From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Sep 7th 2008, 4:39 pm
#1
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: Spain, Friend of Bill. I know a lot, but I know that I do'nt know all
Posts: 8
From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi all, newbie to this site and found it through many hours of asking the wrong question in Websites.What a site this is , I have spent 3 days reading ,nearly all of the threads and posts. I have printed out 10 sheets of Links, but I still did not find exactly a case like what I am going to relate to you. I do hope you will bear with me as I am not the greatest typer , I write snailmail quicker.Here goes.
My wife and I moved to Southern Spain,( I do'nt want to divulge the exact area as we do not know if we can manage to make this happen) over 6 years ago and we have been happy with all the positive things that have been written about this great country.We moved here because we could.We sold our house in London and came over here to Spain and bought an old big house , in a little seaside village. We bought the 'big' because we assumed my wifes father was going to come with us as he was living with us for 8 years. He was always shooting of to Spain with an old school friend every couple of months and came back every time with positive tales of Espana.The way our life was going at the time, both of us in jobs that were quickly going nowhere , mortgage and endowments that would not be paid till we were in our 70s, adult kids forever asking us for handouts, Family squabbles, b****y weather,area being taken over by new people moving into an already crowded area, and so it went on and on and on.We came to Spain and settled into the area like as if we always lived here.
The early days and months and years were great, we had alot of building to do ( ourselves ), first time my wife ever lifted a builders shovel, mixed compo. plaster,She was better than some of the male labourerers that I pain good wages to in England, we done the whole house up ourselves and everyday was an adventure and a pleasure to sit on the terrace , with a view to die for with that first cup of tea and the cheap roll ups , pure Paradise and it lasted for a long ,long time.I remember our first shopping adventure in a mercado, what a performance , " Why ca'nt 'they 'speak English?, " Why ca'nt they hurry up and stopp talking, when they are supposed to be checking the goods ?" We went through the whole gamut of taking England here with us and then realising that this was not England
. What a shock. Time to live in the real world ' them '. We got stuck into the Spanish way and the penny dropped , it was much easier to adopt their way. We started to go to language lessons and started to say cerveza and cafe , instead of gesticulating cow and full glass.
We have experienced underhandedness, lies, dishonesty, snobbishness and
deceitfullness,racism,rudeness and a lot of defects and that is from BRITS.
I do not pertain to know the Spanish people, I have only lived here amongst them for 6 and a half years, but I have come to love their warmth of greeting and their language and customs, their weather , their quirkiness, generosity, lateness, laid back attitude on many things , not all of them are perfect as not all of us are walking perfection, some may differ on that and I have met a few in my time. Wehave had many great times here and it is surprising how your family seems to expand when you live is Spain. Our home here has been empty on few occasions in all seasons. We have dined out on the terrace more than we ate indoors, with flies, wasps,bats, swifts and many other strange uninvited guests of whom we could not put a name to owing to their strange appearance.We have experienced great English roast dinners with Spanish friends, all of them enjoyed the " comida Ingles " and we too have tried and sometimes refused the return meals at Romerias of their strange dishes that I last tasted , just after WW2. All in all we have enjoyed our " living the dream" but as the quote says " all good things mut come to an end "We have had some great time on our visits ,we have even been paid to come to friends when they neede some work done, and have ben paid handsomely for our services, wheic was welcome at times when the funds were at a very low level in the " banco ".We just arrived back a few days ago after having the Grandkids for 4 weeks, we stayed for 2 weeks ( to get cheaper flights) but also to partake of thae kindness of the wifes brother and his lovely wife who insisted we did not return to Spain.
We visited with my Father in law and which we have done since he has stopped visiting Spain because of health reasons. He is living with a close relative who cannot look after him. No other family member is willing to take on this task. Many suggestions have been submitted tosolve the 'problem ' of Dad but those suggestions I will not even give space on this paper to.
He is desperately lonely , he has many physical illnesses but still has all his mental faculties he has asked my wife and I to nurse him in the winter of his life . He lives in the home of the relative , who is his carer, and he is not even
recognised as a human being as he is ignored , the only time he is spoke to is when he has his dressings changed on his ulcerated legs. The grandchildren and great grand children will not talk as they have to practice what the parents do. It is a very bad situation and there is no money in a will to be left.
We both love him dearly, very much, now at the end of this tome the questions arise and they are many .We are willing to return to the UK to look after him. We can put our house on the market, it has a small mortgage on it . we can let it with enough rent to cover the mortgage, we both have our pensions ( State pensions , no other) paid to us here in Euros, monthly, we have little bits of cleaning money for appartments paid to us , I do the DIY in the dwellings, we have no savings of any kind , we have lived from hand to mouth sometimes , but we did not give in, I know that things are not a good as they were here, what with the £ and euro, but we still have a meal and still love each other whatever comes by correos o telefono, this human being means a lot to both of us and whatever sacrifice we are asked we wil do.
Can some of you kind experts that have made the transition from here to there please let us know what to do and where to go from here. We are awaiting some papers from his Local council that his daughter ( the carer ) will post to us and we have to fill in, God knows how. Please ask me many questions and I will endeavour to answer you.Sorry to have a big post ,but I have to get this out to someone and this site is the bet I have seen .
God bless you all
prodigal and wife xx
My wife and I moved to Southern Spain,( I do'nt want to divulge the exact area as we do not know if we can manage to make this happen) over 6 years ago and we have been happy with all the positive things that have been written about this great country.We moved here because we could.We sold our house in London and came over here to Spain and bought an old big house , in a little seaside village. We bought the 'big' because we assumed my wifes father was going to come with us as he was living with us for 8 years. He was always shooting of to Spain with an old school friend every couple of months and came back every time with positive tales of Espana.The way our life was going at the time, both of us in jobs that were quickly going nowhere , mortgage and endowments that would not be paid till we were in our 70s, adult kids forever asking us for handouts, Family squabbles, b****y weather,area being taken over by new people moving into an already crowded area, and so it went on and on and on.We came to Spain and settled into the area like as if we always lived here.
