stepnek

We've been in Canada since Sept 2004 and although I'm feeling gradually more settled I sometimes think how on earth have I ended up living in Canada??!!

Well the truth is I fell in love with a Canadian and now we have this difficulty of there always being one of us living far from home. For four years it was my wife that had the burden and now it's my turn but I'd return tomorrow if it didn't seem all so complicated.

SANDRAPAUL

Could you put some bones on as to why you would move back if possible?

Kath

Not sure how I managed to stay 2 years without a trip back to England!! I used to phone airlines and get prices for flights back, sort out dates etc. but then when I worked out the cost we decided it was better to spend it on a trip to a new place in Australia, from Perth we visited Cairns, Gold Coast, Brisbane, Sydney, Kalgoorlie, Albany, north WA we went everywhere! I think this really helped me - the travel - it made it all worthwhile and my children learnt so much.

I think the hardest thing for me was not having anyone understand my feelings, when I tried to talk about my homesickness to neighbours, mums at school etc. they would just look at me with a blank expression, their response "how could you not like this place, sun, beaches, space.... etc", BUT it's not about the material comforts, they just didn't get it!

I met people from England who had been in Perth 20 years+ and were still pining for the old country and told me some very, very sad stories, not getting back in time before a parent died, getting back to see a parent and not recognising them because they'd become so ill. It was hearing these stories that made me realise where I wanted to live, I loved our time in Australia but I'm glad to be back around my family.

Your husband sounds very supportive, hope my experience has given you some ideas, think of this time as an adventure, get out there and see the country and re-evaluate very 6 months or so until citizenship - good luck!

HiddenPaw

Aw Deb, I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle. 42 is no age at all is it...certainly makes you think. This is the flip side to 'you only live once [so move to the other side of the world]' - losing relatives in the UK and the possibility of not being there for them or family in their last hours. Your mum must be so relived you came back to UK. Hugs to you
HPx

Deb+Chris

God!! Sorry about my swearing lastnight!!

Thanks HiddenPaw.

stepnek

Mere homesickness I guess. It comes and goes and in the main I quite enjoy my new country but it simply isn't my home. I read threads about how the UK is going down hill but for me it never was with the one exception of house prices being so high. The enticing thing about Canada was to be able to buy a house outright, give my wife the oppertunity to be closer to her family and my own children ( I have three daughters from my first marriage, aged 15, 18, 20) would stand a better chance of finding affordable places of their own when the time came. The thing is I'm 43 and I don't enjoy the prospect of taking the next 15 years or whatever it takes for Canada to feel like home. I always personally liked living in the UK and wouldn't have left if it hadn't seemed to make so much sense.

Anyway to conclude I'm sure that I'll be staying here because it makes sense to even though deep down I know where I'd rather be. My two oldest daughters are moving back to England later this year to persue their lives there which also gives me a lot to think about but it's always difficult to be sure of what we should or shouldn't do.

SANDRAPAUL

Thank you for this insight. Whilst I have no illusions about the struggle it might be one item that always crosses my mind is the children. Where will they end up going when old enough? The odd thing is that they all voiced feelings to working in North America or Australasia. - whether real or due to me and my mid life crisis (es) I do not know. It would be a pisser though if we did not do what we wanted to only to find them living in different countries to us. I have tried to instill in them this message. Stay long enough to get Citizenship as you may actually want to make the new country your permanent home. I don't and will not know if they are listening. But from an opportunity level they would be in a much better position to choose Europe or America seeing that the world is changing rapidly. We seem to becoming a mobile work force overnight in order to survive.

I have no major gripes with the UK really as its put us in the position to move and virtually take it easy if need be. But my word we have had to work for it. Like all places there are things that annoy me. But I really do believe Europe en-mass has some difficult times ahead and it will be our (I am 43) and the next generation coming up that may bear the brunt of it. I have absolutely nothing to look forward retirement wise if we/I stay in the UK.

The move (whereever) represents a fresh start and something to get our teeth into...and we actually like American lifestyle very much as far as we have been allowed to get near it for the last 12 years.

Personally I wanted to move years ago but my wife was reluctant and due to things happening in our family she knows life is too short to keep being cautious.

I said before on here that I asked a friend what they would do. The answer was with money no object they would place themselves in Europe/UK as with money you can have Europe on your doorstep and afford to travel to America, Australia, Asia as and when you please.

scrawni

When I went to Oz I basically split my family in half, taking one child but leaving another. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to face and it hurts me to even think about it.

Athough I left a teenager behind and people kept on telling me she would be alright and she had her own life to lead, it is not strictly true. Your kids are your kids and you can never break the bond that you have, especially if you are close.

