Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Old Jun 23rd 2008, 8:42 am
  #1  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
islandergirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
islandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to behold
Default Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Hi, just wondering if anyone has got fed up waiting for their Australian or overseas spouse to "come around", left them and went home to the UK? My partner always said if I got to the stage of needing to go home then we would move back - now I am and he won't.
Any experiences to share out there?
islandergirl is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 9:41 am
  #2  
BE Forum Addict
 
Tootsie Frickensprinkles's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,397
Tootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

There have been a number of women over the years who have made the move. Some with kids and some without.

It's a tough place to be when you can't agree or when someone goes back on their word. I do believe though, you know, in your heart of hearts whether you can stick it out or not and as hard or black and white as it sounds (and I know it isn't) if you know you have to leave, do it sooner rather than later.

Do some searches on Megansmummy, Partystar and MademoiselleMtl. Just a few of the people who have gone home without their partners, albeit under some different circumstances.

How long have you been in Aus?
Tootsie Frickensprinkles is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 10:38 am
  #3  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
quoll's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 8,158
quoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond reputequoll has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Well, I've had mine for an awfully long time and though it has crossed my mind more than once I wont leave without him. The thought of training up a new one i smore than I can contemplate! I can see how it would be a possibility though especially in the hard times. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
quoll is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 12:25 pm
  #4  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
islandergirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
islandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Thanks all, have been here for 10 years, and have been through all the stages of migration/culture shock/acceptance. I just don't want to live here anymore, finding myself envious of people who get to see their families, my annual leave being spent on 38 hour trip each way etc etc.
Have just found this forum yesterday and it is fantastic so hear from so many like minded people, at the end of the day I just want to be in my own place.
OH has struggled to hold down a job since discharging from military, and I have been struggling to pay the mortgage myself (big house, the usual Australian thing miles out of town though).
Anyway I realise now he will never leave, and I am starting to imagine life without him, and going home. Parents are pretty keen to help me, only have fur kids (and can start PETS paperwork soon). Here I have no one, don't get me wrong have some nice friends but its not the same as family and people who have been my mates for 20+ years.
islandergirl is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 12:39 pm
  #5  
BE Forum Addict
 
Tootsie Frickensprinkles's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,397
Tootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by islandergirl View Post
Thanks all, have been here for 10 years, and have been through all the stages of migration/culture shock/acceptance. I just don't want to live here anymore, finding myself envious of people who get to see their families, my annual leave being spent on 38 hour trip each way etc etc.
Have just found this forum yesterday and it is fantastic so hear from so many like minded people, at the end of the day I just want to be in my own place.
OH has struggled to hold down a job since discharging from military, and I have been struggling to pay the mortgage myself (big house, the usual Australian thing miles out of town though).
Anyway I realise now he will never leave, and I am starting to imagine life without him, and going home. Parents are pretty keen to help me, only have fur kids (and can start PETS paperwork soon). Here I have no one, don't get me wrong have some nice friends but its not the same as family and people who have been my mates for 20+ years.
Sounds like you have a few issues in there, the mental moving out is a big thing though, some steps down the line if you can deal with those ideas.

How clear are you on whether its Aus first and relationship second, or the other way around .. if you dont mind me asking? It can be hard to separate the two at times, but if its too personal do tell me to mind my own

Given those timescales, I would imagine you're also beginning to hear a tick, or at least think if this isn't going to be it I need to find something that is.

Anyway, welcome to the board, you'll always find a supportive ear around here.
Tootsie Frickensprinkles is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 12:57 pm
  #6  
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
 
islandergirl's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
islandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to beholdislandergirl is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

No it's okay to ask, have been asking myself the same question on a daily basis of late.
There were times in the first few years when I could have went home because the homesickness was so bad that it was tearing me apart, whereas now it's a more calm feeling, more practical along the line of where I might like to work, where I could afford to live what car would I get, that kind of thing.
There is no doubt that the OH has put me through the emotional wringer for the past year or so too, and I have not exactly got a great support network.
I am just pretty tired of all his dramas.
And tired of Australia, the flights are going up, travelling is such a drag, and it's no longer the big adventure to be here.
islandergirl is offline  
Old Jun 23rd 2008, 1:19 pm
  #7  
BE Forum Addict
 
Tootsie Frickensprinkles's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,397
Tootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by islandergirl View Post
No it's okay to ask, have been asking myself the same question on a daily basis of late.
There were times in the first few years when I could have went home because the homesickness was so bad that it was tearing me apart, whereas now it's a more calm feeling, more practical along the line of where I might like to work, where I could afford to live what car would I get, that kind of thing.
There is no doubt that the OH has put me through the emotional wringer for the past year or so too, and I have not exactly got a great support network.
I am just pretty tired of all his dramas.
And tired of Australia, the flights are going up, travelling is such a drag, and it's no longer the big adventure to be here.
Sounds to me like you have the beginnings of plans, rather than just thoughts. Does he have any incling of your mindset?
Tootsie Frickensprinkles is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 12:51 am
  #8  
Back where I belong!
 
Partystar's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Melbourne, Oz to Banbury, England to El Mirage, AZ & now back to England!
Posts: 5,989
Partystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond reputePartystar has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by Tootsie Frickensprinkles View Post
There have been a number of women over the years who have made the move. Some with kids and some without.

It's a tough place to be when you can't agree or when someone goes back on their word. I do believe though, you know, in your heart of hearts whether you can stick it out or not and as hard or black and white as it sounds (and I know it isn't) if you know you have to leave, do it sooner rather than later.

