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A family seperated after move to Australia

A family seperated after move to Australia

Old Jul 28th 2008, 12:36 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by happy4
Hi everyone

....., I knew I my reaction to living in Australia had shocked me, I really did not like it at all, I felt like I was living in a bubble of blandness, a continual 'holiday' but one that well, there was no end in sight, no chance to get 'home' and to be glad to be home. I hated the fact that the kids had no real friends, our social circle had gone ......in a nutshell, I just wanted 'home' and started to have panic attacks every day.
I became seriously homesick, extremely depressed and experienced some severe panic attacks, all whilst looking after my two children, alone all day in yet another huge isolating city. After several meetings with a therapist and seeing the effect it was having on our children, I came home. :
Hi Happy

Ive just quoted your bits that were most pertainant to me. I struggle with thoughts of going back to Oz to get the CShip for the kids - but those feelings you describe above - thats just what it was like for me and to loose that "sense of self" is truly terrifying and what keeps me in the UK, sane and relatively normal
Like you, I came back alone - but OH did come back a couple of months after me and is really happy and settled. Im sorry it wasnt the case with you - but at least you are dealing with all the emotion that goes with that in a place where you feel you belong and have support.
You did a very brave thing, coming back. Its a huge gamble and Im really happy for you that its one that has paid off.

with all the bery best for the future

chrissy
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Old Jul 28th 2008, 3:25 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

I know when I heard the song by U2 on the radio, 'It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away' that I belong at home in the UK.


Its wierd, but that song meant very little to me until I came back home to the UK. I took everything for granted here in England before I moved to Oz, now I appreciate everything. In fact I listen to people whinging and moaning about the UK, and it makes me chuckle inside because I think I got lucky to get back home, as I know its not an option for many due to various reasons.

It takes a lot of guts to move to the otherside of the world, and it takes equally the same to admit its not for you and come back. Even harder on your own but you deserve a huge pat on the back . I often reflect on my time in Oz when hearing the song by Ronan Keating - "The long goodbye" especially the words.. i know without a doubt, I turned it inside out.......... Thats how I feel about it all, and it keeps me going especially when people say ....you moved back to grotty UK from Oz, why on earth ????? They dont know what I do....

I sincerely wish you all the best..
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Old Jul 28th 2008, 4:55 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Some time ago - I was single and doing well in the UK. I married later in life than most and travelled a lot for work which satisfied me and paid for us. The satisfaction I got was the sheer adventure of going to most places and always having my eyes opened. After five years and baby my wife and I just came to realise that we were never together and so I offered to put her where she wanted to be. So my family stay in Gambia - we have a huge house there and an enviable standard of living. I go there two or three times a year and tomorrow the boys and her are coming here for 8 weeks - I'm now in Kuwait. So we have found a way to live apart but remain together. It is not easy and it is helped by the fact that there will be an end to it sooner because I've been lucky with my jobs. We were not separated by a country but we do see that it will be difficult to pick up again the way it was - if indeed it ever was a conventional relationship. She has bought me a plot and built a little house and an observatory close to the sea where I can go if I want to be alone, and where she can take the boys at the weekend when not at school. I don't want to go back to the UK and neither does she but we have a house there in case things go wrong with the country. Moving abroad is such a big risk but people do not seem to realise that the crystalisation of the risk is separation because in the move one person will hav prevailed. My sympathies but if it is not the country which has split you up then it is yourselves because I know - it is not impossible to work it out if you really want to.
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 9:03 am
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by happy4
Hi everyone

Have been back in the UK for 12 weeks now and have finally bought myself a new computer, it's nice to see some familiar names on here and to those of you who are new on here, I hope things are ok for you, wherever you are.

I thought I would share my experiences of moving and living in Australia now I have come out the other side, so to speak and also hoping it may help anyone else out there, must say it does seem rather surreal, sitting here in my home in the UK as last time I was on here, I was in Sydney, about to return home! I hope I don't offend anyone, these are my views and my opinions, so I'm just going to say how I feel, about what has been a very trying two years.

