trottytrue

Kerina2008.. Dottypotty and the rest of you unsettled people. You need to take a look at "Over 50's and 60's and moving back to the UK". It should frighten the heck out of you. Most of us on that thread have yearned for years to go home but because we have children we were stuck here.

Don't end up like us grasping for straws to hang on to and realizing that its not our body clock thats running out but time on this earth.

Be Selfish do what you want to because in the end your are the only one that can take care of yourself. If you have explained to your OH that you are not happy then if they really love you they will move back with you.

Once you have children and they get to be older the whole picture changes you can no longer just up and go back home. So forget that one.

You are not a failure if you return home you are very brave. I did it once and should have stayed home but I was always thinking about how others would feel but who cares about me 30years on. My mum and dad and many of my friends are gone I have lost a slice of life that can never come back. If I had the chance to do it over I would go back home in a heartbeat and stay no matter what anyone else thought.

Those of you with children and divorced I think there must be a way around your problems my niece moved her and her two children belonging to her first husband to Australia and they are still there even though her first husband is in England.

Fish n Chips 56

Trottytrue, I couldn't agree with you more, Avril is giving you good solid advise, you should take it.

Believe me if you want to go back you need to make plans now, putting things off is a Big mistake, we all think we can anticipate what will happen down the road but believe me we cant, bad things happen in life that can really mess things up, a big fear is getting sick here and it draining our savings before we can have the chance to go back, our savings have already dropped in this bad economy, the thought of having me or my wife having to go in a care home is my biggest fear, and that happens too, even for people in their 30s and 40s, Ive seen it with my own two eyes, its very sad, these care facilities are full of people, and its not just old folks.

I was going to return to the UK about ten years ago then my Mum got sick and I decided to stay here to help my Dad take care of Mum, This went on for nine years, My Mum had Dementia and passed away last year, I was hoping to go back to the UK and take my Dad with us, then we found out Dad had cancer and 22 days later he was gone, I didn't see this coming, I was totally surprised, Its a lot to deal with, I lost both parents in a matter of months and had a house to strip, fix up and put up for sale while trying to make a living running my own small business.

Now with the economy as it is I have two homes to sell, my parents home has been on the market for 5 months and we have had 5 lookers and no body interested, its going to be a long hard slog, I don't have mine listed yet, maybe next year, I'm still in a mess from moving my share of my parents possessions here, what a mess I'm in, I could never anticipate things being this bad, I always thought my parents home would be an easy sale as its an average desirable home, but in this economy its not an easy sale for anyone.

Think about your future, do you really want be stuck here?, think how much harder it will be once your kids have grown and got married, this stuff happens and it messes with people emotions, time really does move fast.

Good luck to you all.

Mummy in the foothills

Sorry to hear about your parents Fish n Chips 56
the houses sell and things get better so you can get on with life and moving.
I can't imagine trying to sell right now, I'm surrounded by lovely homes that would have sold in less than a week back in 06 and early 07 but now they sit empty and bank owned, pulling down the values of the homes that people are living in while trying to sell. They can't seem to give them away.

Kate-P

Your thread has made to register onto this fantastic website, found when I was going through similar turmoil a few months ago.
The differences in my story-I came to NZ from UK, I already had a son from a previous relationship,I was pregnant when we left UK, I now have 2 more children, my husband is British too.
Similarities-everything you and others have described about homesickness with a husband who was very happy with the current situation thankyou!

I felt the sick sense of needing to go home within a month of arriving and we've been here almost 5 years now and it's not gone away. I was becoming someone I didn't recognise - a real misery guts. No matter how hard I have tried, I was still so disconnected and sad.
My husband settled and didn't want to go home. I spoke to family and friends about it all the time in the UK at first, but they just didn't get it-how could they?-so I stopped. I made friends here-but something has always been missing.

Anyway, I was waiting for someone to give me permission to say 'You've tried it and you don't like it,you're miserable, so do something about it'

My husband was not happy at all when I said 6 weeks ago that I had to go back to UK,HAD to...

I realised that I had to give myself permission to be happy and go back to the UK.

You seem to be trying to please EVERYBODY and you'll never do it.

I was prepared to go back on my own if need be. I have 3 children to look after-I cannot be a depressed mum.

Luckily, he is coming with me. Already,a light has come back on.

We fly out on 28th July-no home, jobs etc to return to...trying to get sorted over the next few months.

Speaking to a counsellor is great (I've been one so I wouldn't undermine that activity) but it sounds to me that you really have to talk to your husband and family freely. I am sure they will not judge you harshly if you can speak from the heart as you have on here.

You have ONE LIFE. I have met women here that have been here 10, 15 years who have not settled.

Wishing you happiness in the future.

trottytrue

KateP....Congratulations....You did what many of us wished we had done over 20, 30 years ago. Can I make a suggestion before you leave write down exactly how you feel and have felt over the past few years. When you get home there will be alot to deal with and if you forget the torchure you went through you might like many on here venture to turn around and go back. So write it down lest you forget. Remind yourself of the sadness forget about those back home who dont understand they are not alone like you with no support, you wait any longer and your OH might not be as easy to make the same choice. All the luck in the world. Get on line and look and see what you might be able to do when you get home.

You can always say "Been there done that', and move on.

Fish n Chips 56

Trottytrue, "Can I make a suggestion before you leave write down exactly how you feel and have felt over the past few years".