On top of that leaving family behind is hard, it does get a little easier as time goes by. Everytime I used to ring up home both my mother and I would be in tears on the phone but that soon stopped. But it is the little things like letting the kids stay at their grandparents house overnight. You can't replace that can you?

Now, after being back for a month I have seen an change in the kids almost overnight. They are far happier and contented. We never hated Oz and like many things about it but to see the kids so chilled out and relaxed has made our move worthwhile. How can u help family when you are so far away, you can offer words of support and comfort but nothing really practical.

What I think I am trying to say is that it has made me realise what matters to me, somethings you just can't replace.

Mandy

Merlot

Well said Mandy, for me it was only family bringing me back and to a certain degree keeping me in the UK at the moment, otherwise I think my other half would have me on a plane back to Sydney.

My Nan died last year and I got to spend 6 months quality time before she left us. It wasn't until afterwards I realised the importance of this and of my place in the family.

I left Blighty as a single female, came back with a husband and cat. Now in my mid 30's I have developed my relationship with my parents to a level I never thought possible, it has taken over 30 years to get here and because of this I am much more content inside.

If I had to move away anywhere tomorrow, it would break me in two BUT I have been able to say things I should have said years ago and family back to me. It a morbid way it is like coming back from the dead and getting a 2nd chance.

Money does not buy that, nor does a great climate or job.

M

SANDRAPAUL

Agreed. But each of us have different lives and have had. Neither my wife or I have any family accept our children. And for the next few years they are stuck with us and us with them as they go through either university and high schools. So it will be at least 4 years before we would face the prospect of the eldest returning and at least 8 years for the youngest. So we have a very good chance of all settling before problems may happen.

I read all the comments about why people return and most of them involve family. So you could say we are unlucky in one respect and lucky in another. We are very free to roam. I am not sure I would want to leave family if we had been close or in fact if there was any. But my wife does threaten me (and this is odd) with some sort of backlash if I take her to another country and die early before she is settled. What she will do I do not know?

Later on it might be all of us moving on again - who knows?

callé

Hi Deb!!
I agree completely! I look around where I am and I see the poverty and then the rich and the snobs and the crack dealers and so on. But yet If I were happy here I could see past that at the beaches and warm weather and the fact that I have a good job and a nice home.
Its not about that all the time is it? I want to be home in England. With my family that I hardly ever see and all things British that is my heritage and for my children to live life as British. I could go on and on about all the little things that some feel arent important. But to me the disrespectful youth and problems with the government arent enough to keep me away. That stuff is everywhere.
Six and a half months! Oh I cant wait!!!
Oh Deb.... Sorry about your uncle

MrsB

Kath
Thankyou for your reply. I am trying hard to think of it as an adventure. What was it like packing up to go home ? Did you at any time think you wanted to stay ? Didn't you fall in love with the "lifestyle" ? Are you happy back home , or will you be one of these people flitting back and forth unable to decide where they want to live?

Kath

I was sad to leave Perth, we lived in a beautiful part of the Hills and I made some lovely friends there, so when we left it was a bit like leaving the UK but in reverse. A big part of me really worried how we would settle back but I felt reassured having Aussie citizenship, we could come back again in the future.

The first few months back were hard, we arrived in Winter and the darkness was difficult after enjoying so much bright sunshine, the pace of life was faster but you just need to give it time, getting to know your own country again. We decided to live a more rural lifestyle back here which has really suited us, we end up driving more but I love the English countryside, I think it's good to make a few changes when you get back.

We are very happy to be back now, it's taken a few months to settle but we can't afford to flit back and forth, we need stablity for our children's education. I'm sure we'll be back in Australia in the future, maybe not until retirement but at least we have that option now.

jugsy

why oh why did we come back here? to what? for this? so, before you move back, take a long long look at the future.


Julius I see you live in Streatham. This is a bad part of a huge city. The whole of the U.K. is not like this. Maybr you would be happier in a different part of the U.K.

welykuk

I've loved reading all these posts that describe so many of the things I've thought. I am really glad our green card has been denied even though we are now rushing round planning our return to the UK because I was wavering between staying in the US which makes so much sense rationally (space, house, weather, friends) and returning to the UK which pulled emotionally (family, friends, food) and now the decision is made for me and I take comfort from the fact so many people have said the things they have about family I've thought thats how I'll feel but hearing other people say it gives me a sense of surety about how it will be. My gran died while I was out here and it did make me feel a long way away and I am looking forward to "having" to do family things. I hate missing birthdays!
I am reassured by reading here that we are likely to be able to settle back although I'm sure there will be plenty to moan about Thank you all for sharing your experiences.