Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

I am in despair and dont know what to do

I am in despair and dont know what to do

Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:02 am
  #1  
I don't give a damn
Thread Starter
 
Fleaflyfloflum's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Fleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond repute
Default I am in despair and dont know what to do

Many here know my early return to UK without my husband has not been an easy ride so far, but things have now got to the point that i really am considering returning to Sydney until my husband and i can come back over together. I am losing a lot of sleep worrying about everything and i'm not sure is this is the right decision.

Brief rundown of circumstances.

Initially husband and i intended to come back together in January, but my older dsaughter gave birth to a grandchild with feet deformities and the family needed my support.
I was also told by a good friend i had a great job waiting for me on my return, and sure enough i got the job, only to be told on my first day at work that i could not keep my job because i could not get security clearance due to living overseas for more than 3yrs. Since then i have applied for 16 jobs and not got one response. My husband is having to send me money from Sydney to keep me alive which is crazy.

My younger daughter, with whom i was intending to live with until my husband came over, split with her partner 2 weeks after i arrived!! This has made staying there impossible as they are now trying to patch up the relationship and i am not willing to put myself on them at such an emotional time for them. This has meant i am squeezed into a tiny 2 bedroom flat with my other daughter who has the baby with feet probs. She also has a 6yr old stepdaugther and i am having to share a bedroom with her. Whilst we all get on extremely well under such dire circumstances, the stress and emotion of it all is really starting to get me down, to the point i feel i am becoming depressed.

My husband and i are desperate to settle back in UK, but a bad run of circumstances beyond our control has left me in a hopeless situation. I dont want to go back as i fear it would mean at least a year of me trying to save up more money on Aussie dollar wages before we could come, but i cannot go on spongng money from our aussie savings due to not being able to find work. It seems that being a UK returnee is tantamount to being a new immigrant and no one wants to know!!

I feel like crying everyday as I have so much to worry about. Not just our returning home situation, but my grandaughters health, my other daughters relationship (2 kids involved) and the fact i am sitting here homeless, jobless and its starting to feel like futureless too.

What do i do? Go back or tough it out here?

Last edited by Fleaflyfloflum; Oct 21st 2007 at 9:04 am.
Fleaflyfloflum is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:08 am
  #2  
 
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Cheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond reputeCheetah7 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
Many here know my early return to UK without my husband has not been an easy ride so far, but things have now got to the point that i really am considering returning to Sydney until my husband and i can come back over together. I am losing a lot of sleep worrying about everything and i'm not sure is this is the right decision.

Brief rundown of circumstances.

Initially husband and i intended to come back together in January, but my older dsaughter gave birth to a grandchild with feet deformities and the family needed my support.
I was also told by a good friend i had a great job waiting for me on my return, and sure enough i got the job, only to be told on my first day at work that i could not keep my job because i could not get security clearance due to living overseas for more than 3yrs. Since then i have applied for 16 jobs and not got one response. My husband is having to send me money from Sydney to keep me alive which is crazy.

My younger daughter, with whom i was intending to live with until my husband came over, split with her partner 2 weeks after i arrived!! This has made staying there impossible as they are now trying to patch up the relationship and i am not willing to put myself on them at such an emotional time for them. This has meant i am squeezed into a tiny 2 bedroom flat with my other daughter who has the baby with feet probs. She also has a 6yr old stepdaugther and i am having to share a bedroom with her. Whilst we all get on extremely well under such dire circumstances, the stress and emotion of it all is really starting to get me down, to the point i feel i am becoming depressed.

My husband and i are desperate to settle back in UK, but a bad run of circumstances beyond our control has left me in a hopeless situation. I dont want to go back as i fear it would mean at least a year of me trying to save up more money on Aussie dollar wages before we could come, but i cannot go on spongng money from our aussie savings due to not being able to find work. It seems that being a UK returnee is tantamount to being a new immigrant and no one wants to know!!

I feel like crying everyday as I have so much to worry about. Not just our returning home situation, but my grandaughters health, my other daughters relationship (2 kids involved) and the fact i am sitting here homeless, jobless and its starting to feel like futureless too.

What do i do? Go back or tough it out here?
I think if it were me then I would go back to be with my husband. It won't be forever and you will at least be in your comfort zone from the point that you will be with your man in your home with your own space.