The early days and months and years were great, we had alot of building to do ( ourselves ), first time my wife ever lifted a builders shovel, mixed compo. plaster,She was better than some of the male labourerers that I pain good wages to in England, we done the whole house up ourselves and everyday was an adventure and a pleasure to sit on the terrace , with a view to die for with that first cup of tea and the cheap roll ups , pure Paradise and it lasted for a long ,long time.I remember our first shopping adventure in a mercado, what a performance , " Why ca'nt 'they 'speak English?, " Why ca'nt they hurry up and stopp talking, when they are supposed to be checking the goods ?" We went through the whole gamut of taking England here with us and then realising that this was not England
. What a shock. Time to live in the real world ' them '. We got stuck into the Spanish way and the penny dropped , it was much easier to adopt their way. We started to go to language lessons and started to say cerveza and cafe , instead of gesticulating cow and full glass.
We have experienced underhandedness, lies, dishonesty, snobbishness and
deceitfullness,racism,rudeness and a lot of defects and that is from BRITS.
I do not pertain to know the Spanish people, I have only lived here amongst them for 6 and a half years, but I have come to love their warmth of greeting and their language and customs, their weather , their quirkiness, generosity, lateness, laid back attitude on many things , not all of them are perfect as not all of us are walking perfection, some may differ on that and I have met a few in my time. Wehave had many great times here and it is surprising how your family seems to expand when you live is Spain. Our home here has been empty on few occasions in all seasons. We have dined out on the terrace more than we ate indoors, with flies, wasps,bats, swifts and many other strange uninvited guests of whom we could not put a name to owing to their strange appearance.We have experienced great English roast dinners with Spanish friends, all of them enjoyed the " comida Ingles " and we too have tried and sometimes refused the return meals at Romerias of their strange dishes that I last tasted , just after WW2. All in all we have enjoyed our " living the dream" but as the quote says " all good things mut come to an end "We have had some great time on our visits ,we have even been paid to come to friends when they neede some work done, and have ben paid handsomely for our services, wheic was welcome at times when the funds were at a very low level in the " banco ".We just arrived back a few days ago after having the Grandkids for 4 weeks, we stayed for 2 weeks ( to get cheaper flights) but also to partake of thae kindness of the wifes brother and his lovely wife who insisted we did not return to Spain.
We visited with my Father in law and which we have done since he has stopped visiting Spain because of health reasons. He is living with a close relative who cannot look after him. No other family member is willing to take on this task. Many suggestions have been submitted tosolve the 'problem ' of Dad but those suggestions I will not even give space on this paper to.
He is desperately lonely , he has many physical illnesses but still has all his mental faculties he has asked my wife and I to nurse him in the winter of his life . He lives in the home of the relative , who is his carer, and he is not even
recognised as a human being as he is ignored , the only time he is spoke to is when he has his dressings changed on his ulcerated legs. The grandchildren and great grand children will not talk as they have to practice what the parents do. It is a very bad situation and there is no money in a will to be left.
We both love him dearly, very much, now at the end of this tome the questions arise and they are many .We are willing to return to the UK to look after him. We can put our house on the market, it has a small mortgage on it . we can let it with enough rent to cover the mortgage, we both have our pensions ( State pensions , no other) paid to us here in Euros, monthly, we have little bits of cleaning money for appartments paid to us , I do the DIY in the dwellings, we have no savings of any kind , we have lived from hand to mouth sometimes , but we did not give in, I know that things are not a good as they were here, what with the £ and euro, but we still have a meal and still love each other whatever comes by correos o telefono, this human being means a lot to both of us and whatever sacrifice we are asked we wil do.
Can some of you kind experts that have made the transition from here to there please let us know what to do and where to go from here. We are awaiting some papers from his Local council that his daughter ( the carer ) will post to us and we have to fill in, God knows how. Please ask me many questions and I will endeavour to answer you.Sorry to have a big post ,but I have to get this out to someone and this site is the bet I have seen .
God bless you all
prodigal and wife xx
Sep 7th 2008, 4:51 pm
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: O.C. CA
Posts: 3,694
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Prodigal.. What a wonderful, heartfelt post.. I really was moved by all you said.. Congratulations too on your sobriety.. long may it continue..
I'm afraid I have no real advice on your situation, only to say that I hope and pray that it works out for you.. I think your doing wonderful, selfless thing by going back to look after you FIL. Kudos to you and your wife.. Best of Luck xxx
I'm afraid I have no real advice on your situation, only to say that I hope and pray that it works out for you.. I think your doing wonderful, selfless thing by going back to look after you FIL. Kudos to you and your wife.. Best of Luck xxx
Sep 7th 2008, 5:17 pm
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Southwestern Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,902
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
What a wonderful person you are to give up your life in Spain to take care of your father-in-law. He obviously needs you and your wife, and you have recognised that and are willing to do what it takes. I was close to tears reading your story, as I know it was extremely heartfelt and you are desperate to start on your journey back home, but are stuck as to where to start.
Like Samba, I can't really give you any solid advice right now as I am moving back home next year, but I am absolutely positive that some of the wonderful members who have already made the transition back home will try and help you as much as possible.
You have come to the right place to start asking questions about your intended move back home. You sound like a wonderful man. Best of luck
Like Samba, I can't really give you any solid advice right now as I am moving back home next year, but I am absolutely positive that some of the wonderful members who have already made the transition back home will try and help you as much as possible.