A bit of background! My OH, a Civil Engineer had always wanted to head to Australia to live, we have two children, now 2 and 4 and after much soul searching and a good job offer, he left for Melbourne in August 2006 and I followed in Sept 2006, our children then 2 and 11 months. The life we left behind was pretty good, a lovely home, great family support, kids settled and me giving up a place at Uni to head to Australia, for the 'adventure' and having been there before, for that 'once in a lifetime opportunity'. It seemed a fantastic idea, we were excited and pretty determined to make it work. having travelled alot prior to having children and always quite independent and happy go lucky' it's fair to say I completely underestimated the enourmity of the task ahead.

My OH settled almost immediately at work, left at 7am, back at 6pm, he joined the golf nights out, had lunch meetings and generally immersed himsly into work. I, on the other hand, after a few days only, in an apartment with two little ones and my mum (she had come to help) had a dreadful feeling of 'this doesn't feel right'. We found a house after 6 weeks of searching, I knew we would be in the aprtment for the children's birthdays, but the reality of it really hit home. My son turned 3 and my daughter 1 within days of arriving and I really struggled without my family and friends. I hated seeing my son upset and my daughter became quite ill and unsettled in herself. Still, I put on a brave face and we moved into our new home in Camberwell.

I found a kinder for my son, 2 days a week and set about finding my way round. There is no doubt that Melbourne really is a stunning city, I quite enjoyed heading into the city on the tram and walking down St Kilda beach and began to settle into what I think now, was holiday mode! My mum went home and the day to day routine of living in Melbourne hit home. Christmas soon came round before I had chance to secure any real friendships at the playgroups and if I'm honest I found the whole thing exhausting, I found the mum's quite friendly, but also quite closed, our home in the UK was quite often full of laughter and my children's friends, here it felt empty, almost sterile, I began to spend 13 hour days with the little ones during the summer hols in Jan 07 and I began to get quite depressed in myself. Quite a catch 22situation as I knew I had to get out there to meet people but felt so teary in myself too.

My OH was thriving and we started to argue, I knew I felt quite unwell in myslef, he thought I hadn't tried hard enough and with two little ones in the middle things got tough between us. At this point I decided to head home to the UK on my own with our children to see how I felt, I knew I my reaction to living in Australia had shocked me, I really did not like it at all, I felt like I was living in a bubble of blandness, a continual 'holiday' but one that well, there was no end in sight, no chance to get 'home' and to be glad to be home. I hated the fact that the kids had no real friends, our social circle had gone and my son was upset about Grandma, in a nutshell, I just wanted 'home' and started to have panic attacks every day. I came back to the UK Feb 2007 without my OH, he refused to come back.

Our tenants moved out of our home in the UK and I went home with our children, my family and friends rallied round nad gave us some items for the house and I felt relieved to be home, but devestated that it was without OH. He returned for a visit in April 2007 and against my better judgement, decided to give Australia another go, the kid's missed their dad desperately if I'm honest, I guess I felt I had to give it longer and wanted my family back together. I went back in May 2007, this time to Coburg in Melbourne and threw myself into everything again, gym creche, music time, kinder but by November of last year the familiar feelings resurfaced, OH was offered another job in Sydney and refused to go home. I gave it one last push in Sydney, in Blakehurst where I can honestly say, I became seriously homesick, extremely depressed and experienced some severe panic attacks, all whilst looking after my two children, alone all day in yet another huge isolating city. After several meetings with a therapist and seeing the effect it was having on our children, I came home. It saddens me greatly that unfortuneatly, my OH has chosen to stay in Australia and once again I had to come home alone.

We arrived back at Birmingham at 6.10pm on a Friday evening, my son elated and my daughter crying, after a 31 hour journey. I have not regretted my decision once and I will never go back to Australia. It's fair to say, there is not one single thing I miss about the place, I don't like having regrets, but I'm afraid I do regret going back, I do wish I had stuck with my initial reaction as I know now it was the right one and no amount of time would ever change that fact. I could go on and on about life for us in Australia, in a nutshell, (my OH has found everything he is and has been looking for all his life there) but I would rather look forward and tell you about the absolute contrast we have in our lives today, here back in the UK.

