Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Old Jan 4th 2006, 10:58 pm
  #16  
Living the Dream!
 
Mrs JFW's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 6,515
Mrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond reputeMrs JFW has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
Thanks Lisa for your reply.....i love my life here, i have a wonderful husband and kids, a great job, live in a nice house and have a very supporting family so i am not going to escape anything , it's something i have JUST wanted to do and i am scaraed to go, but scared if i dont go i will regret it.

I had another good chat with hubby last night and we are going ahead with the application ( i feel sick when i say that ) and what will be will be .....and i am going on an adventure with hubby and kids in toe

Issie, I thinkI know how you feel, but I'm not too sure. My circumstances are slightly different to yours. Although I have a wonderful hubby and 2 little terrors for children, My job is ok, I have loads of wonderful friends, my house is too small but ok. My family are not nearby so don't see them all the time. We are going to give it a go. At worse if we don't like it we can always come back (albeit we will have to start all over again). But we will go out with and open mind. Nothing ventured nothing gained! I hope I like it. Have you been to Oz on holidays? I don't think it would be normal not to feel apprehensive about such a major decision. Where are you thinking of going?
jackie x
Mrs JFW is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 12:38 am
  #17  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
TraceyW is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
Thanks Lisa for your reply.....i love my life here, i have a wonderful husband and kids, a great job, live in a nice house and have a very supporting family so i am not going to escape anything , it's something i have JUST wanted to do and i am scaraed to go, but scared if i dont go i will regret it.

I had another good chat with hubby last night and we are going ahead with the application ( i feel sick when i say that ) and what will be will be .....and i am going on an adventure with hubby and kids in toe
oh my God, you sound just like me three years ago!

I wasn't really trying to escape anything at all, we too had a nice home, wonderful family, good jobs etc, we just wanted a change. Especially me. I think I was going through a bit of a Shirley Valentine phase! I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something wild and adventurous with my life.

Well, we did it. We moved to Oz, despite having serious doubts about leaving family, home etc, we just carried on. I put all those feelings down to nerves. I now know those gut feelings were telling me something a little more important!

If I could wave a magic wand, turn back the clock, and know then what I know now.....I would've stayed in my beautiful home, with our decent jobs, and our families around us. This adventure is just not worth the heartache. You have to really seriously ask yourself "Am I prepared to gamble my whole comfortable life on this?" Because, trust me, there are a hell of a lot of women out here who say exactly the same thing as me....if only they could turn back the clock. Unfortunately, a lot of those women have been here way too long, or their husbands refuse to go home, or they can't afford to go home. One lady has been here 42 years, and she still misses home, and she still wishes she'd never come here. How sad is that?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just try to remember, it takes a much braver person to admit they are scared and not do something, than it does to carry on blindly.
TraceyW is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 11:48 am
  #18  
 
Issie's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,918
Issie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Mrs JFW
Issie, I thinkI know how you feel, but I'm not too sure. My circumstances are slightly different to yours. Although I have a wonderful hubby and 2 little terrors for children, My job is ok, I have loads of wonderful friends, my house is too small but ok. My family are not nearby so don't see them all the time. We are going to give it a go. At worse if we don't like it we can always come back (albeit we will have to start all over again). But we will go out with and open mind. Nothing ventured nothing gained! I hope I like it. Have you been to Oz on holidays? I don't think it would be normal not to feel apprehensive about such a major decision. Where are you thinking of going?
jackie x

Thanks Jackie.......i start to feel sane when someone else knows what i am going through.

We are heading for Perth, Scarborough / Doubleview ( depending on property)
We havent been and are hoping to go for a holiday when we validate the visa .....so we estimated this time next year, but you never know what will happen in that time so i haven't booked anything yet !!!!

The agents called me this morning funny enough is this real or what !!!!
Issie is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 11:50 am
  #19  
 
Issie's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,918
Issie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by TraceyW
oh my God, you sound just like me three years ago!

I wasn't really trying to escape anything at all, we too had a nice home, wonderful family, good jobs etc, we just wanted a change. Especially me. I think I was going through a bit of a Shirley Valentine phase! I wanted to prove to myself that I could do something wild and adventurous with my life.

