How Long Did You Give It?

Old Jan 5th 2006, 1:55 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by JoD
Hi. I emigrated to Canada with my husband and daughter in June last year and have been talking lately about the possibility of going back home to the UK. I would like to give it another 18 months to say that we really gave it a good try, but am feeling very homesick and miss family so much.

How long did any of you guys give it before you seriously thought about going back to the UK?
Hi. Sorry you're feeling so homesick; it's a hard thing to deal with.

I have been here 4 and a half years. I actually didn't go through too much homesickness in the early years; I was glad to get away from the UK. I did have to deal with unemployment and a couple of unpleasant experiences with the in-laws and I certainly wondered if I was in the right place at those times, but never seriously considered going back. It is only in the last couple of years since having kids and having huge problems with the in-laws that I have seriously thought about it, and it is thanks to this forum that I realised I DO have a choice and that a move back CAN be done.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:01 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
So in that respect, I think it took a return to the UK to make him realise that he could overcome being separated from his family, and if we had stayed overseas those feelings would never have otherwise gone away.
Isn't it funny how that works? It is the thought of being so far away from family that makes it so hard. You can be close to them and never see them but feel just fine! When my sister and brother-in-law were here last week they were saying that they have only seen his brother's family once in the past year despite being in the UK. They have seen us twice in the last year but we all cry when we have to say goodbye! I think it's just the comfort factor of knowing you can jump in the car at the drop of a hat and drive to see somebody in a couple of hours in an emergency that makes it easier to deal with the distance than knowing you are separated by a long, stressful and expensive international flight.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:04 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by JoD
Hi. I emigrated to Canada with my husband and daughter in June last year and have been talking lately about the possibility of going back home to the UK. I would like to give it another 18 months to say that we really gave it a good try, but am feeling very homesick and miss family so much.

How long did any of you guys give it before you seriously thought about going back to the UK?

We have been in Calgary for a year and are in the process of preparing to house for sale. It just doesn't feel right here. The time away has made me realise how "English" I am and now that I have lived in Canada, how much I don't WANT to be Canadian. We could stick it out until things feel more natural I suppose, but we just don't want to. Good luck, hope all goes well.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:17 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
My husband really missed his family and was quite homesick. Since being back in the UK (and starting our own family), he hardly sees his family and is confident that he could live far away from them in future. So in that respect, I think it took a return to the UK to make him realise that he could overcome being separated from his family, and if we had stayed overseas those feelings would never have otherwise gone away.
Hmmm, I've been there. After living in Hong Kong and moving back due to homesickness, I thought I would be able to handle it differently second time around. I came here in the full knowledge that there would be times where I would want to pack up and leave again, but when those times hit me, it's no easier. On the plus side, I've been here 4 years, whereas I only lasted a year in HK, so I guess I have succeeded a bit more this time.
I think with families, even if you don't see them very often, it's the knowledge that you can see them if you want to or need to, thats most comforting. I only ever saw my In-Laws once a year when in the UK anyway, but I'm even missing that once a year meeting. We felt rather estranged from them before, but now it's even worse. It's sad that over time my kids are knowing less and less of their only remaining grandparents now.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:29 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
Hmmm, I've been there. After living in Hong Kong and moving back due to homesickness, I thought I would be able to handle it differently second time around. I came here in the full knowledge that there would be times where I would want to pack up and leave again, but when those times hit me, it's no easier. On the plus side, I've been here 4 years, whereas I only lasted a year in HK, so I guess I have succeeded a bit more this time.
I think with families, even if you don't see them very often, it's the knowledge that you can see them if you want to or need to, thats most comforting. I only ever saw my In-Laws once a year when in the UK anyway, but I'm even missing that once a year meeting. We felt rather estranged from them before, but now it's even worse. It's sad that over time my kids are knowing less and less of their only remaining grandparents now.
Most of my family are not worth talking about so it's not them pulling me back, it's everything else I know and love.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:16 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by britvic
Most of my family are not worth talking about so it's not them pulling me back, it's everything else I know and love.
Same here!
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:32 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by NewCalgarian
We have been in Calgary for a year and are in the process of preparing to house for sale. It just doesn't feel right here. The time away has made me realise how "English" I am and now that I have lived in Canada, how much I don't WANT to be Canadian. We could stick it out until things feel more natural I suppose, but we just don't want to. Good luck, hope all goes well.
But its even do you want Canadian/American/Australian kids as well though isn't it. People make the move knowing in their heart their British and always have the UK to go home to but the kids grow up differently. Their reference points are different and their accents will be different and then they will go on and have families that will root them to a place that doesn't feel like home. So that leaves you having to live somewhere to be near your children. You can see why the Asian communities in the UK all stuck together in the same areas and created little India in parts of Britain, but then their kids are as British as anything and think their parents aren't with it because they still talk about the old days in India. That will be us one day
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by JoD
Hi. I emigrated to Canada with my husband and daughter in June last year and have been talking lately about the possibility of going back home to the UK. I would like to give it another 18 months to say that we really gave it a good try, but am feeling very homesick and miss family so much.