We are home. And it's beautiful, serene and peaceful. My garden at home is stunning, green, pinks, purples and the gorgeous smell of lavender. My neighbours talk to me, we stop outside in the light evenings and chat, they know my children's names and have known us for years. My home is mine, not some craphole for $800.00 a week with cockroaches for company and damp cupboards, my children are laughing in the garden and my son comes up to me and says 'thank you for bringing me home' or puts a thumbs up at dinner. It's rained and I love it, the colour has returned to my daughters cheeks and they have both stayed at Grandma's house whilst I had friends round with whom I have known for years. I have always loved flowers and our home is literally overflowing with them!! Oh, and they aren't wilting!

My son has just finished at Nursery, since we had been away, a new Children's Centre had been completed, all the staff the same, just a new building with state of the art equipment, this has been the highlight to being home, seeing my son happy, playing with his friends. He has started trampolining, football and swimming and my daughter is thriving. We no longer wander around hot parks or spend days upon days alone trying to make friends. We have been camping in beautiful Wales with my brother and his family, sat and looked out over the valley's with a £1.99 bbq whilst he plans where he is going to build his house on their plot of land. We have stayed at our friend's house and sat in the garden, just content to be there and had a great time at The Irish Centre for my cousin's birthday. The whole shopping experience is fantastic, lots of choice and value for money.

I feel like me again and I feel like a a great mom again. I would never had wanted my children to grow up in Australia, I do feel they have a much better life here. Things are obviously very painful still where my OH is concerned but he has to make his own choices in his life. I function much better here nad I know a happy mum means happy children. My son especially struggled with being in Australia, it broke my heart to see him so unhappy, missing his Grandpa and I feel a peace in my heart to know he is home and happy. I now see a homeopath who is superb to help me and my strength is returning from going to the gym and swimming to recover from whta has been a very difficult time. I know when I heard the song by U2 on the radio, 'It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away' that I belong at home in the UK.

I wish anyone that is heading to Australia all the best as afterall these are only our experiences and I would like to think that the only and best advice I can offer is if you go as a family, make sure you decide that if it doesn't work for everyone there in the family unit, then it hasn't worked, a Country really isn't worth splitting up over. I felt I couldn't stay there but my OH felt he couldn't live here in the UK, it's very sad. Anyone who wants to get 'home' I hope it is soon for you.

