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How well have your spouses settled?

How well have your spouses settled?

Old Nov 28th 2007, 8:47 pm
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Question How well have your spouses settled?

I have been wondering - for those of you who moved back to the UK with US spouses, how did your spouse settle once there? My husband is a USC and not at all thrilled about the prospect of moving to Britain, though he is OK with it. I'm not looking at it as necessarily being a permanent move. Also, we are fortunate enough that we will be able to keep our house in the States, as well as the house we bought in England. I'm hoping that the fact that we have a house in the States will make him feel less homesick. I do worry about him though...
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Old Nov 28th 2007, 9:10 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by ElaineQ View Post
I'm hoping that the fact that we have a house in the States will make him feel less homesick. I do worry about him though...
I haven't done it myself, but I would be inclined to agree with you. If he's a little iffy about it, a strong tie to the States could make him feel a little better and not "trapped". I can only suggest being as supportive as possible, and show him you understand any fears he may have.

Hope everything goes well for you.
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Old Nov 28th 2007, 11:03 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

I'm a USC spouse and I think I have settled pretty well.........at least I have settled a lot better than my UK spouse ever did in the States. With cheap international calling and emails I can pretty much keep up with friends and family about as well as I did in the States. My mother is still terribly pissed off about me moving over here and currently we aren't speaking but truth be told our relationship in the States was never great to begin with.

My biggest pet peeve about moving here is the fact that I have had to start all over again on the financial ladder......IOW I have no credit here in the UK after working all my life to make sure I had great credit in the States. It sort of irks me that I have to get all my credit by piggybacking on my husband's name. Bank accounts are more difficult to get....even a driving license application required 2 signatures of people who have known me 3 years......I'm sorry but that rule is just STUPID. I have been driving 30+ years yet our car insurance is in my husband's name with me as the principal driver...........all he has ever had in the UK is a provisional license.

I miss American shopping. I miss Macy's......I miss Publix.......I miss American Chinese food...... I am not a fan of Tesco or ASDA and will be forever wondering what the hell people see in those stores.. ......but then I don't think that will be a big worry of your DH's..

I don't miss the gun crimes, the politics in the States, the traffic in Atlanta or the pollution. I do miss my friends, but I saw them all when I went home in the Spring for a visit. ....and at my age (late 40's) my friends only see each other once or twice a year anyway these days since families and work seem to fill up our days.

I had a really good friend in the States die suddenly and unexpectiedly a few weeks ago in the States and that has been the hardest thing so far for me. It has hit home that some people I may never see again. It's something I really am not liking at all.
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Old Nov 28th 2007, 11:38 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by Scout View Post
I'm a USC spouse and I think I have settled pretty well.........at least I have settled a lot better than my UK spouse ever did in the States. With cheap international calling and emails I can pretty much keep up with friends and family about as well as I did in the States. My mother is still terribly pissed off about me moving over here and currently we aren't speaking but truth be told our relationship in the States was never great to begin with.

My biggest pet peeve about moving here is the fact that I have had to start all over again on the financial ladder......IOW I have no credit here in the UK after working all my life to make sure I had great credit in the States. It sort of irks me that I have to get all my credit by piggybacking on my husband's name. Bank accounts are more difficult to get....even a driving license application required 2 signatures of people who have known me 3 years......I'm sorry but that rule is just STUPID. I have been driving 30+ years yet our car insurance is in my husband's name with me as the principal driver...........all he has ever had in the UK is a provisional license.

I miss American shopping. I miss Macy's......I miss Publix.......I miss American Chinese food...... I am not a fan of Tesco or ASDA and will be forever wondering what the hell people see in those stores.. ......but then I don't think that will be a big worry of your DH's..

I don't miss the gun crimes, the politics in the States, the traffic in Atlanta or the pollution. I do miss my friends, but I saw them all when I went home in the Spring for a visit. ....and at my age (late 40's) my friends only see each other once or twice a year anyway these days since families and work seem to fill up our days.

