Hubby really down about going home.
Mar 18th 2007, 10:50 pm
#16
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Thanks for the all the advice guys.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Mar 18th 2007, 10:55 pm
#17
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Thanks for the all the advice guys.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Mar 19th 2007, 1:08 am
#18
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Thanks for the all the advice guys.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Sorry dont know the answer to your dilemma, maybe popping over east to check it out might be a good idea so you & your man can see if the grass is greener there or if it is just as sandy as Perth, if you get to the UK and decide that it's not where you want to be you can always move again.
Mar 19th 2007, 2:50 am
#19
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Oh no Tracey, what a nightmare - a whole day with Perth lovers, cant think of anything worse & not surprised you were reaching for the Vodka bottle.
Sorry dont know the answer to your dilemma, maybe popping over east to check it out might be a good idea so you & your man can see if the grass is greener there or if it is just as sandy as Perth, if you get to the UK and decide that it's not where you want to be you can always move again.
Sorry dont know the answer to your dilemma, maybe popping over east to check it out might be a good idea so you & your man can see if the grass is greener there or if it is just as sandy as Perth, if you get to the UK and decide that it's not where you want to be you can always move again.
He obviously loves you - to consider moving somewhere, even if it were his choice, he wouldn't, obviously meanas that he thinks he could be happy enough in the UK. Would him being there be any worse than you being here? Who would be most miserable? I get the impression he'd be happy enough in Blighty - in time. It must make him unhappy to think how unhappy being here makes you. And surely that's why he's agreed to make the move back. I'm sure you're not ruining anything - it's just a case of moving on to the next thing.
Mar 19th 2007, 4:23 am
#20
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
I think that's good advice. Tracey, if your hubby knows that you're willing to consider trying everything you can to make this work, it might make it easier for him to see that you're really desperately unhappy (does that make sense?). That might work in your favour in him considering the move back.
He obviously loves you - to consider moving somewhere, even if it were his choice, he wouldn't, obviously meanas that he thinks he could be happy enough in the UK. Would him being there be any worse than you being here? Who would be most miserable? I get the impression he'd be happy enough in Blighty - in time. It must make him unhappy to think how unhappy being here makes you. And surely that's why he's agreed to make the move back. I'm sure you're not ruining anything - it's just a case of moving on to the next thing.
He obviously loves you - to consider moving somewhere, even if it were his choice, he wouldn't, obviously meanas that he thinks he could be happy enough in the UK. Would him being there be any worse than you being here? Who would be most miserable? I get the impression he'd be happy enough in Blighty - in time. It must make him unhappy to think how unhappy being here makes you. And surely that's why he's agreed to make the move back. I'm sure you're not ruining anything - it's just a case of moving on to the next thing.
To some people Perth IS paradise but to others (like you and me and a whole lot of others on this forum) it is boring as hell and a million miles away from everything we hold dear. These insensitive people have obviously filled your hubbies head with the things he wants to hear......keep chipping away at him and things might sort themselfs out.
Funny about the seeing a shrink advice..........this is exactly what my mother wanted me to do when I told her we were going back! (Post natal depression that had suddenly appeared a year after giving birth!)
Sometimes you are so 'inside' a problem that you can't see a way out, you have lots of time till you finish uni so no major desisions need to be made just yet.........try to let it slide for a while.......and keep up the vodka! Sending HUGE hugs XXXXXXXX hopefully I will see you soon XX
Mar 19th 2007, 7:11 am
#21
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Mar 19th 2007, 3:24 pm
#23
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Thanks for the all the advice guys.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Hubby has said that he WILL go home with me, but he doesn't WANT too. I don't know how I'm going to do that to him. It's an awful feeling knowing that I am ruining somebody elses dream, and this was his dream. I suppose if I didn't love him quite so much it would be an easy decision to make.
It doesn't help after spending all arvo yesterday with Perth adorers. They were telling me, in front of hubby, how crazy I would be to go back, how awful it is there, how they would never do it to their kids, how our kids are our family now and nobody else matters, how it wouldn't work if we went back and at one point they suggested I go and see a shrink to try to get to the bottom of my problems about Perth! So consequently I drank a lot of vodka!