Take care and keep smiling, axx
Hi
I am really pleased that you wrote this. I am in a similar position. I went out to NZ with 4 kids and hubby in 2005. he settled immediately and to be honest so did the kids, they are teenagers. i could not get over how home sick I felt, every day it got worse and worse. i did not leave England cos I hated it, unlike hubby. England is my home and I felt part of it. i gave New Zealand 18 months of my life. Hubby did everything to get me to stay there but i was so dreadfully unhappy, it was making me seriously depressed. I felt trapped, eventually I said I am sorry I just have to go home. We all packed up, brought the furniture, the animals and all the family back to England in 2007. I am happily settled but hubby and kids want to move back to NZ. Hubby had a job to start December 2008, but I cannot see how anything has changed I want my family to be happy but can't resign myself to living in a country where I felt totally miserable. i want hubby and kids to be happy here, if I was truely honest I think Emmigartion ruins family lives!!
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 1:43 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by Heavenlyscent
Hi
I am really pleased that you wrote this. I am in a similar position. I went out to NZ with 4 kids and hubby in 2005. he settled immediately and to be honest so did the kids, they are teenagers. i could not get over how home sick I felt, every day it got worse and worse. i did not leave England cos I hated it, unlike hubby. England is my home and I felt part of it. i gave New Zealand 18 months of my life. Hubby did everything to get me to stay there but i was so dreadfully unhappy, it was making me seriously depressed. I felt trapped, eventually I said I am sorry I just have to go home. We all packed up, brought the furniture, the animals and all the family back to England in 2007. I am happily settled but hubby and kids want to move back to NZ. Hubby had a job to start December 2008, but I cannot see how anything has changed I want my family to be happy but can't resign myself to living in a country where I felt totally miserable. i want hubby and kids to be happy here, if I was truely honest I think Emmigartion ruins family lives!!
I am not sure I understand are you saying that even though your OH knows how unhappy you were in NZ he is still making plans to return? If thats the case you would be very wrong to go unless you think something this time will be different. This time when you leave it will be for good no going back or it will be you coming back on your own. If your children loved it so much then thats a good insentive for them to get a good education and make the move to NZ when they are out of school. Remember when your kids are grown up you will be on your own so really think about what you are about to do.
Sounds like your OH has not made a serious go of making it in England. I think you need to have a sit down with OH and tell him exactly how you feel before its too late.
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 1:54 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by Heavenlyscent
Hi
I am really pleased that you wrote this. I am in a similar position. I went out to NZ with 4 kids and hubby in 2005. he settled immediately and to be honest so did the kids, they are teenagers. i could not get over how home sick I felt, every day it got worse and worse. i did not leave England cos I hated it, unlike hubby. England is my home and I felt part of it. i gave New Zealand 18 months of my life. Hubby did everything to get me to stay there but i was so dreadfully unhappy, it was making me seriously depressed. I felt trapped, eventually I said I am sorry I just have to go home. We all packed up, brought the furniture, the animals and all the family back to England in 2007. I am happily settled but hubby and kids want to move back to NZ. Hubby had a job to start December 2008, but I cannot see how anything has changed I want my family to be happy but can't resign myself to living in a country where I felt totally miserable. i want hubby and kids to be happy here, if I was truely honest I think Emmigartion ruins family lives!!
It looks to me, given what you write, that you and your husband will go your separate ways. Are you ready to accept that?

As for your kids, the primary concern at this point must be their education, which is bound to be disrupted by all this to-ing and fro-ing. They *now* think that they would ultimately want to live in NZ - but would their educational goals be more easily met in the UK or in NZ? If they are in the middle of GCSEs or A-levels, how would their education be affected if they now move back to NZ?

If they all do decide to move back, could you join them, knowing that it would/could be only for a limited time, until your kids are old enough to fend for themselves. Would you be able to leave them all there. Or are you afraid you would get stuck, like so many others have...

Tough choices, very tough, and I feel for you.
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 1:58 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by happy4
Hi everyone

Have been back in the UK for 12 weeks now and have finally bought myself a new computer, it's nice to see some familiar names on here and to those of you who are new on here, I hope things are ok for you, wherever you are.

I thought I would share my experiences of moving and living in Australia now I have come out the other side, so to speak and also hoping it may help anyone else out there, must say it does seem rather surreal, sitting here in my home in the UK as last time I was on here, I was in Sydney, about to return home! I hope I don't offend anyone, these are my views and my opinions, so I'm just going to say how I feel, about what has been a very trying two years.

A bit of background! My OH, a Civil Engineer had always wanted to head to Australia to live, we have two children, now 2 and 4 and after much soul searching and a good job offer, he left for Melbourne in August 2006 and I followed in Sept 2006, our children then 2 and 11 months. The life we left behind was pretty good, a lovely home, great family support, kids settled and me giving up a place at Uni to head to Australia, for the 'adventure' and having been there before, for that 'once in a lifetime opportunity'. It seemed a fantastic idea, we were excited and pretty determined to make it work. having travelled alot prior to having children and always quite independent and happy go lucky' it's fair to say I completely underestimated the enourmity of the task ahead.