You have come to the right place to start asking questions about your intended move back home. You sound like a wonderful man. Best of luck
Sep 7th 2008, 7:43 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Suffolk
Posts: 134
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi I loved your inspiring post. You sound like the sort of people who will make a success of your lives wherever you are because of the sort of people you seem to be. You know where to place your priorities and I admire you for taking care of your relatives. So often in this world today people seem to put materialism before people. I'm sure there will be tough times ahead and yes there will be some grim times in the UK , (especially the last two summers we have had) but there is also much to love here and it really is about making the most of the positive things there are in the UK.- firstly the people we love, the countryside, sense of community, history, all of the loads of events, lovely beaches, moutains etc etc We came back nearly 2 years ago and have no regrets so far. I wish you every success and all the best. As an ex nurse I wish more people were as caring towards their relatives as you are.
Sep 7th 2008, 11:52 pm
#5
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 405
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hello Prodigal, thanks for speaking so eloquently 'from the heart' - it's good that you gave such detail as you will find that many persons on the BE forums have or have had similar, if not exactly the same, 'issues' with a loved and ailing parent whilst living abroad.
Just a quick question, as I have to rush off now - is there no way that you can bring your FIL to Spain, to the big house you bought with him in mind in the first place? Would there for instance be problems with getting him the kind of medical care he needs? I just want to be clear, as your message IMPLIES, but doesn't specifically state, that having him with you in Spain is out of the question?
If it's a cost issue, is there not any way that other family members could be persuaded to contribute enough to make it possible? Family members will often be pretty willing to offer help in the way of money, especially if it relieves them of any other form of responsibility, partly because it helps to assuage their 'guilt' at 'not being able to' offfer direct care (I understand this situation VERY well. My father died just under 2 years ago while I was abroad, I have 5 brothers and sitsters, and I won't go into the details either but when I found out how my father died in a 'care facility' where he'd apparently not had any family member visit for a few weeks before he died, and more I cannot even think about right now - these things haunt you the rest of your life, believe me.) If someone else in the family is willing to take on this difficult task, there is often great relief, and helping out financially is usually seen as necessary/duty, and a small price to pay at that....
Whatever you do, don't sell your house! You've built it and your life there in Spain up to what it is now with hard work and much love - you may have to take a break from it, but how good it will be to have that sanctuary to return to. On the other hand, from the sounds of it, you won't go wrong whatever you do - just wish you could spread all that love around!
(You might like to also try posting in the 'Spain' forum of Britshexpats by the way as there are people there who might not come on to this 'Moving back to UK' forum who may have useful words of advice/help for you....)
Just a quick question, as I have to rush off now - is there no way that you can bring your FIL to Spain, to the big house you bought with him in mind in the first place? Would there for instance be problems with getting him the kind of medical care he needs? I just want to be clear, as your message IMPLIES, but doesn't specifically state, that having him with you in Spain is out of the question?
If it's a cost issue, is there not any way that other family members could be persuaded to contribute enough to make it possible? Family members will often be pretty willing to offer help in the way of money, especially if it relieves them of any other form of responsibility, partly because it helps to assuage their 'guilt' at 'not being able to' offfer direct care (I understand this situation VERY well. My father died just under 2 years ago while I was abroad, I have 5 brothers and sitsters, and I won't go into the details either but when I found out how my father died in a 'care facility' where he'd apparently not had any family member visit for a few weeks before he died, and more I cannot even think about right now - these things haunt you the rest of your life, believe me.) If someone else in the family is willing to take on this difficult task, there is often great relief, and helping out financially is usually seen as necessary/duty, and a small price to pay at that....
Whatever you do, don't sell your house! You've built it and your life there in Spain up to what it is now with hard work and much love - you may have to take a break from it, but how good it will be to have that sanctuary to return to. On the other hand, from the sounds of it, you won't go wrong whatever you do - just wish you could spread all that love around!
(You might like to also try posting in the 'Spain' forum of Britshexpats by the way as there are people there who might not come on to this 'Moving back to UK' forum who may have useful words of advice/help for you....)
Last edited by Black Sheep; Sep 7th 2008 at 11:56 pm.
Sep 8th 2008, 12:27 am
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario(house is SOLD on our way back to UK/aug 09)
Posts: 426
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Good luck to you in your decisions...I have no advice. but read your post and felt you are doing the right thing...FIL needs you and once took care of your wife..now its time to return the favour...So its wife, sister? who is caring for him now?
I think your life in Spain sounds like a dream come true...and on that note. try not to lose your dream either, you will need something to fall back on, and your plan to rent it sounds perfect...
Our situation with an ailing parent/grandparent....My mum cared from her father, as we immigrated to Canada and they followed, so we were the only ones to be there for him!...I am sooo glad we were there, in his life, and his last days. I will never forget it.
Congratulations on being sober...hands down!!!
My father is an alcoholic and has been in rehab once, but nothing has helped. He will most likely die an alcoholic...He started b4 he was in the british navy...shame. Life could be so much better with him in it...
Anyway, this is your post, not mine...wish you all best. x keep us posted
I think your life in Spain sounds like a dream come true...and on that note. try not to lose your dream either, you will need something to fall back on, and your plan to rent it sounds perfect...
Our situation with an ailing parent/grandparent....My mum cared from her father, as we immigrated to Canada and they followed, so we were the only ones to be there for him!...I am sooo glad we were there, in his life, and his last days. I will never forget it.
Congratulations on being sober...hands down!!!
My father is an alcoholic and has been in rehab once, but nothing has helped. He will most likely die an alcoholic...He started b4 he was in the british navy...shame. Life could be so much better with him in it...
Anyway, this is your post, not mine...wish you all best. x keep us posted
Sep 8th 2008, 12:32 am
#7
ex-squaddie
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Aylesbury, UK
Posts: 4,605
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Prodigal.
