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How do you know...........

How do you know...........

Old Mar 15th 2012, 10:17 pm
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Default How do you know...........

Hi Guys

I have been lurking around for a while now and we (well me myself and I) have decided I want to go home to UK from NZ. How did you all know it was the right thing to do. It seems as soon as I had voiced my concern on wanting to move back to the UK to my OH it was like I felt a stone lighter and actually looked forward to waking up each day. My OH however is not as excited as I am (was) and is dreading the move. How do you reach your decisions, I do feel mean taking him away from a place he loves but I need to be happy too. He is an only child and has always had the gypsy in him. I am the youngest of 5 and my longing is to walk the motherland again and not take things so much for granted like I did when I lived there.

I want to walk where my ancestors walked and visit historic places again, have access to Europe and explore places I always longed to but never got round to it. Plus my sister and brother and mother are back home. I have one sister here and a Son in USA and a daughter and family here (but they are moving away from NZ anyway now) and another daughter back home in the UK. A MIL in Spain as well and so I was very excited when the OH agreed, BUT he is doing it for me and I feel mean but how do you know you are doing the right thing or should I just go with my gut feeling.

My old mum will be glad to see me and she is into her mid 90's and so I thought I will never be able to talk to her and sit and have a cup of tea with her when she is gone and so the remaining few years should be spent quietly loving her and seeing that her remaining days are not fraught with missing me and my other sister who lives here but giving her some comfort to have a daughter who maybe lives close by and to be on hand should she fall really ill.

My husband's employers are trying everything to persuade him to stay here in Christchurch due to the amount of work coming up. I feel really guilty and torn in two. We have not made the best choices in life due to having lost everything and starting from scratch again in middle life and when we go back will be lucky if we can afford to purchase anything out right! Here we have a lovely home and nothing like we could afford in the UK. Did any of you regret moving home. I mean material things shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things should they? I know I won't have a big huge house and will be lucky if we get a shoe box but at least I am expecting my heart to be happy.

Did anyone on here get a job back home at nearly 60 years of age or do they consider you on the scrap heap then? I am concerned that we won't get employment and we don't want to have to live on benefits to get by. I get concerned about health issues too, and OH needs a knee replacement soon. Who has gone home and maybe not had the best life but still loved being home and not regretted their decisions .? Please tell me there is some people out there who feel this way.
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 2:01 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by shirl View Post
Hi Guys

I have been lurking around for a while now and we (well me myself and I) have decided I want to go home to UK from NZ. How did you all know it was the right thing to do. It seems as soon as I had voiced my concern on wanting to move back to the UK to my OH it was like I felt a stone lighter and actually looked forward to waking up each day. My OH however is not as excited as I am (was) and is dreading the move. How do you reach your decisions, I do feel mean taking him away from a place he loves but I need to be happy too. He is an only child and has always had the gypsy in him. I am the youngest of 5 and my longing is to walk the motherland again and not take things so much for granted like I did when I lived there.

I want to walk where my ancestors walked and visit historic places again, have access to Europe and explore places I always longed to but never got round to it. Plus my sister and brother and mother are back home. I have one sister here and a Son in USA and a daughter and family here (but they are moving away from NZ anyway now) and another daughter back home in the UK. A MIL in Spain as well and so I was very excited when the OH agreed, BUT he is doing it for me and I feel mean but how do you know you are doing the right thing or should I just go with my gut feeling.

My old mum will be glad to see me and she is into her mid 90's and so I thought I will never be able to talk to her and sit and have a cup of tea with her when she is gone and so the remaining few years should be spent quietly loving her and seeing that her remaining days are not fraught with missing me and my other sister who lives here but giving her some comfort to have a daughter who maybe lives close by and to be on hand should she fall really ill.