My OH settled almost immediately at work, left at 7am, back at 6pm, he joined the golf nights out, had lunch meetings and generally immersed himsly into work. I, on the other hand, after a few days only, in an apartment with two little ones and my mum (she had come to help) had a dreadful feeling of 'this doesn't feel right'. We found a house after 6 weeks of searching, I knew we would be in the aprtment for the children's birthdays, but the reality of it really hit home. My son turned 3 and my daughter 1 within days of arriving and I really struggled without my family and friends. I hated seeing my son upset and my daughter became quite ill and unsettled in herself. Still, I put on a brave face and we moved into our new home in Camberwell.

I found a kinder for my son, 2 days a week and set about finding my way round. There is no doubt that Melbourne really is a stunning city, I quite enjoyed heading into the city on the tram and walking down St Kilda beach and began to settle into what I think now, was holiday mode! My mum went home and the day to day routine of living in Melbourne hit home. Christmas soon came round before I had chance to secure any real friendships at the playgroups and if I'm honest I found the whole thing exhausting, I found the mum's quite friendly, but also quite closed, our home in the UK was quite often full of laughter and my children's friends, here it felt empty, almost sterile, I began to spend 13 hour days with the little ones during the summer hols in Jan 07 and I began to get quite depressed in myself. Quite a catch 22situation as I knew I had to get out there to meet people but felt so teary in myself too.

My OH was thriving and we started to argue, I knew I felt quite unwell in myslef, he thought I hadn't tried hard enough and with two little ones in the middle things got tough between us. At this point I decided to head home to the UK on my own with our children to see how I felt, I knew I my reaction to living in Australia had shocked me, I really did not like it at all, I felt like I was living in a bubble of blandness, a continual 'holiday' but one that well, there was no end in sight, no chance to get 'home' and to be glad to be home. I hated the fact that the kids had no real friends, our social circle had gone and my son was upset about Grandma, in a nutshell, I just wanted 'home' and started to have panic attacks every day. I came back to the UK Feb 2007 without my OH, he refused to come back.

Our tenants moved out of our home in the UK and I went home with our children, my family and friends rallied round nad gave us some items for the house and I felt relieved to be home, but devestated that it was without OH. He returned for a visit in April 2007 and against my better judgement, decided to give Australia another go, the kid's missed their dad desperately if I'm honest, I guess I felt I had to give it longer and wanted my family back together. I went back in May 2007, this time to Coburg in Melbourne and threw myself into everything again, gym creche, music time, kinder but by November of last year the familiar feelings resurfaced, OH was offered another job in Sydney and refused to go home. I gave it one last push in Sydney, in Blakehurst where I can honestly say, I became seriously homesick, extremely depressed and experienced some severe panic attacks, all whilst looking after my two children, alone all day in yet another huge isolating city. After several meetings with a therapist and seeing the effect it was having on our children, I came home. It saddens me greatly that unfortuneatly, my OH has chosen to stay in Australia and once again I had to come home alone.

We arrived back at Birmingham at 6.10pm on a Friday evening, my son elated and my daughter crying, after a 31 hour journey. I have not regretted my decision once and I will never go back to Australia. It's fair to say, there is not one single thing I miss about the place, I don't like having regrets, but I'm afraid I do regret going back, I do wish I had stuck with my initial reaction as I know now it was the right one and no amount of time would ever change that fact. I could go on and on about life for us in Australia, in a nutshell, (my OH has found everything he is and has been looking for all his life there) but I would rather look forward and tell you about the absolute contrast we have in our lives today, here back in the UK.

We are home. And it's beautiful, serene and peaceful. My garden at home is stunning, green, pinks, purples and the gorgeous smell of lavender. My neighbours talk to me, we stop outside in the light evenings and chat, they know my children's names and have known us for years. My home is mine, not some craphole for $800.00 a week with cockroaches for company and damp cupboards, my children are laughing in the garden and my son comes up to me and says 'thank you for bringing me home' or puts a thumbs up at dinner. It's rained and I love it, the colour has returned to my daughters cheeks and they have both stayed at Grandma's house whilst I had friends round with whom I have known for years. I have always loved flowers and our home is literally overflowing with them!! Oh, and they aren't wilting!