Sorry, I'm not in any position to give advice so I hope I'm not wasting your time by writing. I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck and welcome to the forums. I'm sure many of us here will be rooting for you and will want to follow your progress.
All the very best to you, your wife and of course, your Father in Law
Sorry, I'm not in any position to give advice so I hope I'm not wasting your time by writing. I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck and welcome to the forums. I'm sure many of us here will be rooting for you and will want to follow your progress.
All the very best to you, your wife and of course, your Father in Law
Sep 8th 2008, 2:07 am
#8
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: brisbane
Posts: 1,020
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
By hook or by crook i think i would be taking him back to spain with me,even if he was too poorly to fly you could drive and take it very slowly over a few weeks.
good luck in whatever you decide you sound kind people.
donna x
good luck in whatever you decide you sound kind people.
donna x
Sep 8th 2008, 4:16 am
#9
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Mt Martha, Melbourne
Posts: 1,199
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi there
A very difficult situation to be in. I dread the day we will be put in this situation which no doubt will happen for us and probably whilst we are of working age, so heavens know what we'd do! It's lovely you've settled in Spain so well, we have friends there who just love it and we do to.
However, I would agree with other suggestions and not to sell your place in Spain if you don't have to. As I understand it property prices have been hit there as well and one day you will want to return, I'm sure.
Do look into taking FIL out to Spain if it is at all possible. My friends Dad has just unfortunately died of cancer out there but the care he had from the hospital was fantastic over the last couple of years. Also the sun will cheer him up and he'll make new friends etc - could give him a new lease of life?
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do!
A very difficult situation to be in. I dread the day we will be put in this situation which no doubt will happen for us and probably whilst we are of working age, so heavens know what we'd do! It's lovely you've settled in Spain so well, we have friends there who just love it and we do to.
However, I would agree with other suggestions and not to sell your place in Spain if you don't have to. As I understand it property prices have been hit there as well and one day you will want to return, I'm sure.
Do look into taking FIL out to Spain if it is at all possible. My friends Dad has just unfortunately died of cancer out there but the care he had from the hospital was fantastic over the last couple of years. Also the sun will cheer him up and he'll make new friends etc - could give him a new lease of life?
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Sep 8th 2008, 5:25 am
#10
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: Spain, Friend of Bill. I know a lot, but I know that I do'nt know all
Posts: 8
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi there
A very difficult situation to be in. I dread the day we will be put in this situation which no doubt will happen for us and probably whilst we are of working age, so heavens know what we'd do! It's lovely you've settled in Spain so well, we have friends there who just love it and we do to.
However, I would agree with other suggestions and not to sell your place in Spain if you don't have to. As I understand it property prices have been hit there as well and one day you will want to return, I'm sure.
Do look into taking FIL out to Spain if it is at all possible. My friends Dad has just unfortunately died of cancer out there but the care he had from the hospital was fantastic over the last couple of years. Also the sun will cheer him up and he'll make new friends etc - could give him a new lease of life?
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do!
A very difficult situation to be in. I dread the day we will be put in this situation which no doubt will happen for us and probably whilst we are of working age, so heavens know what we'd do! It's lovely you've settled in Spain so well, we have friends there who just love it and we do to.
However, I would agree with other suggestions and not to sell your place in Spain if you don't have to. As I understand it property prices have been hit there as well and one day you will want to return, I'm sure.
Do look into taking FIL out to Spain if it is at all possible. My friends Dad has just unfortunately died of cancer out there but the care he had from the hospital was fantastic over the last couple of years. Also the sun will cheer him up and he'll make new friends etc - could give him a new lease of life?
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do!
prodigal xo
Sep 21st 2008, 1:57 pm
#11
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: Spain, Friend of Bill. I know a lot, but I know that I do'nt know all
Posts: 8
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi all you lovely peeps in BE. Just a small update to 8th Sept, my first post.
I am not a great writer on the desktop , I do it better with snail ,but I will try and keep you all updated on our progress, As you know my wife and I are going back to UK to look after my FIL. In reply to one of your posts , it is impossible for him to live with us in Spain , owing to his list of medical ailments , plus the fact that he is frightened of anything happening to him here in Spain. 86 is a fair age to be . He has all his mental faculities , quite sharp , God love him and he knows what he likes and what he wants. Now we want to nurse him , he wants us to nurse him in his own home . For the first time this will be attainable to him. He was in WW2, got demobb and was given a navy chalk striped suit
wrapped neatly in brown paper and tied with string. He was also given a whole package of Promises that were not worth a 'ball of blue '. He applied for a council house in '46 and got excuses, plenty of them, but no house, 62 yrs later he is applying for a house again and we are praying that he gets it this time.
He is a widower, his wife died 19 yrs ago. They brought up a family of 3 sons and 3 daughters ( Imarried one of the daughters) one of their sons died 1 year ago from cancer.He is now 86 and wants to end his days in a loving home with his eldest daughter , whom he loves dearly ( she adores him, equally).
How is this to be attained , I hear you ask. Well with the help of some of the remaining family , who all have problems of their own, we have filled in some application forms for FIL to be allocated a bungalow or some similar dwelling without steps or stairs. Prehaps a small garden , where he can supervise us to plant flowers and veg. He has no money, no great dowery to pass on to the family , to his grandchildren and his great grandchildren, but he has his memories of a life lived, with which he will share willingly to all who would listen. But he has been isolated these past 6 yrs whre he was not visitd regularly by the members of his family.My wife and I have had the application
for the dwelling in a district where most of the family live . He will with the help of others be able to take up a relationship with the family again before he exits this world.
