lolpeake103

Hello All,
Well my story is I have been living in the USA for 20 years now, I came here as an impressionable 19 year old as an aupair, met a guy, we got married....divorced.....met someone new, had 3 kids.....divorced.....!!!
I have been a single parent now for 3 years and im finding it increasingly difficult to try to do this on my own. My exs family dont help out at all, my ex barely pays child support, I work 2 jobs just to keep afloat and have come to a fork in the road....do I stay here for my kids or do I leave to go back to England?
I feel I dont really have friends here, most of them left with my divorce, I work 7 days a week and my oldest daughter who is 12 seems to be stuck with the majority of the parenting responsibilities, im so unsure as to what to do, I have spent half of my life here but feel I have achieved very little. I love the area where I live as there is a freshwater lake less than 5 minutes away and I love the water, but im just feeling so incredibly depressed and I just dont know what to do. My family wants me home....yesterday!!! Im worried about my kids, how will they cope? Im worried about myself, I would go back home, to the west midlands, not the most scenic of counties....I feel my life is just a sham though, I honestly dont know what to do for the best. I have a 3 week vacation set up for December/January, my kids will have their first English christmas!! Im going to use that time to see how they like it. I know if I move home I will not be able to come back to the USA so its a 1 time deal.......I just dont know what is the best decision to make for me or my kids.......any ideas anyone??

Thanks for listening!!!

Sue

Hi and welcome to BE,

I've moved your thread into the Moving Back to the UK forum for you, as I think maybe that's the best place for it.

What you are feeling is completely natural, thinking about moving back to the UK can be just a stressful and confusing as the decision to move abroad. In some ways I think it's more difficult as once you've lived abroad one wonders if one will be able to re-settle back "home" as we have been used to living and adjusting to another culture.

Can I ask, you mentioned that if you moved back you would not be able to come back to the US. Why is that? You don't have to mention personal stuff, but I just wondered why as sometimes people think that the move is a one way thing, but quite often it isn't, one can leave a door open just in case.

robin1234

Have your children visited England several times, do they have a relationship with their English grandparents, aunts & uncles etc.? The strength of those relationships might be a factor in your decision whether or not to move back to the UK. Good luck - and have a good trip over the Christmas and New Year period!

Mummy in the foothills

To move back with children under 18 you'll need the fathers permission, one of those horrible things that trap women in a country till the kids are grown.
If he seems willing and has no interest in being with them and seeing them grow, maybe he'll be happy to give the permission.
I know my Dh's father gave permission for MIL to bring all the kids to the US from the UK, he did it in exchange for her to never ask for another penny in support for any of them ever again. What a lovely man

lolpeake103

Thankyou all for your replies....

Sue, thankyou for moving my post for me. I have been a greencard holder for 17 years now but was under the impression I am only allowed out of the USA for upto 1 year before forfeiting that, my children are all US citizens so I dont know if that factors into anything, I honestly wish I had the finances to stay longer...maybe 3 months, so the kids could really get a taste for the life but as im absolutely stripped of resources it would have to be a 1 time thing, I wouldnt be able to set up home here again by myself, It has taken me 3 years to get this far with a trailer, a car and 2 jobs......and even my modest life is a constant struggle....

Robin, my children have been there quite a few times, my son was born there so sees himself as very much English, he would move in a heartbeat, my youngest is 7 and is very happy go lucky, I think she would adjust wonderfully.....but my oldest is 12 and has had to grow up VERY fast these past few years, although she is excited to go for a visit.....and she actually has told me she would love to go to college in the UK, I think she is the one im most concerned with......she is basically the only one that has any sort of a relationship with her Dad....

Mummy, I toyed with the idea of going home after the divorce, and my ex had no problem with it. He will go months without seeing or talking to his children, and just like you said......he told me it would be a weight off his shoulders as he wouldnt have to pay child support ( not that me staying here made that happen but something is better than nothing I guess) I think he would happily give up his rights to write off his financial responsibility.....

Thankyou all for your comments and questions, my head is spinning and in my heart I just dont know what to do. I appreciate your input so much!

lansbury

Its taking 4 - 6 months to get US citizenship at the moment. Get it started now and you can come and go as you please when you have it.

lolpeake103

Lansbury, yes I may just do that, I would hate to move my family home only to have them decide to move back to the USA when old enough!! I must admit I havent looked into citizenship at all....so thankyou for the prompt...I will most definately start the ball rolling!!!

killerhales

First thing: as the previous poster said, get your citizenship sorted then the option of returning is open to you.

If your oldest is thinking about tertiary education in the UK, you need to be back for the preceeding three years to avoid paying international fees instead of home fees. This is a huge difference financially. So don't leave it too long.

Bearing in mind she's 12, moving will get harder for her every year that goes by, as she build her own social life.

So, how about this: do your Xmas trip, assuming the vibe is good, get over sometime during Spring next year so the kids are established in schools and will start their first full school year after the Summer hols.

Of course it's not as easy as all that, but it is do'able; good luck!

lolpeake103

Thanks Killerhales, I will definately look into the citizenship as I posted.....for me it is all a financial gamble though......and I am petrified that if I do move I will have no job, no home, no car.........but I will have my families support.
My parents have been just wonderful these past 20 years, not once have they begged me to come home but have always supported me and my decisions...whatever they may be! I would not want to be a financial burden on them, they are both in their 70s now and own a tiny home. My UK family is small, Mom, Dad, brother and sister......and 5 nephews, who I hardly know.....

The decision to move here as a 19 year old seemed a lot less stressful than the ones I have infront of me right now, I just dont want to screw up I guess!!

expatasia

If you don't mind me asking, what would be your initial accommodation options upon returning to Britain? Will you all stay temporarily with your UK family? What kind of work will you apply for upon returning?

It all sounds such a costly enterprise but whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck. You family sounds great so that should make up for the depressing permanent grey haze over the country in December time.

Mummy in the foothills

It can't be worse economically that Michigan surely? All my friends and family are working (except Mom who has retired) and seem to be doing fine, house extensions going up and everything and they are in an area that has always had higher unemployment than many places.

Sue

Yes, I agree with this. Lolpeake if you've done 17 years then it would be worth applying for citizenship. That way you've always got the option to return.

sparky35

this is so close to my story please email me at <snip> would like to chat with you more about this. thanks steve

ldyinlv

Like you I came to the US when I was 18, ngot married at 19..divorced when I was 44. I am now 52, my daughter is grown and on her own. I have been working hard trying to make it on my own here for the past 8 yrs, and never seen to get ahead. I am moving back to England in a couple of months because if I am going to struggle..I am going to do it where my family is, and I have a support system. I recently had a medical issue, the nightmare of most Americans, and although I had insurance, it has still wiped me out. 8 weeks unpaid from work to recover..etc. Not having any family here was horrible, relying on the kindness of friends to take care of me..
Go home, you wwill work yurself to death here..you kids will adapt, kids always do...America can be a very lonely place..
Jackie.

ldyinlv

sorry about the typos...have a cat on my lap..lol