My son has just finished at Nursery, since we had been away, a new Children's Centre had been completed, all the staff the same, just a new building with state of the art equipment, this has been the highlight to being home, seeing my son happy, playing with his friends. He has started trampolining, football and swimming and my daughter is thriving. We no longer wander around hot parks or spend days upon days alone trying to make friends. We have been camping in beautiful Wales with my brother and his family, sat and looked out over the valley's with a £1.99 bbq whilst he plans where he is going to build his house on their plot of land. We have stayed at our friend's house and sat in the garden, just content to be there and had a great time at The Irish Centre for my cousin's birthday. The whole shopping experience is fantastic, lots of choice and value for money.

I feel like me again and I feel like a a great mom again. I would never had wanted my children to grow up in Australia, I do feel they have a much better life here. Things are obviously very painful still where my OH is concerned but he has to make his own choices in his life. I function much better here nad I know a happy mum means happy children. My son especially struggled with being in Australia, it broke my heart to see him so unhappy, missing his Grandpa and I feel a peace in my heart to know he is home and happy. I now see a homeopath who is superb to help me and my strength is returning from going to the gym and swimming to recover from whta has been a very difficult time. I know when I heard the song by U2 on the radio, 'It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away' that I belong at home in the UK.

I wish anyone that is heading to Australia all the best as afterall these are only our experiences and I would like to think that the only and best advice I can offer is if you go as a family, make sure you decide that if it doesn't work for everyone there in the family unit, then it hasn't worked, a Country really isn't worth splitting up over. I felt I couldn't stay there but my OH felt he couldn't live here in the UK, it's very sad. Anyone who wants to get 'home' I hope it is soon for you.

Take care and keep smiling, axx
What a great story. It can be so isolating with babies and toddlers, it is a mission to get anywhere and do anything. I would have liked to have turned the tables and seen how you OH coped at home with the children while you were out and about enjoying a career and hobbies. I think you did the right thing, given you have so much support in the UK from your family and friends. If your husband puts Oz above his own children and wife you are better off without him. If he doesn't move back he has given up a huge gift and will live to regret it later in life. Good luck.
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 5:00 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Hi Happy4,
Firstly I do want to say that I'm really pleased that you have found your inner karma in your decision to move back on your own....that takes real guts to do that and I applaud you. Can I ask though if you returned back to the UK financially secure or reasonably well-off? If I made the decision to go back without OH, I would be truly skint and would have to start from scratch, face tough times, etc. I believe you kept your house in the UK and rented it out, so I take it you are back in your former house? Do you think you would have made the same decision if you didn't have a house to go back to, or money to survive on? In my case, it's only that that's really stopping me from walking away from this life here. And people say money doesn't mean anything - well it does if it can give you a good head start.

My best wishes to you, and I ditto what everyone else is saying too about your OH and his decision to stay in OZ - my OH has said he would stay here in Canada too and let me go back! That in itself says a lot about my relationship eh!
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 7:38 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

if I was truely honest I think Emmigartion ruins family lives!!

Hi there

Thx so much for the response and I do feel for you too. The idea of going to Australia seemed like such a great adventure and I know many people had said to me 'if you don't go, you'll never know', but I can honestly say in hindsight that I found it very stressful and difficult and that was first time round...second time it broke up my family, though I am realistic to accept that maybe it wasn't just going to Australia that contributed to this. I would be extremely wary of heading to New Zealand again if you felt like this first time round, but of course you can only decide this for yourself. My biggest fear was being stuck in Australia, I think I was lucky really with the children's ages, 4 and 2, therefore they weren't at school so I wasn't disrupting their education or friendships. What will happen if you return and can't get back to the UK? Will you leave your family there? Will you sacrifice your happiness for their's? Tough questions, I hope you find the answers you are looking, take care, ax
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 7:57 pm
  #25  
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by Ruby Murray
Hi Happy4,
Firstly I do want to say that I'm really pleased that you have found your inner karma in your decision to move back on your own....that takes real guts to do that and I applaud you. Can I ask though if you returned back to the UK financially secure or reasonably well-off? If I made the decision to go back without OH, I would be truly skint and would have to start from scratch, face tough times, etc. I believe you kept your house in the UK and rented it out, so I take it you are back in your former house? Do you think you would have made the same decision if you didn't have a house to go back to, or money to survive on? In my case, it's only that that's really stopping me from walking away from this life here. And people say money doesn't mean anything - well it does if it can give you a good head start.

