Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
Jul 6th 2020, 2:31 pm
#16
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
Here’s some emotional support.
Poor poor you. We feel your pain.
Feeling emotionally validated now?
Seriously, what exactly do you expect us to say? You haven’t even told us why you want to leave and why your partner wants to stay.
And stop being so over sensitive- Scilly made some perfectly sensible points.
Poor poor you. We feel your pain.
Feeling emotionally validated now?
Seriously, what exactly do you expect us to say? You haven’t even told us why you want to leave and why your partner wants to stay.
And stop being so over sensitive- Scilly made some perfectly sensible points.
mymatemarmite: I understand your feelings. We went back and forth over staying or leaving Texas back in the early 90's. Some of the time we both wanted to leave and other times just one of us. We too had kids and both of them had opinions on staying and on leaving. Kids are mostly happy if their parents are happy. We did leave but we also came straight back ( an expensive adventure) Do I regret coming back? Mostly, yes! A lot of times, no!
The scourge of expat lives for some is you are in no man's land. You never quite feel like you fit in all ways .
This probably hasn't helped you but at least you know some of us have empathy and understand your dilemma. It is a hard thing to explain feelings you yourself don't totally understand!
Best wishes.
Jul 6th 2020, 3:22 pm
#17
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 89
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
Here's a thought. If you haven't got anything pertinent to say or suggest then butt out!
mymatemarmite: I understand your feelings. We went back and forth over staying or leaving Texas back in the early 90's. Some of the time we both wanted to leave and other times just one of us. We too had kids and both of them had opinions on staying and on leaving. Kids are mostly happy if their parents are happy. We did leave but we also came straight back ( an expensive adventure) Do I regret coming back? Mostly, yes! A lot of times, no!
The scourge of expat lives for some is you are in no man's land. You never quite feel like you fit in all ways .
This probably hasn't helped you but at least you know some of us have empathy and understand your dilemma. It is a hard thing to explain feelings you yourself don't totally understand!
Best wishes.
mymatemarmite: I understand your feelings. We went back and forth over staying or leaving Texas back in the early 90's. Some of the time we both wanted to leave and other times just one of us. We too had kids and both of them had opinions on staying and on leaving. Kids are mostly happy if their parents are happy. We did leave but we also came straight back ( an expensive adventure) Do I regret coming back? Mostly, yes! A lot of times, no!
The scourge of expat lives for some is you are in no man's land. You never quite feel like you fit in all ways .
This probably hasn't helped you but at least you know some of us have empathy and understand your dilemma. It is a hard thing to explain feelings you yourself don't totally understand!
Best wishes.
I actually do have a friend who did the same, they moved back and came back to America 3 months later. I know that that might be (an expensive!) possibility but I suppose now you know for sure!!
Take a step back and read what Scilly actually wrote not what you think they said. There was no judgement, no assumptions. There were simply suggestions as to what questions to ask yourself and the family. Of course none of us know what your family dynamic is or anything about you, no one has suggested they do. You asked for comments, you got them. Don't shoot people down just because you don't like what you think they've said. If you only want one particular answer then to be honest you have to ask the reflection in the mirror, not anyone else, least of all complete strangers. However if you want a different perspective, maybe ideas you haven't yet thought of then by all means ask complete strangers. Just don't spit the dummy if they suggest something you don't like. Take a breath and read carefully, no one is trying to hurt or abuse, simply support.
we are gently looking at option where either we stay but I spend a much longer chunk of time home over the summer, with the kids coming for the summer too, or vice Versa we move home but he spends a chunk of time here. At the moment we couldn’t afford to run two households like that and if it were me going there then that puts a big barrier to me working whereas he could continue his job based here but work remotely from the U.K. but we both don’t like the thought of being seperated for chunks of time - but it’s an option worth exploring at the moment
Helen I’m not entirely sure why you’re wasting your time being nasty to strangers on the internet or where you get off on it. Unless there’s some massive chip on your shoulder and resentment you yourself need to explore.
Jul 8th 2020, 7:34 am
#18
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,211
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
thankyou. It does help to have a little empathy. Actually hearing from people who have struggled with this and hearing how they navigated it is exactly what I’m looking for and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. No, I don’t need pats on the back and validation from strangers, I am horribly homesick and feeling sad and a little empathy goes a very long way to help get ones feet back on the path.
I actually do have a friend who did the same, they moved back and came back to America 3 months later. I know that that might be (an expensive!) possibility but I suppose now you know for sure!!