At the moment I feel that I want to just curl up in a ball and sleep until this is all over.
Man, with friends like that who needs enemies. Your husband sounds very "passive agressive" and I should know because that's me too. I bet after he says that he'd go to the UK for you, but wouldn't like it, he goes off and sulks. I think you two need to talk very honestly with eachother and maybe even do it with some mediator, maybe a priest, or a therapist because this could become a serious problem.
Mar 20th 2007, 12:59 am
#24
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
It's a tough situation Tracey, and I find myself in one very similar, although in our case the husband/wife thing is reversed.
You have as much right to be happy as the rest of your family, and remember that your unhappiness is likely to have a greater impact on those around you, especially the kids. As someone very wise said to me recently, kids expect you to make yourself happy, not make them feel guilty, as they wont thank you for it later.
As for the crime, weirdos, etc, just get your husband to read the local papers a bit more closely. There is probably a lot more of that stuff going on in suburban Perth than in Devon, or other nice parts of the UK that you would be living in. Weather is a major issue for Perth lovers, but were your kids out running around in 42 degrees?
At the end of the day, surely your reasons for wanting to go home carry more weight than the blue skies, space, barbecues, etc, and many of the imaginary reasons why the UK is all doom and gloom.
You have as much right to be happy as the rest of your family, and remember that your unhappiness is likely to have a greater impact on those around you, especially the kids. As someone very wise said to me recently, kids expect you to make yourself happy, not make them feel guilty, as they wont thank you for it later.
As for the crime, weirdos, etc, just get your husband to read the local papers a bit more closely. There is probably a lot more of that stuff going on in suburban Perth than in Devon, or other nice parts of the UK that you would be living in. Weather is a major issue for Perth lovers, but were your kids out running around in 42 degrees?
At the end of the day, surely your reasons for wanting to go home carry more weight than the blue skies, space, barbecues, etc, and many of the imaginary reasons why the UK is all doom and gloom.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect. 
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
Mar 20th 2007, 2:48 am
#25
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Do you have any family coming out this year to see you or any plans for a trip home?
I really really wish we hadnt bloody even thought of Oz - I would happily turn the clock back 1 year before we even sent out applications off.
I had a really terrible morning on Sunday - its always the same, when I speak to my family and friends at home I just need to be there that second. Also this morning spoke to my 5 year old niece on the webcam - I love her to bits and just hope she doesnt forget me.
OH was very understanding and consoling - and assures me that when we go home for a hol in October if we still feel the same he will go in his office in the UK while we are there and tell them that we are returning (he is currently working from home for his old company) we will then come back to brisbane with a smile on our face and set the motions for the house going on the market.
Esther
I really really wish we hadnt bloody even thought of Oz - I would happily turn the clock back 1 year before we even sent out applications off.
I had a really terrible morning on Sunday - its always the same, when I speak to my family and friends at home I just need to be there that second. Also this morning spoke to my 5 year old niece on the webcam - I love her to bits and just hope she doesnt forget me.
OH was very understanding and consoling - and assures me that when we go home for a hol in October if we still feel the same he will go in his office in the UK while we are there and tell them that we are returning (he is currently working from home for his old company) we will then come back to brisbane with a smile on our face and set the motions for the house going on the market.
Esther
Mar 20th 2007, 3:00 am
#26
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Posts: 13,880
Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Do you have any family coming out this year to see you or any plans for a trip home?
I really really wish we hadnt bloody even thought of Oz - I would happily turn the clock back 1 year before we even sent out applications off.
I had a really terrible morning on Sunday - its always the same, when I speak to my family and friends at home I just need to be there that second. Also this morning spoke to my 5 year old niece on the webcam - I love her to bits and just hope she doesnt forget me.
OH was very understanding and consoling - and assures me that when we go home for a hol in October if we still feel the same he will go in his office in the UK while we are there and tell them that we are returning (he is currently working from home for his old company) we will then come back to brisbane with a smile on our face and set the motions for the house going on the market.
