Triboy

C'mon mate you dropped and gave up? I struggled at the back of D grade for ages before I could even keep them in sight, now I'm C and on a very day can hang with B, but prefer to race vets. Keep at it. Why not try a TT Club?

I know this doesn't fix your other problems, but if getting dropped or coming last out me off I would've given up triathlon years ago

JAJ

We all feel for you. But maybe part of the answer lies in what were you thinking? What was the reason for you moving back to the U.K.?
Was it because you had to, or you wanted to?

Or look at it another way. If you were also a U.S. citizen and could go back to the United States tomorrow - would you? And if you did, would you find yourself missing things about Britain.

You obviously don't need to answer this on-forum (or even any other way) but perhaps think about it. What you want to avoid is a situation 5-10 years down the line where you've a. either moved back to the U.S. and find yourself wanting to be back in the U.K. ; or b. the opposite, where you stay in the U.K. and wish you were back in the U.S.

Not an easy decision. But as someone else as said you're smart and have a lot going for you, so try your best to work it out.

dunroving

Been there, done that, sub 5-hour centuries in the foothills of Tennessee, etc., etc. (not world-class, I know, but not shabby either), and have the "Conchman" trophy on my shelf at home. I've been dropped plenty of times before, but with a graduate education in exercise physiology and a lifetime of training, I know what is acheivable and what's not. Just "sticking with it" isn't going to make a difference with this crew, and at 50 I'm getting slower every year, not faster. So just to be clear, it's not just a case of giving up because I got dropped on one occasion, but thanks for the advice all the same. I'm looking for ways to socialize and meet people and you can't socialize with a group of people who are miles down the road.

dunroving

[I'm trying to figure out how to put multiple quotes in one reply, but can't!]

Hey Chrissy:

Thanks for the advice - you are absolutely spot on, this is something I've been coming around to slowly - the realization I have to stop fretting about "What was" (other than as a guide to "What could be again"), and deal with "What is" (work hard at settling first), before I try to deal with "What will be". Although I occasionally check the job boards for academia in the US, just to keep track, I'm going to at least see out this academic year to next summer before seriously considering trying to go back for good. As everyone on here knows, moving is very unsettling and the thought of trying to deal with "What is" right now, at the same time as seriously looking for jobs in the US, or flying to the US to interview at any point this year gives me the willies.

dunroving

Scary thought, I'm sure. It all depends on so many factors:

Where you want to live (there are still some fairly reasonably priced houses in the UK)

How much you are bringing back with you (tied in with this is, of course, the exchange rate with the UK from wherever you are coming from - I don't know what the story is with Canada).

How old you are - once you get past 40, you then are looking at mortgage terms that carry over into retirement (as in my case).

What family support you have, especially with temporary accommodation and/or interest-free loans.

There are people on here who have come back to very challenging financial situations and have managed/are managing, and plenty for whom being an expat has put them in a very rosy financial situation such that they live in lovely country houses in chocolate-box Britain. So it's not all doom and gloom! But for those who don't fall into the latter category, I can't stress enough how important it is to get out your calculator and do the maths very carefully before making such a huge decision.

dunroving

Quick answers:

I didn't have to return (other than the fact I hadn't started the paperwork for my GC and my 6 yrs of H-1B were about to run out - but that was more a conscious decision after I'd decided to return). It wasn't due to a screaming need like many people - no crowds of relatives pressing me to go back, no grandchildren I missed every day. no ailing elderly parents. Neither was I hating the US. and certainly not hating my job. It was more a gradual decision related to "where do I want to be in retirement?" - and the idea that if the dollar crashed at that point my US pension might be worhless - and (despite what I just said) a desire to live closer to my twin brother (who although he is currently overseas will be coming back in a couple of years from Dubai). Some aspects of livng in the US, especially the part I was in, were challenging, but certainly nowhere mear as challenging as living in the UK currently feels.

If I were a US citizen, and there was a job, yes, I'd go back almost without a doubt. And yes, I'd miss the UK (the expat curse, remember?), but no more than I currently miss the US. After 24 years away, most of it immersed in the US culture (the Bahamas is more American than British), I realize I'm as comfortable (if not more so) in the US as in the UK (or put another way, I'm no less a stranger in the UK than I was in the US, make sense?). As far as my job is concerned, I much prefer the US higher education system.

