Going Home
 

I recognise a lot of my own thoughts from the threads on this forum.

I have often wished I could split myself into different 'me's to try different things and to 'be' different.

My husband and I came over to New Zealand full off optimism and hope for the future. Our two children were keen but one always more so than the other. The one who was not so keen is the one out of all of us who settled best and fully embraced life here and flourished - you never can tell how things are going to go.....

I somehow believed that I would live a different life over here, that I would somehow be different. That is just not the case. I have learned more about myself and what makes me tick in 6 months in NZ than the last 40 years altogether.

I need familiarity, I need my family around me, I need to be where I feel I belong. I have had to travel all this way to be able to see what was right in front of me all this time. My husband and I are separating after more than 20 years together. There have been no big dramas, no big fights, no-one else is involved. It has just become clear that we don't and never will be able to 'make' each other happy. We have tried everything and have no regrets.

One person cannot spend their life trying to make another one happy. We have to accept all the good things that we have and will always have between us and move on with our lives.

The children and I are going home because we want to. My husband will stay in NZ until our dog has had his vaccinations which will probably be about 9 months. He doesn't want to return to the UK and never would if it wasn't for the children. I feel sad that yet again he will not get what he wants out of life because of other people's choices but I cannot stay here, my children cannot stay here to make him happy.

Over the months I have read lots of posts on here and really sympathised with people and the struggles they have been having.

I wish everyone good luck in the direction they choose to move in and want to say thank you for sharing your thoughts - even if people don't always post a reply it doesn't mean that what you have to say hasn't touched someone else out there who's also struggling.

Life is a journey ......

Re: Going Home
 

Just wanted to wish you lots of luck KiwiDollie. Hope all goes well for you and your family.

Re: Going Home
 

I really do feel for you Kiwidollie.

I hope that life works out for you and your family. I have no words of wisdom, I just feel really sad for you and your situation and wanted to add my support.

Take care,

LibbyX

Re: Going Home
 

Yes, good luck to you all.

Didn't even feel sad reading your post it was very honest and really as much a new beginning for you now as you probably though NZ would be.

You sound a lovely family and well done to hubby for staying for your dog :D
Hope it all works out for you all.

Re: Going Home
 

Good luck to you and yours. I hope you find what you are looking for :)

Loz x

Re: Going Home
 

All the very, very best for your futures...all of you. :)

Dreams; they're never where you thought they'd be eh?

Good luck xxx

Re: Going Home
 

Good Luck! Hope it works out well for you and your family...

Re: Going Home
 

What a wonderful post. I wonder if you emigrated thinking that was why you were unhappy and then came to realise that the real reason was that you marriage was actually the real reason you were unhappy. I wish you every luck for your future. :)

Re: Going Home
 

It was good to read you post.

I am in the same boat as you. Came out here 3 years ago with husband of 25 years and youngest daughter. I am going back alone.
Same thing with us too. No fights, in fact calmer than all our married life.
The only problem is that it has all dragged on for so long, but we are now nearing the final stages as the business is sold.
I have been through hell trying to sope with it all in my head, but I am ready for the new phase in my life, infact, I can't wai.

Whisky

Re: Going Home
 

Sorry to hear your story, however you sound optimistic for the future, and I wish you the very best. My situation is that I came over to the US to marry a man I love very much. My youngest daughter came with me, the eldest stayed in the UK with her dad. Never an easy situation, I missed her like crazy but the youngest plus getting used to life here kept me busy, and we made the most of our visits together. This summer their dad sadly died of cancer (it hit me too - we were together 19 years.) The youngest daughter, now aged 16, has decided to stay over in the UK with her sister. They have got a flat and enrolled in further education college. I am overwhelmed with sadness. I have talked to my husband about the possibility of going to live there together. He is very lukewarm about it, in fact in the five weeks since I've been back in the US from my UK visit and we first talked about it, he hasn't even looked into job opportunites or visas, or indeed anything, and just says he can't give me an answer. The other night he said I should seriously consider going back on my own. I am devastated and don't know where to turn now. Of course if I do go, I'm going to have to find accomodation and work with very little to begin with, it all seems a mess.

Re: Going Home
 

Hi Kiwidollie..

Good post.

Good luck for your new life back in the UK.

When I read your post I was very happy for you but also sad . Like you, I have been reading posts for a good few months now. I emigrated on the 28th of May this year with my husband and my 15 year old daughter (son 21 stayed in Wales Uk) we live on the Sunshine Coast Brisbane. I thought all my dreams had come true, It took my family 2.5 years to be accepted for a residence visa, since we have been here homesickness has been indescribable my daughter has cried every single day along with myself and my husband. My husband who is a plumber has been very frustrated with all the red tape when all he wants to do is work (too many licences, and the QLD government wanting him to return to TAFE as they don't recognise his qualifications). Our dog arrived back in the UK Wednesday this week and we leave on Tuesday the 29th of August. All our house is packed up and ready to go. Although it has only been a short time since we arrived it has been a family decision to return to the UK. I have no regrets in coming to Australia. However, I have no regrets returning to the UK. :)

Re: Going Home
 

Wow - shocker.
Does your oh know how much yoy want to move back. Maybe he's pretending that your desire to move will subside over time. Perhaps if you come to a final decision in your own mind and lay it on the line to him he will give the situation more thought.
Good luck

Re: Going Home
 

no words of wisdom at all

just wanted to say how very much i feel for you all. i was very much like buttercup - went back alone, but now oh back too.

all i can say is whatever you all decide to do - a decision you stick with and focus on will make you feel so much better than limboland.

you've bought back all the feelings i had a few months ago and im very sad for you all. hope you find comfort soon
c xxx

Re: Going Home
 

Thanks for the advice. You're absolutely right, he is pretending/hoping my wanting to move back will die down and go away. It's tough, I'm completely torn between staying here with him, and going back there. Yes, I have no home or job there but I've been in that situation before and can do it again I hope. I'll keep you posted.

Re: Going Home
 

As someone who would like to move back to blighty myself I would say this....financially this is prob the worst time you could pick to move due to exchange rates and UK house prices.
I realise this might pale into insignificance when faced with the opportunity of being with your daughters but you could be setting yourself back years financially.
Personally I'm hoping for the dollar to strengthen and UK house price bubble to burst - then maybe in a year or so I can begin to plan a move home - until then I have to make the best of things here.
Like I say, its prob different for you, but if you can wait for a while it might make the move back go a bit more smoothly especially if the oh decided to come with.

Good luck :)