Esther
I really really wish we hadnt bloody even thought of Oz - I would happily turn the clock back 1 year before we even sent out applications off.
I had a really terrible morning on Sunday - its always the same, when I speak to my family and friends at home I just need to be there that second. Also this morning spoke to my 5 year old niece on the webcam - I love her to bits and just hope she doesnt forget me.
OH was very understanding and consoling - and assures me that when we go home for a hol in October if we still feel the same he will go in his office in the UK while we are there and tell them that we are returning (he is currently working from home for his old company) we will then come back to brisbane with a smile on our face and set the motions for the house going on the market.
Esther
Mar 20th 2007, 3:08 am
#27
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Me and hubby had another conversation about going home last night. He is so gloomy about the prospect.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
He just reckons we'll be stuck in the house not being able to go out because it's raining. He'll be scraping frost off the car, the kids will not be able to play outside like they do here because of all the weirdo's, houses will be pokey, traffic will be ridiculous, immigrants will be everywhere, crime will be rife...oh the list is endless as far as he's concerned. Basically he just hasn't got one shred of enthusiasm to go back and it's really making me question things.
How do I make him do something he doesn't want to do? I want him to be happy too. He would never have made me come here if I didn't want to come, so it's not really very fair that I'm 'making' him go back to somewhere he doesn't want to live. I just feel that all this going home thing is all about me and that's selfish on my part. Hubby and the kids are o.k here and after all, there are four of us in this family, not just me. And it is just me really that dislikes this life we're living. He'd like to try living on the Gold Coast as he reckons our lives would be much better there.
What do I do? It's all such a bloody mess.
And it is indeed a mess, if only I had never agreed to move here in the first place.............
I know what I want to do, and that is just up and leave tomorrow, but it isn't as easy as that. I have two children who don't know any other country, and a husband who is very happy here.
So very difficult. I really sympathise with you.
Mar 20th 2007, 8:26 am
#28
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
You have as much right to be happy as the rest of your family, and remember that your unhappiness is likely to have a greater impact on those around you, especially the kids. As someone very wise said to me recently, kids expect you to make yourself happy, not make them feel guilty, as they wont thank you for it later.
As for the crime, weirdos, etc, just get your husband to read the local papers a bit more closely. There is probably a lot more of that stuff going on in suburban Perth than in Devon, or other nice parts of the UK that you would be living in. Weather is a major issue for Perth lovers, but were your kids out running around in 42 degrees?
At the end of the day, surely your reasons for wanting to go home carry more weight than the blue skies, space, barbecues, etc, and many of the imaginary reasons why the UK is all doom and gloom.
As for the crime, weirdos, etc, just get your husband to read the local papers a bit more closely. There is probably a lot more of that stuff going on in suburban Perth than in Devon, or other nice parts of the UK that you would be living in. Weather is a major issue for Perth lovers, but were your kids out running around in 42 degrees?
At the end of the day, surely your reasons for wanting to go home carry more weight than the blue skies, space, barbecues, etc, and many of the imaginary reasons why the UK is all doom and gloom.
It's all a case of pro's and con's for both contries isn't it? There is crap here and there is crap there. If this place was absolutely awful, the decision would be quite simple really, but alas, it isn't that bad when you weigh it all up.
My head sometimes feels like it's on overload with all of the worry. But then my issues pale into unsignificance when I think about poor Kath and what she's going through right now.
Mar 20th 2007, 8:28 am
#29
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
Mar 20th 2007, 8:39 am
#30
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Re: Hubby really down about going home.
hI Tracey
I am also in a similiar situation to you but my hubby and I have finally reached a turning point in other words he has finally agreed that he wants the marriage to work so he is willing to come home with me and the boys. It took months or arguments and crying on my part but he has finally come around to it.
I am also in a similiar situation to you but my hubby and I have finally reached a turning point in other words he has finally agreed that he wants the marriage to work so he is willing to come home with me and the boys. It took months or arguments and crying on my part but he has finally come around to it.