My husband's employers are trying everything to persuade him to stay here in Christchurch due to the amount of work coming up. I feel really guilty and torn in two. We have not made the best choices in life due to having lost everything and starting from scratch again in middle life and when we go back will be lucky if we can afford to purchase anything out right! Here we have a lovely home and nothing like we could afford in the UK. Did any of you regret moving home. I mean material things shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things should they? I know I won't have a big huge house and will be lucky if we get a shoe box but at least I am expecting my heart to be happy.

Did anyone on here get a job back home at nearly 60 years of age or do they consider you on the scrap heap then? I am concerned that we won't get employment and we don't want to have to live on benefits to get by. I get concerned about health issues too, and OH needs a knee replacement soon. Who has gone home and maybe not had the best life but still loved being home and not regretted their decisions .? Please tell me there is some people out there who feel this way.

Hi,

I have been in NZ just over 5 years now. We came for a change and maybe better way of life. I think I realised quite early on I didn't want to live here forever. I did think I would stay until the kids were older.
We have now been trying to leave for over 2 years. Trying as our daughter (18 ) doesn't want to go. So if we leave she stays. I can't imagine staying though. I don't think my youngest has benefitted from being here. I don't like the schooling and we are skint.
Like you I feel now is a good time to go and see my nieces and nephew before they grow much more. Also I would like to spend some time with my dad.
So, although its of no use to you, I know the time is right to try but hate the thought of leaving our daughter.
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 2:26 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

We've just returned from a 2 week emergency trip to the UK and on arrival I was seriously wondring if we were doing the right thing by moving back in the summer. The traffic, the crowds, the tiny narrow roads...!

But the culture shock only lasted about 24 hours and it really was a wrench having to return back to the states again. Never before have we not looked forward to sleeping in our own beds at the end of a trip!

Even though we are also leaving an 18 year old behind when we move, the summer can't come quickly enough for me now!
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 3:05 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by SadInStates View Post
We've just returned from a 2 week emergency trip to the UK and on arrival I was seriously wondring if we were doing the right thing by moving back in the summer. The traffic, the crowds, the tiny narrow roads...!

But the culture shock only lasted about 24 hours and it really was a wrench having to return back to the states again. Never before have we not looked forward to sleeping in our own beds at the end of a trip!

Even though we are also leaving an 18 year old behind when we move, the summer can't come quickly enough for me now!
I am certainly not looking forward to the traffic after the slow pace of NZ's quiet South Island Roads. The country lanes scared me on my last visit but I am sure I will get used to them again, used to drive up one every day on my way home to a little village in Cornwall. I know we won't be as well off there as we are here but something inside me tells me to go home but then another demon pops up and says what the hell are you thinking, my brain is about to explode with the little fights it has with each side!

Are you unhappy in the US or was it always your plan to return?
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 3:08 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by Spacecake799 View Post
Hi,

I have been in NZ just over 5 years now. We came for a change and maybe better way of life. I think I realised quite early on I didn't want to live here forever. I did think I would stay until the kids were older.
We have now been trying to leave for over 2 years. Trying as our daughter (18 ) doesn't want to go. So if we leave she stays. I can't imagine staying though. I don't think my youngest has benefitted from being here. I don't like the schooling and we are skint.
Like you I feel now is a good time to go and see my nieces and nephew before they grow much more. Also I would like to spend some time with my dad.
So, although its of no use to you, I know the time is right to try but hate the thought of leaving our daughter.
I really don't want to die here! Strange how you think when the years tick on isn't it. I can imagine the pain you are going through with your daughter not wanting to go. Once our house sells we will be free to go although my OH said we should stay and get our Citizenship in September and then decide but I don't think I even want that! However, it would enable us to go to OZ but then OZ is not the UK, it is the sense of belonging I think that I miss. I don't feel I belong anywhere down under!
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 4:10 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by shirl View Post
Are you unhappy in the US or was it always your plan to return?
Despite my username, I have thoroughly enjoyed the vast majority of living in my corner of the states! It's been a great place to raise our kids.

