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How difficult is it to go back?

How difficult is it to go back?

Old Jun 10th 2007, 1:49 pm
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Default How difficult is it to go back?

Hi Guys,i have been here for almost 2 yrs and like many others on here for reason or another,poor wages,medical problems,homesickness etc,Oz has just not panned out for us and we are hoping to return within the next few months.

My main problem is that like many others financially we have lost a substantial amount of money by coming here. I feel so guilty that as a result of decisions we made our daughter is going back to a life vastly different than that which she had before we came.In addition though i have always worked practically full time i have had a certain flexibility to allow me to work around picking my daughter up from school ,when we go back i will have no choice but to work full time,thus the stressful life will continue,only probably more stressful and less time for my daughter.

How have people who have returned coped with the feelings of guilt,and if onlys that seem to from part of my everydaythinking here,is the reality as bad as you thought, or does the fact you are back where you want to be help to overcome this to an extent?

Thoughts appreciated.
Sue
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Old Jun 10th 2007, 3:41 pm
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Originally Posted by sueduffy
Hi Guys,i have been here for almost 2 yrs and like many others on here for reason or another,poor wages,medical problems,homesickness etc,Oz has just not panned out for us and we are hoping to return within the next few months.

My main problem is that like many others financially we have lost a substantial amount of money by coming here. I feel so guilty that as a result of decisions we made our daughter is going back to a life vastly different than that which she had before we came.In addition though i have always worked practically full time i have had a certain flexibility to allow me to work around picking my daughter up from school ,when we go back i will have no choice but to work full time,thus the stressful life will continue,only probably more stressful and less time for my daughter.

How have people who have returned coped with the feelings of guilt,and if onlys that seem to from part of my everydaythinking here,is the reality as bad as you thought, or does the fact you are back where you want to be help to overcome this to an extent?

Thoughts appreciated.
Sue
Hi Sue - we came back to the UK last year after 2 years in Perth - we too wasted a ton of money but did at least have our house to come back to (we rented it out while we were away).

We don't regret coming back for one minute although do sometimes worry a little about the money we lost. All I can say is that you must focus on the future and try and put the past behind you, forget the 'if only's', chalk it down to a wonderful adventure and experience and focus on the 'next chapter.'

We lost money but gained the experience of living in Australia and the realisation that the UK is a great place to live (would never had come to this conclusion unless we had lived in Oz).

Like you I also felt guilty about coming back as my OH did not want to come back to the UK at all, it was me who was desperate to return. Don't feel guilty about your daughter, as parents we make the best decisions we possibly can at the time and I'm sure your daughter has had a great life experience through living in Oz.

In my experience children are happy wherever they are as long as they have loving parents, no matter how much money they have. How old is your little girl? My two were 3 & 5 when we came back to the UK - they have both settled wonderfully and just wallow in the fact that they now have their grannies, grandads, uncles and cousins around to love them.

Good luck and best wishes for your return and don't feel guilty and don't worry, everything happens for a reason and I'm sure it will all work out for the best - some great person once said 99% of the things we waste time worrying about never actually happen!!
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Old Jun 10th 2007, 4:38 pm
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

[QUOTE=pommybird;4896673]
Like you I also felt guilty about coming back as my OH did not want to come back to the UK at all, it was me who was desperate to return. Don't feel guilty about your daughter, as parents we make the best decisions we possibly can at the time and I'm sure your daughter has had a great life experience through living in Oz.

In my experience children are happy wherever they are as long as they have loving parents, no matter how much money they have.
QUOTE]

Thats so true.
My OH didnt want to come back either - but now hes more settled than me LOL!
And kids...so long as the family is happy will be happy.
I think so long as you keep thinking long term it'll be ok, in that, for me first 6mnths were CR@P - but I just had to hold on to the belief it WOULD get better and remind myself why I left in the first place. And, a year down the line its ok now
Read the thread in MBUK on "anyone moved back skint". Lots of people say how they managed to get back on their feet.
You'll be just fine
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Old Jun 12th 2007, 9:41 pm
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Originally Posted by pommybird
Hi Sue - we came back to the UK last year after 2 years in Perth - we too wasted a ton of money but did at least have our house to come back to (we rented it out while we were away).

We don't regret coming back for one minute although do sometimes worry a little about the money we lost. All I can say is that you must focus on the future and try and put the past behind you, forget the 'if only's', chalk it down to a wonderful adventure and experience and focus on the 'next chapter.'

We lost money but gained the experience of living in Australia and the realisation that the UK is a great place to live (would never had come to this conclusion unless we had lived in Oz).

Like you I also felt guilty about coming back as my OH did not want to come back to the UK at all, it was me who was desperate to return. Don't feel guilty about your daughter, as parents we make the best decisions we possibly can at the time and I'm sure your daughter has had a great life experience through living in Oz.

In my experience children are happy wherever they are as long as they have loving parents, no matter how much money they have. How old is your little girl? My two were 3 & 5 when we came back to the UK - they have both settled wonderfully and just wallow in the fact that they now have their grannies, grandads, uncles and cousins around to love them.

