George Holmer Kenya

I was born and raised in Sweden, then lived in London for a year, then Germany, then did my degree in the UK, married a Brit and lived in Worcester for a year, then moved to Belgium and then back to Sweden and now, we have ended up in Kenya. Whilst living in Belgium, we travelled to the UK all the time and whilst in Sweden to Belgium. We have family in Sweden, Belgium, Poland and the UK. Where is home? I have no clue. On my Facebook account, it says "hometown". Where is that?

The trouble is, once you have travelled and lived abroad, nothing is ever the same again. Ideally, I´d like to take the best of all the places and make my ideal country, but that does not work.

I think the airport test is a good one, is landing at Heathrow coming home or going away?

Between 1996 and 2006, I either lived in the UK or travelled there five or six times a year, and then after May 2006 I did not go back until August this year. Arriving in Portsmough was a very strange and powerful feeling, and it certainly felt like home. We had a Swedish registered car and the customs guy asked me what the purpose was of our visit. I just handed him a whole pile of UK passports (7 in the family), and he smiled and said welcome home.

I think, anyone who has lived abroad and who returns thinks "Lord, is this it?". Having lived most of my life on the continent, I go nuts when Brits go on about "Europe" but then again, I get really defensive when people complain about English food, for example.

I think everybody knows, in the bottom of their heart, what is their home. I know where mine is.

Lorry1

I feel like I'm arriving home when entering Heathrow/Gatwick, but unfortunately, OH can't wait to leave!

quoll

Well they may have "known" without actually have experienced it and the experience is quite different from the anticipation.

medwaymark

Went back to the UK for 3 weeks a couple of months ago. I never had any desire to return, but that trip certainly confirmed for me that I have made the right decision to move here!

Gill123

Thanks for all the responses.

When we moved here, we "knew" we wanted to try out a new life here, but that's about all we did know!

It's the usual issue of missing friends and family and not feeling as though you belong, but balancing that with doing what we think is best long term from our two daughters. We have a lovely house here in a good area and have made some good friends. We are not as well off financially as we were in the UK - but I know that if we return, it doesn't mean or guarantee that we will get to that level of financial security again.

As someone said, a crystal ball and hindsight would be very handy right now.

I think it's very easy to have the rose tinted view of home in the UK and I think we need a reality check by visiting there. I'm just hoping it helps clarify things for us.

We are all different and need and want different things, but it's so good to hear people's experiences with this sort of issue.

trottytrue

Jon 77.. Are you sure you know what you are doing. You went back to the UK for a holiday and loved it then you moved back and you dont like it. Now you are moving back to Australia because you like it better. Was there anything else that made you want to move back to the UK apart from having a good time and friends and family. What made you fall out of love with the UK if its were you live you can move somewhere else.

Once you move back to Australia you say that will be it and you say you have a son I am sure you parents will miss him but you did say they were supportive of you. I know my family missed my children when they were growing up and then when my parents and family got sick it was always hard not being able to afford to travel back to the UK to see them and then you have to face the fact that they get old and you are not there to help them but you might have family that can be with them but it does get harder when they get older. I am sure you have thought of all those aspects of the move. I am on my way back to the UK I realize things will be different but then no where is perfect. At least I will get a good cup of tea .

George Holmer Kenya

I would say that family and friends are easily replaced, but that of course is my take on things. I have moved from Sweden living 200 km from my mother to Kenya. Now I realise that I made the decision along with my wife and kids, not my mother but I still feel that I am entitled to making these decisions. I know that if my mother had moved far away, I would have come to visit. She refuses to come here. Well, tough. When we moved from Belgium to Sweden, some of my wife's family came to visit regularily, others not. Yet we drove down for many family events.

Unless you have some friends you have had since reception class, I'd say you can make new friends.

When you are settled in life, or at least more settled than when you were 21 say, moving is harder and that first bit when you arrive in a far away place, everything feels so strange. Back in the UK you had a car, friends, family, a house or flat, a favourite pub, newsagent, a certain programme on telly every Wednesday. All that is gone and your reference points are gone, you are out of your comfort zone. Truth is, it takes time, a long time, for me four years each time so far. So, if after two weeks or three months, you think "what have I done?", I'd say that is normal but hang in there and things will improve. Try to remember why you came out there. If you came there because one partner got a great job offer through work and you thought "hey, let's try something new", then it might be hard, certainly when you have kids. But if you came out there because you all wanted to try something new, something else, better your lives in some way, then hang in there and as long as you put yourself out there, I'd say you will be fine.

Remember, the guys you are "competing against", the locals (competing in the sense of trying to get established to the point of where they are at the same age), they have been there for a much longer time, so you have to speed up the process.