My best wishes to you, and I ditto what everyone else is saying too about your OH and his decision to stay in OZ - my OH has said he would stay here in Canada too and let me go back! That in itself says a lot about my
relationship eh!
Hi Ruby Murray

Hope you are well and thank you for your reply. Yes, I have come back to my home in the UK and I know I have been extremely fortuate to be able to do that, it has given me some stabilty and most important, my children some peace. The first time in Australia, I just wanted to get back to my home, the second time I just wanted to be anywhere but there, I can say, hand on heart that I would have come back to my mum's house and started again, although I do love my home still it isn't the where my happiness lies, it comes from my peace of mind, my knowing that I believe in myself and knowing that I count too, my children are happy souls as long as I can provide them with love, support and direction. So, yes, and this is just me, I would have come home, I feel safe here, I don't feel depressed here and I can function here. The situation in Australia was desperate, i have never felt so low so I think I reached my rock bottom, I would have taken anything but to be there. It's fair to say that we prob won't be able to stay in our home and I had to think hard about that in Oz, but here I just know we will be OK wherever we are. We have family and some amazing friends here to help, I have hope again and coming out the other side, i really would have made the same decision. Life is far too short and I really am making up for lost time, it's difficult at times but life is so peaceful now for us. I hope you choose what is right for you, we aren't well off but I still know I would rather be here with the people I love than over there living an isolated unhappy existence, take care, ax
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 8:48 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Hi Ruby

Just wanted to add that my children were a huge factor in my reasons for returning. My son went from a bright spark to a withdrawn child who would bite his nails and cry for me at kinder every day, awful, so yes, after thinking again about your question, I would absolutely have done anything to get home, even if it was to 'nothing' financially, you can't buy peace of mind, only you can decide what to do, I must add to everyone that I def don't encourage leaving spouses! I think only an individual can decide whether a situation has become too hopeless, I guess 'gut instinct' works, I hope it works out for you, ax
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Old Aug 4th 2008, 8:49 pm
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Originally Posted by JULIEROSE
What a great story. It can be so isolating with babies and toddlers, it is a mission to get anywhere and do anything. I would have liked to have turned the tables and seen how you OH coped at home with the children while you were out and about enjoying a career and hobbies. I think you did the right thing, given you have so much support in the UK from your family and friends. If your husband puts Oz above his own children and wife you are better off without him. If he doesn't move back he has given up a huge gift and will live to regret it later in life. Good luck.
Thank you JulieRose
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Old Aug 5th 2008, 2:33 am
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Thank you so much for this this post. It really touched a nerve with me. I trully wish you every happiness for the future.
Thankfully, me and my OH are both unhappy in Brisbane and planning to go home. I didn't think we had a particularly strong relationship and always said that this would make or break us and it seems for us it has made us through diversity.
I too have two little ones of similar age to 'happy 4' and am fed up trying to befriend people who frankly don't really want to know you. I also think we dramatically underestimate the impact on emmigration on little ones, my 3 year old is very confused. yes, it will probally get better in time but he is not coping at the moment and as a parent I just want to make it all right. We went from having loads of friends round and fun, laughter to no one and tears, fustration and unhappiness, interspersed with laughter. Poor chap doesn't know what to think or what he has done wrong.
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Old Aug 7th 2008, 12:14 am
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

Hi there Happy 4.

I truly admire your strength; a heartfelt post, an exceptional story.

Thank you for posting.

Rosie
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Old Aug 7th 2008, 5:53 am
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Default Re: A family seperated after move to Australia

what a wonderful post !!!!!!

straight from the heart

I admire your courage
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