"In the beginning when this world and it's people were new, people loved people and used things, now in this world, people use people and love things"
Prehaps with the love of his family and the athorities involved, we may reverse the above phrase and make the exit of one old gentleman have restored Faith in people.
My wife and I are in contact with certain members of the family about what has to be done . We have'nt a clue and that is honest. We have lived here in Spain for over 6 yrs, we have a large house in a small seaside village, in southern Andalucia.We love it here, We will willingly give it up to attain the need that is required for FIL.We have lots of questions for people that have returned to live in England. We hold Spanish Residentia. We have no second property in England or anywhere else.We are pensioners ( wife 62, me 67 )
our income is from our UK pensions which is paid into our Spanish and only bank account.We have a small mortgage on our home , which we had to take our to see us till we received our pensions.We live a good life , but frugally . we watch the pennies.The house is old, big, dry, we have 2 terraces with views to die for.A garage,a stable,a large garden ( 250 sq metres ) , 4 bed rooms.I bath room upstairs + large sitting room with a view to the sea.
Downstairs we have a large kitchen, self installed , by us two.Large sitting room with woodburning stove, great for hot bread and pasties and ches
tnuts.a computer room/ card making / caligraphy/ misc.
Can we sell / we do'nt know. Can we let , we do'nt know . we have to go through the stages as they come up. It all depends on what will happen from England.
We await your sugestions ,dear posters.
ALL your advice will be gratefully recieved
Muchos gratias
Vaya con Dios
I am not a great writer on the desktop , I do it better with snail ,but I will try and keep you all updated on our progress, As you know my wife and I are going back to UK to look after my FIL. In reply to one of your posts , it is impossible for him to live with us in Spain , owing to his list of medical ailments , plus the fact that he is frightened of anything happening to him here in Spain. 86 is a fair age to be . He has all his mental faculities , quite sharp , God love him and he knows what he likes and what he wants. Now we want to nurse him , he wants us to nurse him in his own home . For the first time this will be attainable to him. He was in WW2, got demobb and was given a navy chalk striped suit
wrapped neatly in brown paper and tied with string. He was also given a whole package of Promises that were not worth a 'ball of blue '. He applied for a council house in '46 and got excuses, plenty of them, but no house, 62 yrs later he is applying for a house again and we are praying that he gets it this time.
He is a widower, his wife died 19 yrs ago. They brought up a family of 3 sons and 3 daughters ( Imarried one of the daughters) one of their sons died 1 year ago from cancer.He is now 86 and wants to end his days in a loving home with his eldest daughter , whom he loves dearly ( she adores him, equally).
How is this to be attained , I hear you ask. Well with the help of some of the remaining family , who all have problems of their own, we have filled in some application forms for FIL to be allocated a bungalow or some similar dwelling without steps or stairs. Prehaps a small garden , where he can supervise us to plant flowers and veg. He has no money, no great dowery to pass on to the family , to his grandchildren and his great grandchildren, but he has his memories of a life lived, with which he will share willingly to all who would listen. But he has been isolated these past 6 yrs whre he was not visitd regularly by the members of his family.My wife and I have had the application
for the dwelling in a district where most of the family live . He will with the help of others be able to take up a relationship with the family again before he exits this world.
"In the beginning when this world and it's people were new, people loved people and used things, now in this world, people use people and love things"
Prehaps with the love of his family and the athorities involved, we may reverse the above phrase and make the exit of one old gentleman have restored Faith in people.
My wife and I are in contact with certain members of the family about what has to be done . We have'nt a clue and that is honest. We have lived here in Spain for over 6 yrs, we have a large house in a small seaside village, in southern Andalucia.We love it here, We will willingly give it up to attain the need that is required for FIL.We have lots of questions for people that have returned to live in England. We hold Spanish Residentia. We have no second property in England or anywhere else.We are pensioners ( wife 62, me 67 )
our income is from our UK pensions which is paid into our Spanish and only bank account.We have a small mortgage on our home , which we had to take our to see us till we received our pensions.We live a good life , but frugally . we watch the pennies.The house is old, big, dry, we have 2 terraces with views to die for.A garage,a stable,a large garden ( 250 sq metres ) , 4 bed rooms.I bath room upstairs + large sitting room with a view to the sea.
Downstairs we have a large kitchen, self installed , by us two.Large sitting room with woodburning stove, great for hot bread and pasties and ches
tnuts.a computer room/ card making / caligraphy/ misc.
Can we sell / we do'nt know. Can we let , we do'nt know . we have to go through the stages as they come up. It all depends on what will happen from England.
We await your sugestions ,dear posters.
ALL your advice will be gratefully recieved
Muchos gratias
Vaya con Dios
Sep 21st 2008, 7:02 pm
#12
Off to middle earth
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Wigan - NZ- Wigan - who knows???
Posts: 252
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Hi all you lovely peeps in BE. Just a small update to 8th Sept, my first post.
I am not a great writer on the desktop , I do it better with snail ,but I will try and keep you all updated on our progress, As you know my wife and I are going back to UK to look after my FIL. In reply to one of your posts , it is impossible for him to live with us in Spain , owing to his list of medical ailments , plus the fact that he is frightened of anything happening to him here in Spain. 86 is a fair age to be . He has all his mental faculities , quite sharp , God love him and he knows what he likes and what he wants. Now we want to nurse him , he wants us to nurse him in his own home . For the first time this will be attainable to him. He was in WW2, got demobb and was given a navy chalk striped suit
wrapped neatly in brown paper and tied with string. He was also given a whole package of Promises that were not worth a 'ball of blue '. He applied for a council house in '46 and got excuses, plenty of them, but no house, 62 yrs later he is applying for a house again and we are praying that he gets it this time.