Space I might add to gather your thoughts, sort yourself out and get back some valuable time you have missed from being together.

Then when you do come back, whatever you face will be with your hubby and won't be so daunting.

Dont let depression take hold, get yourself back to be with him and then take one very small step at a time with regards to planning your future back in the UK.



Good luck, it has been so hard for you but I bet you will feel so much better when you are back with your husband.
Cheetah7 is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:12 am
  #3  
Homebody
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,182
Elvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
.......What do i do? Go back or tough it out here?
I know it's probably easy for me to say, but I would try to tough it out a little longer. Something is bound to turn up. Can you do some networking, eg based on previous jobs/contacts? Have you tried temp agencies? Are the Job Centre people helping you? What about market research - they always need interviewers. It may be way below what you are used to, but if it helps put food on the table...

Good luck!
Elvira is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:35 am
  #4  
I don't give a damn
Thread Starter
 
Fleaflyfloflum's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Fleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Thanx PP and Elvira.

Yes i am missing my husband big time. We have always been very close and never been separated like this before.

As for the job prospects. I have tried all networking avenues. It was my best friend who got me the intial job. I am only in contact with about 5 people in UK as i have been gone so long. Either they are not working anymore or working in areas i am not qualified to go into. I must say they have all been rallying round to help but no luck so far. I have even got to the point of applying for temp christmas staff jobs in retail stores but not a dickie bird as yet!! I am bnot sure if it is my age or the fact they cant be bothered checking Aussie references...maybe bit of both who knows. All i know is i cant go on like this much longer.
Fleaflyfloflum is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:37 am
  #5  
BE Forum Addict
 
Elaine B.'s Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: NI (back from Toronto)
Posts: 3,409
Elaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond reputeElaine B. has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
Many here know my early return to UK without my husband has not been an easy ride so far, but things have now got to the point that i really am considering returning to Sydney until my husband and i can come back over together. I am losing a lot of sleep worrying about everything and i'm not sure is this is the right decision.

Brief rundown of circumstances.

Initially husband and i intended to come back together in January, but my older dsaughter gave birth to a grandchild with feet deformities and the family needed my support.
I was also told by a good friend i had a great job waiting for me on my return, and sure enough i got the job, only to be told on my first day at work that i could not keep my job because i could not get security clearance due to living overseas for more than 3yrs. Since then i have applied for 16 jobs and not got one response. My husband is having to send me money from Sydney to keep me alive which is crazy.

My younger daughter, with whom i was intending to live with until my husband came over, split with her partner 2 weeks after i arrived!! This has made staying there impossible as they are now trying to patch up the relationship and i am not willing to put myself on them at such an emotional time for them. This has meant i am squeezed into a tiny 2 bedroom flat with my other daughter who has the baby with feet probs. She also has a 6yr old stepdaugther and i am having to share a bedroom with her. Whilst we all get on extremely well under such dire circumstances, the stress and emotion of it all is really starting to get me down, to the point i feel i am becoming depressed.

My husband and i are desperate to settle back in UK, but a bad run of circumstances beyond our control has left me in a hopeless situation. I dont want to go back as i fear it would mean at least a year of me trying to save up more money on Aussie dollar wages before we could come, but i cannot go on spongng money from our aussie savings due to not being able to find work. It seems that being a UK returnee is tantamount to being a new immigrant and no one wants to know!!

I feel like crying everyday as I have so much to worry about. Not just our returning home situation, but my grandaughters health, my other daughters relationship (2 kids involved) and the fact i am sitting here homeless, jobless and its starting to feel like futureless too.

What do i do? Go back or tough it out here?
Hi there

I really feel for you. I know how it feels not having your husband around for weeks even months at a time. Mine's away at the minute he's in Bristol tonight!

When we moved from Montreal to Toronto back in 2001 we had to move in with his granparent. I had no work permit and he had to go to Europe to work about a week after we arrived. I felt so depressed at the time and the weeks dragged by. I eventually got a job in a bar (friend of a friend nudge nudge wink wink) even though the thought terrified me at the time and that kept me semi-sane. Maybe think about looking at jobs you'd never considered before just so you can spend sometime out of the house.