I did in fairness read it with a lot of assumptions that I would be willing to stamp my feet until my family fell apart. It is a highly emotional thing to be going through. There is no way either of us would want to break up the family, we are so far away from even considering that as an option so it’s not a perspective either of us will contemplate. I’ve seen a family go through divorce and the kids live on a different continent to their father (because he refused to move back when he divorced their mum and she couldn’t work in the states so had to go home) and it’s heartbreaking. Quite aside from the fact that we do actually like each other and would like to remain married!!
we are gently looking at option where either we stay but I spend a much longer chunk of time home over the summer, with the kids coming for the summer too, or vice Versa we move home but he spends a chunk of time here. At the moment we couldn’t afford to run two households like that and if it were me going there then that puts a big barrier to me working whereas he could continue his job based here but work remotely from the U.K. but we both don’t like the thought of being seperated for chunks of time - but it’s an option worth exploring at the moment
Helen I’m not entirely sure why you’re wasting your time being nasty to strangers on the internet or where you get off on it. Unless there’s some massive chip on your shoulder and resentment you yourself need to explore.
I actually do have a friend who did the same, they moved back and came back to America 3 months later. I know that that might be (an expensive!) possibility but I suppose now you know for sure!!
I did in fairness read it with a lot of assumptions that I would be willing to stamp my feet until my family fell apart. It is a highly emotional thing to be going through. There is no way either of us would want to break up the family, we are so far away from even considering that as an option so it’s not a perspective either of us will contemplate. I’ve seen a family go through divorce and the kids live on a different continent to their father (because he refused to move back when he divorced their mum and she couldn’t work in the states so had to go home) and it’s heartbreaking. Quite aside from the fact that we do actually like each other and would like to remain married!!
we are gently looking at option where either we stay but I spend a much longer chunk of time home over the summer, with the kids coming for the summer too, or vice Versa we move home but he spends a chunk of time here. At the moment we couldn’t afford to run two households like that and if it were me going there then that puts a big barrier to me working whereas he could continue his job based here but work remotely from the U.K. but we both don’t like the thought of being seperated for chunks of time - but it’s an option worth exploring at the moment
Helen I’m not entirely sure why you’re wasting your time being nasty to strangers on the internet or where you get off on it. Unless there’s some massive chip on your shoulder and resentment you yourself need to explore.
It's very hard when no person or family are the same, you just want to have advice from someone who matches your "criteria" perfectly and has come out in the other side making the right decision just you can then copy what they did...life would be so much simpler lol. You sound like your doing the rights things, involving everyone in this decision, taking it through etc. I have known all kinds of variations on decisions expats have made and if your lucky families come out the other side all well and good, you just have to do/make the best decisions on hand. You can always return home and if it does not work out for whatever reason you can always look at others plans, other countries nothing is set in stone....The examples of family and close friends of mine who have either sacrificed things for their children (never hardly to see them as adults) their partners (only to be unhappy but plodding on) Life and not just as an expat can be hard, it's how you navigate around/through these issues/problems that will help rather than just wishing it all away. Good luck and hugs to you all. ps try not to be so hard on yourself your being honest rather than bottling things up and become resentful etc
Jul 8th 2020, 12:34 pm
#19
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 89
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
Ok
It's very hard when no person or family are the same, you just want to have advice from someone who matches your "criteria" perfectly and has come out in the other side making the right decision just you can then copy what they did...life would be so much simpler lol. You sound like your doing the rights things, involving everyone in this decision, taking it through etc. I have known all kinds of variations on decisions expats have made and if your lucky families come out the other side all well and good, you just have to do/make the best decisions on hand. You can always return home and if it does not work out for whatever reason you can always look at others plans, other countries nothing is set in stone....The examples of family and close friends of mine who have either sacrificed things for their children (never hardly to see them as adults) their partners (only to be unhappy but plodding on) Life and not just as an expat can be hard, it's how you navigate around/through these issues/problems that will help rather than just wishing it all away. Good luck and hugs to you all. ps try not to be so hard on yourself your being honest rather than bottling things up and become resentful etc
It's very hard when no person or family are the same, you just want to have advice from someone who matches your "criteria" perfectly and has come out in the other side making the right decision just you can then copy what they did...life would be so much simpler lol. You sound like your doing the rights things, involving everyone in this decision, taking it through etc. I have known all kinds of variations on decisions expats have made and if your lucky families come out the other side all well and good, you just have to do/make the best decisions on hand. You can always return home and if it does not work out for whatever reason you can always look at others plans, other countries nothing is set in stone....The examples of family and close friends of mine who have either sacrificed things for their children (never hardly to see them as adults) their partners (only to be unhappy but plodding on) Life and not just as an expat can be hard, it's how you navigate around/through these issues/problems that will help rather than just wishing it all away. Good luck and hugs to you all. ps try not to be so hard on yourself your being honest rather than bottling things up and become resentful etc
Jul 8th 2020, 4:28 pm
#20
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,211
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
thankyou. Yes I know I’m looking for kindred spirits and actually I am feeling more positive about us at least talking and loving through it together since writing the first post, which done in a moment of desperation and sadness. I think we both really do want to find a solution that results in us remaining happily married and not resenting the other and I hope the steps we’re taking now will help that
Jul 9th 2020, 2:48 pm
#21
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 89
Re: Has anyone been at odds with their partner as to whether to move back?
Thankyou. I’m certainly trying to make it a joint a decision