Well, we did it. We moved to Oz, despite having serious doubts about leaving family, home etc, we just carried on. I put all those feelings down to nerves. I now know those gut feelings were telling me something a little more important!

If I could wave a magic wand, turn back the clock, and know then what I know now.....I would've stayed in my beautiful home, with our decent jobs, and our families around us. This adventure is just not worth the heartache. You have to really seriously ask yourself "Am I prepared to gamble my whole comfortable life on this?" Because, trust me, there are a hell of a lot of women out here who say exactly the same thing as me....if only they could turn back the clock. Unfortunately, a lot of those women have been here way too long, or their husbands refuse to go home, or they can't afford to go home. One lady has been here 42 years, and she still misses home, and she still wishes she'd never come here. How sad is that?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Just try to remember, it takes a much braver person to admit they are scared and not do something, than it does to carry on blindly.

Oh Tracey i wish you hadn't told me that.......but thank you for your honesty, it's good to hear both sides of an adventure ( i mean it cant always have a happy ending can it?).........How are you feeling now, will you come back to the UK?


Please do keep me posted........

Last edited by Issie; Jan 5th 2006 at 11:58 am.
Issie is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 1:55 pm
  #20  
BE Forum Addict
 
HiddenPaw's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Nappyland
Posts: 2,886
HiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
Thanks Jackie.......i start to feel sane when someone else knows what i am going through.

We are heading for Perth, Scarborough / Doubleview ( depending on property)
We havent been and are hoping to go for a holiday when we validate the visa .....so we estimated this time next year, but you never know what will happen in that time so i haven't booked anything yet !!!!

The agents called me this morning funny enough is this real or what !!!!
You are right - you will probably regret it if you don't go. You could remain cautious, bank the money that it would cost to move, and stay in the uk. but ask yourself, would you be more enriched by life's experiences or by a healthy bank balance?!

We also went for an adventure and what a life-changing adventure it was too. We kept our house in the UK so I guess we always expected to come back - our target was two years work/travel before starting a family. Going to Oz was the best thing I have ever done - even if I still don't know whether I would want to live there forever.

I know a lot of people take the approach that you have to sell up and break all ties with the UK to force yourself to make it work - that's a fine approach but not one that would suit me. Why put all that pressure on yourself to make it work, why tell yourself up front that it's forever? Heck, you don't even know if you'll like it!! If you don't have children then you are in a more flexible position in that you don't have to worry about the impact of the move on them, taking them from school to school etc. Just go for the ride and see where you end up, agree beforehand to see how you both feel after, say, 2 years and take it from there. Good luck, and enjoy!
HiddenPaw is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:04 pm
  #21  
BE Forum Addict
 
HiddenPaw's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Nappyland
Posts: 2,886
HiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond reputeHiddenPaw has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Erica
Hi All, just found this forum and would love some advice. We are living in Berkeley CA, have been in the Bay Area for 3 years and lived iin Japan for 3 years prior to this. Have 2 little kids and an American husband. I am having perisistant restless/empty/slightly depressed feelings and thoughts of moving back home to the UK but am feeling very conflicted. This place is very beautiful, the weather is lovely, the standard of living is great, people are very liberal and friendly, I have some great friends and I have mixed feelings about England and was glad toleave it. BUT I really miss the support of my family when bringing up these kids in a place which is so different from home in quite subtle ways. My husband is up for going back but I am so scared of making a mistake. What do you all think?????
Hi, well, you sound in a right dilemma, and understandably so! 6 years is a long time to be away as people and places will have changed so much, and perhaps more importantly, so will you. If it were me, I would look closely the reasons for leaving in the first place and see if they are still relevant to you, your life, your prioroties, etc. I'm sure your outlook has changed now you have children? Is it just family that are pulling you back or a sense of not belonging in your current location?
HiddenPaw is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:10 pm
  #22  
BE Enthusiast
 
Always21's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Wales
Posts: 444
Always21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
Oh Tracey i wish you hadn't told me that.......but thank you for your honesty, it's good to hear both sides of an adventure ( i mean it cant always have a happy ending can it?).........How are you feeling now, will you come back to the UK?