And yes, I definitely hear you about not wanting to be in either of those situations (ESPECIALLY the one about moving back to the US and regretting it!), so I'm not making any rush decisions at this point. I read on here posts from people who rush back to the UK (from Australia more than any other place, it seems) after just being there for just 3 months and I really worry for them - because I think after such a short time in a country you are not enjoying, your head just isn't in the right place to make such huge decisions.

Silly Sod

C'mon mate, keep yer pecker up. Once you start meeting people things will look up. And as for uni students these days - try to see it as a while new challenge. My kid is at uni now in Liverpool and he is loving every minutte of it. He isnt smoking pot (well, not every night lol) and getting bladdered, he loves his course and the course work. This generation of UK kids just have a different outlook, they have more freedom not to worry about their lives being over if they dont get their degree. Embrace it as a challenge, get to know them and I am sure you will be suprised.

As for meeting people, screw clubs and all that. Get to the pub after class with students and/or other tutors. Get a few beers down yer gullet and have some laughs. I am sure you are just adjusting and it will all be fine. Knockem dead mate!!!

on a mission

I'd hate to think one of my kids was being taught by this dude, he's mixed up and obviously needs to go and take time out searching for what he/she wants in life.

snowbunny

Their lives aren't over but their money-making capacity is seriously challenged if they don't get a degree and enter into a meaningful career. I think this is MORE true of this generation than previous ones. Yes, there will be exceptions to the rule, but I think this too is becoming more rare.

And to the poster above: everyone has things they think about. Better to sound off on a forum than take out your frustration on your students. I knew a professor like that here in the US (he was originally from Scotland) who got a divorce and TOLD his class that he was inclined to be meaner than usual. He failed 70% of that class that semester.

Marmalade

I hope that this does not turn into a Scottish bashing thread!! Reading the above post and the comments about the fact that the teacher was from Scotland does not mean that we are all like that!! I hope that it wasn't meant this way. I am from Scotland, and a teacher, and would never in my wildest dreams say anything like that to my students

Good luck with your decision Dunroving; it is a difficult one.

snowbunny

No, my g-g-grandfather was from Fife. I knew when I mentioned that the prof was from Scotland that it could be misinterpreted -- the reason I mentioned it is because dunroving is currently in Scotland, so there's a coincidence there.

Won't catch me bashing Scots! My g-g-grandfather gave me the ginger gene.

Marmalade

snowbunny - after I posted I thought maybe I shouldn't have said that Glad to hear your further thoughts on the subject.

Ha, ha - yes, the ginger gene runs rampant in my family too. Good old Scottish blood. Although I have dark brown hair and blue eyes after my father and his Irish end of the family.

chance to be

TOS*ER

Silly Sod

I was thinking more about the pressure american kids are under to achieve a degree and the gulf in income of those with and without. Following on from that the pressure they then face to find a job, ANY JOB, just to pay of the huge debts they have accrued. And then of course the misery involved in being in a job where your employer can treat you like dirt knowing that you have little choice but to take it because you are so debt ridden before you have even really set out on the path of adulthood.

I mean, I dont think british kids are under that kind of pressure and are probably more relaxed about higher education. Of course there will always be those who dont want to/cant be bothered to achieve academically, but I think most kids do. I guess many of us were the 'MTV generation'. Now our kids are the YouTube generation, But were we really much different?

(PS - I dont have a degree. I was busy watching MTV - DOH!!!!)

snowbunny

I agree that they aren't under that kind of pressure because uni fees are lower; there's a social safety net (the dole) that doesn't exist here; and there are still good paying jobs for tradesmen. However, I don't think that will last for the rest of their lives unless Britain reverses the trend of trailing the American business practises (eg massive outsourcing, use of low-paid labour for tradesmen which some would claim is already happening) -- and decides to be serious about booting some people off the dole when those people in the main really couldn't find a well-paying job, merely a low-paying job.

The same safety net exists in the Netherlands and I think it will last until our generation retires, but past that? who knows.