luvwelly

I'd have to hate someone a lot to turn them over to that type of dodgy legal jurisdiction....not a lot he can do if British Embassy ensures her and kids' safe passage home....strikes me it's a bit similar to the 'forced marriage thing'.

Kooky.

It's not dodgy. Strict maybe, but not dodgy. No difference from me, here - if I get arrested on a 457 (or even when I get PR) I can in theory get deported.

kimandken

The minute the woman lands with her kids in the UK their is help. My friend did the same and got a B&B that very same night.

I will find the phone number and post back.

She cannot live with this crap and neither should the childern!!!


Some, (not all men) think they are entitled to do whatever they want towards women!!! Bull shit!!!!!

Mallory

EnglishMum ought to change the title of her thread from Domestic Violence, to Assault and Battery. It's nothing to do with being married. All this tripe about nagging is stupid.

Dazza49

My ex Partner used to bash me, i've been in womens aid hostels the lot, i subjected myself to this for 3 years, you always believe they will stop, but it didn't just got worse everytime the beating started. I eventually found the courage and left with my then 3 children and have never looked back. Best decision I ever made and luckily left before any long term damage done to my childrens mental health. They did see some of it but I did manage to shelter them from the majority of it.
As PP says your friend has to make the decision herself, and hope it's sooner rather than later.

Allyson

rae

may i recommend to the o/p seeking help from the police. through the legal system all manner of help can be activated, through various agencies who would assist with legal aid, rehousing, support, counselling and conditions on the offender to stop this from happening.

to the person quoting 'police friends' please pay no attention, this is utter rubbish. police training in domestic violence in intensive and ongoing. there is a zero tolerance policy adopted by the crown, perpetrators will be charged, even without the support of the victim. with regards to problems within the police service, show me a profession that does not have problems such as or similar to this. a police officer convicted WILL lose their job, would another professional? at least within the police service there are consequences, and rightly so.

best wishes to the o/p.

Piff Poff

Why is a shelter the last place she would like to be? I didn't ever think I'd be someone that needed help like that but one day I did. The shelter was a safe haven. There were people there that understood my situation. There was company when I wanted, if I didn't want company I would stay in my room. There was also people there that knew what help was out there and they gave practical help as well as an ear to listen to problems. When I was given a council house (in a nice area, which I eventually bought) they helped me get some grants to go towards furnishing it as well as provided some furniture.

I have no idea about how she could get herself and children out of the situation from a foreign country - as has been mentioned the police would be a start or even a consulate. She could also try to contact the homelesness officer in the county she is wanting to move to. She should also get some documentation of the situation and doctors reports of any injuries (even if it's just bruises).

SouthernGal_67

Putting things like birth and marriage certificates, passport and any other docs in a safe place for future use is something I'm glad I did.. one less way of her movements being restricted..

I've been through this.. so has my OH.. in some ways it's been harder for him. He was ridiculed by his 'mates' told to 'be a man' etc but lived through 20 years of marriage to a psycho manipulator.. Whoever is the instigator, DV is never justifiable..

Been thinking of your friend, and hope she's finding strength from our messages

Englishmum

Thank you to everyone for posting here...with the exception of Lothianlad, whose comments I find to be contemptible.

I phoned my friend last Friday, but she had just picked up one of her kids from school and was trying to park in a shopping centre car park so the timing wasn't good for her to speak! However, she did tell me that her mum is flying out next week to see the new baby (airfares are cheaper in November).

I have no idea if her mum knows about the domestic violence but I'm pretty sure the spouse won't hit my friend whilst her mum is there. I'm also flying out there late next week so hopefully we will get a chance to have a heart-to-heart. It may be the case that her mum will encourage her to leave the barsteward once she finds out what has really been going on. It's just not a healthy environment for the children....certainly not for the 13 year old boy.

TBH the spouse definitely has a short fuse...ok he may have a stressful job but so do most of the expats worldwide doing management jobs and I'm sure the majority of the guys don't bash their wives/partners/gf's and find other ways to relieve their stress.

A couple of months ago day I called round to see my friend and to drop off my keys so their maid could water our plants in our absence. I was already inside the building as I live on a high floor, so I didn't use the exterior TV-intercom (they have a private lift, but also an outside door to get to the pool, so I knocked on that). The husband flung the door open and his face was red with anger, eyes bulging and he had his elbow pulled back with his fist closed, ready to thump whomever was at the door.....he hadn't looked in the spy hole and to his shock it was me on the doorstep! According to him, some of the kids on the condo were playing 'rat-tat-ginger' ie. knocking on the door and running off and he wanted to scare them. He was apologetic but I did get the impression straightaway that he has a problem with anger issues.

I honestly don't think that my friend is a nag....however she does argue back at him and is feisty and quick-witted, unfortunately he then hits out at her, even when stone-cold sober. I find it shocking that he's going for her face, from what I've read over the years, a lot of guys go for the body so the bruises won't show. However, no matter how he thinks he can justify it, bashing his wife is unconsionable.

shelley748

sounds like he needs to go to anger management classes.

Lion in Winter

For the OP's friend - as others have said a) get advice from the embassy b) get the man arrested so both can leave the country c) get advice from the embassy on whether getting him arrested means she can leave with the children in her care d) tell her mother or other family and get some help sorted out on arrival in the UK.

There is no excuse for violent bullying. And no, he won't change. And exposing the children to his violence will extend the violence into another generation. And he could end up killing her, even if it's by mistake.

Get her out.

Pollyana

I have moved the argumentative and provocative posts from this thread into Take It Outside as they are not helping anyone, least of all the OPs friend.

If you wish to carry on that part of the discussion please go to TIO, and keep this one for the constructive help if returning to the UK.

Thanks

SouthernGal_67

Pollyana

king kong

So you condone verbal mental cruelty ,ummmm interesting ..Nagging is a control issue just like physical violence , its constant complaining and fault finding and making that other person feel inadequate and useless .Wether done by men or women it is equally disgusting

Lion in Winter

I don't think anyone is condoning anything, except for Lothianlad whose comments have been removed from the thread. Let's stick to helping the OP's friend - she needs it. She needs her life back and she and her children need to be safe. I hope there is an update that she's out of there.