Please do keep me posted........
Hehe... it's a good thing that you know the other side of the story and are a little scared as it means you'll be more prepared. But at the end of the day you have to give it a try yourself to find out how you personally will feel. As HiddenPaw was suggesting, don't view it as being forever to begin with, and don't break all you ties with the UK. I made the decision to move to the US and thought it would be forever before I had even visited the place for the first time. I really burned my bridges in the UK which I now regret seeing as I'm heading back. Keep your bank accounts, driving licence, etc. Maybe things will work out fine and you'll be one of the ones who loves Oz and stays forever, but leave that decision for after you get there. Don't put that pressure on yourself now. Good luck with everything!
Always21 is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 2:44 pm
  #23  
 
Issie's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,918
Issie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Always21
Hehe... it's a good thing that you know the other side of the story and are a little scared as it means you'll be more prepared. But at the end of the day you have to give it a try yourself to find out how you personally will feel. As HiddenPaw was suggesting, don't view it as being forever to begin with, and don't break all you ties with the UK. I made the decision to move to the US and thought it would be forever before I had even visited the place for the first time. I really burned my bridges in the UK which I now regret seeing as I'm heading back. Keep your bank accounts, driving licence, etc. Maybe things will work out fine and you'll be one of the ones who loves Oz and stays forever, but leave that decision for after you get there. Don't put that pressure on yourself now. Good luck with everything!

Thank you A21 and hiddenpaw......i get so much from these replies and realise that i will come across many hurdles but like you and many more have said i MUST give it ago.

I must ask you though, when you said keep accounts open and keep your driving licence...why and how? would i have to keep paying into the bank from Oz or will it just stay permantley open unless i close it down. These are thing i havent yet looked into.
Issie is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:21 pm
  #24  
BE Forum Addict
 
ladylisa's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
ladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Always21
Hehe... it's a good thing that you know the other side of the story and are a little scared as it means you'll be more prepared. But at the end of the day you have to give it a try yourself to find out how you personally will feel. As HiddenPaw was suggesting, don't view it as being forever to begin with, and don't break all you ties with the UK. I made the decision to move to the US and thought it would be forever before I had even visited the place for the first time. I really burned my bridges in the UK which I now regret seeing as I'm heading back. Keep your bank accounts, driving licence, etc. Maybe things will work out fine and you'll be one of the ones who loves Oz and stays forever, but leave that decision for after you get there. Don't put that pressure on yourself now. Good luck with everything!
Great advice! We still have our house in the Uk and thank god we did, even only for investment purposes. I agree that to make it a forever move does put alot of pressure that needn't be there. The only thing I would add is that whilst living in another country is exciting and new at first after the initial euphoria goes and you end up at work not remembering the journey there (the same as at home) you realise that life goes on, the bills and shopping get paid a few nights you stay in and watch TV it makes you realise that its not a holiday its just life, but without family. I wouldn't swap my experience however it used to make me laugh when someone would call me from back home and say in an excited voice, well what have you been doing today? Like I was on holiday or something! Its made me realise how many people on this forum think the same thing before they move, its those posters I always worry about the most.
ladylisa is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:26 pm
  #25  
my arm aches
 
ladyofthelake's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
ladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
Thank you A21 and hiddenpaw......i get so much from these replies and realise that i will come across many hurdles but like you and many more have said i MUST give it ago.