But it's not "home" and as each year goes by I'm becoming mnore and more frustrated at how backward and insular my state is. Not only can they not understand why anyone would want to even travel out of the state, anywhere outside of the US is living in 3rd world conditions and/or oppression as far as they're concerned, yet fail to see just how much of what they claim to stand for is in reality rather lacking in their own country! But you can't tell them that can ya!

Yes it was always our intention to return home when the opportunity presented itself, it just took 17 years to do so!
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 4:29 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by SadInStates View Post
Despite my username, I have thoroughly enjoyed the vast majority of living in my corner of the states! It's been a great place to raise our kids.

But it's not "home" and as each year goes by I'm becoming mnore and more frustrated at how backward and insular my state is. Not only can they not understand why anyone would want to even travel out of the state, anywhere outside of the US is living in 3rd world conditions and/or oppression as far as they're concerned, yet fail to see just how much of what they claim to stand for is in reality rather lacking in their own country! But you can't tell them that can ya!

Yes it was always our intention to return home when the opportunity presented itself, it just took 17 years to do so!
We all deserve a pat on the back for getting off our backsides and trying something new. I cannot believe the amount of people who have not been outside their own state/county and it is like that everywhere, cor blimey some people in Cornwall never even ventured over the Tamar Bridge - they think it is alien! You would be surprised how many kiwi never go to the other Island either. Lots of places are very insular which is sad for them as they don't see futher than the end of their own faces! I see all too often kids in America who have never even seen the Ocean! How sad for them all. Saying that my son is quite happy in Arizona for the time being although he too does miss aspects of the UK, I have no doubt it will call to him at some point in the future.
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Old Mar 16th 2012, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

I'll actually be leaving my dear parents behind when I head back in September, so I know what it's like to worry about leaving family. I had a tough time making the decision to go as well, but I just thought about the fact that I just couldn't see myself living in the US any longer. I think you really have to weigh everything, and if the UK still pulls more strongly, go back! It can be awfully hard though. Americans really don't travel as much- that is most certainly true. I think it's because the out try is so big and varied, a 7 hour flight in almost any direction will take you to a place that's almost like a foreign country- all without needing a passport! Still, I can't see myself working, getting married and raising a family here. I hated growing up in this place- I dunno if I could put anyone else through that, and that was part of my decision to leave. Luckily my parents are middle aged and in good health, so that made things a bit easier as well.
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Old Mar 17th 2012, 11:40 am
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by shirl View Post
I really don't want to die here! Strange how you think when the years tick on isn't it. I can imagine the pain you are going through with your daughter not wanting to go. Once our house sells we will be free to go although my OH said we should stay and get our Citizenship in September and then decide but I don't think I even want that! However, it would enable us to go to OZ but then OZ is not the UK, it is the sense of belonging I think that I miss. I don't feel I belong anywhere down under!
Shirl
It would seem sensible to get citizenship as it is so easily within reach BUT before deciding one way or another, check out the life-long tax liability (if any) of being an NZ citizen while living back in UK and also check out whether you can leave NZ in the meantime i.e. between March and September (I think you can). You could maybe go on an extended visit to spend time with your Mum in the meantime, just in case.
Good luck.
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Old Mar 17th 2012, 12:21 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by SadInStates View Post
But it's not "home"
That's it, simply. You can rationalize about what you have overseas versus in the UK - and no doubt, on paper, it might not make sense to not return - but, ultimately, England is "home." For me also.
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Old Mar 18th 2012, 6:37 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by shirl View Post
I really don't want to die here! Strange how you think when the years tick on isn't it. I can imagine the pain you are going through with your daughter not wanting to go. Once our house sells we will be free to go although my OH said we should stay and get our Citizenship in September and then decide but I don't think I even want that! However, it would enable us to go to OZ but then OZ is not the UK, it is the sense of belonging I think that I miss. I don't feel I belong anywhere down under!
Hello Shirl, How long have you been in NZ? We have been here 20 years and I can tell you that if you feel like this now it won't go away....So my advice is go and don't leave it too long. We have been here 20 years and have done well in Auckland, although I have never worked so hard in all my life! (my fault perhaps) But....I feel more of a foreigner now than I ever have, When I go back the the UK its almost like there is a "shorthand" between us and its just easier....and I like it...simple as that.....We have one last hoop to jump and we are off.....lord alone knows where in blighty...but we'll do a bit of searching and hang up out hats.....NZ will always be here ....you can always come back (forsake of a few bob).....
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Old Mar 18th 2012, 7:19 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by kiwibrit101 View Post
Hello Shirl, How long have you been in NZ? We have been here 20 years and I can tell you that if you feel like this now it won't go away....So my advice is go and don't leave it too long. We have been here 20 years and have done well in Auckland, although I have never worked so hard in all my life! (my fault perhaps) But....I feel more of a foreigner now than I ever have, When I go back the the UK its almost like there is a "shorthand" between us and its just easier....and I like it...simple as that.....We have one last hoop to jump and we are off.....lord alone knows where in blighty...but we'll do a bit of searching and hang up out hats.....NZ will always be here ....you can always come back (forsake of a few bob).....
Hi. We have been here just Over 5 years. I struggled really hard with homesickness in the first few years then I really seemed to settle down but since the quakes I really don't want to be living with all the uncertainty day after day after bloody day! I went back last year and thought I was over England but then it came back to bite me in the bum and now I have this overwhelming feeling to return for good. Now we have house on market and decision is made I cant wait to go. Maybe I would have felt different if it had not been for the quakes and I was in a different part of NZ. I feel,like I am just existing not living! I think as we all get older we start taking stock of what is REALLY important and to me it isn't the lovely scenery of NZ or the quiet roads of the south island but to be where the heart truly lies and be near Those members of the family who may not be long for this world. Good luck with your move back!
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Old Mar 20th 2012, 4:24 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

