JAMZ

Thanks LizaJane & Quoll for the kind and supportive words. I totally agree with you. Everyday here is a nightmare and I need to act now. My husband goes out all day and when he comes home he locks himself in the bedroom. He has kicked our oldest daughter out of her room and she is now sleeping with me, which is kind of nice for me, but she wishes she had her room back.
I do have support back home, and they know of the situation. However, I need to sort things out this end first before I can fly back. I have decided I am going to do the "holiday" as soon as the kids have finished school in June and once there I will see what help I can get. I have already been offered a job, albeit not a fantastic wage, but at least a job. I'm so scared, but I think I do have to do what is right for the kids.
Thanks again!

sans

Hi Jamz just like to say i totally agree with lizejane and quoll, and really think you need to find the strength to see it through....for yourself as well as your kids. I was in a simular situ myself once along time ago........and its not easy.......but the longer you leave it the harder it will get.

If you go back to the Uk and find yourself a job, all be it a crappy job....which will often benefit you more as you will get lots of help being a one parent, on a low income. Best of Luck

chicagojlo

I don't know if I agree with just upping and leaving to the UK - one false move right now could really have grave consequences for you in the future. You really need legal advice from both sides of the pond.
But that doesn't mean you can't get the kids out of the house now. The short sharp shock could be what is needed for him to get his act together without you having to resort to what could be seen as international kidnapping. Remember that two of your kids are just as much American as they are British and in fact could be seen to be more American than British in a court.

nicola411

HI Jamz

I am so glad to hear you have decided to go back to the UK in June. If your scared imagine how your kids are feeling. I grew up with a father who drank and it was horrific. I havent spoken to him for years now and I have a very strained relationship with my own mother as a result of her not leaving him.

So as much as its a tough choice to make you know in your heart its the right one. Good luck sweetheart.

N

LizaJane

goodluck 'happy' holidays

brits1

I am sure you do feel really scared....most people don't like change at the best of times even when in a good relationship...but try and think about the future....look forwards and to a life where you will not feel as you do now......when you have friends and family around you to help the world feels a better place....I am sure your children will feel more happier in a different environment than what the are in now....don't be to hard on yourself...sometimes we stay and try and make things work....but that cannot always be the case......be kind to yourself...plan your "holiday"...no matter what the future brings (I am sure it will be good) it has to be better than what you have now....
All the best and take care of yourself.....good luck xx

JAMZ

Thank you. I am definately going to do my very best. Hopefully once I get back home and away from this situation, I will be able to start planning and making things change for the better.

chicagojlo

Jamz you really need to get legal advice before taking your 'holiday' if you really have no intention of returning. Things could get really nasty if you don't, as I said before you are venturing into international kidnapping territory now.
I realise most people think a mum can just take her kids to a country they are all citizens of and it should all be no problem, but when those kids are also citizens of another country and a parent there objects to them being taken it starts to be a problem. I doubt many would be so quick to recommend this course of action to a father looking to take his kids to live in his home country without the mother's permission.

brits1

The father aking the children to another country happens very often..maybe even more so that the mother taking the children away.......sometimes being practical is not always right!!!! the most important thing is that this situation stops asap....and by what Jamz has said she has tried....some people will never change...Jamz partner seems not to want to change.....being in a safe and happy enviroment is the best "cure", I am sure once in the U.K if and there is a big if anything were to happen ie partner wants children back then the U.K government are good and they will help..........anyway we are not sure how old Jamz children are ....they may be of an age where they can decide for themselves who they want to be with......the only really important things in this situation is the Jamz is not being "Bullied" and that the children grow up in a happy atmosphere.......

rabsody

I agree with what you say Brits, but at the same time it's worth Jamz knowing where she stands legally in case of any repercussions.

Australia and UK are both part of the Hague Convention for Prevention of Child Abduction which basically means that they are able to come and get you from another country if either parent abducts the child from the country that is their "habitual residence". http://www.ag.gov.au/www/agd/agd.nsf...ChildAbduction I'm not sure how long JAMZ has been here, that will influence the definition of "habitual residence".

Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

chicagojlo

JAMZ can easily remove her children from the situation without running away with them to the UK. The US is not a country where she has no legal options to protect her children from harm. Two of the children are as American as they are British and the UK government has no way of stopping the US government from doing it's job.

chicagojlo

Jamz is in the US which is also a party to the Hague Convention.

JAMZ

I feel bad that I have taken over this thread. Sorry Horrigans. I do want to keep this discussion up so I will start a new thread

rabsody

ps i should add that i know all this because of my situation with two kids to australian ex husband. in times of desperation i have considered doing a bolt (not saying that i would but when you are desperate and can see no way out for many years you consider everything). i was advised by my international custody lawyer that the australian authorities would not hesitate in coming to get me and the children and hauling us back here and i would lose any future possibility of getting the children back to UK with me.

tillysmum

In the UK when a child reaches an age when they are deemed to know their own mind the courts take into account where a child would prefer to live. Is there not some system like that here, surely if your children wanted to go to the UK with you they would have to take that into account????????
But then again this is Australia