I must ask you though, when you said keep accounts open and keep your driving licence...why and how? would i have to keep paying into the bank from Oz or will it just stay permantley open unless i close it down. These are thing i havent yet looked into.
Your account wll just sit there doing nothing, unless you close it. My Barclays account has about £1.20 in it, and they send me a statement once a year. It's handy to have, if only for somewhere to keep my spending money on trips back. Much happier paying by debit card than cash or travellers cheques.
As for the Driving Licence, just keep hold of it, don't send it back or hand it over in OZ (if it can be avoided)
ladyofthelake is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 3:48 pm
  #26  
 
Issie's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 4,918
Issie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond reputeIssie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
Your account wll just sit there doing nothing, unless you close it. My Barclays account has about £1.20 in it, and they send me a statement once a year. It's handy to have, if only for somewhere to keep my spending money on trips back. Much happier paying by debit card than cash or travellers cheques.
As for the Driving Licence, just keep hold of it, don't send it back or hand it over in OZ (if it can be avoided)
So do you change your address on the bank account ( daft question i know) but someone has to ask it
Issie is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 4:05 pm
  #27  
BE Forum Addict
 
ladylisa's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
ladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond reputeladylisa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
So do you change your address on the bank account ( daft question i know) but someone has to ask it
I changed my UK accounts to my Dads address.
ladylisa is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 6:14 pm
  #28  
my arm aches
 
ladyofthelake's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
ladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond reputeladyofthelake has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by Issie
So do you change your address on the bank account ( daft question i know) but someone has to ask it
Yep, they send the statement to me over here.
ladyofthelake is offline  
Old Jan 5th 2006, 6:20 pm
  #29  
BE Enthusiast
 
Always21's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Wales
Posts: 444
Always21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond reputeAlways21 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
Your account wll just sit there doing nothing, unless you close it. My Barclays account has about £1.20 in it, and they send me a statement once a year. It's handy to have, if only for somewhere to keep my spending money on trips back. Much happier paying by debit card than cash or travellers cheques.
As for the Driving Licence, just keep hold of it, don't send it back or hand it over in OZ (if it can be avoided)
Yep... what she said. I closed my accounts when it would have been so easy just to leave them open and also sent back my licence when there was really no need to. When I return I'll have to apply for a new licence and open new bank accounts with the usual hassle of proving residence to open one but needing an account to prove residence! Only small hassles, but they could have been avoided.
Always21 is offline  
Old Jan 6th 2006, 12:51 am
  #30  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Bay Area, from Plymouth UK
Posts: 317
kevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond reputekevntrace has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: HELP! So confused about whether to move back or not.

Not necessarily. We have kept our UK address and the statement gets sent there every month, but we also asked for duplicates to be sent to our US address - at no cost to us.

To chip in on the other aspects of discussion in this thread, I've been here 10.5 years now. I left the UK for the adventure - had no problems with life in the UK. But I do use up most of my annual vacation to go back to the UK every year - and I love going back. Just wish I had more vacation time so I could have a US-based vacation too.

We have kept our UK property - its empty, but we use it as our base when we go back on holiday. Its one half of a semi, and the other half is the in-laws home. So it gets looked after year round. Its the wife's house (she owned it before I met/married her) and with the in-laws right next door I don't get an awful lot of say in its running. Ideally I'd like it to be rented out so we could cover the mortgage with the rent. But definitely don't want to sell it because its just increasing in value.

So as you can see, we are keeping our ties with the UK. We now have a 1 year old daughter, and I'm torn about her upcoming education. Being a Brit married to another Brit, I really don't have a lot of knowledge of the US education system, and that concerns me. So I am definitely considering relocating to the UK when she comes of age, so she gets a UK education and upbringing. Problem is the wife is really settled over here and she would prefer to stay, although I don't think she would mind going back to the UK to be close to family - we haven't come to that bridge yet, but we have discussed it briefly.

If we did relocate back, we would (hopefully) be US citizens by then (we're eligible to apply later this year), we could keep the US house (renting it out would easily cover the mortgage), we would hopefully have a 2nd child, and we could move straight back into our UK house. Not sure what sort of work I would do - if I stuck with IT would either have to contract away from the westcountry, or take a poor paying job to stay local (which I could probably cope with). Also the wife could go back to work too, so money wouldn't be too bad. And we'd still have the equity in the US and UK properties.

So as it looks right now, we may move back to the UK within the next 5 years - but nothing is in concrete yet.

Originally Posted by Issie
So do you change your address on the bank account ( daft question i know) but someone has to ask it
kevntrace is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.