How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
Oct 8th 2009, 1:20 am
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 39
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
My experience is that it's best to rent a place and let the relatives come to you. Otherwise you come back exhausted, broke and resentful.
Oct 8th 2009, 1:24 pm
#17
Chocoholic !
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Houston, TX - Officially Not Shit since 2009
Posts: 2,324
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
We have been here 16 months and have been back once thanks to free flights annually from hubby's work. If we decide to stay for good we will lose the free flights and then I don't think I will be so inclined to go back for visits. On the other hand we had a 3 week visit from the in-laws and 2 1/2 weeks from one of my cousins. In-laws are already booked for next year 4 weeks this time 
.
.
Oct 8th 2009, 1:42 pm
#18
Heading for Poppyland
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: North Norfolk and northern New York State
Posts: 14,543
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
We lived in England from 1979-1991 and always visited America for a month or six weeks in the winter, to stay with my Mother in Law in Florida. (We had a very seasonal job, youth hostel wardens in England.) Florida was pretty boring, but we're very glad we kept that up as the children got to spend a lot of there time with their nana when they were young.
We've lived in America since 1991, and I've visited the UK at least once a year since then. While my parents were alive, these visits were largely crisis-management caring-for-the-old-folks type visits. The years my father & mother died, I visited the UK at least three or four times each year. The children came with me on many of these trips, enough time to keep up their relationships with their grandparents and aunt. My son lived in Paris for a year (his junior year abroad) and came over to England very frequently to help care for his grandmother. (After taking the train from Paris, he usually had to climb in at an upstairs window because my mother refused to open the front door for him.) He was in her house when she tried to burn it down, and he put out the fire and contacted the gas board to have the gas cooker disconnected.
He chose to return to England for grad school and is now living in London, and attending Library School at Aberystwyth via distance learning ...
I think visits as frequent as possible for the children, especially, are important for keepng up family bonds and also keeping open the freedom of choice for the children when they choose where to live.
We've lived in America since 1991, and I've visited the UK at least once a year since then. While my parents were alive, these visits were largely crisis-management caring-for-the-old-folks type visits. The years my father & mother died, I visited the UK at least three or four times each year. The children came with me on many of these trips, enough time to keep up their relationships with their grandparents and aunt. My son lived in Paris for a year (his junior year abroad) and came over to England very frequently to help care for his grandmother. (After taking the train from Paris, he usually had to climb in at an upstairs window because my mother refused to open the front door for him.) He was in her house when she tried to burn it down, and he put out the fire and contacted the gas board to have the gas cooker disconnected.
He chose to return to England for grad school and is now living in London, and attending Library School at Aberystwyth via distance learning ...
I think visits as frequent as possible for the children, especially, are important for keepng up family bonds and also keeping open the freedom of choice for the children when they choose where to live.
Oct 8th 2009, 1:49 pm
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 3,264
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
We've been here just over 4 years and haven't been back because we can't afford it, but my siblings have all been over, so we've had visitors at least once each year. Ideally I would like to go home for visits every other year.
Oct 8th 2009, 1:56 pm
#20
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,544
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
The longer we're here the less inclined we are to go over for holidays. My kids aren't bothered either so we go back every 2 years or so, although my parents do come and visit us at least twice a year 
I find going over a real pain the the backside as everyone wants to see you and so it isn't a relaxing trip....the best thing we've found is to rent a house/cottage and tell everyone where we are and invite them to come and see us rather than dragging the kids all over staying here and there.
I find going over a real pain the the backside as everyone wants to see you and so it isn't a relaxing trip....the best thing we've found is to rent a house/cottage and tell everyone where we are and invite them to come and see us rather than dragging the kids all over staying here and there.
How did your parents/in laws take it when you opted not to stay in their home? Up till now we've always stayed with the inlaws and I think they'd be a bit miffed if we didn't, I don't want to offend them but I can't think of a way round it.
Oct 8th 2009, 2:01 pm
#21
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 39
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
Offending the parents is not an issue for me. My parents are no longer alive and my in-laws live in the USA because my husband is American. But, lots of friends offer to put me up and I always say no and add truthfully that I need my own space. I hate staying with other people, it's no holiday if you're tip-toeing around feeling you have to ask to make a cup of tea. I would just rent a cheap holiday cottage out of season and say that you really don't feel you can impose on their wonderful hospitality again...
I do like travelling back but I never find it's a real holiday because of the pressure to see everyone and fit so much in.
I do like travelling back but I never find it's a real holiday because of the pressure to see everyone and fit so much in.
Oct 8th 2009, 2:02 pm
#22
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,544
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
We lived in England from 1979-1991 and always visited America for a month or six weeks in the winter, to stay with my Mother in Law in Florida. (We had a very seasonal job, youth hostel wardens in England.) Florida was pretty boring, but we're very glad we kept that up as the children got to spend a lot of there time with their nana when they were young.
