How to deal with negative UK opinions?
Sep 1st 2008, 7:37 pm
#1
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How to deal with negative UK opinions?
I am new to this forum but I have been lurking on the site for a while. Let me give you some background.. my reasons for being on BE is that a very close friend of mine has recently emigrated to North America, for the usual reasons people give of a better life, more opportunity for her family etc.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
Sep 1st 2008, 7:39 pm
#2
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,560
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
I am new to this forum but I have been lurking on the site for a while. Let me give you some background.. my reasons for being on BE is that a very close friend of mine has recently emigrated to North America, for the usual reasons people give of a better life, more opportunity for her family etc.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
Sep 1st 2008, 8:12 pm
#3
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Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
It's a cognitive dissonance thing. Once you have made the huge decision to uproot your life you have to rationalize that decision hence the bagging of UK. It doesnt take long for the gloss to wear off and people to realize that there are deficits in the place you have gone to and you begin to be able to consider them rationally. She will get over it and you arent going to convince her until she wants to be convinced. However, if you happen to take a few holidays, fly over to the continent, take weekend breaks, get free medical care for an ingrown toe nail etc, just leak them into the conversation and the scales will fall from her eyes slowly. Meanwhile, we agree with you
Sep 1st 2008, 8:18 pm
#4
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Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
Get a new friend and change your ph # 
Sep 1st 2008, 8:26 pm
#5
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Sep 1st 2008, 10:48 pm
#6
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Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
There's little you can do about it, she will either come out of honeymoon stage if it's the culture shock process going on, or she will continue to think the sun shines out of the US's ass, some people really do prefer the lifestyle, weather and options the US system offers, their choice.
Lets just say, it wasn't my cup of tea ... I got sick of having to bite my tongue when it was expected I would think it was the greatest place on earth (amongst other things) and left having spent about 7 months there.
You shouldn't have to defend your home, your decisions or your mindset, I would back off for a while and let her cool off about the move. It's rude and arrogant behaviour, if it continues, tell her how you feel about it and if it still continues after that take the advice of the previous two posters
Lets just say, it wasn't my cup of tea ... I got sick of having to bite my tongue when it was expected I would think it was the greatest place on earth (amongst other things) and left having spent about 7 months there.
You shouldn't have to defend your home, your decisions or your mindset, I would back off for a while and let her cool off about the move. It's rude and arrogant behaviour, if it continues, tell her how you feel about it and if it still continues after that take the advice of the previous two posters
Sep 1st 2008, 11:01 pm
#7
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Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 3,521
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
I am new to this forum but I have been lurking on the site for a while. Let me give you some background.. my reasons for being on BE is that a very close friend of mine has recently emigrated to North America, for the usual reasons people give of a better life, more opportunity for her family etc.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
IMHO life in any country has it good & bad points, ups & downs, but my dilema is that everytime I speak to my friend on the phone or receive an email, she continually knocks life in the UK and says "oh this is so much better here than the UK, or this is so much cheaper or you can get this and that here". I am beginning to feel that I have to "defend" my life in the UK
I am not one of these people who subscribes to the view that the UK has gone the dogs. To me life is what you make it anywhere in the world. I know you guys on here have experienced both sides of the coin, the feelings my friend is having of the initial euphoria of life in a new country and then followed on by the real reality of life.
How do I deal with my friend's negativity? As I come of the phone feeling that my my life in the UK must be so awful.
Some very good advice so far.
I think a lot of people do this in a new country until either (a) the novelty wears off or (b) they live a fulfilling live happily ever after in their new location and don't find the need to keep justifying.
If it were me I would say something in a half joking (passive aggresive
) way. Like "if I wanted to hear all that I'd read the Daily Mail, I love it here, now how are you?".
Sep 1st 2008, 11:26 pm
#8
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 397
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
I'd say that because it is all new to her she feels the need to validate her decision. I dont think you should change friends, thats a bit harsh, fact is mate, it is horses for courses....
Depends where you are in life but there are just as many people in Aus.US.SA who are just as happy to go somewhere else....
I spent years in Aus and loved it, but got bored to death, back in the UK and am really havin it, and loving being back...I personally couldnt imagine living in the US, so my point is, everyone has their own views.
I recall my first 2 years in Aus, whilst i didnt put the UK down I DID notice the positives of living in a warmer climate, more space, better facilities. Its just over time, it wasnt a big enough pay off to be surrounded by people i didnt grow up with and have so much in common.
Dont worry about it..but if you are in the position to do it, go and spend some time aborad, life is short.
Depends where you are in life but there are just as many people in Aus.US.SA who are just as happy to go somewhere else....