The one other thing I think, but it may not be true for everyone, is not to try to be a local, but embrace your difference. When I lived in Sweden and Belgium, I had a British car and I bought English ale and offered my friends along with salt'n'vinegar crisps. Don't be a narrowminded expat looking down on people for their unenlightened ways but be yourself and who you are. They will respect you for it.

trottytrue

Gill 123...If your going home best to do it now while your children are small or else it will be too late. They wont want to go. Going home depends on what you want from it. Do you want close family and friends I think some people are able to settle down very well in another country but others just never feel they belong and it doesnt matter how long you stay in that other country it doesnt change. Just read the over 50's and 60's and you will see the turmoil some are going through. My family in the UK have family and they have all done well, good education and good jobs so don't let that stop you. As long as your children get a good education dont worry.

To be honest if you don't take your whole family with you when you move and who can do that then you end up stuck between two worlds and you belong in neither unless you decide that you just hate the UK and find nothing good about it and forget about it altogether and some people do that. But like I say its what you want from life that counts. When your old is it the big house and hot weather that is going to be a comfort to you or family and get togethers. Yes.. you have to be careful where you move to but thats the same no matter what country you move to.

I'm over 60 and waiting for my house to sell so I can move back 'home'.

trottytrue

George.....Sorry to disagree with you but you cannot replace family maybe some friends but not those you grew up with or firm friends. Its never the same. But I think you are coming at it from a mans point of view but then again not all men think the way you do but men do seem to settle more so the women. . As for you Mother perhaps she didnt like to travel and it must be hard for her with you being so far away.

George Holmer Kenya

Don't get me wrong. First of all, I want to return to the UK at some point. Second, yes it is of course hard for my mother and I understand that.

What I mean is, if you had a plan to move somewhere and now you have arrived there and you think "help, I am so lonely", then it might not be that the best solution to go back straight away. Because friends can be lost and found and many people lose friends whilst living in the same town. Life moves on, that the trouble.

I also understand that there is a difference between people, some have close friends that they have had for life and whom they rely on for everything and talk to every day, but in all honesty, if they do and unless everything else is total rubbish, why on earth did they pack up and leave? I have never had close friends and so, for me it is easier. All the people I need, my wife and kids, we move together.

Victor Meldrew

I agree with a lot of what you say in this paragraph, particulalry about the pessimism and attitude.

You are also right that you plan to look over the heads of the sour faces.

I think that it is a mistake to see the Daily Mail side of things in the UK. Yes they are there, but there are ways of signing out of that as much as possible.

Choose where you live, carefully, seek out old and new friends carefully, create the lifestyle that you want.

(Here is where I disagree with you)

The flipside is that there is a lot of culture (and multi culture), a lot of history and heritage, beautiful towns, cities and countryside to visit.

There are lots of positive and friendly people around.

No 2 countries are identical in this world. All have their good and bad points. It is what you choose to focus on which creates the type of world you want to live in.

I plan to return to UK relatively soon after 9+ years in 3 different countries in the Middle East. There will be lots I miss about all 3 countries - 1 of which is Saudi Arabia. However, I know that there is also a lot to look forward to on the return 'journey'

Good luck with your choice

J.J

Ahh, but note my ref to culture was the culture of peoples attitude and pessimism, and for brevity I didn't touch on culture of arts or history or other such as you point out which is a major upside of UK. Golly, did you think we felt otherwise, some things I take as given.

MNandMN

I totally agree about choosing carefully where you live. If you have been living somewhere quiet with lovely scenery for a long time and move back to a UK city you may find you crave the peace and quiet. We have recently moved from a city to a market town in the UK and are appreciating the much improved quality of life, friendlier and happier locals and easy parking and shopping (but within travelling distance of a city for essential business).

J.J

Agreed, that's good advice. Choose carefully before putting in deep roots. We considered various places and moved back to (3 miles from) our original Kings Lynn because we previously enjoyed living there. Access to Norfolk countryside and coast, yet a train connection to Cambridge, London, and now improved bus services to anywhere. It suits what we want out of life. Not to say there are not other places just as good though. Originally from small villages in Lincs, we wouldn't now consider places without that train link.

sallysimmons

Wow, you are a fortunate man if that is true. I've not found that to be true in my case - at all!

I wanted to be in the US 15 years ago. Until recently, I didn't have a moment's regret. But as I get older, my priorities have changed and now I know I want to return home.

To the OP, I agree with Brits1 that no one can tell you what decision to make. But based on my own experience, I definitely think a trip back - or even more than one trip back - is a good idea. We just went back and it confirmed what I thought about my own feelings. But surprisingly, it changed my husband's. He had been dead set against a move home and now he feels more positive. So take the trip back and listen to your heart ... good luck!