We've lived in America since 1991, and I've visited the UK at least once a year since then. While my parents were alive, these visits were largely crisis-management caring-for-the-old-folks type visits. The years my father & mother died, I visited the UK at least three or four times each year. The children came with me on many of these trips, enough time to keep up their relationships with their grandparents and aunt. My son lived in Paris for a year (his junior year abroad) and came over to England very frequently to help care for his grandmother. (After taking the train from Paris, he usually had to climb in at an upstairs window because my mother refused to open the front door for him.) He was in her house when she tried to burn it down, and he put out the fire and contacted the gas board to have the gas cooker disconnected.
He chose to return to England for grad school and is now living in London, and attending Library School at Aberystwyth via distance learning ...
I think visits as frequent as possible for the children, especially, are important for keepng up family bonds and also keeping open the freedom of choice for the children when they choose where to live.
We've lived in America since 1991, and I've visited the UK at least once a year since then. While my parents were alive, these visits were largely crisis-management caring-for-the-old-folks type visits. The years my father & mother died, I visited the UK at least three or four times each year. The children came with me on many of these trips, enough time to keep up their relationships with their grandparents and aunt. My son lived in Paris for a year (his junior year abroad) and came over to England very frequently to help care for his grandmother. (After taking the train from Paris, he usually had to climb in at an upstairs window because my mother refused to open the front door for him.) He was in her house when she tried to burn it down, and he put out the fire and contacted the gas board to have the gas cooker disconnected.
He chose to return to England for grad school and is now living in London, and attending Library School at Aberystwyth via distance learning ...
I think visits as frequent as possible for the children, especially, are important for keepng up family bonds and also keeping open the freedom of choice for the children when they choose where to live.
My inlaws live very unhealthly lifestyles as chain smokers, no exercise and have gone from a drink before bed every night to a lot more since my MIL retired. Next year my FIL retires and I really worry that they will go downhill quickly after that as he wont have to get up for work and will be inclined to drink even more than he already does. They're a stroke or a heart attack waiting to happen.
Oct 8th 2009, 2:11 pm
#23
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Toasty in Texas
Posts: 4,240
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
So far we've not had the money to rent a place, but I'd like to do that, especially where my husbands parents are concerned as I don't particularly enjoy staying there (they smoke like chimneys and drink a fair bit in the evenings so I feel a bit anxious about leaving them as babysitters if we go out to friends or to the movies)
How did your parents/in laws take it when you opted not to stay in their home? Up till now we've always stayed with the inlaws and I think they'd be a bit miffed if we didn't, I don't want to offend them but I can't think of a way round it.
How did your parents/in laws take it when you opted not to stay in their home? Up till now we've always stayed with the inlaws and I think they'd be a bit miffed if we didn't, I don't want to offend them but I can't think of a way round it.
Don't give them the option to winge about what we're doing..we just tell them. 4 extra people (including 2 teenagers) in my parents 2 bedroom, 1 bath bungalow isn't an option!!
Oct 8th 2009, 2:26 pm
#24
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,544
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
Ah, there's the difference. They have 2 spare bedrooms and we've always stayed with them. I'm kinda hoping though that they're going to downsize in a year once they're both retired, then we'd have to stay elsewhere, but I suspect they'll never get round to it.
Oct 8th 2009, 2:28 pm
#25
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Toasty in Texas
Posts: 4,240
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
Ah, there's the difference. They have 2 spare bedrooms and we've always stayed with them. I'm kinda hoping though that they're going to downsize in a year once they're both retired, then we'd have to stay elsewhere, but I suspect they'll never get round to it.
Oct 8th 2009, 2:29 pm
#26
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,544
Oct 8th 2009, 2:33 pm
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Toasty in Texas
Posts: 4,240
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
sounds good!! But through the years I've learnt to be a bit selfish. As you know, it costs and arm and a leg to get over to the UK as well as OH using up precious vacation time, so after the first couple of visits where we stayed here, there and everywhere, I just told everyone what we were going to do..when they protested i told them the cottage was booked and they were more than welcome to come and see us...end of story!
Oct 8th 2009, 2:38 pm
#28
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,544
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
sounds good!! But through the years I've learnt to be a bit selfish. As you know, it costs and arm and a leg to get over to the UK as well as OH using up precious vacation time, so after the first couple of visits where we stayed here, there and everywhere, I just told everyone what we were going to do..when they protested i told them the cottage was booked and they were more than welcome to come and see us...end of story!
Oct 8th 2009, 2:50 pm
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: Toasty in Texas
Posts: 4,240
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
I know..that's a pet peeve of mine, spending all the time and money and coming home exausted and frustrated!
Oct 8th 2009, 2:55 pm
#30
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: How often do you go back to visit UK relatives?
sounds good!! But through the years I've learnt to be a bit selfish. As you know, it costs and arm and a leg to get over to the UK as well as OH using up precious vacation time, so after the first couple of visits where we stayed here, there and everywhere, I just told everyone what we were going to do..when they protested i told them the cottage was booked and they were more than welcome to come and see us...end of story!
After that we just booked an apt for a month whenever we came over, much less stress and it helped so much to be able to just 'visit' his family and go back to our own space. The relationships are much easier these days and the MIL and FIL are staying with us for Xmas this year
