Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

Thank you all so much for your supportive replies.

Please know this has NOT been an easy decision by any means. Much soul searching and waking up at 3am has been done. It even brought on a form of epilepsy (I believe) caused by the stress of worrying after at least 10 years of having no episodes.........

But as my sisters kept saying to me when I did my soul searching via them "Take your kids out of the equation, do YOU want to go back to live in Australia" and the answer was always an emphatic "No."

Nothing wrong with Australia per se, but at the end of the day, I was always a square peg in a round hole............not outwardly but that's how I felt inside......

My grand-kids are getting older (14 and 12) and so I am hoping that by next Christmas the older one will be allowed to come over for their 6 week Australian summer holiday, or at least a few weeks to spend with me and her English family who she has never met, then hopefully the youngest will be able to do the same in a few years (I will pay for them of course).

BTW my own "kids" don't know of my decision yet, it is not fair to tell them by email or in a phone call, that will come in March :eek:, but I am sure they have a very good idea of my feelings........

Barb

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

[QUOTE=Dan the Plumber;8224880]Hi,

We are living South of the River....we sold our home last April (bad time to sell....but we just wanted to sell and get on with our plans)....it has not been an easy decision...for most it's not....there is a time when you think "are we doing the right thing"...etc...but when we look towards the future and thinking of "popping our glogs" in Aus it does bring things in to prospective..well for us it does anyway.....life here has been good but not good enough to make up for the things we all miss...and the feeling of Aus not being home always is there no matter how we try to make it home. At times I wish I could be like some of our friends who seem more British than the British who live in Britain.....have all British friends...support their own British teams where ever they might play etc.......and would not think of supporting Aus etc....and claim the U.K is Gods Own......but would not dream of living there......had to laugh (could of cried really..lol) when a friend who has not been back to the U.K for some years said "oh they all do the same thing overthere.....still the same people at the same pubs"....this person still suports England in all sports.....I should of replied..."oh yes like all the same people who stand at our local here everyday at the same time"....or...."Don't you go to the same shopping centre...on the same day....at the same time every week and would not even know of the shopping centre's in the other subhurbs?"......nope being the coward I have become for the quiet life I said nothing and just smiled.....I am sure whatever decision you come to will be the best one for you all at that time...that's all you can do....maybe rent out your home for now...could be a good investment...we did not as we just wanted to cut ties for now with Aus....and if anything happens in the future well you never know but we have learnt not to worry about things that might not happen.....lol....

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

we wish you the best, we're moving back to the Uk from Canada after almost 5 years. Like I've said before, money and spac can't buy you happiness and we dearly miss our family.

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

[QUOTE=brits1;8227478]renting our Canadian home isn't an option, as we need the equity to put into a new home in the UK.
The decision hasn't been taken lightly and we've had load of sleepless nights - in fact I think after almost 5 years I'm still on the same time line as England and wake up at 2 or 3 am (their 7 or 8 am time) silly eh? and think of the Uk waking up to work and school and breakfast and rush hour.
we've all come to the unanimous decision that the UK is our home.
this has been a learning curve and we've lived a life that some Brits could only dream of, but money and space cannot buy you happiness.
Our parents are ageing and we've got dual citizenship now so who knows what the future has in store, but as our parents have ailments they can't be sponsored in to Canada as we'd hoped, plus it would be selfish of us to take them away from their other adult children and grand children.
My aunt and uncle and 2 children lived in Oz for 3 years, 40 years ago and couldn't adapt so returned to the Uk.
My great aunt and uncle (never had kids) emigrated to Canada in the 50s. Great aunt hated it, thought it was a "man's country" and returned, divorced and re-married, great unlce stayed and goodness knows what happened to him. Terrible, but I have a friend who's gone through just that.

Hubby and I are glad we tried it, it's broadened ours and our kids' outlook but now it's time to call it a day.
All the best for 2010 - I still can't get used to writing that - it doesn't seem 6 years since the millenium!!!

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

I came to Canada for 5 years and ended up staying 22. No doubt, the longer you stay the harder it is to get out of your comfort zone. We are now returning to the UK and the motivation is the exchange rate and the relatively low house prices in the UK.

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

We've quietly and sporadically dithered for the last two years :D

It's nice enough here, we have a decent life, we have a nice home and the kids are happy and healthy - and on paper, it's all good.

But there is this little 10% constantly twittering away in the background like some bloody annoying little bird. Is this it, for good - to stay forever?