That's a brilliant suggestion, I hated it here and went back to the UK after 13 years, I couldn't get a job in the UK and came back to the USA after six months, I didn't want to go totally broke before I came back, in fact my wife and I were tempted back with our previous jobs waiting for us, so we came back quite easily, Now I regret it, I wish I would have stayed in the UK till my last pound was spent trying, I think today I would have been money ahead and had much less stress in my life going that route, you are right when you say you forget your problems after you have left, as stupid as it sounds that happened to me, plus I was torn because my family (parents and sisters) were still here, that pulled on my emotions, once Id been back a week or so I was angry for returning here, nothing had changed, It almost caused my marriage to end, looking back maybe a fortnights vacation would have been the right thing for me, Life is full of regrets, I have many but still I live in hope.


Kate-P.

I think its wonderful that the light came back on, you are a lucky lady to have a husband that is willing to pack up and go back, not everyone is so understanding, I wish you and your family the best of luck, I'm sure it will all work out well for you, I think its lovely that you can be going back so quickly, it will be hard work but also exciting getting a new start.
Take Care.

Fish n Chips 56

Thanks again Mummy.

Its crazy how things have worked out so far, I never anticipated any of this happening, some years ago all I was worried about was home prices and the exchange rate, now look at it, This is life, what you said about homes is the same here, foreclosures bringing prices down and houses dont seem to be selling at all, I hate to give my parenst home away but I know its not a sellers market, we still are making payments on my parents home so thats another negative. Oh Boy.

janeyk

Good Luck Kate P we returned from Wellington in January I did not want to return but am now glad to be home. We have spent today walking in the local countryside follwed by a pub lunch what could be better!
I still have not found work but I will I am sure on Tuesday I am going to meet my new nephew for the first time My borther adopted him last year he is 2 can not waitgood luck to you all planning the move itis worth it!

KerinaK2008

Congrats Kate-P, you finally did it. Its so great that your husband finally came around as well. Just thought i would give you all an update as well. I just got back from London yesterday. I had such an amazing time.. from the moment i hit Heathrow airport, i knew i was home. Spent loads of time with my family. Spent alot of time strolling through the familar London streets, caught up with old friends in Covent Garden over the weekend.. The heavy feeling in my heart that i feel when i am in Canada no longer was present. The feeling of happiness, belonging, comfort.. and other feelings i really cant explain all came flooding back during my trip. I easily adapted back to London life and didnt want to leave. I had alot of time to think even more about my current situation. I realised even more how much i want to be home and i only see my future back there. I made a decision now, that with or without hubby i have to go back. I kept wondering why i was punishing myself in Canada when i dont want to be here. I have decided that 2011 will be the year. I understand and appreciate everyones advice how much harder it is with kids and other ties. I am scared that 2 to 3 years down the line, that kids will be in the pipeline and maybe even a house that will tie me to Canada even longer.

The idea frightens me to much and even though to an extent i feel trapped now as i dont want to leave hubby. I know things could be worst many years down the line. So i have decided to start planning for a move back next year. I believe that every person has a right to be happy in life. I cant force my husband to come and i will not do so because then he will be unhappy. I would much prefer for him to want to come because he wants to. Even though between then and 2011 i pray he will change his mind. I am preparing myself for the worst, that i may have to make the trip back solo. It will break my heart if he decides he will not follow. It will also hurt me that he was not even willing to try. But i have realised i may have to accept that if i am firm on the decision to head home. I cant live unhappy anymore. We only have one life.

Mallory

Go back to the UK into the arms of your family, and familiar surroundings. After six months evaluate the situation. Are you happier being with your family than your husband? If you miss your husband and can't live without him, you'll tear back to Canada, and make a life together. If you love your family more than your husband, then you are better off not going back. A trial separation might be a good idea before you burn your bridges.

Elvira

With respect, this is about more than whether one loves family more than one's spouse. It is about a sense of belonging.

trottytrue

I dont think this is so much about choosing one family member over another its about a whole lot more. Yes family is a part of it but its about feeling comfortable where you are belonging and not feeling apart.
You may not live near your family when you go home but the fact that you are home and in the country that you feel part of is what counts.
Whether its wife or husband they should understand that you are not leaving them just to run back to family but to a way of life you cannot live without and with any luck they will decide to come with you.

Mallory

All very true. That's why she should get out of the situation, and re-evaluate. It won't solve the problem if the hubby goes to the UK and is miserable. The problem will still be there, just reversed. I'm not generally for trial separations, but I think in this case it would help her think more clearly.

waitinginline!

It was so good to find this thread! We moved in sept 09 to Niagara, can't find jobs even at minimum wage, and I am going back in aug as my job held open! So inspiring to read the contributions and realise it's not just me!

dottypotty

My boys and I are finally going back on April 23. The relief I felt once I booked the one way plane tickets was enormous. I am not sure what await us once we get to the UK, but just know how unhappy I have been here in Texas. My husband finally put his anger aside and has said that it is the right thing to do and will be following us sometime in the future.
Katy P, your words and thoughts echo mine, and I agree totally when you say you cannot allow yourself to be depressed when you have children. I know the grass isn't greener anywhere in the world, we just have to find where we belong and our place to be happy.

My heart goes out to all of you on here, and I hope you all you some peace and happiness