Will your husband still be able to come in January? It's really not so far away. Easy for me to say.

Maybe Monday will bring some good news.
Elaine B. is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:37 am
  #6  
Homebody
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,182
Elvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Fleaflyfloflum
Thanx PP and Elvira.

Yes i am missing my husband big time. We have always been very close and never been separated like this before.

As for the job prospects. I have tried all networking avenues. It was my best friend who got me the intial job. I am only in contact with about 5 people in UK as i have been gone so long. Either they are not working anymore or working in areas i am not qualified to go into. I must say they have all been rallying round to help but no luck so far. I have even got to the point of applying for temp christmas staff jobs in retail stores but not a dickie bird as yet!! I am bnot sure if it is my age or the fact they cant be bothered checking Aussie references...maybe bit of both who knows. All i know is i cant go on like this much longer.
Whereabouts in the UK are you?
Elvira is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:41 am
  #7  
I don't give a damn
Thread Starter
 
Fleaflyfloflum's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Fleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Elvira
Whereabouts in the UK are you?
I am in Essex, which is also part of the problem i think. The job market doesnt seem to be as busy as the other side of London where I come from, but the problem being i have nowhere to live over that side and London is a long drive from here.
Fleaflyfloflum is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:46 am
  #8  
I don't give a damn
Thread Starter
 
Fleaflyfloflum's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Fleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond reputeFleaflyfloflum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Originally Posted by Elaine B.
Hi there

I really feel for you. I know how it feels not having your husband around for weeks even months at a time. Mine's away at the minute he's in Bristol tonight!

When we moved from Montreal to Toronto back in 2001 we had to move in with his granparent. I had no work permit and he had to go to Europe to work about a week after we arrived. I felt so depressed at the time and the weeks dragged by. I eventually got a job in a bar (friend of a friend nudge nudge wink wink) even though the thought terrified me at the time and that kept me semi-sane. Maybe think about looking at jobs you'd never considered before just so you can spend sometime out of the house.

Will your husband still be able to come in January? It's really not so far away. Easy for me to say.

Maybe Monday will bring some good news.
Thanks Elaine

Part of our problem is he needs his settlement visa too. We were definitely planning on him being here in January, but if i cant find a job and ultimately somewhere for us to live we are screwed. We are putting his brother down as a rellie giving us accomodation when he arrives, but realistically we wont be living there because they are way down in Portsmouth which is too far from London where he will have to be working in his jobmarket.
Fleaflyfloflum is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 9:57 am
  #9  
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Triboy is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

I would stay where you are. Your husband will not be far away (although it seems that way now). We moved to the UK last year and came back here because my wife had a few issues with study, new country etc. We've worked them out and are planning to return by end of next year. But I have to say, there is not one minute of one day that I don't regret bitterly coming back, and my wife now says it was a mistake and she should have stuck it out.

The problem with going back is that you make deals with yourself about going back 'when this is done' or 'when that happens'. And many times, for many reasons those timeframes get shifted back. So the disappointment can be double because you can't really enjoy where you are, you're always 'waiting' for something and it can never happen quick enough. And you're still in Oz

You'll have to find a job when you come back, and that is effort, and when you come back to the UK you'll have to find another. IMO better to use all your energy to getting a job there once and for all, which will help when your husband comes over.

Last year I was offered a job in 4wks in Aldershot, but very reluctantly turned it down. I found establishing a good relationship with the agencies has been key, both here and there. Sell yourself, they make money from your experience so they should be working for you. And hassle the crap out of em I agree that you're probably on the wrong side of London, but as someone who has done exactly what you are talking about, I'd say stick it out.