Should you give up on a decent 90% for a niggling 10%?

Isn't that what we did when we came here - chuck in a decent 90% for the "what if" 10% ?! :sneaky:

Who knows?

I almost can't describe what the missing 10% is either. Something for the soul perhaps.

I've heard this called the expat's curse - and I now agree. Not quite fully comfortable with either option .... not quite at home in either place.

Grrrrrrrr. It's annoying sometimes - we're normally so good at making decisions. Why has this one flummoxed us? :lol:

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

QUOTE=Ian12;8220764]I post this because we are now in our 5th year in Australia. We have two boys 12 and 13. They seem happy enough and the youngest does not want to go back to England other than for a "holiday". Of course I think he would adapt and be happy where ever we went.

My partner and I have never settled 10%. Maybe one never settles 100%. What stops us returning to the UK? The upheaval and having to find work back in the UK during a recession.

I was wondering how many others have dithered for a long time. What if anything were the final triggered that made you make a decision and stick with it? Was there a particular event or events such as the loss of a job, kids changing schools or homesickness becoming intolerable?


I would be interested in your replies.


Thank you all very much for all of your replies. I will keep you posted but as of today we have:

Got an Estate Agent to come and give us a valuation on Saturday

and we have been in touch with the Local Authority where we will be living to talk about schools. Late May, early June is looking like a possibility:fingerscrossed:

Regards
Ian[/QUOTE]

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

I still haven't made up my mind one way or the other yet. :rofl::rofl:

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

you have just put into words exactly how we feel! I read through all these threads everyday, don't make a comment often, but today felt the need!

its a nice life here, but there is always something missing - soul,depth,excitement,humour, not sure or all of them, but i don't want to be one that tries for years to settle only to find after that amount of time its so so much harder to leave. our kids are young so would be fine.

We went back at Xmas to hope that we were desperate to leave, but we could have just stayed!!

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

It seems Canada doesn't cause people to loathe the place (like many in Aus) but there is commonly chat about it being a little empty, soulless and so on. I find that. Gorgeous but lacking in spirit. If I really, really loathed it that would help me leave it without looking back!

Re:Friends and Family
 

I want to ask you all another question. I have found your replies so helpfull in getting me moving with regard to making a decision.

This question is more specific.

Let me set the stage a bit.

One of the reasons for moving to Oz was that we had no immediate family in the UK. I have cousins that I would see every couple of months. I did have a network of friends many of whom I have known 10 or 15 years plus.

London life was busy and so we would be lucky to touch base with these friends more than once every couple of months and then it was "by appointment". I think that is the London way.

I wanted something more "spontaneous". I think I may have watched too many episodes of "Neighbors". My question is this.

I have not found the spontaneity of friendship here I was looking for. I have not found it easier to make friends or that I have more time to build up a social net work - and neither has my partner or my kids for that matter. .......

When those of you who returned home got back to the UK, did you find you picked up relationships where you left off or had your time overseas meant that you had been placing too much importance on those relationships. Had been looking at them thorough rose tinted glasses - i.e. absence making the heart grow fonder. If so how did you deal with it? Thats my worry!

I would really appreciate your thoughts. Ian

Re: Friends and Family
 

I have never lost contact with my close friends and I am returning partly for that reason. I've not found any meaningful relationships here, I can pretty much take or leave them which is not the case with friends back home. I will miss the simplicity of life here but I won't be needing long distance calling to Canada from the UK! So for me, friendships in the UK mean so much more. I think people value each other's company more and know what 'true' friendship is.
I ruptured my achilles a couple of years ago and I was in a bad way trying to look after a two year old on crutches. I didn't have one Canadian friend come and help out but a new British girl in the village would 'POP' in each day and take me out or help me cook, clean......We soon became close friends. She hated here and has since gone back to London and hasn't looked back! We are in close contact still!!! If you're in contact with them now, you'll be in contact when you get back I believe.

Re: Friends and Family
 

Same for me/us here in Aus...we are looking forward to seeing our friends "back home" who have been there for us at all times....we have met some nice people here but it has not been the same. We are also looking forward to meeting new people as well when we are once again home.....

Re: How many of us a ditherers?
 

After 7 years in a place you'd think you'd build something more meaningful eh? But no....I've never felt so isolated. I too am looking forward to meeting new friends back home through work and I know my old chums have met new people that will become friends too. It'll be great to be back and reconnect with the old and make new friends. Oh to have a bloody giggle again. HELP!