I had a really good friend in the States die suddenly and unexpectiedly a few weeks ago in the States and that has been the hardest thing so far for me. It has hit home that some people I may never see again. It's something I really am not liking at all.

That's funny because I LOVE Publix but I'd take Tesco's any day. I guess it's just what you are used to/grow up with and for me it's not so much the store but what I can buy there. I find a lot of American foods to have more nutrition in the box than the actual contents if you know what I mean. Then again, when I return to the UK there are certain things I will miss.... but not as many.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Losing someone certainly makes us re-evaluate our lives and think seriously.
I'm glad you have settled in the UK.

I wonder if it is easier for American Women to settle more than American men?
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Old Nov 29th 2007, 1:44 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

My spouse settled very well. It helped that he'd lived states away from his parents for a few years and he was an air force brat so he moved every 3-4 years as a kid anyway... that scarred him, but also made it easy for him to move away from his friends. The down side is that he doesn't see any point in keeping in touch with his friends as he was always used to leaving them behind

I did have to persuade him to move, he had reservations about the NHS and being poor! But now he'd rather have the Brit healthcare system to the US, though that's not saying he would prefer the Brit system over universal healthcare that's run better! We are "poor" in relation, no car, we can't afford a house, we can't buy so many stuff, but he has discovered life can also be rich in other ways, including a simple walk to the local shops.

He now eats Marmite!! I don't eat Marmite! Apparently, nothing can beat it on toast with some poached eggs! blech!

He has always found it more interesting to sample the local culture, so to speak, than to pine for things that were mundane to him. I was the same when I moved to the US, much more fun going native really!

It is helpful though when you've been an expat yourself so you can understand what your other half may be going through.
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Old Nov 29th 2007, 2:21 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

My spouse settled just fine. In fact, he comes home from work with little stories and facts about our area that even I have little interest in. He is amased really and even had his dad and sister over last summer for a visit. He had great fun showing thwm how easy it is to boeard a train and be in London in less that two hours. He showed them all the sites and took them to a market and boot sale, took them down small winding country roads, up to the peak district and other things. He loves it and as he is a postie, he talks to loads of people every day and finds it all so interesting....and this is from someone who never even left the state he was born in before!!
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Old Nov 29th 2007, 2:24 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by ElaineQ View Post
I have been wondering - for those of you who moved back to the UK with US spouses, how did your spouse settle once there? My husband is a USC and not at all thrilled about the prospect of moving to Britain, though he is OK with it. I'm not looking at it as necessarily being a permanent move. Also, we are fortunate enough that we will be able to keep our house in the States, as well as the house we bought in England. I'm hoping that the fact that we have a house in the States will make him feel less homesick. I do worry about him though...

my usc husband loved his 18yrs in the uk and much prefers living there than here
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Old Nov 29th 2007, 8:13 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by ElaineQ View Post
I have been wondering - for those of you who moved back to the UK with US spouses, how did your spouse settle once there? My husband is a USC and not at all thrilled about the prospect of moving to Britain, though he is OK with it. I'm not looking at it as necessarily being a permanent move. Also, we are fortunate enough that we will be able to keep our house in the States, as well as the house we bought in England. I'm hoping that the fact that we have a house in the States will make him feel less homesick. I do worry about him though...
As I will be moving from Florida to Northampton; I have asked myself the same question. Since I will only have my husband (who works alot) and my inlaws to socialize with; I thought I would join a fitness gym to meet others. I work from home so even in Florida I dont have much of a social life, but I'm really excited to meet new people and I will be moving over in May which is my favourite time of year in the UK. I think the thing that most people from the US have to understand is that ITS NOT THE US!!!! I look forward to walking to my local pub, wearing my boots, scarf & hats and going to my local rugby matches. Trying to see the positive in all things!!!
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Old Nov 30th 2007, 2:41 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Thanks everyone, for your thoughts. I know there is no getting round the fact that for a while at least, he'll feel unsettled and possibly unhappy. He was an army brat and he is a merchant seaman. Despite all his travels, or more likely because of them, his dream is to live a hundred miles from anyone else and to be able to take his boat out on the bayou every day. He's not going to be able to do that in Clitheroe, Lancashire!
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Old Nov 30th 2007, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by ElaineQ View Post
Thanks everyone, for your thoughts. I know there is no getting round the fact that for a while at least, he'll feel unsettled and possibly unhappy. He was an army brat and he is a merchant seaman. Despite all his travels, or more likely because of them, his dream is to live a hundred miles from anyone else and to be able to take his boat out on the bayou every day. He's not going to be able to do that in Clitheroe, Lancashire!
blackpool is just down the road .: )
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Old Nov 30th 2007, 3:27 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by Deedee13 View Post
blackpool is just down the road .: )
Oh God!! There is nothing like Blackpool for a good day out - walking on the prom eating fish and chips, the illuminations (so corny that they verge on brilliance!). Etc. Etc. My favourite memory of Blackpool is when I went on holiday there with my Gran (still alive at 102) when I was seven. I made myself sick off freshly fried doughnuts every day - the smell of them brings memories flooding back. We stayed in your archetypal B&B - fold down bed on the wall, busty, Bet Lynch type landlady with bleached hair, little sing songs at night in the bar. I wore a pair of pink velvet and feather 'mules' and wanted a cowbell to wear round my neck (all the rage at the time) but wasn't allowed. I love Blackpool
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Old Nov 30th 2007, 4:08 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