Good luck and best wishes for your return and don't feel guilty and don't worry, everything happens for a reason and I'm sure it will all work out for the best - some great person once said 99% of the things we waste time worrying about never actually happen!!


Great post again pommybird

Sue it's true that we do tend to worry and have so many guilty feelings that are mostly unfounded. You have already done something that most people in life only dream about and have given your child that amazing experience.

Returning home is difficult even when you know it's the right decision. When we decided to return home (financial and family reasons) we hurt other people in the process - it meant that my parents couldn't retire out there and my brother who emigrated at the same time as us, was furious and won't speak to us at all now We made our decision based on our needs and whilst I spent a month feeling guilty, as soon as we returned, the relief and happiness at being back home overtook those feelings. I still feel very bad about it, but don't beat myself up anymore as it's pointless. You only get one life, so I'm determined to be happy in it

Do what you feel is best - your gut instincts are usually the right ones.

On a practical note, I don't know what job you do, but many places now offer flexible working hours, term time working etc., to suit families needs - would this be an option at all?

Good luck
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Old Jun 13th 2007, 2:37 am
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Hi Sue,

Sorry to hear it's not all panned out for you. It was good to meet you (I still have my 'Goodbye' cards on display!)
Don't feel guilty....happy Mum = happy family.

Jan
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Old Jun 13th 2007, 10:42 am
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Great post again pommybird

Sue it's true that we do tend to worry and have so many guilty feelings that are mostly unfounded. You have already done something that most people in life only dream about and have given your child that amazing experience.

Returning home is difficult even when you know it's the right decision. When we decided to return home (financial and family reasons) we hurt other people in the process - it meant that my parents couldn't retire out there and my brother who emigrated at the same time as us, was furious and won't speak to us at all now We made our decision based on our needs and whilst I spent a month feeling guilty, as soon as we returned, the relief and happiness at being back home overtook those feelings. I still feel very bad about it, but don't beat myself up anymore as it's pointless. You only get one life, so I'm determined to be happy in it

Do what you feel is best - your gut instincts are usually the right ones.

On a practical note, I don't know what job you do, but many places now offer flexible working hours, term time working etc., to suit families needs - would this be an option at all?

Good luck
Thanks Louise - sorry to hear about your brother - families are funny things - sometimes we treat friends, work colleagues and complete strangers much better than we treat our own families - I expect in some strange way by being so upset and not talking to you he is showing you he misses you and loves you.

I could write a book about the strange behaviour of some of my family and OH's family, we've got a right lot between us, sometimes it's like flippin' Eastenders!!!
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Old Jun 13th 2007, 5:54 pm
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Originally Posted by pommybird
Thanks Louise - sorry to hear about your brother - families are funny things - sometimes we treat friends, work colleagues and complete strangers much better than we treat our own families - I expect in some strange way by being so upset and not talking to you he is showing you he misses you and loves you.

I could write a book about the strange behaviour of some of my family and OH's family, we've got a right lot between us, sometimes it's like flippin' Eastenders!!!
Aye families eh
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Old Jun 17th 2007, 6:11 pm
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Default Re: How difficult is it to go back?

Originally Posted by LouiseD
Great post again pommybird

Sue it's true that we do tend to worry and have so many guilty feelings that are mostly unfounded. You have already done something that most people in life only dream about and have given your child that amazing experience.

Returning home is difficult even when you know it's the right decision. When we decided to return home (financial and family reasons) we hurt other people in the process - it meant that my parents couldn't retire out there and my brother who emigrated at the same time as us, was furious and won't speak to us at all now We made our decision based on our needs and whilst I spent a month feeling guilty, as soon as we returned, the relief and happiness at being back home overtook those feelings. I still feel very bad about it, but don't beat myself up anymore as it's pointless. You only get one life, so I'm determined to be happy in it

Do what you feel is best - your gut instincts are usually the right ones.

On a practical note, I don't know what job you do, but many places now offer flexible working hours, term time working etc., to suit families needs - would this be an option at all?

Good luck
Hi, first post on here so be gentle with me. We went to NZ almost 6 years ago now, and returned to the UK after 14 months, our daughter was 3 when we returned and our son was 3 months. When we went out to NZ, OH's sister and bro had already moved out there (15yrs and 3yrs prior respectively), and his parents were planning to retire there after a few months(Which they did and are still there). (My family are all in the UK). Things just didnt work for us for various reasons which I wont bore you with, but we decided to return. We had alot of resentment from OH's family as our children are the only grandchildren. Anyway, it was difficult to begin with, getting used to things British again, the housing was the biggest area of change, oh and the not having to give way if your turning left and an oncoming car is going the same way.... but it took time and we are in a far better place now. Not financially as the house we sold when we moved had doubled in price, thus getting back on the housing ladder is going to take time. but in ourselves. What we learnt about ourselves is priceless. How we view things around us is so enriched by having done what we did. Ok it had a price, but as I said what we took from the experience, money couldnt buy.
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