He is a widower, his wife died 19 yrs ago. They brought up a family of 3 sons and 3 daughters ( Imarried one of the daughters) one of their sons died 1 year ago from cancer.He is now 86 and wants to end his days in a loving home with his eldest daughter , whom he loves dearly ( she adores him, equally).
How is this to be attained , I hear you ask. Well with the help of some of the remaining family , who all have problems of their own, we have filled in some application forms for FIL to be allocated a bungalow or some similar dwelling without steps or stairs. Prehaps a small garden , where he can supervise us to plant flowers and veg. He has no money, no great dowery to pass on to the family , to his grandchildren and his great grandchildren, but he has his memories of a life lived, with which he will share willingly to all who would listen. But he has been isolated these past 6 yrs whre he was not visitd regularly by the members of his family.My wife and I have had the application
for the dwelling in a district where most of the family live . He will with the help of others be able to take up a relationship with the family again before he exits this world.
"In the beginning when this world and it's people were new, people loved people and used things, now in this world, people use people and love things"
Prehaps with the love of his family and the athorities involved, we may reverse the above phrase and make the exit of one old gentleman have restored Faith in people.
My wife and I are in contact with certain members of the family about what has to be done . We have'nt a clue and that is honest. We have lived here in Spain for over 6 yrs, we have a large house in a small seaside village, in southern Andalucia.We love it here, We will willingly give it up to attain the need that is required for FIL.We have lots of questions for people that have returned to live in England. We hold Spanish Residentia. We have no second property in England or anywhere else.We are pensioners ( wife 62, me 67 )
our income is from our UK pensions which is paid into our Spanish and only bank account.We have a small mortgage on our home , which we had to take our to see us till we received our pensions.We live a good life , but frugally . we watch the pennies.The house is old, big, dry, we have 2 terraces with views to die for.A garage,a stable,a large garden ( 250 sq metres ) , 4 bed rooms.I bath room upstairs + large sitting room with a view to the sea.
Downstairs we have a large kitchen, self installed , by us two.Large sitting room with woodburning stove, great for hot bread and pasties and ches
tnuts.a computer room/ card making / caligraphy/ misc.
Can we sell / we do'nt know. Can we let , we do'nt know . we have to go through the stages as they come up. It all depends on what will happen from England.
We await your sugestions ,dear posters.
ALL your advice will be gratefully recieved
Muchos gratias
Vaya con Dios
I am not a great writer on the desktop , I do it better with snail ,but I will try and keep you all updated on our progress, As you know my wife and I are going back to UK to look after my FIL. In reply to one of your posts , it is impossible for him to live with us in Spain , owing to his list of medical ailments , plus the fact that he is frightened of anything happening to him here in Spain. 86 is a fair age to be . He has all his mental faculities , quite sharp , God love him and he knows what he likes and what he wants. Now we want to nurse him , he wants us to nurse him in his own home . For the first time this will be attainable to him. He was in WW2, got demobb and was given a navy chalk striped suit
wrapped neatly in brown paper and tied with string. He was also given a whole package of Promises that were not worth a 'ball of blue '. He applied for a council house in '46 and got excuses, plenty of them, but no house, 62 yrs later he is applying for a house again and we are praying that he gets it this time.
He is a widower, his wife died 19 yrs ago. They brought up a family of 3 sons and 3 daughters ( Imarried one of the daughters) one of their sons died 1 year ago from cancer.He is now 86 and wants to end his days in a loving home with his eldest daughter , whom he loves dearly ( she adores him, equally).
How is this to be attained , I hear you ask. Well with the help of some of the remaining family , who all have problems of their own, we have filled in some application forms for FIL to be allocated a bungalow or some similar dwelling without steps or stairs. Prehaps a small garden , where he can supervise us to plant flowers and veg. He has no money, no great dowery to pass on to the family , to his grandchildren and his great grandchildren, but he has his memories of a life lived, with which he will share willingly to all who would listen. But he has been isolated these past 6 yrs whre he was not visitd regularly by the members of his family.My wife and I have had the application
for the dwelling in a district where most of the family live . He will with the help of others be able to take up a relationship with the family again before he exits this world.
"In the beginning when this world and it's people were new, people loved people and used things, now in this world, people use people and love things"
Prehaps with the love of his family and the athorities involved, we may reverse the above phrase and make the exit of one old gentleman have restored Faith in people.
My wife and I are in contact with certain members of the family about what has to be done . We have'nt a clue and that is honest. We have lived here in Spain for over 6 yrs, we have a large house in a small seaside village, in southern Andalucia.We love it here, We will willingly give it up to attain the need that is required for FIL.We have lots of questions for people that have returned to live in England. We hold Spanish Residentia. We have no second property in England or anywhere else.We are pensioners ( wife 62, me 67 )
our income is from our UK pensions which is paid into our Spanish and only bank account.We have a small mortgage on our home , which we had to take our to see us till we received our pensions.We live a good life , but frugally . we watch the pennies.The house is old, big, dry, we have 2 terraces with views to die for.A garage,a stable,a large garden ( 250 sq metres ) , 4 bed rooms.I bath room upstairs + large sitting room with a view to the sea.
Downstairs we have a large kitchen, self installed , by us two.Large sitting room with woodburning stove, great for hot bread and pasties and ches
tnuts.a computer room/ card making / caligraphy/ misc.
Can we sell / we do'nt know. Can we let , we do'nt know . we have to go through the stages as they come up. It all depends on what will happen from England.
We await your sugestions ,dear posters.
ALL your advice will be gratefully recieved
Muchos gratias
Vaya con Dios
I only visit hear very occasionally but felt compelled to reply. You sound like a lovely bloke and deserve to have the pathway to help your F-I_L made as easy as possible.