We feel the same, and the irony is that we live in such a beautiful country (Canada) but rarely get out and about to see any of it.

We work 10 hr days (which is an improvement on the 12 I used to work) and are so exhausted by the end of the week, the weekend is spent recovering and doing chores. Hubby is fed up and wants to go back to the UK asap. We are now thinking we might return in June.

Neither of us see any point in being here, we traded in a better quality of life (as it turns out) for a N.American workaholic existence.

We just don't get the Calgary culture at all.
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Old Mar 20th 2012, 6:10 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

Originally Posted by AllyS View Post
We feel the same, and the irony is that we live in such a beautiful country (Canada) but rarely get out and about to see any of it.

We work 10 hr days (which is an improvement on the 12 I used to work) and are so exhausted by the end of the week, the weekend is spent recovering and doing chores. Hubby is fed up and wants to go back to the UK asap. We are now thinking we might return in June.

Neither of us see any point in being here, we traded in a better quality of life (as it turns out) for a N.American workaholic existence.

We just don't get the Calgary culture at all.
I think you have to bee true to yourselves don't you. I guess a lot of ex pats feel the same way but see going home as a failure whereas it is not a failure it is just realizing that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the world and that the culture you were born to makes more sense to you. I love the Brit sense of humor and lots of people dont get it. We wanted work life balance and have not seen a great deal of that either.

Take today for instance, OH has gone into work this morning and is coming home at 2.30 and going back in at midnight until 7.30am. because he is salaried he gets paid no extra for this and he is doing it twice next week as well! his firm talk about work life balance when in fact there is none!

some times you just gotta do what you think is best for your soul I guess and that for me is not living here indefiniately in NZ as lovely as it may be.
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Old Mar 20th 2012, 6:39 pm
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Default Re: How do you know...........

"The culture you were born to makes more sense to you"

So true, couldn't have put it better myself.
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