Kentish Lass

HeavenlyScent......Out of interest, how old were your 4 children when you returned? Have they settled back to the UK? Do they miss NZ?
May main concern are my children now. My OH has realized that I too have tried for over 6years and I will never like it here in NZ. I am so wasting my time here. I'm missing Life. He is willing to go back now even though he loves it here. My children are adament that they want to stay.

vagabonding

You sound very much like i did when i lived in Canada. We did leave and i have to say i was gutted very quickly. I think when you get citizenship you say to yourself, well, if it doesnt work out i can always come back. Its very difficult to get the strength up to moving back again. I really wish i'd never left and just got on with a life i was actually quite enjoying. Homesickness will pass and it will resurface again at some stage. Its the immigrants curse. This is very much my own experience. Loads will tell you they had a wonderful time when they moved back and it was the best thing they'd ever done.
__________________

couldn't agree more about the homesickness statement. 3 weeks ago I was sick as a dog with homesickness. I got to the point that I approched my HR about a transfer, called my realtor, you name it.....but I have since come back down to earth as it has passed. It is truly a horrible thing when you feel that strong pull back and have the trapped feeling. In my heart I want to be back in Blighty, but I know me and my wife will be giving up far to much right now. As many people have mentioned I think us expats can romantize life back home, and I know that the last few trips back home for me have been fun filled time with family and friends, pubs and shopping etc and not a reflection of day to day to life. I envy the people who have had successful moves back and hope one day we can do the same, but for now (next 2 years) we are staying put. Best of Luck.

Heavenlyscent

I have older children when we returned in 2007 my youngest was 12, my 2 daughters were 14 1nd 15 and my oldest 22. The 3 in school have done very well since coming home. The youngest though did not get back into his old school and I had to home tutor him for 2 years. he is now at college (at 15yrs old). My kids had no intention of returning to the UK at all, they all loved NZ, but they came back all the same and now asking all of them which country they prefer to live in, all will tell u the UK. They hated me when I took them to NZ and hated me again when I brought them home. I say me cos hubby wanted to stay, but I could see the real opportunities they were missing out on by staying in NZ. Either way I just could not stay, I did not belong and certainly could not get used to their out look on life. I just needed to be home with things that were familiar, friends that I thought I could live without and to seemy parents at least once a month and not once morein my life time. The longing for home was so strong I just could not get it out of my system, it did not pass. I felt life was passing me by. Now I take every opportunity I get to meet new people, go places, have fun and live life, which I just couldn't do in NZ. It is a very personal thing. i am truely happy now, the family are all settled here, although there are things we all miss about NZ which could be better here, but thats life. I am glad we tried it and I am happy with the decision that it was not the right one (long term)for our family. I interviewed lots of people who had emigrated to NZ from various different countries and so many of them were stuck in NZ, never being able to leave because of debt, or because their kids had now made a home there, some just would never make enough money to save enough for a single flight home and I think this added to my need to go home. I just couldn't imagine being in their situaltions and being stuck in NZ for Life.

lilybilly101

So often on here people write stuff that resonates strongly and your post Heavenly is today's! Thank you. When I read stuff like this it makes me feel so much stronger.

My homesickness is like a dull ache too, nagging most of the day at me. The more weddings, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries that pass the greater the distance I feel. My friends and family are amazing. They keep in such close contact, using all the technology available to man but it isn't enough. I can't and don't want to live without any of them and want to build memories for them and my family WITH them.

I realise more and more that I have the most incredibly loyal, loving friends and family. Why would I not want to be around them?! And yes, there's aspects to life here that we will miss hugely but I'm hoping we'll get to travel (even if it's in a tent) on a fairly regular basis to get our sun and snow fixes finances allowing!

Best wishes and post away.......I need the encouragement in the difficult packing up days ahead!!!!

cleve

Just to say that we have just returned to the uk after 3 years in Australia (hubby is a ausie, but loves the UK). Was a little worried about returning but felt a huge gap whilst out in Australia. After one week of being back Australia was forgotten, we have had so much fun in the 3 weeks we have been back, there is so much to do in the UK, we have joined the National Trust and its great to be able to get in the car and drive 1 - 2 hours and actually get somewhere and pass lots of interesting places on the way. The shopping is so much better especially food and the cost of living is cheaper.

We have a 9 year girl who is loving it and she really did not want to return to the UK and my husband has managed to pick up work before he moved back, and had 4 interviews lined up before he got off the plane, he is in Engieering.

The hole that I felt in my life has now been filled and I feel that I am actually living again and its great, (maybe when jan, feb come around I will miss Australia). Just go ahead and do what you feel is the best for you, things will always fall into place. This will be my last post because we are all too busy visiting places now.

tdib

Hi All,

I would just like to put my hand up here as well. My first marriage fell apart a couple of years after emigrating to Perth and, because there was a child involved, I couldn't return to the UK.

During the break-up I felt homesick to an extent where sometimes I would feel almost physically sick but going home was never an option because of my child. Like some of other posters on this thread I felt trapped and I guess a good word to sum up how I felt would be "marooned".

They were bad days but since then I have married again (she is an Aussie) and built up a life over here. It has taken time and a lot of effort but I have "reached an understanding" with Australia and, whilst I would still rather go home, I concentrate on the bits of life that I do genuinely like. I would imagine that there are a lot of us in this situation of not being able to return to the UK because of family commitments - I would just like to point out that it CAN be made to work and you can still have some quality of life. Its not ideal and you have to make some adjustments but there are still choices and the chance for things to improve.

Hope things work out for you guys.

Gareth

sallysimmons

Excellent point, Gareth.

I can't return right now, although I started to feel the pull a few years ago, because my husband wants to be here and because we both agreed to this move together. It's not his fault that I changed my mind 20 years later.

We are working through it, but in the meantime I'm working really hard to appreciate the good things we have here that we wouldn't have in England. We only get this one life and we need to make the best of every day.

lilybilly101

So true. I was thinking the other day how so many people across the world who would do anything to live either here in Canada or the UK and feel blessed for it.

ionaskye

I know how you feel , my husband go round and round about the same thing , we have done for years and i often wonder why ,i can't just get the courage and leave and go back to the UK ,we have been married for a long time and I do love him for the most part but its tough

tdib

Hi Sally

Yes I think you have summed it up very well there.

When my first marriage was breaking up and I was facing the prospect of being a single Dad on my own in Australia I felt that I was in a nightmare situation. However, time passed, life went on, small changes and adjustments were made and then a big change when I met my partner and we got married! If I hadn't been forced to stay in Aus then my marriage would never have happened.

Saying this might sound a bit patronizing in a "get over it and get on with it" type of way - I hope it doesn't as it took me a LONG time and a lot of heartache to get where I am now so I don't under estimate how bad the OP feels.

Hope thinsg work out for you and your husband.

Gareth