Sue1

Hi is there anyone out there who has moved somewhere twice thinking it will be better the second time round and then realising what a complete mistake it is.

I got my husband to move to NZ 6 years ago (wanting to try living in a new country)and we stayed for 2 years and had our first son there, I got homesick and we went home to the UK me pregnant with second son, after 2 years I got itchy feet again and 4 years down the line we are now back in NZ, have only been here since mid may. Me thinking be good to try out NZ again with the boys and I knew how my husband liked it the last time. I am homesick again and just want to go back to the UK and be with my family, have 3 sisters and we all lived close by and all have kids around the same age, I feel I am being totally selfish to my husband but I just can't get going back to the UK out of my head.

Please can anyone help, you can be honest, I know I may not like the answers, I am shaking writing this now.

I think OH is confused as I make my mind up about things and then things like this happen, feel I shouldn't keep going on about the UK as I'm sure it really annoys him.

Sally Simpson

He does need to know how you feel though Sue!
Can you think about the reasons that you decided to give NZ another try? Are those reasons still valid or have things changed in the time you were back in the UK?
Is how you are feeling the sort of homesickness that you can live with for a while in the hope that if you try to get on with life it will pass or is it more than that?
(Sorry, not expressing myself very well)
Did you not consider before you left how you would feel about leaving family second time round? I am sure that you did, so why is it worse than you thought it would be?
(Really, really sorry that I am not expressing myself well!)
How would your husband feel about moving back again to UK? Are your children settling in NZ?

Big hug 'cos I know it must be awful to feel the way you do!

Sue1

Hi

Thanks for your reply

Yeah I thought about it all before we left the UK we were going to come out last september but I backed out kept thinking about leaving the family (what I would do now to turn back the clock), then you know what its like you get something in your head and it won't go away, so ended up coming out in may trying to be positive and saying what if we don't do it will we regret it for not trying again (as you can probably guess I have a very patient OH).

I know my OH will go back to UK if I really wanted him to that much, he just has worries about getting a house, job etc, even though he is one of these blokes who gets on where ever he is, just think he gets tired of the goal posts changing position all the time just when he thinks all is going to plan.

I just don't think I have it in me to be away from my family forever, and staying here just to give it a go seems very hard when my heart is else where.

thanks again for honest reply

Sue

Sally Simpson

Sue, as I said on someone else's thread, you should listen to what is in your heart. Perhaps you had to go back to NZ & find it wasn't right in order to be properly settled in the UK?
If you really feel that NZ is not for you & the UK is, what is to be gained by waiting? It will only get harder to return.
Best wishesx

Sue1

Hi thanks for reply, had a good talk with OH this evening got very upset, but he understands how I feel and other than all the worries about going home we think we probably will next year, he says I must stop worrying and try and enjoy the time we have here, just worried that if we let it be known here the people who he works for will not want him there anymore (doesn't help they are friends) but will have to just see what happens. Thanks so much for your replies its good to hear other peoples views from the outside. All you have said about having to come back again I think is true, shame it has cost a fortune to find out and all that we had will be gone just getting home, but I suppose thats life.

Suex

Sally Simpson

It's only money!
I hope that now that you have both made a decision, you can, as your husband says, try to enjoy your time in NZ. Try to focus on what is good there & try not to dwell on missing family.
Best wishes & don't forget, when you need to moan, BE is here!

Sue1

Thanks so much you made me feel normal and not some mad woman. Yeah will enjoy being here and having a good time with my family.

Suex

Bijilo123

So what - I'm envious of you. Move as often as you want and don't worry about what people think - no need to be predictable at all !!

Kep going back and forward - stability is nothing to write home about - except that you would not have to post the letter.

There that's sorted - go now and enjoy the summer.