My wife is an American and we lived in England for two spells in the 70s and 80s, totalling about 15 years. We've lived in the United States since 1991.

She loves England and I think we both have a realistic appreciation of the good & bad in both places. One thing that she's not keen about in the UK - and will make it harder for me to make the case for moving back to England or Scotland when we retire - is that she failed her driving test in the UK.

She'd been driving for at least 20 years at the time, having passed her test in the Bronx as a teenager. She'd driven in England for many years on her American license, and finally bit the bullet and took the roadtest in Somerset, where we lived. She was so insulted that she failed, she swore never to try again. When I first lived in Massachusetts, I just showed them my UK licence and they gave me a Mass Licence... I think now I'd have to take a road test, so I was lucky.

She too was a bit bemused about the difficulty in getting a bank account. But it seems to me that UK banks are just doing due diligence in excluding terrorists and money launderers. Either the rules are far too lax in the US, or banks ignore the rules because they are hungry for the business.

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Old Dec 1st 2007, 12:11 am
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by robin1234 View Post
She too was a bit bemused about the difficulty in getting a bank account. But it seems to me that UK banks are just doing due diligence in excluding terrorists and money launderers.
They certainly make things hard for ordinary people, probably doesn't affect the more ill-minded segments of society very much.
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Old Dec 1st 2007, 1:28 pm
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by JAJ View Post
They certainly make things hard for ordinary people, probably doesn't affect the more ill-minded segments of society very much.
Agreed. I should have said "going through the motions of attempting to exclude terrorists etc."

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Old Dec 3rd 2007, 4:56 am
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Default Re: How well have your spouses settled?

Originally Posted by Sharlene View Post
As I will be moving from Florida to Northampton; I have asked myself the same question. Since I will only have my husband (who works alot) and my inlaws to socialize with; I thought I would join a fitness gym to meet others. I work from home so even in Florida I dont have much of a social life, but I'm really excited to meet new people and I will be moving over in May which is my favourite time of year in the UK. I think the thing that most people from the US have to understand is that ITS NOT THE US!!!! I look forward to walking to my local pub, wearing my boots, scarf & hats and going to my local rugby matches. Trying to see the positive in all things!!!
I live in Florida and work from home too and it can be lonely and if I wasn't as close to my husband and didn't have the personality that I do, I think I could easily have gone nuts. Having commuted for years through miserable grey London winters I had always imagined that I would take my laptop out into the Lanai, take a dip between phone calls to cool off and sunbathe whilst working but no, I'm as white as a sheet ha ha. I too am looking forward to having places to walk again, that have a result at the end i.e. Pub vS my current walking trail = big circle through conservation. Pretty but not quite as rewarding.
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