I'm in Sydney, PM me if you want.
Triboy is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 11:25 am
  #10  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Flower Mound Texas
Posts: 242
Twigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud ofTwigstar has much to be proud of
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

I would also like to say 'stick it out'. Last year (Oct) I was offered a job in the UK as we were so unhappy in the US & we wanted to return. I was in exactly the same boat as you. I stayed with our married daughter and slept on an air mattress for 6 weeks. I looked for a job, applied at my old company and just couldn't get anywhere at 49yrs old the temp agency virtually laughed at me, Boots M&S you name it I tried it. I was too specialised apparently but I was willing to do call centre work ANYTHING but to no avail. I returned to the US in December. I was really unhappy, felt a failure and unwanted. I felt I couldn't contribute to anything as my role was meant to find somewhere to live for hubby & 2 other kids return. We struggled on thru this year and we have just sold the business we had which was pulling us apart. Now we have had time to take stock and I want to return to the UK again. My old company now do have a position but because of the age of our daughter 15yrs (GCSE's etc) it will be too hard to expect her to jump into school inthe UK after 4 years here. I am in 2 minds whether to return and take the job offer (pay is £50000 ++) car, bupa etc now and oh & daughter & dog can follow next May or to stick it out for her sake with no prospect of a job next year. Stay put FFFF put on your red lippy tomorrow and try the recruitment agencies again. Not sure where in Essex you are but are you near M11/M25? Try the airports http://www.baa.com/portal/page/Corpo...arch+our+Jobs/ Good Luck PMA to you repeat after me I will find a job, I will find a job, I will find a job,,,,,,
Twigstar is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 11:29 am
  #11  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
TraceyW is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Oh Flea....I don't know what you should do. I know you must be feeling a bit lost with it all, especially not having hubby with you. I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you and sending a big (((((((((((HUG))))))))))) and things will work out for the best, they always do.
TraceyW is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 1:47 pm
  #12  
Thinking about it
 
BigDavyG's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Mid-West
Posts: 9,435
BigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Now that Christmas is just round the corner can't you get yourself a bit of retail work, be it in a shop or a warehouse. Lots of companies take on extra staff at this time of year, and it will at least have you earning some cash until something more suitable comes along.
Temp agencies can help out, or just try the usual suspects (Tesco's, sainsburys, m&s, etc).

Good luck

EDIT: Sorry - just read that you had tried that. Get yourself down to the shops to ask in person. Pretend that you are just asking in passing, and if you happen to ask someone in charge them seeing you in person will do you no harm at all to your chances.

Last edited by BigDavyG; Oct 21st 2007 at 1:53 pm.
BigDavyG is offline  
Old Oct 21st 2007, 2:19 pm
  #13  
Tea Drinker
 
Danny B's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Danny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond reputeDanny B has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

I think the sacrifice you made to come back to the UK to be with your Daughters & new born Grand child is simply amazing. Now that you have stabilized the family and shown them that you are there if they need you, I think you should concentrate on what makes you happy.
If that means going back to Sydney then so be it. If your Daughters are anything like yourself then I'm sure they will be very supportive of this decision.

The thing I have found about getting jobs in the UK is it's all about being in the right place at the right time, normally when you least expect it.
Danny B is offline  
Old Oct 22nd 2007, 5:17 am
  #14  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Yoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond reputeYoong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

Hi Flea,
I am wondering,how soon can you find a job if you were to go
back to OZ? May be set a time frame regarding how long you can
endure without a job and living off your saving.If situation remains
the same, you are better off health wise and financially with your
supportive hubby in OZ.
Any online work that you could do ?

My wishes for you that positive things will come your way soon
Yoong
Yoong is offline  
Old Oct 22nd 2007, 5:22 am
  #15  
BE Forum Addict
 
Scout's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 1,216
Scout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond reputeScout has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: I am in despair and dont know what to do

First off.........it's not hopeless. It just takes time. Keep applying for permanent positions and every day hit the pavement putting in applications at every retail outlet you see for temporary work, part time work......ANY work. And work at looking for a job 8 hours a day because right now that IS YOUR JOB.......your current job is seeking employment.

You just lost your 'guaranteed job' a few weeks ago and pretty much 16 applications with not one response is the norm. You're lucky if 1 out of 20 respond. BTW, if they don't respond then follow-up with them. Give them a call about whther your application has been considered. Has the position been filled? etc.

If you get an interview, then as soon as you get home from the interview send a follow-up letter to the person that interview thanking them for considering your for the position, yada, yada, yada. Check out the adverts for positions in the Job Centre and in the newspapers.

Something will eventually turnup. Keep at it. Every day.
Scout is offline  

Contact Us - Manage Preferences - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Your Privacy Choices -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.