I spent years in Aus and loved it, but got bored to death, back in the UK and am really havin it, and loving being back...I personally couldnt imagine living in the US, so my point is, everyone has their own views.
I recall my first 2 years in Aus, whilst i didnt put the UK down I DID notice the positives of living in a warmer climate, more space, better facilities. Its just over time, it wasnt a big enough pay off to be surrounded by people i didnt grow up with and have so much in common.
Dont worry about it..but if you are in the position to do it, go and spend some time aborad, life is short.
Sep 1st 2008, 11:34 pm
#9
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Joined: Mar 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
When I first arrived i genuinely did love it!! I was really enjoying myself because it was a new experience and probably for the first 18mths I was in a kind of holiday mode!
As with all new things, after a while the reality sets in, nothing is new anymore and you start to really evaluate between the two. Of course there are some things that are nicer or better in Australia. It would be unrealistic to say there werent, but in my opinion and for my own personal needs and requirement for a contented happy life, Australia has bugger all to offer me!
Britain wins hands down, and believe me, I am certainly not wearing rose tinted glasses on my return. I have had nothing but problems since i got back here, but i still feel more content inside.
As with all new things, after a while the reality sets in, nothing is new anymore and you start to really evaluate between the two. Of course there are some things that are nicer or better in Australia. It would be unrealistic to say there werent, but in my opinion and for my own personal needs and requirement for a contented happy life, Australia has bugger all to offer me!
Britain wins hands down, and believe me, I am certainly not wearing rose tinted glasses on my return. I have had nothing but problems since i got back here, but i still feel more content inside.
Sep 2nd 2008, 1:49 am
#10
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 425
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
She may be having a honeymoon period - and the whole thing may wear of pretty quickly, depending upon how things pan out for her. On the other hand, she may actually just be homesick and trying to tell herself that it was the right thing to do. In any event, I would hope that she will eventually grow out of the comments.
The best thing is to go on ignore... . I have had a similar situation where I arrived in Canada, found out that it was not for me - and people here are trying to convince me how much superior this place is to the UK. This includes a friend of mine who used to live in the UK and 6 years ago could only talk about how much she wanted to be in the UK and live in Putney - now she's completely changed her tune!
I loved your original post - as I think you are right that no place is good or bad, it's what you make of it.
Trying to defend the UK will not really work at this stage, so if you can at all, just blank her comments. Tell her casually about fun things you have been doing on the weekend, etc. or positive experiences you had in the UK - don't go into a defending mode. I guess you just have to be the "bigger" person if the friendship means a lot to you and hope she comes around again!
I hope that helps a little.
The best thing is to go on ignore... . I have had a similar situation where I arrived in Canada, found out that it was not for me - and people here are trying to convince me how much superior this place is to the UK. This includes a friend of mine who used to live in the UK and 6 years ago could only talk about how much she wanted to be in the UK and live in Putney - now she's completely changed her tune!
I loved your original post - as I think you are right that no place is good or bad, it's what you make of it.
Trying to defend the UK will not really work at this stage, so if you can at all, just blank her comments. Tell her casually about fun things you have been doing on the weekend, etc. or positive experiences you had in the UK - don't go into a defending mode. I guess you just have to be the "bigger" person if the friendship means a lot to you and hope she comes around again!
I hope that helps a little.
Sep 2nd 2008, 7:21 am
#11
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 57
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
The other thing to bear in mind is that she may be genuinely content over there (good for her), and the UK wasn't the place for her.
Its easy to get into a tit-for-tat about where is better, (knife attacks versus shootings, The Daily Extremist versus Fox for eg...) but it always comes down to the individual concerned as to whether they find where they live to be good, bad or indifferent.
Basically, I wouldn't bother trying to "defend" the UK- in her eyes, it may be that the UK is a bit rubbish (god knows its got its bad points...) and she loves it in North America, but in your/our eyes, we're seeing things a little differently.
Applaud her on a choice well made, then steer the coversation somewhere else- obviously if she has a favourite food that she can't get where she is, make a point of eating it while on the phone with her.
Its easy to get into a tit-for-tat about where is better, (knife attacks versus shootings, The Daily Extremist versus Fox for eg...) but it always comes down to the individual concerned as to whether they find where they live to be good, bad or indifferent.
Basically, I wouldn't bother trying to "defend" the UK- in her eyes, it may be that the UK is a bit rubbish (god knows its got its bad points...) and she loves it in North America, but in your/our eyes, we're seeing things a little differently.
Applaud her on a choice well made, then steer the coversation somewhere else- obviously if she has a favourite food that she can't get where she is, make a point of eating it while on the phone with her.
Sep 2nd 2008, 11:59 am
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 73
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
The other thing to bear in mind is that she may be genuinely content over there (good for her), and the UK wasn't the place for her.