Do some searches on Megansmummy, Partystar and MademoiselleMtl. Just a few of the people who have gone home without their partners, albeit under some different circumstances.

How long have you been in Aus?
You called?!?

Here's a quick run down of my situation.

- Married US citizen (US Air Force) in England in 2000.
- Had a baby in 2004.
- Left the forces & moved to the States in 2004, both agreeing to give it a try. We had a great life in England, so were hoping for something along the same lines, with the fallback plan to return to England if it didn't work out.
- Realised in 2005/2006 that it definitely was not working out with husband in full agreement, so started making plans to move back in a couple of years.
- In June 2007, my husband tells me he doesn't want to move back to England, he filed for divorce that week - this was a total shock, he never mentioned he was having doubts about moving back to England.
- Moved back to England - August 2007
- Divorce came through January 2008...the icing on the cake, my husband sued me too!

Moving back here - best decision I ever made.

Of course, every situation is different. Feel free to ask any questions.
Partystar is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 2:27 am
  #9  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
trottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

I am one of those who stuck it out. I cannot say my OH was nasty or mean he just felt that being an American he could do better in the US that in the UK. Back in the 70's the law was that they had to offer any job my OH applied for to a UK citizen even if he was better qualified. So he ended up with low paying jobs that no one else wanted.
When we moved to the US and I wanted to go home I did not demand we go home and I did not say I would leave without him. Couldnt really had 3 children. Over the years and as the children grew I just decided I would have to wait till the children were grown up and then move back home but things never work out as planned.
So If I had any advice for you it would be to first make sure that he knows exactly how you feel which I think from what you say he does then give him a deadline and tell him that with or without him you are returning home by a certain date otherwise he will think you are not serious. As you only have two furbabies then its will be easier for you and you will still have lots of life left to live.
Once you have made the decision you will find it much easier just having a timeline will do wonders for you.
trottytrue is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 4:44 am
  #10  
JAJ
Retired
 
JAJ's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
JAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by trottytrue View Post
I am one of those who stuck it out. I cannot say my OH was nasty or mean he just felt that being an American he could do better in the US that in the UK. Back in the 70's the law was that they had to offer any job my OH applied for to a UK citizen even if he was better qualified. So he ended up with low paying jobs that no one else wanted.
If he had Indefinite Leave to Remain (permanent residence) there was never any such law.
JAJ is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 4:51 am
  #11  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
trottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond reputetrottytrue has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by JAJ View Post
If he had Indefinite Leave to Remain (permanent residence) there was never any such law.
In 1973 there was. That law changed a few years later but it was the case when my OH was applying for jobs.
trottytrue is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 5:27 am
  #12  
JAJ
Retired
 
JAJ's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
JAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by trottytrue View Post
In 1973 there was. That law changed a few years later but it was the case when my OH was applying for jobs.
In fact, the Immigration Act 1971 came into force on 1 January 1973.

As to whether there was any concept of "permanent residence" for those from non-Commonwealth countries under the previous immigration legislation (Aliens Restrictions Acts of 1914 and 1919), that is not clear from information online. But there was no such demand as a naturalisation pre-requisite in the nationality law as it was before 1983.
JAJ is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 3:29 pm
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 701
wheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud of
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by Tootsie Frickensprinkles View Post
There have been a number of women over the years who have made the move. Some with kids and some without.

It's a tough place to be when you can't agree or when someone goes back on their word. I do believe though, you know, in your heart of hearts whether you can stick it out or not and as hard or black and white as it sounds (and I know it isn't) if you know you have to leave, do it sooner rather than later.

Do some searches on Megansmummy, Partystar and MademoiselleMtl. Just a few of the people who have gone home without their partners, albeit under some different circumstances.

How long have you been in Aus?
Its not just the women who want to return and face the problem of a spouse opposing a move back. My Mrs. refuses even though she has been unemployed for three years and cannot find a job in her line whilst it would be much easier to do so in the UK. We have 3 kids, two at Uni!!!. Its a living nightmare and the 'elephant in the room' seems to be getting bigger daily. I could continue plodding along existing instead of living and paying the bills because I cant find it in me to leave. I dont know if you are going through the feeling of utter exhaustion mentally to the point where its impossible to maintain local friendships or keep interest in anything, but Im there already. The in laws here are a huge hindrance too.
wheatsheaf is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 5:47 pm
  #14  
BE Forum Addict
 
Tootsie Frickensprinkles's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,397
Tootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond reputeTootsie Frickensprinkles has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by wheatsheaf View Post
Its not just the women who want to return and face the problem of a spouse opposing a move back. My Mrs. refuses even though she has been unemployed for three years and cannot find a job in her line whilst it would be much easier to do so in the UK. We have 3 kids, two at Uni!!!. Its a living nightmare and the 'elephant in the room' seems to be getting bigger daily. I could continue plodding along existing instead of living and paying the bills because I cant find it in me to leave. I dont know if you are going through the feeling of utter exhaustion mentally to the point where its impossible to maintain local friendships or keep interest in anything, but Im there already. The in laws here are a huge hindrance too.
It's always difficult, I think we just hear more about it from the gals.
Tootsie Frickensprinkles is offline  
Old Aug 1st 2008, 5:56 pm
  #15  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 701
wheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud ofwheatsheaf has much to be proud of
Default Re: Has anyone left their Aus/OS Spouse to return to UK?

Originally Posted by Tootsie Frickensprinkles View Post
It's always difficult, I think we just hear more about it from the gals.

Difficult. Soul destroying.
wheatsheaf is offline  

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.