Have you contacted the MP for the area. The fact that you are willing to help your elderly f-i-l live out his days without the burden of a cost of a care home on the state in my opinion is fantastic. If you posted your orginal and subsequent posts to the local MP maybe he can help get thigs moving for you.
I do hope you get your wish. We buried my Uncle yesterday and his youngest son who looked after him from the age of 14 (now 35) was devestated as my uncle was in a wheelchair for the last 22 years of his life and his wife left him and their 5 kids when the youngest was 14. He put his life on hold and only married his childhood sweetheart this year because his dad came first.
It made me look at my parents and how I would do anything to make their life in their twilight years ad comfortable and enjoyable for them as possible.
I will say a prayer you ad your wife get your wish.
God Bless you
Jo
xx
Oct 16th 2008, 5:28 pm
#13
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2008
Location: Spain, Friend of Bill. I know a lot, but I know that I do'nt know all
Posts: 8
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,Update
Hi all, thank you all once again and I shall go one better in attempting to name all those that took the trouble and time to answer my petition,sambapink,JRB,Black Sheep,dewdrop,derbyflan,donna,JoB, thank you one and all and also to Marmalade that answered my pm on a different forum.My spaghetti factory that ofttimes replaces my head is working over time.
We packed all the boxes with the 'things' that were close to us , all taped and ready to take back to UK. Then we enquired about renting the out our home in Spain. They ( more than one ) could all assure us that our home would be well
taken care of, ( at a price re insurance in the letting contract) but their prices were not affordable as one of our pensions would have not been enough to be paid into our Spanish bank to cover the Direct Debits. So we had to think again
of another way to overcome this.we had provisionally booked a container( £100 a week) near the village where we are hopefully going to settle. Then we searched for removers to quote us a price ( nr Granada to Bucks ) the cheapest with all in was 2300 euros. This shocked us into sanity. We had a farewell dinner with some friends last Sunday, and through the course of some level headed conversation, we seen the light of reason . It was suggested ( like the person jumping out of the aircraft, there is a little notice on one of the parachute straps, "This is only a suggestion , but we advise you to pull this cord" ) that why dont you think of selling all your belongings and travel with only thos 'things ' that will be essential to both of you in a couple of boxes that can be transported for 2 or 3 hundred euros.
Well we thought and thoght and you know what....... they were bl***Y well right.
We have cut it down to 4 boxes out of 44 years of marriage, and the veil of pressure has been lifted.Thank God.
We have put our home up for sale, and all our furniture will stay in the rooms in situ. It looks at home there as it will not fit into a 2 bedroom bungalow ( if that dream comes true) when the Council and Housing Association get around to informing us of that day.
The Estate agent in our village here in Spain ( who is a very dear friend ) tells us that we may get a good price for all of our furniture with the sale of the house. As I said in my previous posts (I think i said it) we do not want to leave our Shangrila , but we need to so in that it makes no difference what we do as long as the outcome helps the human being that is in need,Dad.
Since we told him that we were coming back to England to care for him , his
Spirit has soared and he has packed all his belongings ( of 86 years ) into 2 small cases. Therein lies a message.
Now then peeps can some kind person ( and I know there are many ) can give me a link to some courriers or such that will take our 4 boxes ( not big and not heavy ) reasonably priced and safely back to Blighty, pleeeeze.
Sorry to have to take up you time but I will definitely be here til I'm gone so watch this space
Vaya con Dios
prodigal
We packed all the boxes with the 'things' that were close to us , all taped and ready to take back to UK. Then we enquired about renting the out our home in Spain. They ( more than one ) could all assure us that our home would be well
taken care of, ( at a price re insurance in the letting contract) but their prices were not affordable as one of our pensions would have not been enough to be paid into our Spanish bank to cover the Direct Debits. So we had to think again
of another way to overcome this.we had provisionally booked a container( £100 a week) near the village where we are hopefully going to settle. Then we searched for removers to quote us a price ( nr Granada to Bucks ) the cheapest with all in was 2300 euros. This shocked us into sanity. We had a farewell dinner with some friends last Sunday, and through the course of some level headed conversation, we seen the light of reason . It was suggested ( like the person jumping out of the aircraft, there is a little notice on one of the parachute straps, "This is only a suggestion , but we advise you to pull this cord" ) that why dont you think of selling all your belongings and travel with only thos 'things ' that will be essential to both of you in a couple of boxes that can be transported for 2 or 3 hundred euros.
Well we thought and thoght and you know what....... they were bl***Y well right.
We have cut it down to 4 boxes out of 44 years of marriage, and the veil of pressure has been lifted.Thank God.
We have put our home up for sale, and all our furniture will stay in the rooms in situ. It looks at home there as it will not fit into a 2 bedroom bungalow ( if that dream comes true) when the Council and Housing Association get around to informing us of that day.
The Estate agent in our village here in Spain ( who is a very dear friend ) tells us that we may get a good price for all of our furniture with the sale of the house. As I said in my previous posts (I think i said it) we do not want to leave our Shangrila , but we need to so in that it makes no difference what we do as long as the outcome helps the human being that is in need,Dad.
Since we told him that we were coming back to England to care for him , his
Spirit has soared and he has packed all his belongings ( of 86 years ) into 2 small cases. Therein lies a message.
Now then peeps can some kind person ( and I know there are many ) can give me a link to some courriers or such that will take our 4 boxes ( not big and not heavy ) reasonably priced and safely back to Blighty, pleeeeze.
Sorry to have to take up you time but I will definitely be here til I'm gone so watch this space
Vaya con Dios
prodigal
Oct 16th 2008, 5:53 pm
#14
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Hong Kong, mostly.
Posts: 5,214
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,
Your leaving to care for your FIL is a truly noble endeavor. I wish you the best on this task and hope you arrival aids in his enjoyment of his golden years.