Its easy to get into a tit-for-tat about where is better, (knife attacks versus shootings, The Daily Extremist versus Fox for eg...) but it always comes down to the individual concerned as to whether they find where they live to be good, bad or indifferent.
Basically, I wouldn't bother trying to "defend" the UK- in her eyes, it may be that the UK is a bit rubbish (god knows its got its bad points...) and she loves it in North America, but in your/our eyes, we're seeing things a little differently.
Applaud her on a choice well made, then steer the coversation somewhere else- obviously if she has a favourite food that she can't get where she is, make a point of eating it while on the phone with her.
Its easy to get into a tit-for-tat about where is better, (knife attacks versus shootings, The Daily Extremist versus Fox for eg...) but it always comes down to the individual concerned as to whether they find where they live to be good, bad or indifferent.
Basically, I wouldn't bother trying to "defend" the UK- in her eyes, it may be that the UK is a bit rubbish (god knows its got its bad points...) and she loves it in North America, but in your/our eyes, we're seeing things a little differently.
Applaud her on a choice well made, then steer the coversation somewhere else- obviously if she has a favourite food that she can't get where she is, make a point of eating it while on the phone with her.
If I had to listen to all the negatives, I would be buying black curtains for my windows, painting the house green if living in the woods and putting up coffins in the garden to scare everyone away. Hydrophonics vegetables, breed my own rabbits, buy loads of blue movies, watch only Benny Hill, build a basement with nothing but marmite and baked beans and have a shot gun on my lap.
Luckily, I weed out the info that I need. Even the negatives have positives, for example, freedom. 3000 cameras watching me? Who cares. I am safer than before.
T
Sep 2nd 2008, 12:49 pm
#13
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Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 612
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
Some very good advice so far.
I think a lot of people do this in a new country until either (a) the novelty wears off or (b) they live a fulfilling live happily ever after in their new location and don't find the need to keep justifying.
If it were me I would say something in a half joking (passive aggresive) way. Like "if I wanted to hear all that I'd read the Daily Mail, I love it here, now how are you?".
I think a lot of people do this in a new country until either (a) the novelty wears off or (b) they live a fulfilling live happily ever after in their new location and don't find the need to keep justifying.
If it were me I would say something in a half joking (passive aggresive
) way. Like "if I wanted to hear all that I'd read the Daily Mail, I love it here, now how are you?".Ditto.
Sep 2nd 2008, 2:37 pm
#14
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 7
Re: How to deal with negative UK opinions?
Its great reading views of others here..........I only joined a few days ago an I must say that I feel good to be able to relate to some of the issues here and also tell myself that I am not alone........
Don't worry too much about your friends remarks.......... it's the same for everyone..........
My MRS left her birth country and migrated to AUstralia for good and is now an Australian Citizen....been here for almost 15 years..... but even she went thru ups and downs....... initially her sibling used to critizise her move to OZ but after some years now has moved here as well with her family........
AS the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.......
I came to OZ more than 3 years ago.....loved it at first..........met my MRS here and have a beautiful boy together....... but all that we want now is to move back home to the UK as we are feeling lonely and are longing for our loved ones (family & friends) who we want our little boy to grow up with........
Everyplace has its good and bad......... its just how we relate to it......... I like Australia but it didn't turn out to be tops for me or my family and we are looking forward to a new and better life back home where we belong.......
Don't worry.......... even I have started to look at the positive side of life after reading others views and thoughts on various topics here.......
Just remember we are not alone.......... and change is inevitable......its only a matter of time that your friend realizes that she is still in this world where we all share and live......... just that in a different continent.......which is only a few hours away.........
Don't worry too much about your friends remarks.......... it's the same for everyone..........
My MRS left her birth country and migrated to AUstralia for good and is now an Australian Citizen....been here for almost 15 years..... but even she went thru ups and downs....... initially her sibling used to critizise her move to OZ but after some years now has moved here as well with her family........
AS the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.......
I came to OZ more than 3 years ago.....loved it at first..........met my MRS here and have a beautiful boy together....... but all that we want now is to move back home to the UK as we are feeling lonely and are longing for our loved ones (family & friends) who we want our little boy to grow up with........
Everyplace has its good and bad......... its just how we relate to it......... I like Australia but it didn't turn out to be tops for me or my family and we are looking forward to a new and better life back home where we belong.......
Don't worry.......... even I have started to look at the positive side of life after reading others views and thoughts on various topics here.......
Just remember we are not alone.......... and change is inevitable......its only a matter of time that your friend realizes that she is still in this world where we all share and live......... just that in a different continent.......which is only a few hours away.........
