheers
Cally
Aug 31st 2008, 8:39 am
#9
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
Can I ask what it was that first of all took you back to the UK and then, what was it about the UK that made you want to return to Oz? A bit of a personal question I know, but it could be quite useful for those of us struggling with similar issues.
Aug 31st 2008, 12:50 pm
#10
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Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
Hi there have any of your family ever come out to see you in NZ? The reason i ask is because i have been here 30yrs and its always me that does the visiting by travelling to the UK i reckon i have spent probably around 60k nz dollars in the past 6yrs travelling back and forth lol. (The frequency of my travelling was due to seperating with my kiwi husband and i didnt know where i wanted to be lol (still dont!)
This may sound stupid but i sometimes think that back home they maybe are just busy running their own lives and maybe they dont think about us as often as we do about them (because it plays on our minds) I may be totally wrong here but it was just a thought i have a brother who is so well off that he could come and visit me every year if he wanted to and i am very close to this brother when we are together over there but hes a busy bloke and his holidays consist of popping to france ever month for a week or so where he has his boat moored and i get on really well with all my family when i go over but they just dont seem to want to make the effort to come and visit and yes they do know how beautiful NZ is as all but one out of them have been over.
They all seem to keep in contact via phone for a month or so after i go back and then that also drops off and i ring my mum every week i dont expect her to ring me as its expensive to call from over there and really reasonable to call from here!
Just a thought i had some others may have a different view on it lol.....
Cheers
Cally
This may sound stupid but i sometimes think that back home they maybe are just busy running their own lives and maybe they dont think about us as often as we do about them (because it plays on our minds) I may be totally wrong here but it was just a thought i have a brother who is so well off that he could come and visit me every year if he wanted to and i am very close to this brother when we are together over there but hes a busy bloke and his holidays consist of popping to france ever month for a week or so where he has his boat moored and i get on really well with all my family when i go over but they just dont seem to want to make the effort to come and visit and yes they do know how beautiful NZ is as all but one out of them have been over.
They all seem to keep in contact via phone for a month or so after i go back and then that also drops off and i ring my mum every week i dont expect her to ring me as its expensive to call from over there and really reasonable to call from here!
Just a thought i had some others may have a different view on it lol.....
Cheers
Cally
Yes last time we had 4 lots of family out which was great but not so great having to say bye. My worry this time is people have done it once and maybe they will do it once more but after that it will ease off. One of my sisters looked into coming early next year but it is to expensive and I think this will be the problem family will have. Also how many times would they want to keep doing it, when you can have a great holiday in france etc for not as much money. We (me and OH) have said that realistically we wouldn't be able to afford to go back for a holiday that often, maybe once every 5 years or so.
I do keep in touch with family once a week which is good but I just feel like I want to be there with them.
I think it is ture what you say we probably think about them more than the other way round I think they do just get on with their lives. I would just hate to get 30 years down the line and still have the wanting to go back, I'm sorry that you feel like this and I'm sure it is due to your situation, but there is a feeling of theres no place like home. I hate feeling like this and wish I could just snap myself out of it but you do only have one life, yes sounds very drastic but true.
I hope you decide your out come and sure it will be the right one.
Sue
Aug 31st 2008, 10:08 pm
#11
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I have moved UK-Australia-UK-Australia, and will soon be back to UK with a bit of luck!
It is a hell of a difficult thing. On one hand, I almost wish I had never moved from UK in the first place, then I would be settled.
On the other hand, I have had some great experiences through living in Australia and it has really broadened my outlook on life.
It does mean that it's very very hard to settle permanently anywhere.
The best advice I can think of right now is, don't worry about where you want to live forever. Forever is just too long. Worry about where you want to live for at least the next couple of years, and wherever that is, try to be there for at least a couple of years and really make the most of it.
If you happen to feel like another move after that, well so be it. You only live once and you might as well live where you want to live (even if that place keeps on changing)!
It does suck a lot of money from you, and it is very emotionally difficult to keep moving, but as I said, just do what you want to do for now, and worry about later later!
At the end of the day, I think that's all any of us can really do.
It is a hell of a difficult thing. On one hand, I almost wish I had never moved from UK in the first place, then I would be settled.
On the other hand, I have had some great experiences through living in Australia and it has really broadened my outlook on life.
It does mean that it's very very hard to settle permanently anywhere.
The best advice I can think of right now is, don't worry about where you want to live forever. Forever is just too long. Worry about where you want to live for at least the next couple of years, and wherever that is, try to be there for at least a couple of years and really make the most of it.
If you happen to feel like another move after that, well so be it. You only live once and you might as well live where you want to live (even if that place keeps on changing)!