I also think that a re-examination of the roles of others in her family may be in order, especially given that you have sacrificed so much to be with him. I know they may have limited resources or other excuses, but in my view you have made a tremendous effort that should be held up against the efforts of others. You don't have to make it a "guilt trip" but I do think you have set a new standard that should raise the expectation of others participation in his care. Even if they only spend an extra few hours each week with him, it will help your FIL (and more importantly, give you a few hours of personal time that will become very valuable). Just my two cents.
Best of luck on the next adventure in your life.
I also think that a re-examination of the roles of others in her family may be in order, especially given that you have sacrificed so much to be with him. I know they may have limited resources or other excuses, but in my view you have made a tremendous effort that should be held up against the efforts of others. You don't have to make it a "guilt trip" but I do think you have set a new standard that should raise the expectation of others participation in his care. Even if they only spend an extra few hours each week with him, it will help your FIL (and more importantly, give you a few hours of personal time that will become very valuable). Just my two cents.
Best of luck on the next adventure in your life.
Oct 16th 2008, 7:11 pm
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Southwestern Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,902
Re: From the heart, no bs, honesty,Update
Hi all, thank you all once again and I shall go one better in attempting to name all those that took the trouble and time to answer my petition,sambapink,JRB,Black Sheep,dewdrop,derbyflan,donna,JoB, thank you one and all and also to Marmalade that answered my pm on a different forum.My spaghetti factory that ofttimes replaces my head is working over time.
We packed all the boxes with the 'things' that were close to us , all taped and ready to take back to UK. Then we enquired about renting the out our home in Spain. They ( more than one ) could all assure us that our home would be well
taken care of, ( at a price re insurance in the letting contract) but their prices were not affordable as one of our pensions would have not been enough to be paid into our Spanish bank to cover the Direct Debits. So we had to think again
of another way to overcome this.we had provisionally booked a container( £100 a week) near the village where we are hopefully going to settle. Then we searched for removers to quote us a price ( nr Granada to Bucks ) the cheapest with all in was 2300 euros. This shocked us into sanity. We had a farewell dinner with some friends last Sunday, and through the course of some level headed conversation, we seen the light of reason . It was suggested ( like the person jumping out of the aircraft, there is a little notice on one of the parachute straps, "This is only a suggestion , but we advise you to pull this cord" ) that why dont you think of selling all your belongings and travel with only thos 'things ' that will be essential to both of you in a couple of boxes that can be transported for 2 or 3 hundred euros.
Well we thought and thoght and you know what....... they were bl***Y well right.
We have cut it down to 4 boxes out of 44 years of marriage, and the veil of pressure has been lifted.Thank God.
We have put our home up for sale, and all our furniture will stay in the rooms in situ. It looks at home there as it will not fit into a 2 bedroom bungalow ( if that dream comes true) when the Council and Housing Association get around to informing us of that day.
The Estate agent in our village here in Spain ( who is a very dear friend ) tells us that we may get a good price for all of our furniture with the sale of the house. As I said in my previous posts (I think i said it) we do not want to leave our Shangrila , but we need to so in that it makes no difference what we do as long as the outcome helps the human being that is in need,Dad.
Since we told him that we were coming back to England to care for him , his
Spirit has soared and he has packed all his belongings ( of 86 years ) into 2 small cases. Therein lies a message.
Now then peeps can some kind person ( and I know there are many ) can give me a link to some courriers or such that will take our 4 boxes ( not big and not heavy ) reasonably priced and safely back to Blighty, pleeeeze.
Sorry to have to take up you time but I will definitely be here til I'm gone so watch this space
Vaya con Dios
prodigal
We packed all the boxes with the 'things' that were close to us , all taped and ready to take back to UK. Then we enquired about renting the out our home in Spain. They ( more than one ) could all assure us that our home would be well
taken care of, ( at a price re insurance in the letting contract) but their prices were not affordable as one of our pensions would have not been enough to be paid into our Spanish bank to cover the Direct Debits. So we had to think again
of another way to overcome this.we had provisionally booked a container( £100 a week) near the village where we are hopefully going to settle. Then we searched for removers to quote us a price ( nr Granada to Bucks ) the cheapest with all in was 2300 euros. This shocked us into sanity. We had a farewell dinner with some friends last Sunday, and through the course of some level headed conversation, we seen the light of reason . It was suggested ( like the person jumping out of the aircraft, there is a little notice on one of the parachute straps, "This is only a suggestion , but we advise you to pull this cord" ) that why dont you think of selling all your belongings and travel with only thos 'things ' that will be essential to both of you in a couple of boxes that can be transported for 2 or 3 hundred euros.
Well we thought and thoght and you know what....... they were bl***Y well right.
We have cut it down to 4 boxes out of 44 years of marriage, and the veil of pressure has been lifted.Thank God.
We have put our home up for sale, and all our furniture will stay in the rooms in situ. It looks at home there as it will not fit into a 2 bedroom bungalow ( if that dream comes true) when the Council and Housing Association get around to informing us of that day.
The Estate agent in our village here in Spain ( who is a very dear friend ) tells us that we may get a good price for all of our furniture with the sale of the house. As I said in my previous posts (I think i said it) we do not want to leave our Shangrila , but we need to so in that it makes no difference what we do as long as the outcome helps the human being that is in need,Dad.
Since we told him that we were coming back to England to care for him , his
Spirit has soared and he has packed all his belongings ( of 86 years ) into 2 small cases. Therein lies a message.
Now then peeps can some kind person ( and I know there are many ) can give me a link to some courriers or such that will take our 4 boxes ( not big and not heavy ) reasonably priced and safely back to Blighty, pleeeeze.
Sorry to have to take up you time but I will definitely be here til I'm gone so watch this space
Vaya con Dios
prodigal