How long did any of you guys give it before you seriously thought about going back to the UK?
You know that 6 months is about the peak time for homesickness to kick in. I think waiting is a very good idea.

As far as kids go, If I can move to canada, there is nothing to stop them moving elsewhere either. I am happy that my kid (soon to be kids) will always be my kid(s), and whether they are british or canadian or martian that will not change who they are. Its really not important to me what nationality they are. Im proud to be British, its what I am, but its not who I am.

Good Luck. Hope it works out.

Last edited by iaink; Jan 5th 2006 at 3:48 pm.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 7:58 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by ladylisa
But its even do you want Canadian/American/Australian kids as well though isn't it. People make the move knowing in their heart their British and always have the UK to go home to but the kids grow up differently. Their reference points are different and their accents will be different and then they will go on and have families that will root them to a place that doesn't feel like home. So that leaves you having to live somewhere to be near your children. You can see why the Asian communities in the UK all stuck together in the same areas and created little India in parts of Britain, but then their kids are as British as anything and think their parents aren't with it because they still talk about the old days in India. That will be us one day

You're so right. We want to start a family as soon as we are settled back in Blighty. Having experienced Canada, we definitely don't want our kids to be Canadian. In addition, we just can't see ourselves growing old here and for me that is a really important point to consider.
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 8:21 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by JoD
Hi. I emigrated to Canada with my husband and daughter in June last year and have been talking lately about the possibility of going back home to the UK. I would like to give it another 18 months to say that we really gave it a good try, but am feeling very homesick and miss family so much.

How long did any of you guys give it before you seriously thought about going back to the UK?
Sounds like you're going through the same as me - I moved in July last year and am starting to struggle. My recent trip home for crimbo seems to have made things worse so now I'm wondering wtf to do. I know that 6 months is not really long enough, but would love to head back.

As soon as you work this one out I'd love to hear your solution.

Good luck
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 8:28 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by NewCalgarian
Having experienced Canada, we definitely don't want our kids to be Canadian.
Why do you say that ?

(I've no axe to grind. I'm ambivalent about my children being Canadian).
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 8:46 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by BigDavyG
Sounds like you're going through the same as me - I moved in July last year and am starting to struggle. My recent trip home for crimbo seems to have made things worse so now I'm wondering wtf to do. I know that 6 months is not really long enough, but would love to head back.

As soon as you work this one out I'd love to hear your solution.

Good luck
I've decided to book a trip back home in May and see how we feel after that. We'll have been here almost a year by then. If we don't want to get back on the plane to come back to Canada then I'll have to have a good old discussion with the other half!

Let me know how you get on too!
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Old Jan 5th 2006, 9:00 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by JoD
I've decided to book a trip back home in May and see how we feel after that. We'll have been here almost a year by then. If we don't want to get back on the plane to come back to Canada then I'll have to have a good old discussion with the other half!

Let me know how you get on too!
Will do.
Just be careful when you go home - it may completely flip you out when you have to come back so best not to make any decisions in the heat of the moment.
I'm just trying to keep busy right now and then I can sort things out later on.

By the way, I only got back yesterday :scared:
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Old Jan 6th 2006, 3:33 am
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by dbd33
Why do you say that ?

(I've no axe to grind. I'm ambivalent about my children being Canadian).
Mainly because like most people, we would like our children to be a reflection of ourselves and our values etc (if only a little bit). The Canadians I have met have absolutely nothing in common with me in terms of approach to life, sense of humour, awareness of the world at large, political and other values. I can't bare the thought of our children becoming like this. I don't mean to be offensive really, I'm sure many Canadians don't want their kids to be English - I suppose it is because I have been shaped by my homeland.
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Old Jan 6th 2006, 4:40 pm
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Default Re: How Long Did You Give It?

Originally Posted by NewCalgarian
I can't bare the thought of our children becoming like this. I don't mean to be offensive really, I'm sure many Canadians don't want their kids to be English - I suppose it is because I have been shaped by my homeland.
But the world has moved on. There is no chance realistically that they will grow up the same as you anyway, and although Im not sure I agree that its that much of an influence, based on your logic you want your kids to grow up to hang around on street corners with the rest of the chavs?

There are other more important influences on who your kids become, and the main one is the parents, who arent going to change nomatter where you go. Perhaps the main thing to be gained in moving back is that you will be happier and happy parents tend to raise happy kids. Sounds to me like concern for the kids future might just be the convenient catalyst for change.

I dont care one way or the other as long as my kid(s) grow up to fulfill their potential and remain balanced, happy people, and thats not really down to the country they are raised in as far as I'm concerned, its down to our interaction with and provision for them.

Last edited by iaink; Jan 6th 2006 at 4:48 pm.
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