It does suck a lot of money from you, and it is very emotionally difficult to keep moving, but as I said, just do what you want to do for now, and worry about later later!
At the end of the day, I think that's all any of us can really do.
Aug 31st 2008, 10:25 pm
#12
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Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Te Awamutu, New Zealand
Posts: 57
Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I have moved UK-Australia-UK-Australia, and will soon be back to UK with a bit of luck!
It is a hell of a difficult thing. On one hand, I almost wish I had never moved from UK in the first place, then I would be settled.
On the other hand, I have had some great experiences through living in Australia and it has really broadened my outlook on life.
It does mean that it's very very hard to settle permanently anywhere.
The best advice I can think of right now is, don't worry about where you want to live forever. Forever is just too long. Worry about where you want to live for at least the next couple of years, and wherever that is, try to be there for at least a couple of years and really make the most of it.
If you happen to feel like another move after that, well so be it. You only live once and you might as well live where you want to live (even if that place keeps on changing)!
It does suck a lot of money from you, and it is very emotionally difficult to keep moving, but as I said, just do what you want to do for now, and worry about later later!
At the end of the day, I think that's all any of us can really do.
It is a hell of a difficult thing. On one hand, I almost wish I had never moved from UK in the first place, then I would be settled.
On the other hand, I have had some great experiences through living in Australia and it has really broadened my outlook on life.
It does mean that it's very very hard to settle permanently anywhere.
The best advice I can think of right now is, don't worry about where you want to live forever. Forever is just too long. Worry about where you want to live for at least the next couple of years, and wherever that is, try to be there for at least a couple of years and really make the most of it.
If you happen to feel like another move after that, well so be it. You only live once and you might as well live where you want to live (even if that place keeps on changing)!
It does suck a lot of money from you, and it is very emotionally difficult to keep moving, but as I said, just do what you want to do for now, and worry about later later!
At the end of the day, I think that's all any of us can really do.
Great points, I feel a lot more happier now than I did this time yesterday, when I think I just about cried every few hours. Being on here has helped loads it makes you feel like you are not the only one
Thanks (not sure your reply was ment for me but has helped loads) Thanks
Aug 31st 2008, 11:06 pm
#13
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
I'm glad if it's helped!
Sep 1st 2008, 5:31 am
#14
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
stupid really cos it does push people away and I found I probably only stuck with people (other than a few) that felt the same way so it was all negative and nothing positive (if you know what I mean) and that in itself was a BIG MISTAKE....Anyway, that made my mind up we were coming back, lock stock barrel and two dogs and two kids (eldest stayed in Perth)...
Got back here, OH got a fab job (already arranged in Oz) and life began back here....we did have a few really crappy moments (like bought a car for a hell of a lot of money) to find out after doing all checks it was cloned
...My Dad was seriously ill over xmas and we had all that to contend with, I missed my daughter terribly...... blah blah well, so that was it all fine, until a few months ago OH decided UK is not the place for the kids, nothing to pinpoint on, just everyone and everything seems different (if you know what I mean), I dont know it changed him so much coming back, he misses our life there, he thinks its a better life for the kids while they are young etc (probably get shot down for that one) and he really is on a downer
I feel terrible cos I know hes not happy and hes always put me and the kids first, so what do I do?? I now have the emotions of my Dad, my OH and kids and my daughter in Perth..OH has been applying for jobs and is waiting to hear back about one....he wants to go I want us to be happy...I could go back and regret it, but I am prepared to go back with a very open mind and stay positive, if my Dad came that would be great if he doesnt, thats another matter I have to deal with...
I could stay here and be happy, but somehow I dont think my OH will be. Ive come to realise how selfish I was over there and now I really do have to put my OH and kids first (if you see what I mean)...
Hope this helps a little (sorry to waffle) but it is very hard to put into words and pinpoint one thing...
To sum things up I could stay or go and can see it from both sides more clearly now....
Last edited by Kath & Graham; Sep 1st 2008 at 5:34 am.
Sep 1st 2008, 8:15 am
#15
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Re: I don't want to be a ping-ponger
That's a hard place to be Kath. Mind you, what I've found is that if the wife/mother isn't happy then no one in the family is. I've come across many women on these boards who came to, or came back to Oz because this is where hubby wanted to be and then spent their time quaffing back anti-depressants. If you don't want to be back in Oz, then just don't. Who knows, your daughter might well return to the UK anyhow. Look at us, my mum followed us over to Australia and now we want to uproot and return. They wouldn't be able to afford to return and wouldn't want to anyhow for health reasons. Little wonder she's not talking to me anymore. I just feel so bloody dead here though. I cry everytime I see the British countryside on the telly....even though I know the reality would be living in the city and putting up with all that brings.
